affair - Page 4

prayers19 · #46 May 13, '11, 3:02 am

Gave him a book to read so he can see read for himself the damage he has caused....he put the book back in my room and suggested I read chaper one because it would help me. He wasn't home which was a good thing because I think I would have lost it, but I put it back in the kitchen with a note to him that I wouldn't have had to purchase the book if he hadn't had an affair and i felt that he needed to read the entire book first.

st_felicity · #47 May 13, '11, 3:44 am

Get your finances in order--if you don't already have it, get your own accounts which he does not have access to. Amid this emotional struggle, you need to also be practical and prepared.

I'm so sorry....

Prayers...

redroselover · #48 May 13, '11, 4:58 am

Prayer19, the book story is really stunning. Total refusal by husband to take responsibility. That is not the behavior of someone who is repenting. No wonder you feel so angry. I am getting angry at him just reading that story. I agree that you need to think about getting your financial matters in order just in case. Sounds like you are doing a GREAT job of staying in control given what you are dealing with. Again, you are in our prayers, and I would talk to the counselor again soon if you can. Please use us to vent if it helps.

prayers19 · #49 May 13, '11, 6:33 am

Counselor and I talk again next week. I already have account in my own name because he screwed up our finances, I'm trying to take a little from my paycheck. Thanks again

TheRealJuliane · #50 May 13, '11, 6:42 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by prayers19

thanks Lazydaisy i really appreciate your insight and knowldge. I am no longer trying to change him, at this point I'm kind in the mode that I don't care what he does as long as it does not harm my children. I am making changes in my life and am praying everyday asking the Virgin Mary to help me with my anger. I actually ask her to remove the disease as i believe it is a disease within me. I have never been a very forgiving person so it will be a long haul for me.

Again though he had put me through so many other things like destroying us financially and using drugs and txt inappropriately younger women....it has been an uphill battle and i don't feel like things will change...he says he will but I think his addiction is too strong within him...

Do not think of this as an addiction. He has bad character. He could change if he wanted to. He does not want to. Protect your finances. Get angry. Anger is good because it gives us POWER to help ourselves.

TheRealJuliane · #51 May 13, '11, 7:21 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by prayers19

Gave him a book to read so he can see read for himself the damage he has caused....he put the book back in my room and suggested I read chaper one because it would help me. He wasn't home which was a good thing because I think I would have lost it, but I put it back in the kitchen with a note to him that I wouldn't have had to purchase the book if he hadn't had an affair and i felt that he needed to read the entire book first.

This is not going to work, save your energy and get your legal help in order.

prayers19 · #52 May 13, '11, 11:56 am

I feel myself just starting to feel like I don't even care about him anymore. I think for my own sanity I want to move on. I will learn to forgive in time i believe by this has been the worst I have ever gone through.

newf · #53 May 13, '11, 12:21 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by prayers19

I feel myself just starting to feel like I don't even care about him anymore. I think for my own sanity I want to move on. I will learn to forgive in time i believe by this has been the worst I have ever gone through.

Yes, forget about forgiveness at this moment. Right now, you need to survive! And that means getting your financial house in order and seeing what your rights are with a lawyer.

Continue to lean on your faith, God never lets us down. And you will soon see that you are much stronger than you ever thought. You will survive this. And you will even become a better person through it, if you allow yourself to learn from it.

redroselover · #54 May 13, '11, 12:43 pm

Personally I think it best that you emotionally detach form him right now to protect your emotional health. This is a man who has been an alcoholic, used drugs, ruined your finances, appears to have not been trying to meet your needs for years, sent inappropriate texts to young girls, had a 5 month affair, was willing to continue that affair for years without your knowledge till your last child graduated then dump you, put your oldest daughter through the pain of discovering the affair and dealing with what to do, only stopped the affair because his mistress dumped him, can't seem to take responsibility for any of it, and he has the nerve to tell YOU to read the book? He is lucky he is married to you and not me because I would have told him to take the book and shove it up his you know what. You should not be begging him to read a book. He should be begging you to forgive him and work with him and stay, and he should be promising to work hard for as long as it takes to win you back. The counselor was right. He needs consequences.

TheRealJuliane · #55 May 13, '11, 2:57 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by prayers19

I feel myself just starting to feel like I don't even care about him anymore. I think for my own sanity I want to move on. I will learn to forgive in time i believe by this has been the worst I have ever gone through.

That is your broken heart trying to guard itself. Do not put yourself through more heartache by continuing to think that he is going to change. Act as if he will never change and make decisions based upon that. It is a good chance that he won't change and sees no need to. Get what is yours out of the marriage (most states, it's 50% of what was made during the marriage, any family money that you had before the marriage is yours alone). Get a great lawyer. And see your priest as often as you can.

You have my prayers.

prayers19 · #56 May 13, '11, 3:27 pm

thanks again for all who have written. Reading your posts gives me hope. Attending Adoration Chapel and Mass gives me hope. I wrote him a letter last night telling him that I believe there is someone out there who is willing to love me and appreciate what I do have to offer. My counselor suggested I read a book about codependence so just ordered that one. Today was one of my better days I must admit. It's hard to let go after 20 years. Thanks for all your prayers.

God Bless

prayers19 · #57 May 17, '11, 7:57 pm

things have not gotten better but at least I have talked to my counselor twice. This week hopefully we both meet with our priest and figure out what to do from there.

redroselover · #58 May 18, '11, 5:19 am

Hope it at least helped to have the counselor to talk to.

Irishmom2 · #59 May 18, '11, 5:54 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by newf

Yes, forget about forgiveness at this moment. Right now, you need to survive! And that means getting your financial house in order and seeing what your rights are with a lawyer.

Continue to lean on your faith, God never lets us down. And you will soon see that you are much stronger than you ever thought. You will survive this. And you will even become a better person through it, if you allow yourself to learn from it.

I think this post says it all. Praying for you to find peace. May God bless you and guide you.

rmartensjr · #60 May 18, '11, 6:16 pm

Our Lady of Good Help, assist this wonderful woman in her hour of need.