Headcovering keeps coming up how long can I avoid it?

Maryann C · #1 Jul 24, '11, 7:58 am

So I had sort of let the issue of covering my head in Church slip under the carpet a bit recently because I am covering right now......mainly because it is summer and because I have lovely flowery outfits to go with my lovely straw hat and it is perfect for summer. So I have an excuse.

Well ,yesterday because I was searching for facinators ( the new English hat/headband) I came across a Christian Headcovering Directory web site. http://headcovering.webs.com by a lady in FL. She has some excellent links split into Catholic HC Directory, Protestant HC directory and even Jewish teaching on HC which has some fascinating and insightful articles. I especially loved some of the insights in the "Rebbetzin Feige on Hair Covering" link . She goes into reasons for modesty also.
As we know ,Paul, in his letter to the Corintians that is the basis for most people for the teaching on women covering their heads, was talking to gentiles and Paul, although raised as a very orthodox Jew, also was the one who argued against the need for the Gentiles to become Jews and circumcise themselves to come under the 'law' in order to follow Jesus. So we know that when he said "we recognize no other practice" nor did any other Church he was teaching something that was very important for Christian women. It was NOT a 'cultural norm that we no longer do' as I have heard by a priest as an argument against the need for women to cover.
I am getting there I think my last hurdle is really my husband....how do I talk to him without him thinking I have gone off the deep end/ I feel that without his knowledge and approval of me covering for a reason other than fashion it lacks its full meaning .

lizaanne · #2 Jul 25, '11, 6:54 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maryann C

I am getting there I think my last hurdle is really my husband....how do I talk to him without him thinking I have gone off the deep end/ I feel that without his knowledge and approval of me covering for a reason other than fashion it lacks its full meaning .

Then just talk to him.

Sit him down and tell him why you feel you would like to do this, your reasoning, supporting information, and that it is a very personal decision and you would like his support and encouragement.

Don't go in being combative or feeling like you will be opposed. Just explain to him why you think this is important for you to do, and offer to answer any questions he might have, or any discomfort he might feel knowing you will have your head covered.

~Liza

Maryann C · #3 Jul 26, '11, 6:26 am

Thanks .......not always as easy as one thinks. Especially when this weekend after Church I wanted to talk about it and said something like " I want to talk to talk to you about something" his response was shocking and he has no idea where it came from either......he said " you want to become a nun?" .

lizaanne · #4 Jul 26, '11, 6:57 am

It's only because it's foreign to him and he doesn't understand. It's a break from the norm, and not everyone is comfortable with that. Just go slow, answer his questions, and I'm sure he will be fine with it in the long run.

~Liza

MissRose73 · #5 Jul 27, '11, 9:15 am

I hope God will open his heart and his mind to your decision. I only hope some day my own mother will accept my choice also but at least my godchildren respect it which is great, and they are have been Catholics for a short period of time.

Maryann C · #6 Jul 28, '11, 10:47 am

I have decided not to talk to him about it rather to trust that if it is what I am called to do then God will use my husband as my final confirmation. I totally understand the concept of needing to veiled on the heart first and I most definitely am.
God has used my husband before with me in a very clear message that was a precise answer to my prayer. It would be so totally alien coming from my husband that I would know it was from non other than God.
This is how I finally entered the Catholic Church . He only suggested " why don't you become Catholic" after 18 years of marriage and attending mass together every Sunday for all of those years , raising the kids Catholic . That was as we were driving to NY ....he never is a talker when he drives and it was totally out of the blue he had no idea where it came from BUT I did because it was the confirmation sign I had prayed for only recently. I had been struggling with my fence sitting, searching for the truth and grappling with all the usual objections that had been taught by my Lutheran mother ,for at least 3 years seriously at that point.

lizaanne · #7 Jul 28, '11, 11:21 am

Keep us posted, Maryann, and let us know how it goes for you. Will keep you, and your husband, in my prayers!

~Liza

Maryann C · #8 Jul 29, '11, 5:46 am

Thank you. i am also very thankful for this forum since I don't have a spiritual director or anyone else i can really discuss this with.

Teresa_lyn23 · #9 Sep 24, '11, 4:33 pm

The thing I like most about this is groups is that someone has already gone through what I am going through and has posted about it. '

I am going to talk about it with my husband this weekend. I am very nervous because he is in the military and has a very negative view of woman in berka's (ie muslims), so I am not sure how he is going to react. Maybe the need I feel to cover is as much for him as it is me.

MissRose73 · #10 Sep 25, '11, 6:10 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Teresa_lyn23

The thing I like most about this is groups is that someone has already gone through what I am going through and has posted about it. '

I am going to talk about it with my husband this weekend. I am very nervous because he is in the military and has a very negative view of woman in berka's (ie muslims), so I am not sure how he is going to react. Maybe the need I feel to cover is as much for him as it is me.

I hope your husband accepts it. I would show him St Paul's passage in 1st Corinthians if he has an issue with it. Its not like you are veiling full time as required for women in so many Middle Eastern cultures and/or religions. You are only doing so when at Mass for a few hours each week.

Maryann C · #11 Sep 25, '11, 8:20 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Teresa_lyn23

The thing I like most about this is groups is that someone has already gone through what I am going through and has posted about it. '

I am going to talk about it with my husband this weekend. I am very nervous because he is in the military and has a very negative view of woman in berka's (ie muslims), so I am not sure how he is going to react. Maybe the need I feel to cover is as much for him as it is me.

I think Miss Rose made a good point but I also understand where you are concerned. My husband is also in the military and we have been very much connected with the issue you mention ever since 9/11. I think it is one of the subconscious reasons for my hesitancy BUT what I have recently begun to see and read is personal testimony from young Muslim women in America who are freely choosing to cover . Even though I object to much of that belief system I admire the stand these young women are freely taking.

Teresa_lyn23 · #12 Sep 26, '11, 3:12 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maryann C

I think Miss Rose made a good point but I also understand where you are concerned. My husband is also in the military and we have been very much connected with the issue you mention ever since 9/11. I think it is one of the subconscious reasons for my hesitancy BUT what I have recently begun to see and read is personal testimony from young Muslim women in America who are freely choosing to cover . Even though I object to much of that belief system I admire the stand these young women are freely taking.

That is exactly where I am coming from. They have the choice to cover and follow where God is leading them. But to ridicule or confront someone who does freely cover is the same as punishing or beating women who do not. I am very hopeful that I will not encounter too much fuss.

I was ready to talk to my husband last night. He announced he was going to bed so I got an article about covering ready and had my bible opened to 1 Cor. had pictures of the headcovering I had ordered and then I waited.... He fell asleep in the recliner and slept there all night. Urrrgh. I think I will have to get him tonight before the football game if he comes home from work early enough.

lo_amo87 · #13 Sep 26, '11, 4:18 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Teresa_lyn23

I was ready to talk to my husband last night. He announced he was going to bed so I got an article about covering ready and had my bible opened to 1 Cor. had pictures of the headcovering I had ordered and then I waited.... He fell asleep in the recliner and slept there all night. Urrrgh. I think I will have to get him tonight before the football game if he comes home from work early enough.

You can do it!!! Will be praying for you!!!!

Teresa_lyn23 · #14 Oct 1, '11, 3:12 pm

Ok, I did it. I talked to my husband a couple of days ago. Gave him my spill he just said "OK". Did really even bat an eye.

Then, I went to mass tonight, our church only has 1 service, the 4:00 pm Saturday mass. I was scheduled as a lector and Eucharistic minister so I was really nervous because I was going to be up on the altar 3 times not to mention see half the congregation for communion. So anyway I just wore a scarf that covered the top of my head and tied it underneath my hair (measure 9 x 56). It wasn't fancy but still looked nice. It is one that I've had for a while I got a couple looks, one was from our priest who kinda looked at me after church, I think he wanted to ask me about it but decided to air on the side of caution. It wasn't disapproval, more curiosity. So anyway he just talked to me about everything else.

Then, when I got home my daughter (who did not go to mass) made a crack about "Was I trying to be a gypsy?" So then I told my husband and he said without even looking up "Why would you care what she thinks?" So that was it.

OK, exhale. It gets easy from here right? At least next week I can sit in my pew and be invisible, sort of. I have some things ordered from Garland of Grace which will look better than a regular scarf and I am thinking about getting a snood and a mantilla now. I may make my mantilla because the one I like is $38.00 and I have a pretty nice sewing machine.

lo_amo87 · #15 Oct 1, '11, 4:15 pm

That's so great!!! I'm glad your DH didn't get weird about it. And if your daughter would listen, you should take the opportunity to explain your reasons for covering!