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View Poll Results: Should I continue to stand up for her marriage?
Yes 7 58.33%
No 2 16.67%
Unsure 3 25.00%
Voters: 12. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old May 15, '11, 6:48 pm
sarahrcouturier sarahrcouturier is offline
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Question Bridesmaid for a "Catholic" wedding

I am having a dilemma. I agreed previously to be a bridesmaid for a friend to be married in October. I have encouraged her to attend Church while she is in Florida, but haven't pushed or nagged about it. I said I would like to gift her with NFP classes, but that was refused.

Recently, reading Christopher West's "The Good News about Sex & Marriage" he lists the vows a couple takes. The grounds for annulments has much to do with this.

I am now wondering if I can stand up for her as her bridesmaid in good conscious knowing they are marrying in the Catholic church, but are doing little in regards to their Catholic Faith.

Can anyone give me some pointers?
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  #2  
Old May 15, '11, 8:11 pm
Alix1912 Alix1912 is offline
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Default Re: Bridesmaid for a "Catholic" wedding

Do you know for a fact the state of their faith? Do you know why they turned down NFP classes? My husband and I practice NFP, and I would still be offended if someone asked if they could give me NFP classes? It kinda feels like someone invading your bedroom and watching you.

You have no idea the status of their faith. If you refuse to be a bridesmaid for this reason, be prepared to be dropped as a friend. If you really feel that they should not get married because they are not good for each other then yes say something, but if it's just because.....hey I don't think you guys as a couple are going to church enough and practicing your faith in the manner I think is best.......then be prepared to be uninvited to be a bridesmaid and to the wedding in general.
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  #3  
Old May 15, '11, 8:13 pm
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Lucky10279 Lucky10279 is offline
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Default Re: Bridesmaid for a "Catholic" wedding

You really need to give more detail if you would like advice. Is she Catholic? Is she marrying in the Church or with a dispensation?
Mikayla
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  #4  
Old May 15, '11, 8:43 pm
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RedSoxWife RedSoxWife is offline
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Default Re: Bridesmaid for a "Catholic" wedding

I'm in a similar situation (although the wedding is a ways off). Here's how I look at it:

I'm really thankful she's getting married in the Catholic Church at all, because for a while that was up in the air. I managed to convince my friend that that was important. And I'm hoping that my friend will continue to grow in her faith...

Your friend is getting married there whether you are there or not. I'm guessing she's Catholic. Maybe the grace of the sacrament will begin to work in her life (that's what happened with me! I didn't even know contraception was against Church teaching until a couple of months after I'd been confirmed... and that was almost a year after I got married {so no it wasn't mentioned in pre-cana classes for us!)!

Do you think you might, by example be a good influence? That being around you might cause her to open up to her faith a bit more? That's what I'm praying for at least. It might not work... but not going to the wedding would close doors... and being there for your friend might open them...

I'm not sure I'm right about any of this... It's hard... but that's what I've worked out for myself...
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  #5  
Old May 15, '11, 9:20 pm
Jesus_123 Jesus_123 is offline
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Default Re: Bridesmaid for a "Catholic" wedding

+In all charity . . .

I truly believe that the choice of gift was most inappropriate . . . and a very real attempted invasion of the personal intimate privacy of the soon to be married couple in the Lord . . . you way overstepped the boundaries of friendship . . .

The vast majority of grooms . . . as well as their brides . . .perhaps particularly a Christian and Catholic groom and bride . . . would find it more than just a little disturbingly offensive for . . .any outsider . . . to overtly try to meddle in their private personal intimate lives. . . through even the offering of such a gift . . . even priests, doctors and family have to tread very discreetly and softly when giving advice . . . if called upon to do so . . . by the couple . . . so as not to transgress and invade the privacy of the couple . . .

Perhaps you should apologize to this couple . . . for this invasion of privacy in regard to even offering such a gift . . . and go to confession to your priest re same . . . ? . . . and get them something more appropriate . . . like a toaster . . .? . . .

God bless . . .

Peace . . .

. . . all for Jesus+
. . . Sweet Spirit of our Holy God+
. . . guide and direct+
. . . Blessed Virgin Mary we seek thy prayers
for this situation+
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Last edited by Jesus_123; May 15, '11 at 9:32 pm.
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  #6  
Old May 15, '11, 10:21 pm
Leo13_Pius10 Leo13_Pius10 is offline
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Default Re: Bridesmaid for a "Catholic" wedding

In all charity, I am puzzled as to why it would be necessary or even common to learn the so called "Natural" family planning method before participating in the holy sacrament of matrimony.

It is my understanding that Paul VI taught that deliberate use of the infertile periods to avoid conception was grave matter in the absence of serious physical or psychological conditions of husband or wife, or serious external circumstances. It seems to me that the use of such methods as another form of contraception, becase children would be inconvenient to ones life, leads to a situation that is not far removed from the words of the angel Raphael in Tobias 6:15-22.

"Then the angel Raphael said to him: Hear me, and I will shew thee who they are, over whom the devil can prevail. For they who in such manner receive matrimony, as to shut out God from themselves, and from their mind, and to give themselves to their lust, as the horse and mule, which have not understanding, over them the devil hath power. But thou when thou shalt take her, go into the chamber, and for three days keep thyself continent from her, and give thyself to nothing else but to prayers with her. And on that night lay the liver of the fish on the fire, and the devil shall be driven away. But the second night thou shalt be admitted into the society of the holy Patriarchs.

And the third night thou shalt obtain a blessing that sound children may be born of you. And when the third night is past, thou shalt take the virgin with the fear of the Lord, moved rather for love of children than for lust, that in the seed of Abraham thou mayst obtain a blessing in children.
"
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  #7  
Old May 16, '11, 12:38 am
puzzleannie puzzleannie is offline
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Default Re: Bridesmaid for a "Catholic" wedding

other than the fact that she refused a gift of NFP classes, which is much too personal a gift in any case (so is the good news book unless you know her very well, are related not a sibling, or know it would be welcome) you have no knowledge whatever of the state of her soul or her faith life. From your title she is getting married in the Church so what is the problem?
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  #8  
Old May 16, '11, 6:18 am
Katie966 Katie966 is offline
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Default Re: Bridesmaid for a "Catholic" wedding

I'm not sure why you are mentioning annulments in relation to an NFP class. There is no requirement that couples practice NFP, and if they want to learn it, it is their business and not yours.

When you say they are "doing little in regards to their Catholic faith", what does that mean? I assume that when you agreed to be a bridesmaid, your friend was the same person she is now regarding her faith, whatever that is? I think we need a little more information than you've given here.
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  #9  
Old May 16, '11, 8:33 am
jimjack jimjack is offline
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Default Re: Bridesmaid for a "Catholic" wedding

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahrcouturier View Post
I am having a dilemma. I agreed previously to be a bridesmaid for a friend to be married in October. I have encouraged her to attend Church while she is in Florida, but haven't pushed or nagged about it. I said I would like to gift her with NFP classes, but that was refused.

Recently, reading Christopher West's "The Good News about Sex & Marriage" he lists the vows a couple takes. The grounds for annulments has much to do with this.

I am now wondering if I can stand up for her as her bridesmaid in good conscious knowing they are marrying in the Catholic church, but are doing little in regards to their Catholic Faith.

Can anyone give me some pointers?
I can only imagine that your friend was quite offended that you offered to buy her NFP classes. That is quite personal and it is kind of pretentious of you to try to push your views on her (even if it is the views of the Catholic Church). Remember that a large amount of Catholics don't agree with the church on everything.
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  #10  
Old May 16, '11, 8:40 am
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Default Re: Bridesmaid for a "Catholic" wedding

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahrcouturier View Post
I am having a dilemma. I agreed previously to be a bridesmaid for a friend to be married in October. I have encouraged her to attend Church while she is in Florida, but haven't pushed or nagged about it. I said I would like to gift her with NFP classes, but that was refused.

Recently, reading Christopher West's "The Good News about Sex & Marriage" he lists the vows a couple takes. The grounds for annulments has much to do with this.

I am now wondering if I can stand up for her as her bridesmaid in good conscious knowing they are marrying in the Catholic church, but are doing little in regards to their Catholic Faith.

Can anyone give me some pointers?
I think more details would be of help. You'll need to outline what they are doing that violates Catholic teachings. If it's substantial, I think you have good reason as to why you are unable to participate in the wedding. I would be reticient to back a Catholic marriage that wasn't grounded on the principles Catholic teachings.
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  #11  
Old May 16, '11, 8:47 am
BRZ BRZ is offline
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Default Re: Bridesmaid for a "Catholic" wedding

I think some of you are being a little uncharitable as well. We do not have enough information to say anything to this person, but we also can't answer her question. They may be very close and she may know things about the engaged couple that we don't. For example, perhaps they never go to Church or some other thing. In that case she may be right in questioning whether she should attend such a marriage as they are not practicing their faith, but who knows?
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Old May 16, '11, 8:57 am
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RedSoxWife RedSoxWife is offline
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Default Re: Bridesmaid for a "Catholic" wedding

Quote:
Originally Posted by BRZ View Post
I think some of you are being a little uncharitable as well. We do not have enough information to say anything to this person, but we also can't answer her question. They may be very close and she may know things about the engaged couple that we don't. For example, perhaps they never go to Church or some other thing. In that case she may be right in questioning whether she should attend such a marriage as they are not practicing their faith, but who knows?
I agree with this BRZ and Soldier of God. We don't have all the details.

The OP may know that her friend is contracepting and plans on not being open to children (I know my friends are all pretty open about that... heck... they don't think it's a big deal to take the Plan B pill...).

Not practicing NFP isn't a sin (we don't!) but if she knows her friend is contracepting and plans on continuing it, I don't think it's horrible that she offered to pay for the class (especially if they are very close...).

We don't know all the facts and while it's not charitable to assume the worst about her friend, it's also not charitable to assume the worst about the OP, who's intention is very likely to help her close friend. Just a thought.
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  #13  
Old May 16, '11, 9:25 am
Love Divine Love Divine is offline
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Default Re: Bridesmaid for a "Catholic" wedding

Quote:
Originally Posted by BRZ View Post
I think some of you are being a little uncharitable as well. We do not have enough information to say anything to this person, but we also can't answer her question. They may be very close and she may know things about the engaged couple that we don't. For example, perhaps they never go to Church or some other thing. In that case she may be right in questioning whether she should attend such a marriage as they are not practicing their faith, but who knows?
This is very true. I think we all know it's a no brainer that there are Catholics who will often not go to church on Sundays, cohabitate and fornicate with their fiance, while contracepting, even lie to the priest about it, and then go get married in a Catholic Church because "they're Catholic." Furthermore, there are some Catholic women who have noooo problem whatsoever telling the world about what her and her boyfriend/fiance did last night, not leaving out a single detail.
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  #14  
Old May 16, '11, 6:56 pm
sarahrcouturier sarahrcouturier is offline
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Default Re: Bridesmaid for a "Catholic" wedding

I will first state that I'm close enough to her to be in her wedding, not just invited to it. That being said, she's been living states away and working on her degree. I have met her fiance two or three times, but not given a chance to get to know him. I guess it might be rude of me to try to teach someone about their faith - I guess it's because I wish someone would have taught me about it sooner! Maybe mother's shouldn't ever buy their daughters a negligee for their shower, but they do that too!

She is contracepting and will continue to do so.

I have asked her before about going to church while she is away at school, so I asked recently if she has started to attend yet. She didn't answer, instead she chose to tell me they weren't even going to learn about NFP, which I had NOT asked about. I chose not to ask them the specifics of why because I thought that would actually be stepping into their bedroom and rude.

It actually sounds like many of you could benefit from the Theology of the Body and other items that Christopher West presents in 'Good news about sex and marriage.'

I do know that I feel even her priest has shortchanged her, all of her marriage prep was done in "an afternoon".

In order for a marriage to be validly established spouses must: (#4) "consent to what the Church intends by marriage, that is: fidelity, indissolubility, and openness to children."
Openness to children only part of the time is like saying I will only be faithful to my husband part of the time. Neither one really works in my book, it's "I do" or "I do not". Not using NFP isn't a sin, but contracepting is, even if millions of people do it.

NFP classes don't just teach how to, but they also teach the background and the theology behind why the Catholic Church is morally against contraception.

I will also say that I became her friend by being a voice of reason for her amidst the chaos of society. I will also say that I used to be a cafeteria style Catholic and I wish someone would have taught me why the Church held it's belief's. My life has been a lot better since I got "onboard".

So, if it's rude and inconsiderate to help a friend try to make healthy and informed major decision in her life. I'm guilty, but you won't see me apologizing for it, I see it as my duty. So yes, she might be nearly the same person I told that I would be in her wedding, but I am not the person I was then.
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Old May 16, '11, 7:05 pm
puzzleannie puzzleannie is offline
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Default Re: Bridesmaid for a "Catholic" wedding

the person to decide if Catholics are properly disposed for the sacrament of matrimony is the priest who is preparing them, not the guests, relatives or wedding party.
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