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  #1  
Old Jun 17, '11, 6:52 am
SusanneT SusanneT is offline
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Default NFP - How many safe days to you have ?

I have a 24-26 day cycle, its pretty regular and I'm pretty sure from experience (before using NFP) that any time before ovulation just isn't safe so that really only leaves about a week absolute max 10 days. I'm interested to know how many safe days most couples have and how they cope with periodic abstinance for that long over a prelonged period.
  #2  
Old Jun 17, '11, 8:24 am
ChipF ChipF is offline
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Default Re: NFP - How many safe days to you have ?

What method are you using?

Dr. Roetzer from Germany did a bunch of research back in the 50's which shows that women can calculate their pre-ovulation infertility based on their shortest cycle over the last year. It can be up to six days at the beginning of the cycle.
Also, when you consider that the average woman's luteal phase (post-ovulation) is about two weeks, and that only the first few days are fertile, you can have 6-10 days at the end of the cycle.
We use the Sympto-Thermal Method, and generally have 5 days (or more, if you use some of the more liberal rules) before the fertile phase, and 10 days after the fertile phase (out of a 30-31 day cycle).

For periodic abstinence, we try to keep in mind that God built this time into our life so that we can work on other parts of our relationship. I try to treat it like when we were dating, or to spend more family time with the kids. Some couples try to avoid each other during the time of abstinence, but that seems to tell your spouse that you're only interested in using them to satisfy an urge.
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  #3  
Old Jun 17, '11, 8:59 am
SusanneT SusanneT is offline
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Default Re: NFP - How many safe days to you have ?

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Originally Posted by ChipF View Post
What method are you using?

Dr. Roetzer from Germany did a bunch of research back in the 50's which shows that women can calculate their pre-ovulation infertility based on their shortest cycle over the last year. It can be up to six days at the beginning of the cycle.
Also, when you consider that the average woman's luteal phase (post-ovulation) is about two weeks, and that only the first few days are fertile, you can have 6-10 days at the end of the cycle.
We use the Sympto-Thermal Method, and generally have 5 days (or more, if you use some of the more liberal rules) before the fertile phase, and 10 days after the fertile phase (out of a 30-31 day cycle).

For periodic abstinence, we try to keep in mind that God built this time into our life so that we can work on other parts of our relationship. I try to treat it like when we were dating, or to spend more family time with the kids. Some couples try to avoid each other during the time of abstinence, but that seems to tell your spouse that you're only interested in using them to satisfy an urge.
Thanks - we only started NFP after I stopped breast feeding our third child, but I'm pretty cirtain that before that I have fallen pregnant twice through intercourse very soon after my period (I only know because my husband was then away until well after ovulation) . Since then my cycle has shortened, so it seems awfully risky !
  #4  
Old Jun 17, '11, 9:05 am
Charlotte1776 Charlotte1776 is offline
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Default Re: NFP - How many safe days to you have ?

I have about 7 days in phase 3. I have long cycles -up to 36 days - and since we use NFP conservatively (no phase 1 sex) we go about a month without sex each cycle. I suppose we could risk getting together early in phase 1, but it just makes me so nervous.

The funny thing is, in RCIA they told us we'd only have to abstain 1 week out of every 4. The reality is the opposite! Or worse than the opposite, really, since for me it's more like one safe week out of every 5.
  #5  
Old Jun 17, '11, 9:06 am
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Mary Gail 36 Mary Gail 36 is offline
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Default Re: NFP - How many safe days to you have ?

If you have shorter cycles, and normal luteal phases, you could be ovulating early and producing cervical mucus right after your period. Sometimes cm starts while bleeding is still happening.
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  #6  
Old Jun 17, '11, 9:54 am
SusanneT SusanneT is offline
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Default Re: NFP - How many safe days to you have ?

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I have about 7 days in phase 3. I have long cycles -up to 36 days - and since we use NFP conservatively (no phase 1 sex) we go about a month without sex each cycle. I suppose we could risk getting together early in phase 1, but it just makes me so nervous.

The funny thing is, in RCIA they told us we'd only have to abstain 1 week out of every 4. The reality is the opposite! Or worse than the opposite, really, since for me it's more like one safe week out of every 5.
I know exactly how you feel my cycles are quicker but we are similarly careful so it's only about one week in three and a half.

Like you I'd rather be safe than sorry but it's very difficult for my husband. He's is very good, but I know he finds it very trying, obviously he went many times longer through late pregnancy and post partum but that was temporary. I'm only 31 so we can see this stretching a long way into the future, also to be frank I have noticed that the combination of waiting and self restraint during abstinance does effect him physically even when it is safe.

I stress that we are both 150% committed to this, and we recognise that there is no alturnative (and it has it's good sides) but it's not always easy.
  #7  
Old Jun 17, '11, 9:56 am
SusanneT SusanneT is offline
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Default Re: NFP - How many safe days to you have ?

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Originally Posted by Mary Gail 36 View Post
If you have shorter cycles, and normal luteal phases, you could be ovulating early and producing cervical mucus right after your period. Sometimes cm starts while bleeding is still happening.
Thank you - I have been researching this and it might help - not an expert yet though.
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Old Jun 17, '11, 11:22 am
Charlotte1776 Charlotte1776 is offline
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Default Re: NFP - How many safe days to you have ?

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I have noticed that the combination of waiting and self restraint during abstinance does effect him physically even when it is safe.
Same here. He's always had significant problems with premature ejaculation, but after we started using NFP, more often than not it's all over before it even starts! One time we only got as far as me putting my arm around him as I got into bed. I think it bothers him more than it bothers me. I feel kind of bad for him.
  #9  
Old Jun 17, '11, 12:53 pm
SusanneT SusanneT is offline
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Default Re: NFP - How many safe days to you have ?

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Originally Posted by Charlotte1776 View Post
Same here. He's always had significant problems with premature ejaculation, but after we started using NFP, more often than not it's all over before it even starts! One time we only got as far as me putting my arm around him as I got into bed. I think it bothers him more than it bothers me. I feel kind of bad for him.
I can't tell you what it means to know we are not alone with these problems.. It was a bit of an issue when we first got married but was fine for ages - now it's getting worse and worse...For most of the time the poor man tries despirately hard not to stray, he's even affraid to wake up with an erection in case I think he may have been up to something and he's affraid of me touching him in case he has an accident. Then when we can half the time we can only just make love because he's either unable to achieve one or if he does he ejaculates imediately.

As all women will tell you - we want to when we can't and when we can all I really do is give him some relief. It can be great as long as my period doesn't come too soon and we have time but that's increasingly rare.

God cirtainly knows how to make you want to take the chance - but we just can't at the moment - I fall pregnant very easily and after 3 babies and two miscarriages we just cant take the risk.
  #10  
Old Jun 17, '11, 3:40 pm
manualman manualman is offline
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Default Re: NFP - How many safe days to you have ?

We use Billings, rather loosely (haven't touched a chart in years), which is purely mucus based. Since my wife doesn't like mucus-suppressing cold meds, this has worked well for us.

We get one shot between the period and ovulation (usually a 2 day window, but because symptoms are messy the day after, you can't 'safely' use both days). Then we usually have another 11 days or so after fertility has passed.

Speaking as the guy, it's pretty tough in the early 30's. But so is a lot of other stuff guys are willing to put up with to achieve their goals. Nobody much likes entry level career jobs either, but you pay your dues and move on up. Same thing in intimacy for most guys. One problem is that an awful lot of guys who actually manage to abstain during single life do so by building up a blissful image of what it will be like when they are married. Reality hits about as hard for them as it does for the ladies who watch too many Hollywood romance movies! It takes time to shed the cultural baggage and develop the virtue of mutually generous sexual intimacy. As a culture, we're bombarded constantly with messages of sexual narcicissm that DO make it excruciatingly hard to abstain a week and a half. God made sex best when it is about giving, not taking. Guys in general are rather slow to learn this! (And just cause I know it, doesn't mean I'm any better....)

The premature finish thing ain't likely to last past mid-30s. Now, I'm not saying he'll start outlasting y'all or anything. But the 'time outs' get easier the more you get used to it.
  #11  
Old Jun 18, '11, 3:04 pm
Cat Cat is offline
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Default Re: NFP - How many safe days to you have ?

I hope this comment will be encouraging.

My husband and I were Protestant until 7 years ago, so we used condoms without even giving it a thought. Out churches taught that birth control was not only OK, but a responsible practice. So when my husband was in his mid-30s, he had a vas! Woo hoo, freedom!

So do you think we had sex every night? Or several times a week?

Nope.

Throughout our late 20s and through our 30s, when our bodies were strong and smokin' hot to look at, we had sex approximately 1-4 times a month. More often than not, it was once a month; 4 times a month happened when we travelled home for summer vacation and our parents could watch our children for us!

Before we had children, it was about once a week, but once we had the girls, sex went waaaay down on the priority list. I was tired a lot, and my husband worked long hours, and we were super-involved at our church (evangelical).

We weren't happy about this, but you do what you have to do (or more accurately, you don't do what you don't have to do).

So if you're feeling bad because you only have 5 days a month, or 7 days a month, or, wowee wow wow, 10 days a month, it might make you feel better about it to know that a lot of people who use artifical birth control aren't heating up the bedroom every night!

Things got better as we and our children got older and things got really good when our kids were out of the house for good!

I have a theory that people who practice NFP are actually more sexually active than ABC users because they PLAN to use those "safe" days, whereas the ABC couples don't plan and therefore, stuff never happens.
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Old Jun 18, '11, 11:35 pm
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Blenderx Blenderx is offline
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Default Re: NFP - How many safe days to you have ?

Prior to this pregnancy, I had 28 day cycles with a late ovulation- usually around day 20. This time around, we have very serious reasons to avoid, so we won't be using phase 1 at all. I'm on my first pp cycle, but if things are the same this time around, that will only leave us about a week or less each cycle. Of course, I'm nursing twins, so my cycles are erratic, and we are abstaining a lot.

It is very difficult and my husband says it might just be better if we abstained completely for awhile. He says it hurts after a few days of not being together, but after awhile it doesn't, and repeating that cycle for him is not pleasant. We are discerning.

We have been taking the time to work on our marriage and relationship with God in other ways. Smoothing out the wrinkles in our relationship really helps to make abstaining easier and more fruitful for us.
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  #13  
Old Jun 18, '11, 11:43 pm
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WetCatechumen WetCatechumen is offline
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Default Re: NFP - How many safe days to you have ?

You should all just say **** it and, well, ****.

Yay for more Catholic babies!




That is a joking way of saying, if you are having trouble abstaining this much, maybe you should reevaluate if all this abstinence is really worth it. I don't know why each of you is using NFP, but who knows, maybe you guys can afford to give it a go and put it in God's hands.
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  #14  
Old Jun 19, '11, 1:23 am
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Default Re: NFP - How many safe days to you have ?

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Originally Posted by WetCatechumen View Post
You should all just say **** it and, well, ****.

Yay for more Catholic babies!

That is a joking way of saying, if you are having trouble abstaining this much, maybe you should reevaluate if all this abstinence is really worth it. I don't know why each of you is using NFP, but who knows, maybe you guys can afford to give it a go and put it in God's hands.
I'm sure you don't mean it this way, but your comment is insensitive. Obviously, the majority of us would love to just throw caution the wind... but the Church does teach that we need to be responsible in our reproductive life, and She gives us NFP as a tool for this purpose. That doesn't mean it is easy, but it is right and good.
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  #15  
Old Jun 19, '11, 3:28 am
SusanneT SusanneT is offline
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Default Re: NFP - How many safe days to you have ?

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Originally Posted by Blenderx View Post
Prior to this pregnancy, I had 28 day cycles with a late ovulation- usually around day 20. This time around, we have very serious reasons to avoid, so we won't be using phase 1 at all. I'm on my first pp cycle, but if things are the same this time around, that will only leave us about a week or less each cycle. Of course, I'm nursing twins, so my cycles are erratic, and we are abstaining a lot.

It is very difficult and my husband says it might just be better if we abstained completely for awhile. He says it hurts after a few days of not being together, but after awhile it doesn't, and repeating that cycle for him is not pleasant. We are discerning.

We have been taking the time to work on our marriage and relationship with God in other ways. Smoothing out the wrinkles in our relationship really helps to make abstaining easier and more fruitful for us.
As someone in a very simian position I do really sympathise. With three young children you don't expect it to be all unbridled passion anyway and to be honest I'm mostly too tired to be that concerned. But it is becoming increasingly difficult for my husband. Over the last few months on two occasions despite his best efforts he has ejaculated before he was able to enter me which he finds really upsetting and we have just given up for that cycle. We are considering just giving up for a few months so he can relax. So much for a monthly honeymoon !
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