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  #1  
Old Jun 6, '11, 11:11 am
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dgeier0725 dgeier0725 is offline
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Default Absolution after an affair

My wife had an affair, but the situation is over and they are not together anymore. For some reason they can't see eachother. However, my wife is still in love (as she claims) with him.

Can she get absolution in confession since she is married, but loves another man even though she isn't seeing or communicating with him. If he came back into the picture she would go back with him.

This is a tough question she is dealing with.
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  #2  
Old Jun 6, '11, 11:23 am
Serap Serap is offline
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Default Re: Absolution after an affair

I don't have an answer, but I just want you to know that I"m following you and praying
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  #3  
Old Jun 6, '11, 12:01 pm
puzzleannie puzzleannie is offline
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Default Re: Absolution after an affair

It is not for you or I to know what passes between her and the priest in confession, but that is where she needs to be.
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  #4  
Old Jun 6, '11, 12:23 pm
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Rascalking Rascalking is offline
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Default Re: Absolution after an affair

Anyone can get absolved for anything if their really sorry.

However, and maybe it's just me another problem here is you said your wife would leave you for another dude. I'm no relationship expert, but that's not healthy.

Praying...
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  #5  
Old Jun 6, '11, 12:24 pm
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joanofarc2008 joanofarc2008 is offline
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Default Re: Absolution after an affair

I agree with Puzzleannie. I think if she is asking you this question the best answer you can give is that the only way for her to find out is for her to go to confession. In the meantime you both need to go to a Christian/Catholic counselor and work on your marriage and find out what it is that left your marriage open to this - not saying there is an excuse for adultery but usually there are other issues before adultery happens.
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  #6  
Old Jun 6, '11, 12:29 pm
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Scoobyshme Scoobyshme is offline
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Default Re: Absolution after an affair

She needs to go to Sacramental Confession and discuss this with the priest. Sacramental Confession strengthens one against sin, if one is sincere in repenting.

The bad news is that she has an emotional attachment to this other guy, and needs to find a way to get over that. Time and distance help a lot.

Bottom line is go speak to the priest yourself, and get some help.
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  #7  
Old Jun 6, '11, 1:10 pm
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zizki1974 zizki1974 is offline
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Default Re: Absolution after an affair

Quote:
Originally Posted by dgeier0725 View Post
...If he came back into the picture she would go back with him.

This is a tough question she is dealing with.
"This is a tough question that SHE is dealing with?!?!"

How long have you been married? I think you both need to speak with you Priest and resolve this issue face to face to face.

This situation puzzles and frustrates me. Does the Church really expect him to be married to a woman who plainly does not love or respect him and the vows she took in the sacrament of marriage? He should do everything he can to save the marriage, but once that is exhausted he can't really be expected to remain in this loveless facade, can he?
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  #8  
Old Jun 6, '11, 1:26 pm
TheRealJuliane TheRealJuliane is offline
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Default Re: Absolution after an affair

If she is really telling the truth, that she would leave you and her marriage vows given the chance, then I don't see how that would ever qualify as repentance of the affair. I am not a priest, but that statement seems to cancel out making a valid confession.

It would be like me confessing to theft, but telling the priest "If I get the chance, I'm gonna steal again and I'll be happy to do it."



As for zizki1974's question...

No, the Church doesn't expect a spouse to stay married to someone who has already left. But neither do two wrongs make a right. The OP is trying everything that he knows how in order to heal his marriage and give his wife another chance. They are doing Retrouvaille this coming weekend, and he is praying for a good result. Lots of us are praying for him, too. Let the Holy Spirit work where He will, and let's pray that his wife does see her mistakes and repents, and returns to work on the marriage with the OP.
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  #9  
Old Jun 6, '11, 1:39 pm
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zizki1974 zizki1974 is offline
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Default Re: Absolution after an affair

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheRealJuliane View Post
As for zizki1974's question...

No, the Church doesn't expect a spouse to stay married to someone who has already left. But neither do two wrongs make a right. The OP is trying everything that he knows how in order to heal his marriage and give his wife another chance. They are doing Retrouvaille this coming weekend, and he is praying for a good result. Lots of us are praying for him, too. Let the Holy Spirit work where He will, and let's pray that his wife does see her mistakes and repents, and returns to work on the marriage with the OP.
I too will pray for both of them and their marriage.
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  #10  
Old Jun 6, '11, 3:32 pm
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dgeier0725 dgeier0725 is offline
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Default Re: Absolution after an affair

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rascalking View Post
Anyone can get absolved for anything if their really sorry.

However, and maybe it's just me another problem here is you said your wife would leave you for another dude. I'm no relationship expert, but that's not healthy.

Praying...
We are going to Retrouvaille this week-end to hopefullyy resolve this issue and heal out marriage.
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  #11  
Old Jun 6, '11, 3:32 pm
cviolette cviolette is offline
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Default Re: Absolution after an affair

I would recommend that she call the rectory and schedule a meeting with a priest for spiritual direction and confession. He will be able to counsel her.

I met with a priest when I was still having an affair. He gave me absolution so I would have the grace to stop the affair and be able to receive communion. I told him that I was struggling with my religious beliefs and felt like a hypocrite because I had no intention of stopping the affair and felt no guilt but did not want to go to hell. He did say that if I had no guilt, I would not have made the appointment with him. It took about another month but I did eventually stop. When you are covered in mud, it takes time to clean all the mud off and truly repent. I will pray for your wife.
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  #12  
Old Jun 6, '11, 3:35 pm
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dgeier0725 dgeier0725 is offline
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Default Re: Absolution after an affair

Quote:
Originally Posted by cviolette View Post
I would recommend that she call the rectory and schedule a meeting with a priest for spiritual direction and confession. He will be able to counsel her.

I met with a priest when I was still having an affair. He gave me absolution so I would have the grace to stop the affair and be able to receive communion. I told him that I was struggling with my religious beliefs and felt like a hypocrite because I had no intention of stopping the affair and felt no guilt but did not want to go to hell. He did say that if I had no guilt, I would not have made the appointment with him. It took about another month but I did eventually stop. When you are covered in mud, it takes time to clean all the mud off and truly repent. I will pray for your wife.
Your situation is about exactly like my wife. She would not have broken it off except something happened and it was forced to stop. She won;t say, but I am glad. She has feelings, but I know she struggles. Thanks for the words, it helps me understand a little better now.
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  #13  
Old Jun 6, '11, 3:36 pm
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dgeier0725 dgeier0725 is offline
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Default Re: Absolution after an affair

Quote:
Originally Posted by joanofarc2008 View Post
I agree with Puzzleannie. I think if she is asking you this question the best answer you can give is that the only way for her to find out is for her to go to confession. In the meantime you both need to go to a Christian/Catholic counselor and work on your marriage and find out what it is that left your marriage open to this - not saying there is an excuse for adultery but usually there are other issues before adultery happens.
We are going to Retrouvaille this weekend for marriage healing. Thanks, we are on the road to healing.
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  #14  
Old Jun 6, '11, 8:10 pm
Maureen1125 Maureen1125 is offline
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Default Re: Absolution after an affair

It sounds to me that she is not really sorry for having an affair. It sounds like she is sorry the affair is over especially if she has said she would return to this other man if the opportunity presented itself.

Without true regret/sorrow for the sin, I do not think that she could be absolved. She needs to discuss this with a spiritual advisor and you may want to do the same. I am sure you are deeply hurt by her betrayal
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  #15  
Old Jun 6, '11, 8:55 pm
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dgeier0725 dgeier0725 is offline
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Default Re: Absolution after an affair

Quote:
Originally Posted by zizki1974 View Post
"This is a tough question that SHE is dealing with?!?!"

How long have you been married? I think you both need to speak with you Priest and resolve this issue face to face to face.

This situation puzzles and frustrates me. Does the Church really expect him to be married to a woman who plainly does not love or respect him and the vows she took in the sacrament of marriage? He should do everything he can to save the marriage, but once that is exhausted he can't really be expected to remain in this loveless facade, can he?
Married 25 years
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