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  #1  
Old Jun 15, '05, 9:46 pm
KHFW KHFW is offline
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Red face Secret Crushes

To all, please pray for me...and him:

I have developed a secret crush on a young and handsome priest in my parish. Recently, he was assigned to another parish and my wedding is no longer officiate by him. I am absolutlely crushed. Please pray for me to help me fight this temptation and for his new endeavour.
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  #2  
Old Jun 15, '05, 9:56 pm
Celia Celia is offline
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Default Re: Secret Crushes

I'll pray for you. That is a difficult situation. Perhaps though it's for the best for you not to have that temptation in front of you as you're about to be married. Might be a blessing in disguise that he's leaving, you know? Good luck, prayers on the way.

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  #3  
Old Jun 15, '05, 10:03 pm
JimG JimG is offline
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Default Re: Secret Crushes

It's not all that uncommon to develop a crush on a priest. But if neither party does anything to encourage it, it will diminish naturally even though it may seem intense now.
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  #4  
Old Jun 15, '05, 10:07 pm
Pax Pax is offline
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Default Re: Secret Crushes

You are in my prayers.
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  #5  
Old Jun 15, '05, 10:20 pm
AlanFromWichita AlanFromWichita is offline
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Default Re: Secret Crushes

Quote:
Originally Posted by KHFW
To all, please pray for me...and him:

I have developed a secret crush on a young and handsome priest in my parish. Recently, he was assigned to another parish and my wedding is no longer officiate by him. I am absolutlely crushed. Please pray for me to help me fight this temptation and for his new endeavour.
First, I'll pray a prayer of thanks to God that he will not officiate. All you don't need on your wedding day is to stand there looking straight into the eyes of a man you have unresolved feelings for while promising your fidelity to another man.

Second, you didn't ask for advice, but if you haven't already, you might make a reasonable attempt at discerning whether this problem indicates a risk to your upcoming marriage.

When we have young and handsome associate priests at our parish, girls often flock around them, and even tease them. One ended up quitting the priesthood I've heard. As you undoubtedly know, chances are there are quite a few other women of different ages that have this problem, with this one priest even. I have some experience at dealing with spousal attraction to a public figure; it does not have to hurt your marriage but it certainly could depending on your particular situation.

Good luck to you, and please keep us posted. How soon is the wedding?

Alan
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  #6  
Old Jun 16, '05, 12:55 pm
sassy11 sassy11 is offline
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Default Re: Secret Crushes

If you are getting married and have a crush on a another man, it just means you are not ready for marriage. You sound young and immature. My advice don't get married.
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  #7  
Old Jun 16, '05, 1:11 pm
EsclavoDeCristo EsclavoDeCristo is offline
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Red face Re: Secret Crushes

Quote:
Originally Posted by KHFW
To all, please pray for me...and him:

I have developed a secret crush on a young and handsome priest in my parish. Recently, he was assigned to another parish and my wedding is no longer officiate by him. I am absolutlely crushed. Please pray for me to help me fight this temptation and for his new endeavour.
First of all I will be praying for you, your fiance and for the priest.

Second of all, why are you crushed that he is assigned to another parish? It is good that he will not be so close to you, thus diminishing an occasion of sin.

Did you take these feelings towards him as anything more than feelings? He is a priest and is already in his vocation. No matter how you feel you should not try and start anything with him. If anything you should stay far away and pray for him.

At first, I would have disagreed with some of the other posters who say that if you have a crush on the priest maybe you aren't ready to be married. Just because you have feelings of attraction to a young handsome Godly man is no reason not to get married. However, that being said, if you took these feelings and interriorized them and thought seriously about you and the priest there may be a problem. Only you know how serious this "crush" is/was.

Was there more than just a pastoral relationship between you and the priest? Have you told your fiance about this whole situation? These are all things to consider.

Once again, know that we are all praying for you. God bless you and have confidence in the providence and grace of God and the aid of our Blessed Mother!
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  #8  
Old Jun 16, '05, 4:29 pm
misericordie misericordie is offline
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Default Re: Secret Crushes

Quote:
Originally Posted by KHFW
To all, please pray for me...and him:

I have developed a secret crush on a young and handsome priest in my parish. Recently, he was assigned to another parish and my wedding is no longer officiate by him. I am absolutlely crushed. Please pray for me to help me fight this temptation and for his new endeavour.
You must try to eliminate this from your heart. This is a diabolical inspiration. He is a priest, and you have no business even secretly having these feelings. Sorry for being blunt, but this is very serious matter. See him as if he were a brother of yours. This is the natural inclination to lust all humans have and must battle against.
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  #9  
Old Jun 16, '05, 4:31 pm
misericordie misericordie is offline
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Default Re: Secret Crushes

Quote:
Originally Posted by sassy11
If you are getting married and have a crush on a another man, it just means you are not ready for marriage. You sound young and immature. My advice don't get married.
I agree.
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  #10  
Old Jun 16, '05, 8:18 pm
JimG JimG is offline
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Default Re: Secret Crushes

Really, I don't think it's a diabolical inspiration or an indication that the OP is not ready to marry. It's just a crush. It will pass.

I recall reading an article by a priest--wish I could remember where--who recounted a very similar situation. He was approached by a married woman who said she wanted to discuss a serious matter with him over lunch.

He replied that he did not go to lunch alone with women but they could discuss the matter in his office. She then told him that she had 'fallen in love' with him and didn't know what to do.

He told her that these feelings, if not acted upon, would be gone within 6 months.

Some months later, at a parish function, she again approached him. "Father," she said, do you remember the matter we talked about some months back?"

"Yes," he said, somewhat worried.

"Well," she said, "you were right."

The point is, feelings are temporary. If not accompanied by actions--and they should NOT be--this crush will also be temporary.
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  #11  
Old Jun 16, '05, 9:05 pm
KHFW KHFW is offline
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Default Re: Secret Crushes

I would like to clarify.

First of all, my fiance and I had already had a civil marriage. Out of respect of our faith, we wanted to do it the right way, the catholic way. We were ask by our priest to stay chaste and we have. I think it takes two mature person to stay true to our promises.

Second of all, I am in my late 20's, a professional and have worked in the corporate world for years. I am not a teenager who have a crush on a priest just because. I have this feeling for this priest because he is smart, his deep thinking, his ability to serve and his good looks. My faith has been my life. I don't have lustful feelings, just a crush on a priest. I never wanted to pursue any further than just a thought.

I respect all the priests especially in a world that is polluted with sex. Being a priest is a huge committment to God for life, just like a marriage, two individuals commit to each other for life. Just like any other brides-to-be, I don't want to have things start to go against my way during the planning process, especially my 'favorite' priest not being able to do my wedding. I am asking for your prayers so I can fight this thought, I am asking for support, not to attack me.
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  #12  
Old Jun 16, '05, 9:53 pm
misericordie misericordie is offline
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Default Re: Secret Crushes

Quote:
Originally Posted by KHFW
I would like to clarify.

First of all, my fiance and I had already had a civil marriage. Out of respect of our faith, we wanted to do it the right way, the catholic way. We were ask by our priest to stay chaste and we have. I think it takes two mature person to stay true to our promises.

Second of all, I am in my late 20's, a professional and have worked in the corporate world for years. I am not a teenager who have a crush on a priest just because. I have this feeling for this priest because he is smart, his deep thinking, his ability to serve and his good looks. My faith has been my life. I don't have lustful feelings, just a crush on a priest. I never wanted to pursue any further than just a thought.

I respect all the priests especially in a world that is polluted with sex. Being a priest is a huge committment to God for life, just like a marriage, two individuals commit to each other for life. Just like any other brides-to-be, I don't want to have things start to go against my way during the planning process, especially my 'favorite' priest not being able to do my wedding. I am asking for your prayers so I can fight this thought, I am asking for support, not to attack me.
It's not about attacking as you put it: rather it is reason over feelings. Logically, is a priest available for women? No=celibacy. Secondly, if you developed a crush for him, what is going to happen everytime you meet a "smart" deep thinker with "good looks"? The fact that you even mention "good looks" says something. What if he were a deep thinker etc but did not have as you mention, "good looks"? If would be best if that crush were for your fiance. Maybe you would like to discuss this with a DIFFERENT OLDER priest?? This is one reason why many good priests don't develope familiarities with women and seem distant with them. I personallly if I were a priest (I am not) would only see them in Confession, and only in a visible office with others walking around and the door open. Works for the Opus Dei fathers.
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  #13  
Old Jun 16, '05, 10:05 pm
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Bruised Reed Bruised Reed is offline
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Default Re: Secret Crushes

Quote:
Originally Posted by misericordie
It's not about attacking as you put it: rather it is reason over feelings.

...
I imagine it feels like "attacking" when she asked for prayers and got thoughtless advice, a lecture and was told she's immature.

I second JimG's post.
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  #14  
Old Jun 16, '05, 10:40 pm
KHFW KHFW is offline
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Default Re: Secret Crushes

misericordie
Quote:
It's not about attacking as you put it: rather it is reason over feelings. Logically, is a priest available for women? No=celibacy. Secondly, if you developed a crush for him, what is going to happen everytime you meet a "smart" deep thinker with "good looks"? The fact that you even mention "good looks" says something. What if he were a deep thinker etc but did not have as you mention, "good looks"? If would be best if that crush were for your fiance. Maybe you would like to discuss this with a DIFFERENT OLDER priest?? This is one reason why many good priests don't develope familiarities with women and seem distant with them. I personallly if I were a priest (I am not) would only see them in Confession, and only in a visible office with others walking around and the door open. Works for the Opus Dei fathers.
misericordie: If you support what Sassy11 has to say about my feelings, maybe you should see what Sassy11 posted about "is that a sin to have sexual thoughts of people who she doesn't know and she's married?" Sassy shouldn't even attack others when she is feeling the same way.

Quoting: No=celibacy. Please, if you read my reply carefully, I DO NOT have lustful, sexual thought with the priest, just infatuation. And please, I know what a priest can and cannot do, please do not lecture me on that subject because I have been a catholic all my life. And I do NOT agree a priest should be allowed to marry. Give me a break.

Maybe this is not a forum that offer prayer and support.
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  #15  
Old Jun 17, '05, 3:34 am
AlanFromWichita AlanFromWichita is offline
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Default Re: Secret Crushes

Quote:
Originally Posted by KHFW
Maybe this is not a forum that offer prayer and support.
Oh, now, don't go getting like that. I might call it "pouting" but I do not wish it to sound like I'm calling you "immature."

You are a new poster to these forums. They are in fact a wonderful fountain of prayer and support. They are also a place where people think out loud, sort through issues raised by others, and try to help in many ways.

When I was new on these forums, I was disturbed that some people seemed quick to point out What Was Wrong With My Thinking. As it turned out, with very few exceptions, every single one of these posts were written by people who either had something they wanted to say about Catholicism and you gave them a platform, or they were honestly looking out for my best interest in the best way they knew how.

Considering your assertion that you are not immature, I never thought that you were immature at first, but now I do after seeing how you reacted to what I thought was mostly kind advice, I do have some concerns. The advice you didn't like was likely offered in kindness and you are free to disregard it, but lashing back just makes it seem like you have more issues than what you let on. Coming on a forum and judging the whole thing as useless because of the reaction to one experience you have -- and you have to admit it dealt with a pretty touchy issue -- included other people's personal opinions speaks of a quickness to judge. See, if you stick around a while we'll extract all your problems for you.

Also, if you look at your first post on this thread, you might just see why there was speculation you were immature. First of all, a "crush" with no further explanation is the language of a very young, inexperienced lover. Second, your assertion that you were devastated because the priest was not to officiate was a huge red flag that brings to mind a number of questions, and automatically sets our little Catholic community on alert that there is something deeper that could prevent prayer from even working -- therefore, the concerns expressed really were directly related to your request. How can we pray for you if it sounds like you might be unintentionally blocking them?

There are several cumulative hours of people you don't know on this thread, responding to your terse initial post, trying to help you in any way they could, in addition to praying for you. To write them all off as "maybe this forum isn't a place for prayers" quite frankly, I find a bit childish and personally insulting. If someone makes a wrong assumption on this forum and you correct it, with one exception I have never seen a person not back off. You may truly be saddened that you didn't hear What You Wanted To Hear.

We do get a bit full of ourselves from time to time, and I personally tend to rattle on and open new cans of worms. That said, please understand that every minute and every hour people spent responding to your posts, were done with Your Best Interest in Mind. Occasionally people get mean, but usually they mellow out or get kicked out. If people have wrong impressions, correct them -- you might be surprised at how well we can choke out an apology. When someone asks for prayers, but writes in a way that raises red flags, then we naturally gravitate toward that because you have to bind the strong man in a house before you can take it over.

Now, after offering all that for free, I'll see if I can give you What You Asked For.

God, I pray, and I ask the agreement of others on this forum, that you bless KHFW and help her through this time of confusion for her, to help make her marriage prosper, and for the productive work of the priest involved. Please open her eyes to the goodness you have to offer, and keep her. I ask this through Christ Your Son, our Lord. Amen.

Peace, KHFW, to you. Please know that you are around good people who have only the best intentions toward you.

Alan
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