Catholic FAQ


Latest Threads
newest posts



Go Back   Catholic Answers Forums > Forums > Apologetics > Moral Theology
 

Welcome to Catholic Answers Forums, the largest Catholic Community on the Web.

Here you can join over 400,000 members from around the world discussing all things Catholic. Membership is open to all, Catholic and non-Catholic alike, who seek the Truth with Charity.

To gain full access, you must register for a FREE account. Registered members are able to:
  • Submit questions about the faith to experts from Catholic Answers
  • Participate in all forum discussions
  • Communicate privately with Catholics from around the world
  • Plus join a prayer group, read with the Book Club, and much more.
Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free. So join our community today!

Have a question about registration or your account log-in? Just contact our Support Hotline.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search Thread Display
  #1  
Old Jun 13, '05, 3:10 pm
mariainman mariainman is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: June 13, 2005
Posts: 44
Religion: Catholic
Default Can I go to my Catholic Daughter's non Catholic Wedding

I raised my daughter to be a Catholic. Last year she was going to get married to her baby's father in the Catholic Church. She called it off. This year she is going to marry the same man outside the Catholic Church. My mother(her Grandmother)refuses to attend the wedding. Personally I would rather not go but I think it would create more friction than we already have.She has no good reason why she can't get married except that she says she isn't Catholic anymore. I need some good Catholic advise on whether I should go to her wedding or not? What would a priest say?Thanks in advance
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old Jun 13, '05, 3:52 pm
Marysgirl Marysgirl is offline
Junior Member
Book Club Member
 
Join Date: February 20, 2005
Posts: 147
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: Can I go to my Catholic Daughter's non Catholic Wedding

I can't imagine not going to your daughters wedding. I think you will regret it forever if you don't. When my daughter got married almost 20yrs ago, a couple who were like second parents to her refused to go because they didn't approve. They have been sorry for every year that passed. They said they would never make that decision again if they had it to do over again. When you do something like that you can't undo it. It can cause a hurt with your daughter that will remain through the years. You're her mother, you belong there. Pray for her but be there.
__________________

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare, not for woe! plans to give you a future full of hope.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old Jun 13, '05, 4:48 pm
Katie1723 Katie1723 is offline
Forum Elder
Prayer Warrior
Book Club Member
 
Join Date: January 29, 2005
Posts: 30,751
Religion: Catholic
Send a message via AIM to Katie1723
Talking Re: Can I go to my Catholic Daughter's non Catholic Wedding

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marysgirl
I can't imagine not going to your daughters wedding. ..........
By all means go! You will regret it if you don't. And I believe that your priest would tell you the same thing. It may be the first step in her returning to the faith !
~ Kathy ~
__________________
To the "Keeper of my dreams", and singer of "Longfellow's Serenade", and my "One Good Love"...It was no accident, me finding you. Someone had a hand in it, long before we ever knew.....
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old Jun 13, '05, 7:20 pm
Thekla Thekla is offline
Account Under Review
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: March 19, 2005
Posts: 4,438
Religion: Roman Catholic
Default Love her and go.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mariainman
She has no good reason why she can't get married except that she says she isn't Catholic anymore. I need some good Catholic advise on whether I should go to her wedding or not? What would a priest say?Thanks in advance
I know what our priest would say; that if your reason for not going is because it's not a Catholic wedding, then you should go. Pray that she builds a strong family and that one day she comes back to the Church. If you can, look at the positive aspects and be happy for her.

Our family went through a wedding dilemna a few years ago. My uncle's widow announced that the parish priest was leaving the priesthood and they were to be married. No one really talked about it because we were stunned silent. The wedding was in another state so people could have gotten out of going. However, even my daily mass going aunts were there. You have to support and love family
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old Jun 13, '05, 7:44 pm
John Higgins John Higgins is offline
Regular Member
 
Join Date: May 19, 2004
Posts: 1,427
Religion: Roman Catholic
Default Re: Can I go to my Catholic Daughter's non Catholic Wedding

Go, Go, go. Don't even think of not going.



John
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old Jun 13, '05, 8:24 pm
CarrieMG CarrieMG is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: January 25, 2005
Posts: 63
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: Can I go to my Catholic Daughter's non Catholic Wedding

I also think that you should go. However before hand, I suggest a good heart to heart with your daughter about the sacrament of marriage and the grace that results from it. Try to talk to her about why she does not consider herself Catholic. Faith is such an important part of life. Help her to see that she starts her family and married life on a better foot by accepting the gift of God's grace through the sacrament of marriage. I am not sure what a priest would tell you. My uncle who is a priest and who attended all other nieces/nephews' weddings said he could not attend my one cousin's wedding because she was a practicing Catholic who got married in the Baptist church. Have you asked your parish priest?
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old Jun 13, '05, 11:14 pm
mariainman mariainman is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: June 13, 2005
Posts: 44
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: Can I go to my Catholic Daughter's non Catholic Wedding

I have not asked my parish priest yet for if he says don't go I won't. I read recently that it makes a mockery out of the Institution of Marriage to support a Catholic that refuses to get married in the Church. I need to hear a conservative view to know if it is strong enought to support my not wanting to attend. If I don't find justification not to go I will probably go reluctantly.But I can not pretend to be happy for her, she would see through it anyway.Most of the advise says I will regret it if I don't go but I wonder if I will regret not following my Conscience by going.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old Jun 14, '05, 12:48 pm
porchwork porchwork is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: August 12, 2004
Posts: 21
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: Can I go to my Catholic Daughter's non Catholic Wedding

My oldest daughter married outside the Catholic Church 15 years ago. He had to get an annulement before they could marry in the church so they didn't want to wait. She was in college and hadn't known him all that long. Anyway, I wasn't going to the wedding but finally I gave in and went because she talked my sister into having it at her house and not actually in some other church. If I had it to do over again, I would not have gone to the wedding outside the Church. Not because I don't love my daughter or want her to be happy but because it was the wrong thing to do, in my opinion. I stood there in support of this arrangement and ignored the beliefs of the church. Catholic's who aren't married in the church are not married in the eyes of the church. So therefore I supported this arrangment. Since then, they have had their marriage blessed by the church.

Not going is very tough and you have to judge your own situation but after that marriage I decided that I wouldn't go to weddings of people who should be married in the church but chose not to be. I have missed weddings of several neices and my sister. They understood why and there are no hard feeling. I have a daughter who was pregnant and she knew I wouldn't go to the wedding if they got married out of the church so she hung in there and married in the church as soon as she could. But I just felt like it was more important to stand up for what I believe than go along with the crowd. God didn't promise us it would be easy but he promised he would be with us. I have more regret from going to the wedding I shouldn't have gone to than missing the ones that I did.

But, everyone is different and you have to think things through and decide what is right for you. That is what I did and why I have taken the stand I took.

BB
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old Jun 14, '05, 1:44 pm
Amie Amie is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: May 19, 2004
Posts: 71
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: Can I go to my Catholic Daughter's non Catholic Wedding

Go. At least, if this man isn't the right one for her, it may be easier to get an annullment later.. Sigh.. It's a cold fact, but true. I put my mom through a lot of worry in my early twenties. I almost married the worst man possible, and yet, she supported and loved me through it and tried to be happy for me. Partly due to her love, and especially her prayers, I got out of that relationship and married a wonderful Catholic guy who I adore. Because she was there for me no matter what was a bigger testament to me than if she had totally abandoned me during a very confusing, stressful, time in my life. Be that for her. You love her, and know you want to go, so go.

Here's a good quote that has helped me get through those times with family and friends who are so lost, I wonder how they can stand it.

"Is your faith so right, are you so blessed? Everybody wanders through the forest.. is your heart so true, are you that good? Everybody wanders through the woods, everybody wanders through the wilderness."

She's just a-wandering right now. Be a good example, and stay a strong Catholic and loving.. Being Catholic is in her roots.. she'll never get away from that!

God bless,
-Amie
__________________
"The only way out is through" H.D Thoreau
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old Jun 14, '05, 4:35 pm
mariainman mariainman is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: June 13, 2005
Posts: 44
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: Can I go to my Catholic Daughter's non Catholic Wedding

Thank you all so much for responding to my question about going to my daughter's wedding. I took you advise and talked to my parish priest. He told me it was a dilemna but that he thought that I should go. He said that I should leave the door open so that she could come back in time. I am grateful for all your responses. I think I will go. I know my husband would want me to be there, so I should honor his wishes since it is not against the Church to go.
I really just want to do the right thing and this is one occasion that I am not sure what is right.I will pray for guidance. Thanks again for all the input.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old Jun 14, '05, 6:17 pm
Anna Elizabeth Anna Elizabeth is offline
Regular Member
 
Join Date: May 20, 2004
Posts: 577
Default Re: Can I go to my Catholic Daughter's non Catholic Wedding

Quote:
Originally Posted by mariainman
. I took you advise and talked to my parish priest. He told me it was a dilemna but that he thought that I should go. He said that I should leave the door open so that she could come back in time. I am grateful for all your responses. I think I will go. I know my husband would want me to be there, so I should honor his wishes since it is not against the Church to go.
I really just want to do the right thing and this is one occasion that I am not sure what is right.I will pray for guidance. Thanks again for all the input.
I could not do it. The priest will not live with this; you will. Throughout the rest of your life, even if things work out later, you will remember what you went through, and you and you alone will have this empty feeling.

This will be true, even if she formally renounces her Catholic faith, in which case, of course, you could attend the wedding - small consolation - but the sadness will remain. There is just no good way to put a happy or even contented face on this.

One thing I know: All the many times in my life that I "went along to get along" to keep the peace have been pointless. Each compromise, each concession just made it easier for the compromise and concession demanders to ask a little more, to press a little harder.

And I think that it wasn't love for my family, but rather self-love that motivated me.

.

Anna
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old Jun 18, '05, 12:06 pm
Callie Callie is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: June 9, 2004
Posts: 43
Smile Re: Can I go to my Catholic Daughter's non Catholic Wedding

My son, who knows his faith, but wasn't living it, got married at a place that caters to weddings. Last year after 5 or 6 years, they had a Catholic wedding and had their son baptized. I didn't attend the first one, but I was more than delighted to attend when he made it a sacramental marriage.

I don't see how a person can go and celebrate a non marriage. Isn't that tantamount to celebrating fornication. We worry about hurting family feelings, but doesn't that put God and His Will on the back burner?
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old Jun 18, '05, 12:47 pm
Katie1723 Katie1723 is offline
Forum Elder
Prayer Warrior
Book Club Member
 
Join Date: January 29, 2005
Posts: 30,751
Religion: Catholic
Send a message via AIM to Katie1723
Default Re: Can I go to my Catholic Daughter's non Catholic Wedding

Quote:
Originally Posted by Callie
........I don't see how a person can go and celebrate a non marriage. Isn't that tantamount to celebrating fornication. We worry about hurting family feelings, but doesn't that put God and His Will on the back burner?
Does God only love those who are like minded?? He loves us ALL.
ANd you were not celebrating fornication. You were/would have been showing LOVE.
~ Kathy ~
__________________
To the "Keeper of my dreams", and singer of "Longfellow's Serenade", and my "One Good Love"...It was no accident, me finding you. Someone had a hand in it, long before we ever knew.....
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old Jun 20, '05, 7:21 am
porchwork porchwork is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: August 12, 2004
Posts: 21
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: Can I go to my Catholic Daughter's non Catholic Wedding

[7
I don't see how a person can go and celebrate a non marriage. Isn't that tantamount to celebrating fornication. We worry about hurting family feelings, but doesn't that put God and His Will on the back burner?[/quote]

I agree with you Callie. We have to worry more about what is right in the eyes of God than who will be mad at us. I have missed several weddings of Catholic family who have chosen not to marry in the church for one reason or another and I still love them and they still love me. They understand and don't have a problem with it. I had to take a stand on this in order to be a good example for my children. They are watching what we do and watching to see what is important to us and what isn't. I expect them to be married in the church and if I support people who aren't then I am telling them I have different standards for others. The church does not regcognize a marriage of Catholics outside the church. In essence they are turning their back on the church and her teachings. I can't support that and celebrate it.

God Bless
bb
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old Jun 20, '05, 11:13 am
On my way On my way is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: June 16, 2005
Posts: 358
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: Can I go to my Catholic Daughter's non Catholic Wedding

Quote:
Originally Posted by mariainman
I raised my daughter to be a Catholic. Last year she was going to get married to her baby's father in the Catholic Church. She called it off. This year she is going to marry the same man outside the Catholic Church. My mother(her Grandmother)refuses to attend the wedding. Personally I would rather not go but I think it would create more friction than we already have.She has no good reason why she can't get married except that she says she isn't Catholic anymore. I need some good Catholic advise on whether I should go to her wedding or not? What would a priest say?Thanks in advance
It would be the best if you did attend your daughters wedding. She was obviously convinced by someone who is against the teachings of the Catholic Church, who told her not to get married in a Catholic Church and denounce her Fatih as a Catholic. If your daughter has recieved the Sacrament of Baptisim then there is no way she can say she is not a Catholic anymore. She is a Catholic who has lost her way and as her mother you should find a way to bring her back. For us Catholics, The more Catholics we lose, the more Satan is smiling.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Go Back   Catholic Answers Forums > Forums > Apologetics > Moral Theology

Bookmarks

Thread Tools Search Thread
Search Thread:

Advanced Search
Display

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



Prayer Intentions

Most Active Groups
8049Meet and talk,talk talk
Last by: KayleighPigg
4829CAF Prayer Warriors Support Group
Last by: Vim71
4295Devotion to the Sorrowful Mother
Last by: James_OPL
4027OCD/Scrupulosity Group
Last by: fencersmother
3813SOLITUDE
Last by: Prairie Rose
3377Let's empty Purgatory
Last by: RJB
3184Catholic Vegetarians & Vegans
Last by: libralion
3150Poems and Reflections
Last by: PathWalker
2963For seniors and shut- ins
Last by: 4Jessie
2703Petitions Before the Blessed Sacrament
Last by: grateful_child



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:32 pm.

Home RSS Feeds - Home - Archive - Top

Copyright © 2004-2013, Catholic Answers.