My husband contracepts

themeginthemoon · #1 Mar 6, '12, 2:05 pm

Hi...
I am Catholic, my husband is not. He was on board with NFP, before I got pregnant (due to user error.. we did not abstain when we should have!), but since I've been upfront about how iffy it can be to determine fertility postpartum (the baby is 8 weeks old tomorrow), he has freaked out and now 'pulls out' during intercourse..

This is upsetting to me and a total mood killer. I suppose this is a vent more than seeking advice. I am tempted to withhold relations, but I do not think that is the solution.

taye · #2 Mar 6, '12, 2:29 pm

Have you looked into postpartum NFP classes? It would be great to attend one if you haven't already. NFP is quite reliable, even postpartum. It is more difficult but it can be learned. Withdrawal is highly ineffective - it only takes one little swimmer to get pregnant.

You mentioned that your husband isn't Catholic. Does he understand why NFP is moral and withdrawal isn't? Perhaps you could look into books dealing with the moral aspects of family planning. I'm not aware of any books dealing with that issue other than the CCL manual and the info on nfpandmore.org, but I'm sure another poster will find something...

Whatever you do, do not withhold relations. I hope you have informed him of his sin.

Prayers for you Meg. I just had a dream a few nights ago about my husband contracepting and that was upsetting! We're also in the postpartum phase and hoping my cycles will show up soon.

frizzgrig · #3 Mar 6, '12, 2:31 pm

The question that comes to my mind is "were you married in the Church?"

The reason I ask is if you were, you and your husband would have gone through marriage prep. and should have been instructed that part of performing the "marital act" is at least implicitly acknowledging the possibility that a new life may come to be through that act. NFP being practiced or not.

If you were not married in the Church, then that is a different discussion.

Either way, you and your husband need to discuss this with each other, not the rest of the world in this forum. You may also need to seek guidance from your pastor or a deacon at your church.

themeginthemoon · #4 Mar 6, '12, 2:36 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by frizzgrig

The question that comes to my mind is "were you married in the Church?"

The reason I ask is if you were, you and your husband would have gone through marriage prep. and should have been instructed that part of performing the "marital act" is at least implicitly acknowledging the possibility that a new life may come to be through that act. NFP being practiced or not.

If you were not married in the Church, then that is a different discussion.

Either way, you and your husband need to discuss this with each other, not the rest of the world in this forum. You may also need to seek guidance from your pastor or a deacon at your church.

Yes, we were married in the church... but it's hard to hammer in doctrine to someone who thinks it is hooga-booga.... because he's not Catholic!

And I already said I was not eliciting advice, I am just venting. It will get better, we are both very stressed and tired. He tends to get a bit irrational when sleep deprived, in his defense, so do I. The 8 week old nurses every 1.5 hours (new development) and the nearly 3 year old wakes up multiple times a night. Neither one of us are very clear headed at the moment.

Inego de Loyola · #5 Mar 6, '12, 2:41 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by themeginthemoon

Yes, we were married in the church... but it's hard to hammer in doctrine to someone who thinks it is hooga-booga.... because he's not Catholic!

And I already said I was not eliciting advice, I am just venting.

Then I propose we treat this as a prayer request thread.

dje101 · #6 Mar 6, '12, 2:41 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by themeginthemoon

Hi...
I am Catholic, my husband is not. He was on board with NFP, before I got pregnant (due to user error.. we did not abstain when we should have!), but since I've been upfront about how iffy it can be to determine fertility postpartum (the baby is 8 weeks old tomorrow), he has freaked out and now 'pulls out' during intercourse..

This is upsetting to me and a total mood killer. I suppose this is a vent more than seeking advice. I am tempted to withhold relations, but I do not think that is the solution.

I was actually just reading an article for my health class on conception myths. Here's one of the points it made:

Quote:

Myth #4: Having sex every day increases your odds of getting pregnant.

You can have sex 10 times a day and it won't result in pregnancy unless it's timed to coincide with ovulation. And even if you've timed things correctly, the New England Journal of Medicine (NEJM) reports that a major study found no difference in pregnancy rates between couples who had sex daily and those who had sex every other day.

Here is the link to the article. I know its just talking about debunking myths, but that bit of information might help out a bit. Just trying to help.

Edit: Woops, just saw the other posts you made about not wanting advice. Sorry

CDB1718 · #7 Mar 6, '12, 2:41 pm

About the frequent feedings, lack of sleep and your husband's fears, praise God, these too shall pass. Congratulations on the new baby!

Castello · #8 Mar 6, '12, 3:12 pm

Keep monitoring your fertility. If you have serious reason to avoid, he needs to understand that his "method" is very likely to get your pregnant.

.

bmonk · #9 Mar 6, '12, 3:35 pm

Another bit of evidence that may help the cause:

Couples that practice NFP have about a 2% divorce rate.

Couples that practice other forms of contraception have over 50% divorce rates.

Admittedly, this is somewhat biased, because some persons engage in serial monogamy, with several marriages in succession. But still . . .

One likely reason for the difference: NFP relies on mutual discussion, communication and joint decision-making, self- and mutual discipline, being imaginative and inventive in expressing love (other than intercourse), and so on. Now, consider the sort of things that would support and strengthen a marriage relationship? Wouldn't you include: mutual discussion, communication and joint decision-making, self- and mutual discipline, being imaginative and inventive in expressing love (other than intercourse) . . .

I strongly encourage you and him to learn more about NFP and its practice.

MomaMary8 · #10 Mar 7, '12, 7:42 am

I'll pray for you honey! I'd be "venting" too if my baby was only 8 weeks old and hubby was using me like that! He is being disrespectful of you, and I guess you are fully aware of this, otherwise you would not be here. In a quiet moment when both of you are rested well enough for a rational talk, you may want to tell your hubby how pulling out makes you feel. Make no other discussion about NFP and other forms of contraception, but just face down this one particular threat. I am sure he loves you, and will understand how "pulling out" makes you feel used...and perhaps not as cherished as you should feel.

Schieffelin · #11 Mar 7, '12, 12:00 pm

Does your husband realize that you could still get pregnant even though he's pulling out?
Maybe knowing that would help make him a little more open to periodic abstinence.

Luna Lovecraft · #12 Mar 8, '12, 9:24 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by themeginthemoon

Yes, we were married in the church... but it's hard to hammer in doctrine to someone who thinks it is hooga-booga.... because he's not Catholic!

And I already said I was not eliciting advice, I am just venting. It will get better, we are both very stressed and tired. He tends to get a bit irrational when sleep deprived, in his defense, so do I. The 8 week old nurses every 1.5 hours (new development) and the nearly 3 year old wakes up multiple times a night. Neither one of us are very clear headed at the moment.

Hooga-booga. Like that phrase. I'm spending the afternoon in a staff meeting and must find a way to use it at least three times before it's over.

Sorry you and your husband are dealing with this. I'll include you guys in my prayers today.

Luna

twoangels · #13 Mar 8, '12, 9:53 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by themeginthemoon

Hi...
I am Catholic, my husband is not. He was on board with NFP, before I got pregnant (due to user error.. we did not abstain when we should have!), but since I've been upfront about how iffy it can be to determine fertility postpartum (the baby is 8 weeks old tomorrow), he has freaked out and now 'pulls out' during intercourse..

This is upsetting to me and a total mood killer. I suppose this is a vent more than seeking advice. I am tempted to withhold relations, but I do not think that is the solution.

Hang in there. This must feel like a major rejection. Keep praying and if you can, pray together. You need as much of God's grace as possible. Congratulations on your baby.