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  #16  
Old May 31, '11, 11:52 am
dans0622 dans0622 is offline
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Default Re: Annulments/support group

Quote:
Originally Posted by CopyKat View Post
...NOW, my question is about the Pauline Privilege. Do you know anything about it? I need to get this started for my own previous marriage. That marriage involved my exhusband and myself, both unbaptized for the duration of the marriage. I am now Catholic and he is not but we were both unbaptized when we were civilly divorced 6 years ago.

I will be meeting with my priest about this in the next couple of weeks but do you have any idea on estimates concerning duration? I know they are much shorter than annulments. ...
Hello CopyKat,

This is a pretty simple process. If you click here, read #'s 1143-1147: http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/__P44.HTM

That's the basic process. In a nutshell, what you need to do is: 1. Prove that you and your spouse were not baptized at the time of the wedding. 2. Prove that the other party is still not baptized, does not want to be baptized, and does not want to resume marital life with you. 3. Prove that you, after baptism, did not cause the break-up of the marriage. When this is done, the diocese will let you know that you are allowed to marry again, this time to a baptized person. When that wedding takes place, the bond of this previous marriage will be dissolved.

Timeline: it depends on how quickly you can prove these things. Proof is obtained by your testimony, the testimony of your (ex)husband, testimony of parents, relatives, friends. If the other party does not participate, this process can be more difficult and lengthy. This can be done in a month...or it can take longer. While it mostly depends on how quickly you can get the evidence, the people at the tribunal/chancery can also be delayed, obviously.

Dan
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  #17  
Old May 31, '11, 12:14 pm
Brian2944 Brian2944 is offline
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Default Re: Annulments/support group

My wife and I divorced 3 years ago because of her unfaithfulness. We were not married in the Catholic Church because she is a baptist, but the marriage was con-validated by my parish priest. I have a 5 year old daughter that we have joint custody with. My ex-wife currently lives with her boyfriend. My question is how difficult will it be to get an annulment if I decide to marry again? Also, I have heard annulments cost money, is this true?

Thanks for any responses
__________________
"When a mother can kill her own child, what is left of civilization to save?" -Blessed Mother Teresa
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  #18  
Old May 31, '11, 2:30 pm
LaLucia LaLucia is offline
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Default Re: Annulments/support group

Wolfpac, it looks like you are doing a great job of giving lots of details on your questionaire.

Make sure you show a lot of problems of your own when you were a child or teenager or just before you got married. Try to retrive information that you have forgotten about yourself. Look for the flaws within you. We all have flaws or reasons why we ourselves caused us to get divorced.
If you can't find any flaws within yourself or within your family/parents members it will be hard for the Tribunal to grant you an annulment. Sometimes our parents do affect our reasons for getting married. For example; I just wanted to get away from them.lol.

Keep up the good work of writing and writing. Keep me informed if you have any more questions. Peace, LaLucia
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  #19  
Old May 31, '11, 4:27 pm
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sacredcello sacredcello is offline
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Default Re: Annulments/support group

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brian2944 View Post
My wife and I divorced 3 years ago because of her unfaithfulness. We were not married in the Catholic Church because she is a baptist, but the marriage was con-validated by my parish priest. I have a 5 year old daughter that we have joint custody with. My ex-wife currently lives with her boyfriend. My question is how difficult will it be to get an annulment if I decide to marry again? Also, I have heard annulments cost money, is this true?

Thanks for any responses
When my ex decided he no longer wanted to be married, I made an appointment with my pastor to talk about it. He advised me to seek an annulment as soon as the divorce was final which I did. This was back in 1999 and I recall that the fee was about $450. or so, and I was told that I could pay some or all of it because of financial hardship, but I chose to pay it all. It just seemed like the right thing to do.

I have no idea about your situation or whether it will be difficult or not. It is different for everyone, I think. My pastor knew of the particulars in our case, and our personal histories, and he felt strongly that the annulment would be granted. It was fairly quick, I think it was granted about 5 months after presenting my case.

In any case, I am glad that I did it then. It was a tremendously healing experience.
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  #20  
Old Jun 2, '11, 1:04 pm
LaLucia LaLucia is offline
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Default Re: Annulments/support group

Sometimes people choose the wrong person to marry without noticing the flaws of that person. Or notice their own flaws that will cause the marriage not to be valid.

When I was dating my ex-spouse I didn't notice that we were not really compatiable in many ways. All I saw was that he was nice, presentable, clean, and was an easy going person. After we got married I started to notice that we were not compatiable at all.
I also was not that great of a person myself. I was severely depressed all the time in the 1950's when people thought that psychological problems should not be discussed.
My ex-spouse turned out to be a pathological liar that was caused by a controlling alcoholic father. That created a loneliness in my heart because we couldn't have a decent conversation without him telling me lies. Time stopped for me... as the years passed.
I started to feel like I was going to go insane if I stayed in the marriage. I felt I was dying inside of me. I was only 19yrs. old when I got married. It wasn't until I decided to attend college that the world opened up to me and my spouse didn't want to attend college with me. I moved on without him. I went for psychological counseling for many years. I would spend most of my time talking about my mother and how she was mean to me.

My mother is now 89yrs.old and she is still being mean to me but I am able to not let it affect me anymore. I am a single mature woman now and not depressed anymore.
My annulment was an eye opener for me because I realized that it was my mother who pushed me into marriage before I was ready for marriage. This is why I got a "Defect of Consent" annulment. It feels so good to be free of the guilt of my defective marriage.
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  #21  
Old Jul 20, '11, 5:26 pm
Mr_Tramp Mr_Tramp is offline
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Default Re: Annulments/support group

Please may I join the group. If so tell me next steps.
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  #22  
Old Jul 21, '11, 12:01 am
Astoria Astoria is offline
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Default Re: Annulments/support group

Hello sir, Welcome to our support group. You must be already divorced before you apply for an annulment. We will support you with a hopefully none judgemental attitude.

I got my annulment approved on Sept.2010.

Have you already picked up an annulment questionaire from your priest at your parish?
I can help you step by step and try to answer any questions you may have about the process of an annulment. Astoria/LaLucia
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  #23  
Old Jul 21, '11, 5:44 am
Debbie1965 Debbie1965 is offline
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Default Re: Annulments/support group

I am a new Catholic and applied for an annulment and so is my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years. We both spoke to the priest and he believes that both of us will get them. My question here is what are the churchs views on getting engaged during this process? My boyfriend has expressed to me that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and I actually thought he was going to ask me to marry him on my birthday. But he didn't and when I told him that all the signs were there - like he's constantly talking about how he wants the wedding to be, where and the honeymoon - but then he told me that until he gets God's forgiveness for his first marriage, he won't ask me. I asked him what if he didn't get the annulment and he said then he couldn't marry me and marrying outside of the church was not an option. Both of us are very active in the church with RCIA and I am going to be a lector. He has 2 wonderful children who I love deeply and they love me.

What is the church's views on this? I am constantly crying because even though I love him with all my heart and soul, I don't want to be "the live in girfriend" forever. I don't feel like our relationship will be complete until I am his wife. Can anyone offer me some advice?
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  #24  
Old Jul 21, '11, 7:54 am
kford02 kford02 is offline
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Default Re: Annulments/support group

Debbie1965:

I feel your pain on this one. As a man who married a Catholic and then 6 years later we are getting my first marriage annuled I would say don't do it. Wait. It will not be fun but living as "Brother and Sister" is more not fun when you have been married for a long time. Plus the Church will not allow you to set a date for a wedding anyway until you have the annulments handled.

You sound like you both have your ducks in a row, but with all compassion (that's a statement to say I'm about to ask a hard question but I want you to know that it's not in anger or judgement ) Should you really be a live in anything if you aren't married? Also you shouldn't be having relations either. I know I'm one to talk I "shacked up" according to the Church with my wife for 6 years before we are making it right and had a child. Take the fact that he is wanting to start with you clean as a compliment not as a condemnation of your relationship. It sucks, it takes forever, but it's worth it. Prayers to you

I would say that you could start the marriage prep classes and such at your church so that when the annulments come through (notice I'm being positive when not if) though there are no guarantees. But that's a conversation with your priest if he will allow that.

Sorry I know it wasn't what I would have wanted to hear.
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  #25  
Old Jul 21, '11, 11:08 pm
Astoria Astoria is offline
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Default Re: Annulments/support group

Debbie, I am so sorry for your situation that you are in. Many years ago a boyfriend broke up with me because he was a strong Catholic and I wasn't. I just wanted to live with him and never get married. He chose to break up with me. He did the right thing because the Catholic religion doesn't allow us Catholics to live together and having children and sleeping together. I am putting it in a nice way.

In other words like my priest said, "No shacking up" which means you can't live together.

Your boyfriend is serious about not proposing marriage to you until his annulment is approved.
My strong advise is to stop living with him and go ahead and cry all you want because it looks like he just wants you as his girlfriend. If he is sleeping in your bed with you he doesn't really have to marry you ever. Cruel shoes to say this to you because I am not trying to be mean to you. I am just showing you your reality that if his annulment is not approved he will get the benefit of just living with you forever like you have said.

Are you aware that you are totally sinning everyday by living with him? You should not be a Lector either because you are living in sin. It is against church rules.

Am I right in thinking that you are living with your boyfriend? I got the clue when you said you didn't want to be his live-in girlfriend forever.

My advise is that since he can't propose marriage to you until he gets his annulment.....
you should tell him it's against God's rules to be living in sin with him and you plan to move or he has to move out. Tell him you really want to marry him and are willing to wait for the annulments to get approved BUT....meanwhile you will both be just like brother and sister. You will also be putting yourself in temptation as long as you live together.

I know it is going to be hard for you to say those words but if you truly love God...and want to be a good Catholic you will clear the air with your boyfriend and not shack up with him.
It is very clear to me that you want to get married but I get the feeling he may just want to stay single and not marry again. I am just guessing since I don't really know him.
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  #26  
Old Jul 22, '11, 5:39 am
Debbie1965 Debbie1965 is offline
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Default Re: Annulments/support group

We discussed this again and decided not to partake in the eucharist and I will not become a Lector. Living apart is not an option. He finished his annulment and has submitted to msgr as I have. We also will talk to our priest.

Thank you and God Bless!
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  #27  
Old Jul 22, '11, 11:39 pm
Astoria Astoria is offline
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Default Re: Annulments/support group

Debbie, living apart may not be an option for you because I do know how expensive it is to on your own now a days. But you still have the option of sleeping in separate beds and just living like brother and sister. Are you afraid that if you sleep in your own bed he will leave you?
It may take a year before the annulments are granted. I am thinking positive that the annulments will be approved.

You should be aware that if his annulment is approved and yours is not he may decide to break up the relationship between you.

Try to find out what your case number is because the number tells you how many cases are in front of you. For example; I had 300 cases ahead of me. It is first come first served according to the Advocate asigned to you.
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  #28  
Old Jul 30, '11, 6:26 am
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Lightbee Lightbee is offline
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Default Re: Annulments/support group

After beginning the annulment process about 14 months ago, I found out this week that I have had my previous marriage annulled in both courts!

It's been such a journey - not much of it pleasant - but we've reached that milestone now! Now it feels like the real stuff can start in earnest. Our convalidation of our current marriage, confirmation for me, and the diaconate aspirancy for my husband.

Thank you all for your support - especially LaLucia. Just knowing that others can relate and have been through the process and come out the other side is such a help.

God bless you all.
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  #29  
Old Jul 31, '11, 8:00 pm
Astoria Astoria is offline
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Default Re: Annulments/support group

Lightbee, I am sooo happy for you. Now you can move on in your life with your future plans. Peace be with you, LaLucia/Astoria

I am happy you found my new thread because it was closed by some person who didn't like what I had to say. She had the power to close me down but I also have the power to start a new thread. LaLucia/Astoria
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  #30  
Old Aug 6, '11, 7:33 am
JohnVanessa1 JohnVanessa1 is offline
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Smile Re: Annulments/support group

I started my process in June 2010 and received a letter confirming that my first marriage had been annulled in August 2011.

It was a long wait with much anxiety awaiting the decision. I am ever so grateful to the priests, my pastor, and the church itself.

May God bless and give perseverance to those out there who are still patiently waiting and going through the process. I know it seems long and trying, but in the end it so releasing.
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