Protestant vs Catholic Jokes # 5 - Page 4

Christian polk · #46 Aug 26, '11, 5:14 am

There was a lost sheep he had only two teeth one was broken they other was yellow....Now the prot had heard with his little little ear that the catholics enjoy confectionery sales, so he entered the church of GOD YES INDEED THE CATHOLIC church, and heard a voice, it bellowed you are so so, so mister prot pulled out his two front teeth and ignored the pain, for which the father replied,

Young lad welcome and enjoy the rappers sale, yougetit,,,,,,POW..........

tHATS ALL folks................................... ........................................ ........................................ ..

Lost_Sheep · #47 Aug 26, '11, 3:27 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Christian polk

There was a lost sheep he had only two teeth one was broken they other was yellow....Now the prot had heard with his little little ear that the catholics enjoy confectionery sales, so he entered the church of GOD YES INDEED THE CATHOLIC church, and heard a voice, it bellowed you are so so, so mister prot pulled out his two front teeth and ignored the pain, for which the father replied,

Young lad welcome and enjoy the rappers sale, yougetit,,,,,,POW..........

tHATS ALL folks................................... ........................................ ........................................ ..

Huh?

**GEddie** · #48 Aug 26, '11, 4:41 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lost_Sheep

Huh?

I didn't get it either.

donsnow · #49 Aug 27, '11, 5:08 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by GEddie

I didn't get it either.

me neither.

donsnow · #50 Aug 27, '11, 5:12 am

"According to new polls, 66 percent of Americans believe the country is headed in the wrong direction. But, the good news is, gas is so expensive and traffic is so bad that we won't get there for a long time." - Jay Leno

**GEddie** · #51 Aug 28, '11, 10:39 pm

A Jewish child is flunking math; after cajolery, bribes, threats and punishments have no effect on the child's learning performance, the father takes the drastic step of enrolling the boy in the local Catholic school.

The first math test he takes there, the boy makes 76%.

The second, he gets 85%.

And the third, 91%!

"Son," the father exclaims; "what about the new school has led you to success in math?"

The boy replied: "Well, father, when I saw the young man nailed to the plus sign, I knew I was in bad trouble"!!!!!!!!!

cthulhubryan · #52 Aug 30, '11, 11:29 am

There were two nuns

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),

and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past 38 ½ minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to violate us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

A little while later...

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in 1 minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM : Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL : Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.

**GEddie** · #53 Aug 30, '11, 12:21 pm

LOL!

Two sisters are walking down a darkened street when an unsavoury young man starts to follow them.

The older of the sisters turns round and yells:

"Stop young man!! Sister Helen here knows karaoke, and she'll USE IT!!!!!!!"

Lost_Sheep · #54 Aug 30, '11, 3:50 pm

Q. Why can't Episcopalians play chess?

A. Because they can't tell a Bishop from a Queen.

donsnow · #55 Sep 1, '11, 6:39 am

Good morning, all,

Great jokes.

Marines and Sailors

Two Marines go into a bar where a few women are at the bar and five sailors at a table. One Marine sets at the bar near the women. There's a huge mirror on the wall behind the bar, the mirror as long as the bar. The other Marine joins the sailors at their table.

After awhile, the Marine at the table nods toward the mirror, and the Marine at the bar bets the bartender $5 that he has a mole on his left shoulder. The bartender, an attractive hunk of a man, takes off his T-shirt and turns around. There is no mole on his left shoulder. The Marine pays his $5 and looks at his friend at the sailors' table.

There, all the sailors are giving money to that other Marine. One of the sailors went to the bar, and asked the bartender, "Roscoe, why did you take off your T-shirt?"

Roscoe: "I won a five dollar bet with this Marine. Why?"

Sailor, "Because the other Marine bet each of us five dollars that within five minutes of his bet, you would take off your T-shirt."

The_Scott · #56 Sep 2, '11, 6:57 pm

I made this myself a while ago.

See attached image, below.

Peace.

Lost_Sheep · #57 Sep 3, '11, 4:41 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Scott

I made this myself a while ago.

See attached image, below.

Peace.

You'd be surprised how many non-Catholic people ask me why we named one of our higher-ranking clerics after a bird. Actually, of course, it's the other way around.

Lost_Sheep · #58 Sep 3, '11, 4:43 am

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but there are more Catholic churches there than casinos. Not surprisingly, some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.

Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings.

The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to their respective casinos and cashed in.

This sorting is done by the….

[wait for it….]

….Chip Monks.

**GEddie** · #59 Sep 3, '11, 4:45 am

Q: How do you chase a Unitarian out of your community???

A: Burn a question mark on his lawn.

**GEddie** · #60 Sep 3, '11, 4:50 am

A young boy was starting school in a new city where his military parents were stationed.

As usual among kids, he was being heckled by the others. "Your mom wears army boots!" came the slogan.

He answered, coolheadedly: "Sure she does; doesn't everybody's????"