Why does God Oppose me?

[johndoe2012]

This will be my second posts on these forums. Please read this, it will not take much of your time. I do not mean to burden anyone but my soul is screaming for help.

I have a mental disorder. I have a physical defect that is obvious to all. I am constantly steered at and made fun of by complete strangers. People laugh at my appearance all of the time. I do go out but I hate going outside because everyone can see me and to top it off, I begin to hallucinate. It is hell on Earth. So I ask, why does God/the Universe as a whole oppose me. I am also quite poor. I have never had a relationship in my life. I do have friends, but most of them betray me. Even the Devil opposes me (as crazy as it might sound). My life is a darn joke. I hate going to work because I am constantly steered at and laughed at. Today, on public transportation several people pointed at me and laughed and made comments about me. So what justification does God have to do this? If I refuse to believe in God, I will burn in hell. If I do not go to Mass I will burn in hell. Why does the Lord oppose me? I am the only abnormal looking person in my family. My graduation just passed, I did not go because my defect would be for all to see. I recently stopped praying because I feel unworthy of God's blessing and feel that I have tumbled from grace. If I commit suicide, will God further punish me again? Does it even matter???? Am I not in hell already???

I have never gone out of my way to EVER harm anyone. I do not hurt others. I am careful about how I speak, with the little I have, I give to those in need etc. I try and follow the Bible and I am very serious about my faith. I am beginning to see that good does not mean good for me. Why does God hate me so much?

[Robert Sock]

Originally Posted by johndoe2012

This will be my second posts on these forums. Please read this, it will not take much of your time. I do not mean to burden anyone but my soul is screaming for help.

I have a mental disorder. I have a physical defect that is obvious to all. I am constantly steered at and made fun of by complete strangers. People laugh at my appearance all of the time. I do go out but I hate going outside because everyone can see me and to top it off, I begin to hallucinate. It is hell on Earth. So I ask, why does God/the Universe as a whole oppose me. I am also quite poor. I have never had a relationship in my life. I do have friends, but most of them betray me. Even the Devil opposes me (as crazy as it might sound). My life is a darn joke. I hate going to work because I am constantly steered at and laughed at. Today, on public transportation several people pointed at me and laughed and made comments about me. So what justification does God have to do this? If I refuse to believe in God, I will burn in hell. If I do not go to Mass I will burn in hell. Why does the Lord oppose me? I am the only abnormal looking person in my family. My graduation just passed, I did not go because my defect would be for all to see. I recently stopped praying because I feel unworthy of God's blessing and feel that I have tumbled from grace. If I commit suicide, will God further punish me again? Does it even matter???? Am I not in hell already???

I have never gone out of my way to EVER harm anyone. I do not hurt others. I am careful about how I speak, with the little I have, I give to those in need etc. I try and follow the Bible and I am very serious about my faith. I am beginning to see that good does not mean good for me. Why does God hate me so much?

You may want to read The Book of Job. It helped me. Your rewards may be great in Heaven!

[Madeline616]

Friend,

You are suffering terribly. I am so sorry for your pain...please don't despair! I agree, please do some spiritual reading regarding the value and merit of suffering...don't let these trials go to waste. Offer them up for your own salvation, souls in purgatory, and the conversion of sinners.

I am posting here 2 quotations that were sent to me today by fellow member, Bookcat, on another thread. These are from Father Jacques Philippe's book Interior Freedom.

The worst pain of suffering lies in rejecting it.
— Interior Freedom, p. 46

What really hurts is not so much suffering itself as the fear of suffering. If welcomed trustingly and peacefully, suffering makes us grow. It matures and trains us, purifies us, teaches us to love unselfishly, makes us poor in heart, humble, gentle, and compassionate toward our neighbor. Fear of suffering, on the other hand, hardens us in self-protective, defensive attitudes, and often leads us to make irrational choices with disastrous consequences.
— Interior Freedom, p. 47

[Spiritual trials] are beneficial, because they lead us to locate our identity where it truly belongs. The experience can be highly painful when someone who loves God goes through a phase without an atom of fervor and even with a profound distaste for spiritual things. People do not lose their love for God, for their whole being remains completely oriented toward God; but they lose the feeling of love. The benefit of this trial that it deprives us of any possibility of relying on the good we can do. God’s mercy is all.
— Interior Freedom, p.126

http://www.frjacquesphilippe.com/themes/themes.html

I'll also post, in a book by Father John A. Hardon called Spiritual Life in the Modern World, the following quotation:

"...virtue is its own reward although the reward may be so deeply within a man's spirit that everything else in him, as in Job, may be in profound pain. Part of this spiritual joy is the confident expectation of a heavenly reward. I am happy now, although perhaps in trial, because I am sure that the trial will one day cease and the joys of heaven, God tells me, will never end. What is an ending trial compared to endless joy? Many, many times I have comforted myself with this thought."

Rejoice, and live for the Kingdom, where we will soon live in our glorified bodies...Jesus loves us!

[LaFleurDeLis]

Do you know anyone with your condition? Have you sought out assistant groups for people with the same thing you struggle with? This is where you should start. Don't give up on God no matter what it is you're going through. Please don't take your life! If you think you live in hell now, you will certainly then be in hell for eternity. That is not God's plan for you! Everyone has a cross to bear, and this seems to be yours. Jesus was laughed at, degraded, taunted, and beaten. Please, turn the other cheek. You can do this! Go to you local parish and speak with a priest. Don't stop praying either. This is a time when you will need it most. God created you and He loves you. He doesn't want to see you fall into despair and into the arms of satan.

[grasscutter]

I will keep you in my prayers! Please try not to despair. I know that my words can't change your situation, but I hope it's a small comfort to have caring, thoughts and prayers. Please don't ever doubt that God loves you.

[gatewood1988]

I am so sorry to hear of your suffering. Try reading about Blessed Margaret of Castello, she suffered a lot too by she never lost faith (her story has always helped me)

[Mystic Banana]

There's never any point in suicide. Things can always get better, and there's certainly promise in your story

I can't help but wonder whether your concern over your 'physical defect' isn't part of your mental disorder, by the way, but obviously I don't really know. It's just the way you refer to it.

Anyway, seriously, there are pleasures in life for everyone. Is there anything you have ever enjoyed? If so, and I'm sure there is, then there is something to live for.

Remember, there are always people worse off than yourself, and there are always things to alleviate our pain, if we can look for them. I seriously pary that you do. The world is a wonderful, baffling, incredible place - but it wouldn't be that if there wasn't terrible tragedy as well.

What do you enjoy? What do you like? What do you want? If you're intensely religious, that in itself can be very much a source of joy - if you stop thinking it won't be

[lauraabarlow]

Here is lots of hugs for you and prayers being sent your way.

[TomD123]

Originally Posted by johndoe2012

This will be my second posts on these forums. Please read this, it will not take much of your time. I do not mean to burden anyone but my soul is screaming for help.

I have a mental disorder. I have a physical defect that is obvious to all. I am constantly steered at and made fun of by complete strangers. People laugh at my appearance all of the time. I do go out but I hate going outside because everyone can see me and to top it off, I begin to hallucinate. It is hell on Earth. So I ask, why does God/the Universe as a whole oppose me. I am also quite poor. I have never had a relationship in my life. I do have friends, but most of them betray me. Even the Devil opposes me (as crazy as it might sound). My life is a darn joke. I hate going to work because I am constantly steered at and laughed at. Today, on public transportation several people pointed at me and laughed and made comments about me. So what justification does God have to do this? If I refuse to believe in God, I will burn in hell. If I do not go to Mass I will burn in hell. Why does the Lord oppose me? I am the only abnormal looking person in my family. My graduation just passed, I did not go because my defect would be for all to see. I recently stopped praying because I feel unworthy of God's blessing and feel that I have tumbled from grace. If I commit suicide, will God further punish me again? Does it even matter???? Am I not in hell already???

I have never gone out of my way to EVER harm anyone. I do not hurt others. I am careful about how I speak, with the little I have, I give to those in need etc. I try and follow the Bible and I am very serious about my faith. I am beginning to see that good does not mean good for me. Why does God hate me so much?

I understand that this is very tough and I will pray for you

So many others have given good advice, I am not of much help so I'll just reiterate what they said basically- Don't give up, God is there for you. Keep praying, especially to Mary and your Guardian Angel. And remember Jesus suffered rejection too. God is not punishing you, he has given you a cross to bear as he gives us all crosses, yours is just heavier than most. But remember, if your cross is heavier, you are called to a greater degree of glory in heaven, which actually means God loves you MORE than most.
You should go to Mass and Adoration, talk to a good priest. If you surround yourself in a strongly Catholic environment, you will find friends, there are a lot of true Christians who will befriend you because we know that God wants us too. Don't be too self conscious. I know someone with a mental disorder who concentrates on what others think.
Remember, God is there for you and so are many Christians, again, you are in my prayers.

Oh and P.S- you say this is your second post, but your profile indicates 14 posts? jw

[Dorothy]

God has not abandoned you, and He loves you far more than you know.

Surely there are some good people who do not stare at or laugh at people with a defect. Those who do so need some maturity and respect for the dignity of others. They have a problem!

Talk to a priest to unburden yourself. I am sure he can say things to help you. I hope and pray your anxiety and suffering does not continue, and that you become aware that you are special in God's sight and that His Grace will sustain you.

[Fan of Francis]

I don't believe no one can image the pain you must go through. To be made fun of constantly must leaves a terrible hole an your heart and in your psyche. The loneliness you must feel by not having a connection with others must compounds this. Your will be in my prayers constantly.

I do not know what plans God has for you. I know that you are here because he does love you. If He did not He would not have bothered to create you. Why He allows some to live what seemingly a good life and why He allows others to suffer like you is a mystery that God knows .

When reading your post I could only think of how proud He is of His precious son; you, to whom He gave this huge cross to carry. In your pain and sorrow you still care, respect and give what little you have to others. You said you could not harm some one on purpose and I suspect many of us who have read your post wish we had you in our lives. A special person who is a kind and gentle soul. A true friend to whom we could be a true friend back.
.
You are His perfect creation, His perfect child. You are his little boy and for all that you have gone through I can hear..well done my son... It is my prayer for you that He gives you the strength and clarity to: have the ears to hear and the eye to see His beautiful plan for your life and that your life on this earth be filled with the peace of Christ.

My friend, please keep posting hear, let us help you carry this cross.
Andrea

[ZDHayden]

Please, do not blame God for others' stupidity and immaturity. This world is filled with corrupt, immoral, impious, perverted, and obscene individuals.

If you will allow:
my younger brother, 10 years old, has muscular dystrophy, a condition which slowly takes away the use of his arms, legs, kidneys, bladder, lungs, heart, and brain. The doctors doubt if he will survive long enough to graduate High School, much less college, far less to get a professional job and start a family. In two days, I will go to the other side of the state for a week long camp to learn how to help him. My mother has cancer and severe blood clots - one of the two can kill her at any time. I do not say this to make myself seem any better - I'm not. I say this simply to let you know I see comparable suffering every day of my life. Wouldn't you know it, that the strongest people I know are the ones who have suffered the most?

My brother and my mother are far stronger than I could ever be, because they have suffered in a way I never have. I am convinced that, yes, although this world is horrible and sometimes the sheer nastiness of it makes it seem devoid of any hope, it is the person who goes through the worst of this horror who is able to become a light for others. It is the person who suffers the most who has the potential to become the greatest, if not in this life, then in the next.

Do not despair; unite yourself to the Sacred Heart of our Lord, that fountain of grace and love that both bleeds and burns for even the poorest and worst of humanity, desiring that all, especially those most in need, be united with Him in Heaven. Let your suffering be united to His, Who hung upon the Cross for us.

Remember, that even Christ, the second Person of the Holy Trinity - God, Who took upon Himself human flesh - cried out "My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?" when He was hanging upon the Cross.

Last of all, I wish you peace. Pax tecum.

[WesleyF]

Originally Posted by johndoe2012

So what justification does God have to do this?

This is not God's doing. This is the doing of nature. God has given man a free will and in the same manner he has given nature "free process" (as some have called it). So God allows nature to take its course without interfering with it unnecessarily. So, if a mother does not eat well during her pregnancy, the child will be very weak. This is a direct consequence of natural laws. In the same way, there are natural accidents also. Your physical deformity could be such a natural accident. Think about those who are born blind, for example. It's an accident of nature.

So please do not think that God hates you so he has done such a thing to you. No. God doesn't hate you, he loves you. He loves you even in your state of deformity. So receive his love.

[midori_]

In my work, I see a lot of people who are poor. Homeless. Mentally disturbed. Physically deformed. I especially remember one woman whose mouth and jaw had been so deformed since birth that it was impossible to understand her speech-- she could only make animal noises, and communicated through writing. Each time, I'm filled with admiration and humility for the strength that it takes to carry that kind of cross throughout one's life.

When I have those sorts of encounters, it usually brings a few things to mind, so I thought I'd share them and see if you get any profit from them...

I remember reading a story about a healing mystic. I looked for the link, but I can't find it--- but I think it was a Ven. Solanus Casey story. Diptheria left him with a speech impediment, and he had trouble with academics, and eventually ended up as a porter priest for a monastery-- not allowed to preach, not allowed to hear Confession, and so on. But God granted him special favors, and people-- sometimes two hundred people a day-- would come to him for his prayers and healing.

He worked a lot of cures, and made a lot of conversions, but he didn't heal or cure everyone. For example, there was one mother who brought her blind daughter to him and asked for his help. He told her he wouldn't cure her. The mother argued with him, saying that it wasn't fair that her beautiful daughter should be burdened by blindness. And he explained to her that if she wasn't blind, she would have fallen into mortal sin--- and that her blindness had kept her from those occasions of sin to which she would have otherwise succumbed. He healed other people of their blindness-- but not that particular girl, because her blindness was a blessing in disguise.

Another thing I enjoyed was reading an interview with the mystic Maria Simma, who spoke with her conversations with souls in Purgatory. One excellent point that was made was comparing how earthly trials are more valuable than suffering in the afterlife: while we suffer on earth, we can grow in love and gain merit, whereas afterwards, we can only purify ourselves. Another excellent point was to unite our sufferings with those of Jesus, for the purpose of helping others, so that our sufferings bear fruit. There's the story of the woman who suffered illness for thirty years, but applied her sufferings for the sake of her village-- and while deadly avalanches had damaged neighboring villages, it was the merits of her suffering that spared her own village similar harm.

Read. Find someone who inspires you. Find someone whose sufferings and trials you can identify with, and use them as a model for your own life. Think of those who suffer more, or are more vulnerable, and offer your sufferings on their behalf. What can you do to find spiritual profit in your temporal troubles?

[Claire from DE]

Originally Posted by johndoe2012

I recently stopped praying because I feel unworthy of God's blessing and feel that I have tumbled from grace. If I commit suicide, will God further punish me again? Does it even matter???? Am I not in hell already???

I have never gone out of my way to EVER harm anyone. I do not hurt others. I am careful about how I speak, with the little I have, I give to those in need etc. I try and follow the Bible and I am very serious about my faith. I am beginning to see that good does not mean good for me. Why does God hate me so much?

You feel unworthy of God's blessing? Good! God doesn't bless those who feel worthy. He longs to pour out His blessings on those who feel, or actually are, unworthy, on poor sinners, on those who are miserable who turn to Him in trust and ask for His mercy. If you like to read, try Sr. Maria Faustina's autobiography, Divine Mercy in My Soul. Some of the other sisters would make fun and talk about her when she was very ill and in great pain because they thought she wasn't really sick. But God was doing great things in her soul.

When I look at your last paragraph I think, 'there's a compassionate, kind, serious person.' So I do not think that God hates you at all or that He opposes you. I think He's pleased that you have developed these good qualities. I was very sad to read that you didn't go to your graduation. I understand how painful it is to feel people looking at you and laughing at you and that would have taken the shine off the occasion, but you deserved to be there. I didn't go to one of my graduations either.

It's hard to be angry at God. It's hard to feel God's love when you feel rejected by many people. You didn't choose your condition but you can choose how you react to it and to the people who sneer and laugh at you. You can react with hatred or anger, or with depression (which is anger turned inward). Or you can react with blessing them (what would happen if every time you sincerely responded with a loud, 'God bless you'?) or with a smile. Do you think those people might be ashamed of their behavior when you force them to see you as a person? Or you can keep silent but inside you can offer each slight to Jesus for the salvation of souls. Only you can choose how to respond in each situation. Being silent is not always the best choice but neither is hatred or depression.

Suicide is the worst choice. When I was young I seriously contemplated suicide twice. I was absolutely angry at God for threatening me with hell if I killed myself and that was the only reason I didn't. I didn't think things could ever get better in my life. Now, 45 years later, I'm very grateful that I had enough sense to not want to go to hell. I would have missed my whole life. There were some good times. I couldn't imagine I'd be happy but now I am. Even when life is difficult it can be good if you stay in friendship with God. There are good people too, and beautiful things to see, and interesting things to do. Don't give up even if everything seems painful now. Trust God that He has blessings for you.