Should I date non-Catholic women?

DATING 101 · #1 May 29, '11, 10:43 pm

I have almost always dated Catholic women. I've gone on maybe only one date with anyone who's not Catholic. Recently, my mom, who's not Catholic or Christian, made the suggestion that I date non-Catholic, or even non-Christian, women. She said that I'm limiting myself by not dating outside the Catholic circle. I tend to disagree with her. The Catholic faith is something that's very important to me, and I would want to share it with my future spouse. What do you think? Do you think that I'm limiting myself by dating only Catholic women? Do you think God would want me to give non-Catholic women a chance?

jcnabb22 · #2 May 29, '11, 10:49 pm

well, im not catholic in anyway, but all i can say is see where the cards land. if you end up really liking, or loving a non-catholic girl, go for it. I'm not saying it'll always work persay, but theres nothing wrong with giving it a shot and trying. You'll never know till you try it.

DulcisAncilla · #3 May 29, '11, 11:49 pm

There are so many variables in this situation that it would be difficult to answer you definitively, but I believe that insisting on dating only Catholic women will indeed narrow your prospective partners. In my personal experience, the men I've dated who considered themselves Catholic - some even attended my home parish! - were only nominal Catholics, who knew little of the Church's teaching on anything, and really did not live out their faith (several relationships ended when I insisted on proceeding chastely). Dating these "Catholics" was comparable to dating men with essentially no faith formation or religious affiliation whatsoever, and, were I to apply this to your situation - should you date a nominal Catholic woman with no faith life of her own - I cannot imagine that it would be of any benefit to you in your search for a spouse whose faith complements your own.

So, you already seem to know what you would not compromise on in a relationship, and it's great that you're considering your dating choices with marriage in mind - but I would not automatically rule out dating a woman who seems a promising potential partner just because she is not Catholic. You may well have a great relationship with a woman who is unsure or lapsed in her faith, completely without faith, or who declares herself to be of another religion, but does not actually practice - and perhaps your Catholic lifestyle will draw her to the truth of the Church. (If you lurk around these boards, I think you'll see that many contributors converted to/returned to Catholicism in conjunction with a relationship's progression, and are now firmly rooted in the faith.)

I guess, too, that how you find out she's Catholic could be an integral part of your decision to ask for a date. Did you meet her at Adoration or a Theology of the Body meeting (yes, they have those for young adults in my diocese!), or does she just identify herself as a Catholic once you've met her in another scenario? Any woman you meet while you're out enriching your own faith, more than likely possesses some of the attributes you seek, and of course as I said, how you live out your own faith may well influence her in a positive way.

ZDHayden · #4 May 30, '11, 12:30 am

I'll be honest, my relationship with my non-Catholic fiancee is crumbling. I doubt whether or not any future children of ours will be raised Catholic. Remember, when dating, you are discerning marriage with that person, and the responsibilities of a Catholic husband or wife includes the rearing of their children in the Faith. Thus, I would advise extreme caution when thinking about and actually dating a non-Catholic. It is very possible that such a relationship can work, but there are many risks.

stccp · #5 May 30, '11, 2:26 am

NO.

With all the problems in society today, it is a risky choice. My wife and I went through some difficult times together, and it was only our Catholic Faith that kept us afloat.

Marriage is a vocation, whose ultimate purpose is to get each other to heaven. How will a non-catholic, or non Christian partner do that?. Have you prayed on this matter?

Good luck

Monte RCMS · #6 May 30, '11, 2:33 am

Even dating Catholic women can be "problematical" because so few Catholics, in general, know and/or understand the Catholic Faith.

As another poster stated, dating is the process of discerning if that person would be a good marriage partner. Even dating a Catholic should have an element of Catholic living included ... Mass, for example. Or doing some Catholic studying/research together. Exploring the Catechism of the Catholic Church together. Attending a seminar together. Going to a Catholic event / prayer service together. Making pilgrimages to Catholic sites together. Visiting a Catholic bookstore together. Exploring a Catholic Web site together.

bethanysamuel · #7 May 30, '11, 2:49 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Monte RCMS

Even dating Catholic women can be "problematical" because so few Catholics, in general, know and/or understand the Catholic Faith.

As another poster stated, dating is the process of discerning if that person would be a good marriage partner. Even dating a Catholic should have an element of Catholic living included ... Mass, for example. Or doing some Catholic studying/research together. Exploring the Catechism of the Catholic Church together. Attending a seminar together. Going to a Catholic event / prayer service together. Making pilgrimages to Catholic sites together. Visiting a Catholic bookstore together. Exploring a Catholic Web site together.

Totally agree. Great advice

Bezant · #8 May 30, '11, 4:02 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by DATING 101

I have almost always dated Catholic women. I've gone on maybe only one date with anyone who's not Catholic. Recently, my mom, who's not Catholic or Christian, made the suggestion that I date non-Catholic, or even non-Christian, women. She said that I'm limiting myself by not dating outside the Catholic circle. I tend to disagree with her. The Catholic faith is something that's very important to me, and I would want to share it with my future spouse. What do you think? Do you think that I'm limiting myself by dating only Catholic women? Do you think God would want me to give non-Catholic women a chance?

I'm a bit of a stereotypical, bleeding-heart ecumenist, but I tend to agree with you here.

From what you say you're dating for marriage. If you are, then you're right, common faith will be one thing to make your marriage stronger and one less thing to divide you and your wife.

Nonetheless, if it's not the ultiamte dealbreaker for you, remain open to the possibility of marrying a non-Christian, certainly a non-Catholic. One never knows.

Dorothy · #9 May 30, '11, 4:12 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by DATING 101

I have almost always dated Catholic women. I've gone on maybe only one date with anyone who's not Catholic. Recently, my mom, who's not Catholic or Christian, made the suggestion that I date non-Catholic, or even non-Christian, women. She said that I'm limiting myself by not dating outside the Catholic circle. I tend to disagree with her. The Catholic faith is something that's very important to me, and I would want to share it with my future spouse. What do you think? Do you think that I'm limiting myself by dating only Catholic women? Do you think God would want me to give non-Catholic women a chance?

In the best case scenario for a Catholic who is serious about growing spiritually in his faith, it is wise to seek a partner who feels the same way about the Catholic faith.

Now, it is true that there are many who are baptized Catholic and are not in the same place spiritually that another Catholic is. If they have misunderstandings about the faith and stubbornly cling to them in defiance of the authentic teachings, then that is problematic.....just as problematic as marrying a Christian who is sincere, but not willing to pass on the Catholic faith in all its beauty to their children. I do understand that it can work in some situations, but I believe that is rare.

A practicing Catholic can find a spouse who is like-minded by attending gatherings in a parish that brings young adults together for spiritual enrichment. More parishes need to be involved in presenting such opportunities to young adults. Usually these gatherings have to be sought in other parishes who are known to provide such opportunities. There is a need for more of them.

briang72 · #10 May 30, '11, 4:21 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by DATING 101

I have almost always dated Catholic women. I've gone on maybe only one date with anyone who's not Catholic. Recently, my mom, who's not Catholic or Christian, made the suggestion that I date non-Catholic, or even non-Christian, women. She said that I'm limiting myself by not dating outside the Catholic circle. I tend to disagree with her. The Catholic faith is something that's very important to me, and I would want to share it with my future spouse. What do you think? Do you think that I'm limiting myself by dating only Catholic women? Do you think God would want me to give non-Catholic women a chance?

This is something I struggled with. The biggest warning I can give you is the immoral issues of pre-marital sex and contraception. Practicing Catholics accept these teachings of the Church, and the vast majority of the rest of our society do not. Are you prepared for that struggle with a non-Catholic or non-Christian woman? It can be a very tempting occasion of sin to be with a woman who does not respect these beliefs. She may eventually use arguments like "if you really love me" or present the "try before you buy" approach to convince you of her beliefs.

odhiambo · #11 May 30, '11, 4:24 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by DATING 101

I have almost always dated Catholic women. I've gone on maybe only one date with anyone who's not Catholic. Recently, my mom, who's not Catholic or Christian, made the suggestion that I date non-Catholic, or even non-Christian, women. She said that I'm limiting myself by not dating outside the Catholic circle. I tend to disagree with her. The Catholic faith is something that's very important to me, and I would want to share it with my future spouse. What do you think? Do you think that I'm limiting myself by dating only Catholic women? Do you think God would want me to give non-Catholic women a chance?

If you are serious about your faith then the answer is "No".
Should the relationship become serious and you start to talk marriage, what then, would you marry a non Catholic? Unless of course you aim to have her converted.

lo_amo87 · #12 May 30, '11, 5:42 am

I have to say that anything can happen. My husband was an agnostic when I met him, 2 years later he was baptized in the lutheran church, then 2 years after that he joined RCIA to become a catholic, and now he's looking into the orthodox priesthood (married, of course). I would love to say that I was an inspiration to him but he decided to do all this without one nudge from me. You just never know how things will turn out, or what God has planned for the special person in your life!

TheRealJuliane · #13 May 30, '11, 6:15 am

No. Start out with a foundation built on the solid rock of the Catholic Church.

I can tell you for 100% sure that if my husband had not been a Catholic (a very lapsed one, and now a non-believer) we'd already be divorced. He at least is not antagonistic toward the Church and has wanted our sons to believe he's still Catholic, which means they don't realize their dad is a Catholic by baptism only. He has not interfered in their sacraments and has paid for them to go to Catholic schools. He goes to Mass most of the time (not on Ash Wed. or Good Friday though) although he has critiqued the ritual in detail a lot. See, even that is detrimental, and he IS technically a Catholic!

Also, with only one leg of the stool being Catholic (me) I have felt unsupported and unsure of just how Catholic I can be in the home. I never wanted to be the spiritual head of the household in the first place and kept trying to place him in that position but he wouldn't cooperate! So there is a gap in my son's home applications...We don't pray except at meals, no Bible reading, no devotions, no teaching from their dad about relying on God in our daily lives, etc. I know that one day I will have to account for my lack of courage in that area. It's another source of regret. No need to do that to yourself, give yourself all 3 legs of the stool. Or, as I have seen in many books, think of it as a triangle, with you and your spouse at the bottom points and God at the top. You grow closer together by coming closer to God.

Stuff happens, and you'll need that foundation to help you both survive the vicissitudes of life, and the issue of how to teach the children becomes HUGE once you have them. Especially since the MOM can really have a conversion once kids come into the picture (it happened to me). It's like a common language, where marrying a Protestant would be like speaking the same basic language (belief in a triune all powerful God) but having a different dialect. And marrying a non-Christian would mean having totally different languages.

Your faith is the one area you do not want to compromise on. Of course you also have to be sure she isn't just a C&E Catholic, but that's pretty easy to spot.

TheRealJuliane · #14 May 30, '11, 6:20 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZDHayden

I'll be honest, my relationship with my non-Catholic fiancee is crumbling. I doubt whether or not any future children of ours will be raised Catholic. Remember, when dating, you are discerning marriage with that person, and the responsibilities of a Catholic husband or wife includes the rearing of their children in the Faith. Thus, I would advise extreme caution when thinking about and actually dating a non-Catholic. It is very possible that such a relationship can work, but there are many risks.

I am sorry to read this, but grateful that you have not yet married. You would be in a lot more pain if that had already happened, trust me.

I just do not see how a devout Catholic can entertain marrying with a Protestant or non-Christian. It is a total deal-buster IMO, from where I stand. And I am 100% sure that if my husband had known that I would revert after our first son was born, he wouldn't have married me either.

**1ke** · #15 May 30, '11, 6:30 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by DATING 101

Recently, my mom, who's not Catholic or Christian, made the suggestion that I date non-Catholic, or even non-Christian, women.

Your mother gave you some bad advice.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DATING 101

She said that I'm limiting myself by not dating outside the Catholic circle.

Why don't you date yourself some smokers, drug users, and a mortocycle gang member while you are at it? See what mom thinks of that!

Of course you are limiting yourself. You are limiting yourself to women you would want to marry. The purpose of dating is discerning marriage. Therefore, to limit yourself to the type of women with the qualities that you want in a wife is prudent and mature.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DATING 101

I tend to disagree with her. The Catholic faith is something that's very important to me, and I would want to share it with my future spouse. What do you think? Do you think that I'm limiting myself by dating only Catholic women? Do you think God would want me to give non-Catholic women a chance?

I think you are on the right track and will get lots of unsolicited and wrongheaded advice in your adult years. You will simply have to smile, say "thanks" and move on.