How do I break the news to my mom??

[PinkAquarius84]

I need some advice. I am 27 years old never left home. Flunked out of college. So after dropping out of college with a 6th grade reading level, had worked at food lion and all and quit there and found me a state job at a prison. I have been there for 4 years and completely hate it. I always felt like i was treated different because very few white peple work there. I am white. But the job is not me. I am not the type of person who can go in and be a ***** like every other officer is. I am the weakest officer on the shift and we have alot of new people that are learning alot more than I do. I totally regret my brother talking me into applying for the job. This job is just miserable.
I just got hired back at wal-mart which i worked there before and I was happy and the managers would teach alot and are willing to help you to get management.
I leave this correctional job in about 2 weeks. I am afraid my mom might kick me out but she needs me more than I need her. I would rather live at home and help my parents out than move in with roommates and live in some ghetto. But my mom doesn't understand what I go through. my parents graduated college did what they wanted to do with their lives and me. I am so much better knowing about produce and deli and stuff like that.

How do I make her understand that is job isn't for everybody. She believes I am saving for a house but really I am saving it up for college.

[puzzleannie]

what kind of control does your mother have over you at age 27 that makes it hard to make a simple announcement about a job change and career and education plans? deal with that issue.

Mom, I have a chance to go back to Wal-mart, which I am going to take because the position leads to management and their management training is excellent. I also am saving to go back to college to advance further and faster. I know you will be happy for me taking steps for my future. As soon as I can afford my own place, I will be moving out, as much as I appreciate your having me here with you all these years while worked things out. You're the greatest, mom, I love you.

[thequeen]

The last time i heard 27 is legally an adult age You don't need your mothers permission to do anything including going to a job that suits you and you especially do not need permission to move out of her house You need to be on your own and not depend on mommy because she is not going to be here forever i know i buried both my parents by the time I was in my early forties I will be praying for you

[The Old Medic]

First of all, I would check into a local mental health clinic, and find out why you sabotage just about everything you attempt to do. Get some counseling and treatment. There is a reason why you flunk out of school, can't hold down a job that you like, etc. Find out why that is, and deal with the problem.

Then, I would find a roommate (or 2 or 3) and find a room in an apartment in a nice area (not rich, but nice).

You are 27 years old, and frankly it's time to grow up and take responsibility for yourself. You are not a child any more, and you should be self-supporting and independent by now.

[3DOCTORS]

Have you been tested for learning disabilities by any chance? It might be that you had difficulty with school work and then ended up with lowered confidence as a result. If you're going to go to college, too, it'd be good to make sure you'll have success there - to make sure there isn't something that's going to crop up again. If the testing comes back negative then you know you can cross that off the list.

Dependency issues with a parent are more problematic - and let me say that if that is what you are dealing with I can empathize. My parents were good people but worrywart and clingy, and my attempts to be more independent were met with arguments and upsets. So that over time I mostly gave up trying. And anxiety disorders and stuff developed. You're young enough that if any of this that I'm saying rings a bell, there's still time to nip it in the bud. While you still have energy and endurance.

What I'm saying overall is, do some soul-searching as to the root cause of the problem. Some folks may just want to brand you as lazy, but that's simplistic and insulting. God loves us and we're all a work in progress. Ask Him in prayer what His will is for you and ask Him for courage and insight to address any potential roadblocks to being the best person you can be.

[jc-servant]

I worked about 20 years in law enforcement in various positions including communications, non-commissioned security for a police agency, patrol officer, supervisor and later on as a lawyer for the state police. I was one of only a few women and the only minority sometimes. I can tell from your post that I would be upset at having you work on my shift at a prison and not because you are white.

You might want to consider that you are the weakest link in a dangerous job where the weak link can get someone hurt or killed. You admit in your post that even new people have learned the job better than you. You admit that you hate the job and that can upset people who like the job and are grateful to have a good state job to take care of their families. They might think you are a spoiled brat if you live at home and trash the job while they have to pay all their own bills and suck it up. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but you need to look in the mirror and be honest and adult about your situation before it can get better.

I want everyone to have the best life possible, so I'm going to be bossy and give you some advice. My time is worth more than $300 an hour at this point because of years of hard work, getting educated and sucking it up when I hated my work or coworkers, so I hope that you will really consider what I'm saying to you.

1. You need a realistic plan to improve your reading skills or you will have problems making enough money to live like a real adult with your own home, car and life away from Mom. There are free adult literacy programs with classes and tutors in many cities to work on your reading that you can find by asking at the library, school district, unemployment office or other places. If you can't get help for free, then try to get a school teacher to tutor you for money or trade. Sometimes you can mow a lawn or do something in trade for a service or item you want, so ask people about it.

2. Your mother will probably be very upset because you quit a good state job that has benefits for a Walmart job where the benefits are not as good and the retirement isn't good either. Man up and tell her straight out. You made a mistake in my opinion, but now you need to do your best at Walmart or risk being unemployed in a bad economy.

3. You need to do research and find something you can do as a career and not just a job. Walmart will NOT promote you as a manager if you cannot read well. They have people coming out of the military with good education and proven leadership skills and good work ethics who they are recruiting to be managers. Why would they want you over one of those veterans unless you improve yourself? Sometimes you can get help in testing, job counseling and training from a state agency like the unemployment or disability office even when you have a job. They may be able to help you find something you can do to have a career for your whole life without college. Plumbers, heat and air service, brick layers and lots of other people make a good living without college, but they need training.

4. You are the only person who can make your life better. You will never be happy in a job or at home until you have your priorities straight. A job is to pay your bills, not to make you happy. If you like your job it is a blessing, not a right. If you don't like your job, it is not a reason to make a bad decision to quit before you have something better. Suck it up. Do real research and consult with people wiser than yourself, like your priest, older relatives or mentors, then improve yourself until someone wants you for a better job.

5. Find your joy outside of work. I have my "dream job" after many years of hard work and lots of higher education. I am blessed to make a really good salary now for doing prestigious and interesting work, but I still find my joy singing at my parish and doing volunteer work and having good friends and spending time with family, etc. There are many days where even my dream job sucks and my staff get on my nerves! This is how life is for mature adults who have bills to pay.

I hope you don't think I was being mean to you. If you want to IM me for career or educational advice, I will do my best to help you make a plan and find help where you live.
God bless!

[PAboy57]

Dear Pink,

You are very close to the age of my 2 sons and I will be straight with you.

The truth, using the best choice of words you are able to use, is alway good. That way you do not have to remember what you said. We should not lie. Let them know everything that is going on and your feelings.

Go to church, receive the sacraments and pray -- find the time.

Inquire around and find out where you can be tested for learning disabilities. Your college educated parents should be able to help you. If you tried in school and still only have a
6th grade reading level there is probably something else wrong.

Stick with the basics right now. Visit the employment office and talk with them about testing available -- they have a ton of tests to help you find yourself.

Remember that everyone is not meant to be college educated and a "brain". We need dependable people at all levels. You need to find your level and do the best you can to be all you can be -- just like the Army. Every field needs more workers than managers.

Have you ever looked into the military as an option? You may have skills you are not giving yourself credit for and they will test you (for free) to see where you qualify. 1 son went this route and is a year from graduating college and will then become an Air Force officer. He later appreciated the advise from dad.

Work is a major aspect of our lives so find something you like otherwise you will be in the shape you are now and it isn't fun.

Live within your means, which means saving money all the time for a rainy season.

It's not all that late yet so MAN UP and start taking action. You have to explain, plan and execute to get something done going forward. The 4 yrs at the job you hate would have been a good time to be checking out other opportunity, testing, etc.

Remember you can usually improve yourself. You are young and have some time. 20 years from now you could be running your own small business. Trust in God and ask Him what He wants you to do. He will answer in time but start working on the above.

Good luck and may God Bless you abundantly.

[crystal waters]

Originally Posted by PinkAquarius84

I need some advice. I am 27 years old never left home. Flunked out of college. So after dropping out of college with a 6th grade reading level, had worked at food lion and all and quit there and found me a state job at a prison. I have been there for 4 years and completely hate it. I always felt like i was treated different because very few white peple work there. I am white. But the job is not me. I am not the type of person who can go in and be a ***** like every other officer is. I am the weakest officer on the shift and we have alot of new people that are learning alot more than I do. I totally regret my brother talking me into applying for the job. This job is just miserable.
I just got hired back at wal-mart which i worked there before and I was happy and the managers would teach alot and are willing to help you to get management.
I leave this correctional job in about 2 weeks. I am afraid my mom might kick me out but she needs me more than I need her. I would rather live at home and help my parents out than move in with roommates and live in some ghetto. But my mom doesn't understand what I go through. my parents graduated college did what they wanted to do with their lives and me. I am so much better knowing about produce and deli and stuff like that.

How do I make her understand that is job isn't for everybody. She believes I am saving for a house but really I am saving it up for college.

try praying to god for the holy souls and ask god to grant through their prayers and intercessions that your mum will be understanding and not kick you out..and that you'll find a job that is right for you

heres a link that may help you

http://missionbell.homestead.com/Afa...holysouls.html

[albertsmackity]

I disagree you're very young and at least you know what doesn't make you happy, that is a plus

[catharina]

Originally Posted by 3DOCTORS

Have you been tested for learning disabilities by any chance? It might be that you had difficulty with school work and then ended up with lowered confidence as a result. If you're going to go to college, too, it'd be good to make sure you'll have success there - to make sure there isn't something that's going to crop up again. If the testing comes back negative then you know you can cross that off the list.

Dependency issues with a parent are more problematic - and let me say that if that is what you are dealing with I can empathize. My parents were good people but worrywart and clingy, and my attempts to be more independent were met with arguments and upsets. So that over time I mostly gave up trying. And anxiety disorders and stuff developed. You're young enough that if any of this that I'm saying rings a bell, there's still time to nip it in the bud. While you still have energy and endurance.

What I'm saying overall is, do some soul-searching as to the root cause of the problem. Some folks may just want to brand you as lazy, but that's simplistic and insulting. God loves us and we're all a work in progress. Ask Him in prayer what His will is for you and ask Him for courage and insight to address any potential roadblocks to being the best person you can be.

Absolutely no doubt about it - if you are stuck at a 6th-grade reading level, then THAT is your greatest problem. Fine - go to WalMart and I truly hope the job works out for you, but if your parents KNOW that you have a 6th-grade reading level then they should easily understand there are certain learning disbilities hampering you. If they don't know that and accept that - then shame on them. Do not let anyone blame you for academic failures and do NOT think you must "please" your parents. You need plenty of help to get remedial assistance for your academic skills before you worry about going back to college. Good for you for going back to WalMart and shame on anyone who faults you!

[PinkAquarius84]

Forget it. I never left. I was going to leave becuz the supervisors are complete idiots and i don't feel safe underneath them. Now we have new ones that can think.