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  #1  
Old Feb 10, '12, 11:48 pm
VeritasLuxMea VeritasLuxMea is offline
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Default Why do you *want* kids?

Genuine question. It's not meant to be nearly as "negative" as it sounds. But for those of you that want children, why do you want children?

I was thinking about this the other day. I love my wife. We're not contracepting. We're not even using NFP. If we have children, I'll welcome that. I will love them with all of my heart.

Thing is, I do not want children. And to be clear, when I say I do not want children, I don't mean I want not to have children, I'm simply ambivalent. I love life, I enjoy kids, but I just feel no major drive to have them.

My brother has 9 children. I asked him why he wanted so many children and he couldn't explain, nor could his wife.

So I'm thoroughly curious, why do people "want" kids?
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  #2  
Old Feb 10, '12, 11:56 pm
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Sillara Sillara is offline
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Default Re: Why do you *want* kids?

Because children are a blessing from God, one of the goods of marriage. (This is not meant to be a dig at infertile couples. On the contrary, infertility is a cross, and in it they can draw nearer to Our Lord. But it is a cross.)

Because I love my husband so much that I want to give our shared love a soul, a body, and a name.

Now that our children are here, of course, I love them, themselves, but before they existed I wanted them to exist for those reasons.
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  #3  
Old Feb 11, '12, 1:31 am
Texas Roofer Texas Roofer is offline
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Default Re: Why do you *want* kids?

I think if you omitted “I love my wife” people would natural ask “Is this a guy asking the difference between men and women, or is this a girl who feels out of step with her girl friends?” Women feel the love or need for the love, as other sources of love fade with age a woman will recreate a loving bond with a child. Men don’t feel so much, however men actually participate in the love more, we are late to the party, (we have to see the baby) but we stay to the end. Through the age of 40 men and women without children live better their life is focus on their desires. However by fifty they have done all they wanted to do and the lives of parents are better. While parenthood fills the live with the activities of children and grandchildren, those who have neither struggle to have a fuller life. Of course no one life is best for all people; some do not grow into parenthood.
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  #4  
Old Feb 11, '12, 1:53 am
VeritasLuxMea VeritasLuxMea is offline
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Default Re: Why do you *want* kids?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sillara View Post
Because I love my husband so much that I want to give our shared love a soul, a body, and a name.
Interesting. I've heard this one before. I think I "get it" in the sense that I "get" Captain Ahab from Moby Dick.

I mean, I understand what obsession is, but I don't think I've ever been obsessed.

So perhaps wanting kids is more of a "feeling" than a "thought"?
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  #5  
Old Feb 11, '12, 1:56 am
VeritasLuxMea VeritasLuxMea is offline
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Default Re: Why do you *want* kids?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas Roofer View Post
I think if you omitted “I love my wife” people would natural ask “Is this a guy asking the difference between men and women, or is this a girl who feels out of step with her girl friends?”
Good point.

Quote:
Women feel the love or need for the love, as other sources of love fade with age a woman will recreate a loving bond with a child. Men don’t feel so much,
That's interesting. I've always thought of myself as a romantic, so I would guess I would be more inclined to want children.

Quote:
however men actually participate in the love more,
Can you explain more about what you mean by that?

Quote:
we are late to the party, (we have to see the baby) but we stay to the end. Through the age of 40 men and women without children live better their life is focus on their desires. However by fifty they have done all they wanted to do and the lives of parents are better. While parenthood fills the live with the activities of children and grandchildren, those who have neither struggle to have a fuller life. Of course no one life is best for all people; some do not grow into parenthood.
So you think overall there might be a male/female component to this question? Would you say it's not abnormal for a man to not want children?
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  #6  
Old Feb 11, '12, 2:01 am
~Jenn~ ~Jenn~ is offline
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Default Re: Why do you *want* kids?

I think people want kids for a variety of reasons. When my dh & I were dating, somewhere around the point when we were talking about marriage, but weren't yet engaged, he mentioned that he didn't think he wanted kids. I had always wanted kids, but was, for whatever reason (still, years later, not sure why) thinking that I wasn't too sure I wanted kids, so it didn't bother me that he said that. Well, at our EE weekend, when we were sent off to answer our questions on the topic of kids, it hit me - I wanted, with all my heart, kids. And I wanted 4 of them (why 4, who knows - but it was the number that hit me as I made this realization). When dh & I came together to share our answers w/ each other, I was a nervous wreck - only time in our relationship that I've been a little nervous to share anything with him. What a relief to find out that he, too, had changed his mind and wanted kids!!!

Anyway - to the original question - why did (do) I want kids? Because they are a blessing from God, because they are fun, because I know (from caring for kids, dating all the way back to when I was a 10 yr. old babysitting other people's kids) what joy they can bring with their childhood innocence, etc. The reasons are endless - and some reasons that people can give may sound selfish - but honestly, so what? Kids are fun, and joyous, and warm your heart.
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  #7  
Old Feb 11, '12, 2:39 am
Texas Roofer Texas Roofer is offline
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Default Re: Why do you *want* kids?

Quote:
Originally Posted by VeritasLuxMea View Post
..............

That's interesting. I've always thought of myself as a romantic, so I would guess I would be more inclined to want children.
Romance involves the senses, sight, sounds, touch, taste, smell. The unborn apeals to none of these senses
Quote:


Can you explain more about what you mean by that?
[however men actually participate in the love more, ]
The love between a baby and a mother is the strongest human bond. really to intense to maintain. The woman will some what turn away from the man. However in time the child will turn to the man, the child will develop a love with the man.
Quote:

So you think overall there might be a male/female component to this question? Would you say it's not abnormal for a man to not want children?
I would say the male/female component is a minimum 95% of the issue. Men live in the real world which is physical (sight, sounds, touch, taste, smell) so you ask why a man should "feel" for something which is not in the physical world? In what way will he feel it? Women will feel it, want it, and long for it. It is nothing to worry about, it has gone on for all of time.
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  #8  
Old Feb 11, '12, 2:44 am
VeritasLuxMea VeritasLuxMea is offline
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Default Re: Why do you *want* kids?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas Roofer View Post
I would say the male/female component is a minimum 95% of the issue. Men live in the real world which is physical (sight, sounds, touch, taste, smell) so you ask why a man should "feel" for something which is not in the physical world? In what way will he feel it? Women will feel it, want it, and long for it. It is nothing to worry about, it has gone on for all of time.
Thank you for comforting me on the matter. I was beginning to wonder if I was weird for not "feeling" it.

I will, of course, continue to be open to life.
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  #9  
Old Feb 11, '12, 4:40 am
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Kit15 Kit15 is offline
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Default Re: Why do you *want* kids?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Texas Roofer View Post
Romance involves the senses, sight, sounds, touch, taste, smell. The unborn apeals to none of these senses The love between a baby and a mother is the strongest human bond. really to intense to maintain. The woman will some what turn away from the man. However in time the child will turn to the man, the child will develop a love with the man. I would say the male/female component is a minimum 95% of the issue. Men live in the real world which is physical (sight, sounds, touch, taste, smell) so you ask why a man should "feel" for something which is not in the physical world? In what way will he feel it? Women will feel it, want it, and long for it. It is nothing to worry about, it has gone on for all of time.
This is very true regarding me, my husband, and our first. I had nine months of "knowing" this child and being intimately aware of her growth before my husband ever had a chance (feeling a few kicks on the outside is very different from feeling all of them on the inside). Now that the child is born, the two of us are not really looking at her the same way. I look at her and marvel at how small and completely dependent she is and I can feel a bond with her even when she has no idea who I am and all she can do is eat, sleep, expel bodily waste, and cry.

DH appreciates all that to some extent but he admitted that he's intimidated by very young infants. He doesn't know what to do with them. Since she started to respond more to her surroundings...and to him...he's had an easier time with her and it's only going to get easier for him. I've come across other moms who had the same experience. Their husbands would do anything that was asked of them but did not do much on their own for those first few weeks/months because they didn't know what to do.
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  #10  
Old Feb 11, '12, 5:39 am
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Hecares Hecares is offline
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Default Re: Why do you *want* kids?

Living with a baby is a rather simple life. It brings you back to the basics-what's important in life. A baby is a miracle, a beautiful, perfect little being unspoiled by the world. (S)he reminds us that God created us that way. A baby gives hope. A new being for God and us to bring up. Small children are so innocent and happy most of the time. It lifts my spirits to be around them. As I write this I can feel the comfort of a baby in my arms, although it's been a long time since I held a little one. These are my selfish reasons for loving having children. And I have to admit that my time for having children is over, so I do have a different point of view. I have raised six children, though, so I have had the experience.
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  #11  
Old Feb 11, '12, 6:26 am
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105lynne 105lynne is offline
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Default Re: Why do you *want* kids?

For me, it is that I love kids. I always have. I was always a very shy person growing up. Anytime my family would go to any family functions, I always gravitated toward the kids because I felt comfortable around them. They wouldn't expect me to talk about school, boys, college, etc... They would just accept me as I was and we'd have fun. My mother always called me the "pied piper" of children. They all just surrounded me and followed me wherever I went. Since I've had kids, it's a love I've never known or could have ever comprehended. I love these babies of mine to the very depths of my heart and soul. They are my whole life. Priorities have certainly shifted since they arrived. There's a Martina McBride song called "In My Daughter's Eyes" that had a lyric in it that sums up motherhood for me: "It's hanging on when your heart has had enough, it's giving more when you feel like giving up..." Very moving words--and so true. Those words explain how selfless the love becomes once the kids arrive. It's a very powerful thing.
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Old Feb 11, '12, 6:43 am
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PaperCrane PaperCrane is offline
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Default Re: Why do you *want* kids?

I have been asking myself this question a lot recently, and have yet to come up with a decent reason. I was not raised learning the usually girly things like domestic arts and child-care. I was a tomboy. Only in my mid-teens did I learn anything domestic, but I still, at 24, have not even held a baby, and am still not very comfortable around children. When I think about having children, it frightens me. So I really have no idea why I want children. I just figure that if God wants me to get married and have children, then by jove I will marry and have children. He will help me through it all, has provided me with great role models, and hopefully my future husband will know more than me! If not, well, we'll figure it out.

On the other hand, though, at least at this point, if I never have children, I would not be upset. Maybe I'd feel differently if I were older, but who knows? Its all in God's hands!
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Old Feb 11, '12, 12:27 pm
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E_7 E_7 is offline
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Default Re: Why do you *want* kids?

Because I so want to have this pure and new soul inside my womb knowing that he/she is there because of God's will. I want to be a cool mom. I dream about it. To give my all to raise them well. You know, being a parent makes you wiser and more holy.
I hope we can be a lovely family, God between.
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Old Feb 11, '12, 1:44 pm
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Default Re: Why do you *want* kids?

I think there is a strong biological component to wanting children. I believe that is how God made us. Our sex drives are a desire to produce children even if we don't mentally make that leap.

I also believe that men and women in general experience this differently. Women are more likely to crave being a mother --even before getting married. Men are more likely to be ambivalent about children. Men often don't particularly like children --except for their own.
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Old Feb 11, '12, 2:31 pm
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Default Re: Why do you *want* kids?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SMHW View Post
I think there is a strong biological component to wanting children. I believe that is how God made us. Our sex drives are a desire to produce children even if we don't mentally make that leap.

I also believe that men and women in general experience this differently. Women are more likely to crave being a mother --even before getting married. Men are more likely to be ambivalent about children. Men often don't particularly like children --except for their own.
I agree strongly with the first paragraph above.

I think that because we are created "in the image of God," there is a part of us that longs to "create." Many people find other ways besides children to create something: art, inventions, mechanics (fixing something to make it work like new), gardening, cooking, etc.

But eventually, we want to create someone like us, just as God wanted to create someone "like Him."

There is also a huge amount of curiousity in many of us. We want to see exactly what our "gene pool" will come up with--blonde and blue-eyed like us, or a throwback to some brown-eyed ancestor with brown hair. It's so exciting!

And we also are curious to see if we can rise to the challenge and do a good job of raising the child. Many of us want to incorporate certain child-rearing methods that our parents used, but we also want to improve on what our parents did.

We are all convinced that we will have perfect children who grow up to be extraordinary adults. Then comes that first night at home with a newborn--up all night walking the floor--and we realize that we are rather ordinary after all!

But it's still fun to work through the challenges and see the results of your efforts in your children. I can still recall how proud I felt when the kindergarten teacher told me, "Your daughter told me she can read, but I didn't believe her at first. But she really CAN read!" (I taught her how to read at home before she started school.)

My husband and I enjoyed raising our daughters and wish we had had more children. I think the baby years are the hardest years because the giving is all so one-way, and you can't leave a baby at a kennel like you can an adorable dog or cat. The responsibility is constant and forever, and this is really daunting and at times, depressing. If you live close enough to family to get free baby-sitting, maybe it isn't so bad, but my husband and I had to pay for every minute of babysitting except when our daughters were in our free church nursery during worship services. (We were Protestant.)
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