Should I have my six year old go to confession?

Odell · #1 Nov 16, '11, 6:48 pm

My six year old stole a dog toy from a pet store today. I made her take it back she was so devistated. She really is so amazingly moral and exceptional daughter. I told her that I was proud of her that she took it back. That it's not always easy to do the right thing and face those whom we hurt and that I was extremely proud of her for owning up to it. It turned out to be a good learning lesson like I said she was devestated. She even said she bets none of her friends steal. Anyway she told me on her own she asked God to forgive her. She has yet had first communion but her conceience is well formed enough to know what she did was wrong. Would it be good to further strengthen her conscience by having her go to confession? Would a priest even hear a confession from a six year old? What are your thoughts and have you experienced this?

SMM762 · #2 Nov 16, '11, 7:13 pm

I have a daugher of a similar age and, were she to do something she knew was wrong, then show obvious remorse and regret as it seems your daughter is clearly demonstrating, I would consider it done and finished. At least for my daughter, putting her in a confessional would turn something that could be a strengthening, learning experience into something she felt shame and discomfort over. It would do more harm than good.

I would also be concerned that she'd be less inclined to tell me about her wrong-doings in the future, since she was put in such an intimidating situation over it.

She knows she did something wrong, and won't soon forget it, so what I would do instead is, when it comes time for her to actually go to confession, let her bring it up then. No harm will be done letting her deal with God directly on this one for now.

admonsta · #3 Nov 16, '11, 8:02 pm

The church doesn't consider a child under seven to be at the age of reason yet, so I wouldn't make her go. I'd wait until she has done her training for confession and communion, because if she's too young to make her confession, she won't understand what she's doing anyway, and it may seem more like a punishment to her than a sacrament. Maybe (maybe) remind her to confess it when she does make her first confession, but don't think she has to remember either. Only mortal sins MUST be confessed. Any venial sins we forget are still forgiven (and be assured that this one is not mortal).

Actually, thinking about that, if we confess venial sins directly to God in prayer and ask forgiveness, they are forgiven. It's in here:

http://www.catholic.com/tracts/confession

Maybe tell her to do this.

A couple of my children have taken things from shops and I make them take the items back in and say sorry. That's the end of it. Hasn't happened again.

TheRealJuliane · #4 Nov 16, '11, 8:03 pm

No, don't force that on her. All in good time. Depending on her birthday, she might be 8 before she does her First Eucharist classes. And she will have a much better understanding of why she needs to confess and what she should confess. 6 is too young. Even if she shows remorse, that should be enough. I doubt if the priest would hear her confession since she hasn't learned the form.

Aelred Minor · #5 Nov 16, '11, 8:39 pm

Obviously identifying the age of seven as the age of reason is a convention that will have many exceptions in reality. Some children may come to an understanding of right and wrong (and, with regard to the Eucharist, a sufficient discernment of it from ordinary bread) before or after that age. It sounds like your daughter may already have that understanding, but still it might be best to wait and let her make her first confession when the rest of the kids her age do.

Anyway, I'd probably talk to your priest about whether early first confession is ever done and if he thinks it's a good idea.

VeritasLuxMea · #6 Nov 16, '11, 9:23 pm

You have gotten good advice so far. Be sure that your child understands the context of confession before going, and isn't confused and scared.

ConstantineTG · #7 Nov 16, '11, 9:29 pm

Have her speak to a priest. The priest will determine if the child has sinned or not. Pinning a child's ability to understand on an age is not absolute. As we all know, some kids mature faster than others. The age of 7 is just a general age, more like an average for the population. But we should treat each case individually as each soul is unique.

If you want to approach in philosophically, I've known people in their 20s, 30s, 40s and beyond who has no idea about what they are doing. You can make a case that they are not culpable based on their ignorance.

**catharina** · #8 Nov 16, '11, 10:10 pm

Mighty sad thread.

Who can imagine that a parent knows better than CANON LAW about
the age of reason of any child? The Church calls children under the
age of seven years "infants." Think about it --- you imagine an infant
should go to confession because you, the parent, say so?

Heaven help us.
Really, I'm horrified that this is even under discussion.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Can. 97 §1 A person who has completed the eighteenth year of age, has attained majority; below this age, a person is a minor.

§2 A minor who has not completed the seventh year of age is called an infantand is considered incapable of personal responsibility; on completion of the seventh year, however, the minor is presumed to have the use of reason.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That's it - the LAW of the Church.
Do we need to evaluate each child as to conscience development
at the age of five years or six years??? NO! There is a LAW.

VeritasLuxMea · #9 Nov 16, '11, 10:32 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by catharina

Mighty sad thread.

Who can imagine that a parent knows better than CANON LAW about
the age of reason of any child? The Church calls children under the
age of seven years "infants." Think about it --- you imagine an infant
should go to confession because you, the parent, say so?

Heaven help us.
Really, I'm horrified that this is even under discussion.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Can. 97 §1 A person who has completed the eighteenth year of age, has attained majority; below this age, a person is a minor.

§2 A minor who has not completed the seventh year of age is called an infantand is considered incapable of personal responsibility; on completion of the seventh year, however, the minor is presumed to have the use of reason.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That's it - the LAW of the Church.
Do we need to evaluate each child as to conscience development
at the age of five years or six years??? NO! There is a LAW.

I'm with you--- on respecting such a pronouncement.

Still, I want to be sure I understand you correctly. You're (I mean the Church, actually) is not saying that all children undergo some sort of tremendous growth in conscience on the night that completes their 7th year, right? That sounds like magic or something...

**catharina** · #10 Nov 16, '11, 10:43 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by VeritasLuxMea

I'm with you--- on respecting such a pronouncement.

Still, I want to be sure I understand you correctly. You're (I mean the Church, actually) is not saying that all children undergo some sort of tremendous growth in conscience on the night that completes their 7th year, right? That sounds like magic or something...

Again:

the Church has declared:

A minor who has not completed the seventh year of age is called an infant and is considered incapable of personal responsibility; on completion of the seventh year, however, the minor is presumed to have the use of reason.

With this: "On the completion of the seventh year, the minor is presumed to have the use of reason ..." the Church is stating that children are to be regarded as INFANTS at least until they are seven years. This does NOT mean they automatically attain reason when they attain seven years. Clearly some do not ... the debilitated, brain damaged, mentally ill, etc.. The Church has allowed us to be assured that a minor child is without the culpability necessary to sin prior to the age of seven years. It's that simple.

Why would anyone need to debate such a point?

underacloud · #11 Nov 16, '11, 11:04 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by catharina

Heaven help us.
Really, I'm horrified that this is even under discussion.

There's no need for that sort of attitude.

The OP has asked an honest question and received some very helpful answers, including your's (minus the attitude).

Even though children might not be considered culpable till 8 years of age, as parents we have an obligation to help them learn right from wrong and to develop their conscience. This doesn't mean sending 6 year olds to confession, but neither should they simply be let off the hook when they do the wrong thing.

Anyway, I think the OP has received some useful advice. Confession is usually address when children prepare for confirmation, and that's the appropriate time for that to happen, with helpful instruction and a gentle approach by their priest.

I think the OP has handled the situation well.

**catharina** · #12 Nov 16, '11, 11:14 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by underacloud

There's no need for that sort of attitude.

The OP has asked an honest question and received some very helpful answers, including your's (minus the attitude).

Even though children might not be considered culpable till 8 years of age, as parents we have an obligation to help them learn right from wrong and to develop their conscience. This doesn't mean sending 6 year olds to confession, but neither should they simply be let off the hook when they do the wrong thing.

Anyway, I think the OP has received some useful advice. Confession is usually address when children prepare for confirmation, and that's the appropriate time for that to happen, with helpful instruction and a gentle approach by their priest.

I think the OP has handled the situation well.

My apologies to anyone who is feeling offended by my attitude.

I've worked with very abused children for more than forty years.
The idea that any parent is ready to cast judgment on a little child is
horrific and very frightening to me. That old "I'll MAKE him be good" thinking.
I've worked with little ones birth to five yrs in a pediatric skilled nursing unit - some
who had their brains beaten to mush. To me, the idea that a parent would imagine
he or she would KNOW that a child needs to confess to God to seek forgiveness -
these little baby-people, "infants," who are the desire of God's own heart - well, it
blows me away. Hey - that's me.

We know that Jesus says "let the little children come unto me,
for of such are the kingdom of heaven." We have no record of Jesus
saying "You bad little child! Tell God you're very sorry for your sins."

VeritasLuxMea · #13 Nov 16, '11, 11:20 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by catharina

My apologies to anyone who is feeling offended by my attitude.

I've worked with very abused children for more than forty years.
The idea that any parent is ready to cast judgment on a little child is
horrific and very frightening to me. That old "I'll MAKE him be good" thinking.
I've worked with little ones birth to five yrs in a pediatric skilled nursing unit - some
who had their brains beaten to mush. To me, the idea that a parent would imagine
he or she would KNOW that a child needs to confess to God to seek forgiveness -
these little baby-people, "infants," who are the desire of God's own heart - well, it
blows me away. Hey - that's me.

We know that Jesus says "let the little children come unto me,
for of such are the kingdom of heaven." We have no record of Jesus
saying "You bad little child! Tell God you're very sorry for your sins."

I don't know about the others, but I think the two of us weren't on the same page. I certainly wasn't discussing the same thing you were...

**catharina** · #14 Nov 16, '11, 11:24 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by VeritasLuxMea

I don't know about the others, but I think the two of us weren't on the same page. I certainly wasn't discussing the same thing you were...

My point is that when a parent decides to over-ride Church teaching,
esp in a case that speaks to imaginary culpability regarding the "wrongs" done
by a small child, then watch out! danger ahead. Little children can make mistakes.
Little children can NOT sin. That's why we have a Canon Law that says so.

In being overbearing and judgmental with children,
rather than loving and patient with their mistakes,
we are heading down a road of harshness. Telling
a little child he/she should go to confession??? Wow.

Harshness and condemnation in child-rearing can escalate so easily.
Why attempt to over-ride the judgments of Holy Mother Church?

underacloud · #15 Nov 16, '11, 11:29 pm

Fair enough. Just keep in mind that loving parents who do their best to raise their children, and come here asking honest questions, need nurturing too. I didn't see anything in the post suggesting an abusive approach to discipline. Just an honest question from a concerned parent. Anyway, hopefully the OP's mind is more at ease now.