Stupid Stuff

[didymus]

"Accident porn area" -- is that where they film programs like World's Worst Drivers?

[The Reginator]

"And here with the news is Phil Mee-in."
(I actually heard that on the radio a long time ago. It took a few seconds for the pun to sink in.)

[Peggy in Burien]

Originally Posted by didymus

I've got to send that to the grandkids--they love Angry Birds!

[Peggy in Burien]

Originally Posted by didymus

My constituents on Pluto thank you for posting this. We tend to ignore NASA, because they are based on Earth, which is an Inner Planet, and not in our realm.

Sincerely,

Peggy, Queen of Titan and the Outer Planets (including Pluto), Empress of the Outbound Stars

[Peggy in Burien]

Here is one when I wish there could be a picture:

True story.

My elderly relative is a resident at a local Catholic nursing home. He keeps active by propelling his wheelchair (with his feet) along the long hallways of the home. He keeps track of his mileage (they measured the hallway for him) on a map. His goal is to go around the world, visiting different cities. In this nursing home, he is known to all as the Travelling Man.

In addition, he is a 4th Degree Knight of Columbus. Two weeks ago, his council decided to hold their monthly potluck at the nursing home, so he could participate. Of course they wrote this up in the newsletter which was received this week.

Under his photo was written:

"Jim is always interested in the activities of the council, and is always happy to have visitors, where you can catch him cursing the hallways." (bolding mine)

He's gotten lots of ribbing from the staff for that. I don't think Jim has uttered a curse word in his entire life!

[The Reginator]

Originally Posted by Peggy in Burien

Here is one when I wish there could be a picture:

True story.

My elderly relative is a resident at a local Catholic nursing home. He keeps active by propelling his wheelchair (with his feet) along the long hallways of the home. He keeps track of his mileage (they measured the hallway for him) on a map. His goal is to go around the world, visiting different cities. In this nursing home, he is known to all as the Travelling Man.

In addition, he is a 4th Degree Knight of Columbus. Two weeks ago, his council decided to hold their monthly potluck at the nursing home, so he could participate. Of course they wrote this up in the newsletter which was received this week.

Under his photo was written:

"Jim is always interested in the activities of the council, and is always happy to have visitors, where you can catch him cursing the hallways." (bolding mine)

He's gotten lots of ribbing from the staff for that. I don't think Jim has uttered a curse word in his entire life!

[The Reginator]

The Beat Farmers-Happy Boy

[The Reginator]

These simply deserve to be re-posted.

Originally Posted by didymus

All stolen from Mark Shea's blog:

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly.
"It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know, I amputated your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...And pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.

After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.
"But why," they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said. "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)...A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.

21. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

[didymus]

[didymus]

Wives, take note:

[didymus]

[didymus]

[The Reginator]

Speaking of doormats ...

[didymus]

I never knew cameras could be racist.Wonder if the ones in China say "Is someone startled?" when a European is in the frame.

[didymus]