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  #16  
Old Mar 31, '11, 3:45 pm
Catholicpotato Catholicpotato is offline
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Default Re: NFP- a fertile wedding night story

Quote:
Originally Posted by fantasticalday View Post
hi,

I'm asking for prayers and for a community of sorts. My fiance and I will be getting married in late May and are very committed to using NFP. I've had a somewhat sort of irregular cycle most of my life. And only recently, through the use of vitamins and supplements has my cycle become pretty healthy (Praise God!).

But because of the craziness of wedding planning and just recently realizing key things about my cycle (through NFP books and such) there is an almost 100 percent chance I'll be fertile on our wedding night and for the few days after. I've been praying for God's grace about this situation for a long time, and am coming to the realization unless He does something miraculous inside my body we'll be fertile for almost the first week of marriage. I think I always had in the back of my mind, that "He'd work it out." And I'm coming to grips with this is His plan, and even though it's not what either of us want, He knows what He's doing.

We actually booked our honeymoon five days after our wedding, just in case. So, I'm asking for prayers. We're the only couple we know that is actively using NFP (my fiance is protestant, but VERY onboard with NFP) and all our friends are contracepting, and I feel so alone in this. I mean first, we wait to have sex (which half of our friends think is crazy- the other half did too), then we're going to wait to actually have sex as man and wife because we are avoiding preg for the first year or year and half (for prayerful reasons) and it just feels crazy. We both know its God's commandment- and I fully believe in His law for marriage, but it doesn't mean we're not heartbroken over the fact we won't be able to enjoy each other fully on our wedding night and the next few days.

I've been poking around and saw some other people who've had similar situations and I could really use some stories of encouragement. I would love to hear if you guys prayerfully waited. I know we're not alone, but sometimes it feels like we are. (By the way, I'm the one who's really struggling with the frustration over it- my fiance, is at peace about it) He's incredible and I'm so blessed to be marrying someone who truly puts God first...

Thank you so much!

Please do not write on here if you do not agree with NFP, of course you're entitled to your own opinions, but I'm not looking for a debate, but encouragement. Thank you so much. I'll have the energy for a debate another day
Wow! that is a lot of planning to avoid.....
We use NFP but something you said caught my eye. Something about God doing something miraculous inside your body.... maybe you should think and pray about that statement. Perhaps God might want to start your marriage off with something truely miraculous, maybe that doesnt seem to fit with your plans.
My advice is to get married and bond with your husband.
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  #17  
Old Mar 31, '11, 8:04 pm
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CountrySinger CountrySinger is offline
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Default Re: NFP- a fertile wedding night story

I'm in the same boat as you. I keep praying that I won't be fertile on our wedding night/honeymoon. If I am, the whole romantic honeymoon is ruined. So if I am fertile, I will have to stay far away from my fiance. I'm thinking of putting up pictures of childbirth to keep me safe and discourage me.

I jokingly told my fiance that if I'm fertile during that time, I'm becoming Protestant for the time being. If God knows what He is doing, He will make sure I don't have kids for a VERY long time. I would be a horrible mother, but no one ever believes me.
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  #18  
Old Mar 31, '11, 8:14 pm
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spunjalebi spunjalebi is offline
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Default Re: NFP- a fertile wedding night story

Reading threads like this about how people are willing to go so far out of their way to avoid having a child makes me really, really, really sad.

It's one thing if you and your husband were experiencing huge financial troubles, job loss, health issues, that stuff where it would be a grave reason to delay having a child. But it just sounds like you are really avoiding it like the plague.

A child should be a blessing. Not some disease to be avoided. Of course everyone should have children responsibly, and we as Catholics do not endorse the quiverfull movement. However- there are plenty of CAF woman who have had "honeymoon babies," and realize that God's timing is very messy to us, but perfect to Him.

I would also like to put it out there that sometimes threads like this make those of us who have fertility issues feel as if we are being smacked in the face. I wish I could get pregnant and have a child so easily and be more fertile than the spring fields but I am not, nor am I the only one. Please keep that in mind.
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  #19  
Old Mar 31, '11, 8:34 pm
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Default Re: NFP- a fertile wedding night story

Hey everyone - I don't mean to be rude - and I am sorry - but I think we need to be charitable - the OP did not state her reasons for TTP. So therefore we do not know if they are grave or not. We should be charitable and assume they are IMHO. I understand that can be frustrating to those with fertility issues - and I can only imagine the pain - and I will pray for you. God bless,
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  #20  
Old Mar 31, '11, 8:38 pm
surfinpure surfinpure is offline
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Default Re: NFP- a fertile wedding night story

Quote:
Originally Posted by spunjalebi View Post
Reading threads like this about how people are willing to go so far out of their way to avoid having a child makes me really, really, really sad.

It's one thing if you and your husband were experiencing huge financial troubles, job loss, health issues, that stuff where it would be a grave reason to delay having a child. But it just sounds like you are really avoiding it like the plague.
Wow, and you have some mystical insight into their reasons, and can rule all those things out? No? Then let's not presume to know what we do not know.

Quote:
A child should be a blessing. Not some disease to be avoided.
Where did she say anything remotely like that?

Quote:
Of course everyone should have children responsibly, and we as Catholics do not endorse the quiverfull movement. However- there are plenty of CAF woman who have had "honeymoon babies," and realize that God's timing is very messy to us, but perfect to Him.
And there are also plenty of solid CAF women who have serious, licit reasons to avoid conception, but perhaps don't wish to sling them all over the forums. Maybe they're afraid of getting slammed... like this?

Quote:
I would also like to put it out there that sometimes threads like this make those of us who have fertility issues feel as if we are being smacked in the face. I wish I could get pregnant and have a child so easily and be more fertile than the spring fields but I am not, nor am I the only one. Please keep that in mind.
With all due respect and compassion for your situation, there are very real problems on the other side of fertility as well. To ignore those can be just as callous and hurtful. Here she comes looking for support while trying her best to do the right thing, and she gets the finger wagged at her for presumed bad motives and insensitivity to the infertile couples.

Huh? What? And Really? Wow.

To the OP,

CONGRATULATIONS! I was also one of the gals on Day 0, so I can only relate in the sense that we had good reason to do other things on our honeymoon. The wonderful thing is that the romance of finally being husband and wife is so overwhelming that even a kiss is incredibly meaningful. Walking down the beach and holding hands, as in the old cliche, was enough to make us glow. It didn't matter that we weren't in the bedroom all the time. We loved every minute anyway.

Bravo to you and your fiance for educating yourselves in the faith and choosing the path of obedience and openness to life. It sounds like you've done more actual prayerful discernment in this area than most, and I bet your marriage is going to be rock solid. Wishing you all the best!
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  #21  
Old Mar 31, '11, 8:54 pm
ChiRho ChiRho is offline
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Default Re: NFP- a fertile wedding night story

Quote:
Originally Posted by CountrySinger View Post
I'm in the same boat as you. I keep praying that I won't be fertile on our wedding night/honeymoon. If I am, the whole romantic honeymoon is ruined. So if I am fertile, I will have to stay far away from my fiance. I'm thinking of putting up pictures of childbirth to keep me safe and discourage me.

I jokingly told my fiance that if I'm fertile during that time, I'm becoming Protestant for the time being. If God knows what He is doing, He will make sure I don't have kids for a VERY long time. I would be a horrible mother, but no one ever believes me.
This is concerning. You are going to get married but think you will be a horrible mother? Isn't trying to "make sure you don't have kids for a VERY long time" equal to not being open to human life? I'm sorry, but I think this is the wrong approach, and I don't think people should be engaging in relations unless they are open and ready for children.
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  #22  
Old Mar 31, '11, 9:03 pm
Jimdandy Jimdandy is offline
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Default Re: NFP- a fertile wedding night story

Quote:
Originally Posted by fantasticalday View Post
hi,...

... I'm asking for prayers. We're the only couple we know that is actively using NFP
?Using or planning to use? That may make all the difference, if so, therein may lay your answer.
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  #23  
Old Mar 31, '11, 9:04 pm
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Default Re: NFP- a fertile wedding night story

Quote:
Originally Posted by ChiRho View Post
This is concerning. You are going to get married but think you will be a horrible mother? Doesn't trying to "make sure you don't have kids for a VERY long time" equal not being open to human life? I'm sorry, but I think this is the wrong approach, and I don't think people should be engaging in relations unless they are open and ready for children.
I'm too sarcastic to have children, and my genes are horrible. No child should have to deal with my genetic history.
And I didn't I was sure not to have kids, but if God is smart, HE will make sure that I don't. It is better for everyone. There does not need to be multiple CountrySingers around.
My friends see me with their kids, and say I'm great with them, but that is only because I can give them back. Except for that time when one followed me home. Long story.
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  #24  
Old Mar 31, '11, 9:13 pm
ChiRho ChiRho is offline
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Default Re: NFP- a fertile wedding night story

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Originally Posted by CountrySinger View Post
I'm too sarcastic to have children, and my genes are horrible. No child should have to deal with my genetic history.
And I didn't I was sure not to have kids, but if God is smart, HE will make sure that I don't. It is better for everyone. There does not need to be multiple CountrySingers around.
My friends see me with their kids, and say I'm great with them, but that is only because I can give them back. Except for that time when one followed me home. Long story.
So if you do have children, it's God's fault and He is "dumb"? I just see this as potentially an impediment to marriage because although its not explicitly saying "no children", it's sure strongly hoping for it. This seems like a moral grey area...
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Haydock's Bible commentary on John 15:14: You are my friends.-- A wonderful condescension, says St. Augustine, in our blessed Redeemer, who was God as well as man, to call such poor and sinful creatures, his friends; who, when we have done all we can, and ought, are still but unprofitable servants.
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  #25  
Old Mar 31, '11, 9:22 pm
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Default Re: NFP- a fertile wedding night story

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Originally Posted by ChiRho View Post
So if you do have children, it's God's fault and He is "dumb"? I just see this as potentially an impediment to marriage because although its not explicitly saying "no children", it's sure strongly hoping for it. This seems like a moral grey area...
Well, don't worry about it. You aren't the priest marrying us. My fiance wants kids, and I hope one day I will a good enough "Catholic" woman to have kids. Will that ever come? I don't think I'll ever be "Catholic" enough.
If God gives us a child when I'm not ready, I would do my best to raise it properly. I baby my cats, so there is a glimmer of hope I guess.
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  #26  
Old Mar 31, '11, 9:41 pm
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Default Re: NFP- a fertile wedding night story

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Originally Posted by surfinpure View Post
Wow, and you have some mystical insight into their reasons, and can rule all those things out? No? Then let's not presume to know what we do not know.

Where did she say anything remotely like that?

And there are also plenty of solid CAF women who have serious, licit reasons to avoid conception, but perhaps don't wish to sling them all over the forums. Maybe they're afraid of getting slammed... like this?

With all due respect and compassion for your situation, there are very real problems on the other side of fertility as well. To ignore those can be just as callous and hurtful. Here she comes looking for support while trying her best to do the right thing, and she gets the finger wagged at her for presumed bad motives and insensitivity to the infertile couples.

Huh? What? And Really? Wow.
Seriously, get a grip lady. Clearly you did not read what I said, and in no way was I attacking the OP per se, but was merely pointing out the attitude radiating from threads like this. This isn't the first thread on this subject, nor will it be the last one either.

I was not doing any slamming, but you sure were on me. Sheesh.
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  #27  
Old Mar 31, '11, 9:54 pm
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Default Re: NFP- a fertile wedding night story

Quote:
Originally Posted by spunjalebi View Post
Seriously, get a grip lady. Clearly you did not read what I said, and in no way was I attacking the OP per se, but was merely pointing out the attitude radiating from threads like this. This isn't the first thread on this subject, nor will it be the last one either.

I was not doing any slamming, but you sure were on me. Sheesh.
Why don't we all get back to the OP. Spunjalebi - I have nothing but respect for you but I don't think the OP falls into the category - I think the thread tone is heading that way. Why don't we all see what we can do to stick to both Catholic teaching on morality AND love and help each other out.
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  #28  
Old Mar 31, '11, 10:07 pm
NZAVALA NZAVALA is offline
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Default Re: NFP- a fertile wedding night story

I was on my period on our wedding day and into our honeymoon. I was thankful for it not being a fertile day at the time, we however conceived anyway the day we got home from our honeymoon (last technical day of infertility). Not what we planned, prayed a lot of Rosaries through the first trimester... and now wouldn't change it for the world. Our daughter was born 1 day short of exactly 9 months from our wedding.

Don't worry too much about it... God's plans when it comes to conception often override our own.
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  #29  
Old Mar 31, '11, 10:31 pm
ILoveRoses ILoveRoses is offline
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Default Re: NFP- a fertile wedding night story

I think you will do just fine with whatever decision you make. Honestly, it might be out of your hands anyway. I know when I get stressed, my cycle is completely out of whack and you may do the same also and inadvertently get it all wrong. I don't claim to be knowledgeable on NFP but I know the basics of it. I also think you will do just fine for any of the time that you wait.

Now on the other hand, I can tell you this, I decided that maybe I wanted to have our second child earlier/closer than I had originally wanted and I approached my husband to see if he might be interested in trying for our second child earlier than I had originally "planned," (I wanted to start trying in 2 months), and literally within 10 (oops, I mean longer than that ) minutes I was pregnant! hahahahaha

I knew something felt "funny" 2-3 days later and I thought OH NO, it couldn't be, this is completely out of my plan and not what I wanted!!! Sure enough, I just knew I was pg and I was and I was actually very angry for quite some time as it was not supposed to be that way.

Let me tell you this, my daughter is a blessing to this world, she is a little person unlike most out there, she is the most compassionate, loving, sweet girl most people meet (I have 3 children by the way) and I thank God each and every day for bringing her into this world and allowing ME of all people to be the person who gets the privilege of raising her. I did not plan it, it angered me for probably the first half of my pregnancy, and it could not have been a better thing to happen not just for me, but for the entire world! I often feel ashamed of my early thoughts of anger and not wanting to be pg and I realize how empty my life would be without her had God actually allowed my planning to over-rule his. It was just 2 months earlier but yet I felt it wasn't according to my "plan" and I was angry.

Once I read and really thought about the fact that God has already created each and every person and he has planned everything about them and the moment they are to enter this world I realized it was not my doing in any way for the 3 beautiful and wonderful children I have. He just teased me by allowing me to think I had a hand in the creation of these 3 angels

I truly believe that if you lay it in God's hands, he will carry you and bring you to the moment of motherhood when he feels you are ready. We can try to plan all we want, but really it is His will as to how it all works out (which brings me back to my point earlier that even if you think you plan it, you may mess up your fertility inadvertently with stress and God may figure out a way around your plans anyway! haha! Take care, good luck and have a great wedding!!
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  #30  
Old Mar 31, '11, 10:36 pm
ILoveRoses ILoveRoses is offline
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Default Re: NFP- a fertile wedding night story

Oh I just realized, I was re-iterating and really agree with Nzavala who posted just before me!
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