The Noidian Renaissance: The Summons

patrick457 · #1 Apr 20, '12, 9:19 pm

To the Noids scattered abroad: we have heard tell that THEY and THEM are on the move (then again THEY and THEM always did). We hereby advise constant vigilance: keep your tinfoil hat and Aquae Sacrae supply with you at all times. I (Patrick the Long-winded Nitpicker and ex-temporary captain), Bart the Griffin, and the Knights-errant strongly request the presence of each and every Noid that hears this summons. We shall muster the Noidian force that we may once again fight the forces of THEM and THEY using our Paranoia.

NOIDS UNITE!!!!!

EricFilmer · #2 Apr 20, '12, 9:41 pm

As far as I'm concerned, this alert could not have come any sooner. I have long been fed up with the shenanigans that THEY have committed in an attempt to be more like THEM!

And as for those other guys, they certainly deserve what's coming to THEM!

Well, it's nothing that a good old-fashioned crusade can't solve.

patrick457 · #3 Apr 20, '12, 10:48 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by EricFilmer

As far as I'm concerned, this alert could not have come any sooner. I have long been fed up with the shenanigans that THEY have committed in an attempt to be more like THEM!

And as for those other guys, they certainly deserve what's coming to THEM!

Well, it's nothing that a good old-fashioned crusade can't solve.

Welcome to the brigade! Here's a new tinfoil hat and a fresh bucket of Aquae Sacrae.

The griffin Barg is currently chasing me right now for misspelling his name. He threatens to peck my hat off. Barg, you're not one of THEM (or THEY), are you!?

patrick457 · #4 Apr 20, '12, 11:03 pm

After a minute's chase and an agreement involving Aquae Sacrae, a sprinkler, tinfoil rope, rootbeer and a denarius, Barg has finally calmed down.

Now, we have reports that THEM and THEY are taking advantage of the Noids' absence by plotting to resurrect the dreaded Antipost to take over CAF...hundreds of them. We must prevent this plan from succeeding. But in the meantime, let's react to this news in the proper Noidian fashion:

THEY'RE (AND THEM'RE) COMING TO GET US AAAAARGH

patrick457 · #5 Apr 20, '12, 11:56 pm

Just a little recap: we've never really got the real Holie Grayle and Holy Grill.

We've found their resting place, we've all been so close to it, but THEM and THEY ruined our plans by waking up from their slumber and taking revenge by abducting some Noids and driving the others into hiding. I only barely escaped THEIR clutches by pretending I was a drunk bat. (I myself have only vague memories of the event - is it because I breathed the same air as THEY and THEM and got drugged as a result?

)

A stash of fake Grayles that somehow manifested in my bag are the only mementoes of that horrible event. And a little roll of TINFOYLE. (THEY/THEM confiscated most of my supply, and so we had to revert to normal tinfoil)

So, now our mission are as follows:

1.) Rescue anyone who are still in THEIR (i.e. THEM and THEY) clutches through Paranoia.
2.) Prevent the Lost Antipost Resurrection Project or LARP from coming into fruition through Paranoia.
3.) Be paranoid through Paranoia.

The Anonymous Paranoid Catholic Answers Alliance (APCAA, or Noids) thus hereby officially recommences its activity. For all of THEM and THEY really are out to get us.

Now, uh, Mr. Eric, would you care to sign here please? (Wears tinfoil gloves and hands over tinfoil-covered pen)

EricFilmer · #6 Apr 21, '12, 7:43 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by patrick457

Now, uh, Mr. Eric, would you care to sign here please? (Wears tinfoil gloves and hands over tinfoil-covered pen)

Signed up & ready to rock & roll.
My efforts, however, have not gone unnoticed, for there are a plethora of spies about, each spying plethorally.
For example, at lunch my Peking duck turned out to be a peeking duck.

EricFilmer · #7 Apr 21, '12, 7:49 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by patrick457

The Anonymous Paranoid Catholic Answers Alliance (APCAA, or Noids) thus hereby officially recommences its activity.

Long live the resistance!!!

patrick457 · #8 Apr 21, '12, 2:43 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by EricFilmer

Signed up & ready to rock & roll.
My efforts, however, have not gone unnoticed, for there are a plethora of spies about, each spying plethorally.
For example, at lunch my Peking duck turned out to be a peeking duck.

Darn those pesky ducks, always peeking when you least expect it.

The APCAA currently has 2 active members, and 4 imaginary honorary members reporting on duty. Quite a nice number; I'd say more than enough.

patrick457 · #9 Apr 21, '12, 2:58 pm

A quite reliable source (meaning, we had to dunk it first repeatedly in vats of Aquae Sacrae - no, not baptism) tells us that THEY and THEM are planning to conduct preliminary attacks by putting chips into Spam. So word of advice: never come into contact with any suspicious-looking canned mea- (can of Spam drops from out of nowhere) IT'S THEM AND THEY AAAAAAAAAARGH RUN AWAY RUN AWAY

**the phoenix** · #10 Apr 21, '12, 5:10 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by EricFilmer

Long live the resistance!!!

* walks out from the shadows *

Hello.
Might I point out that the points
at the tippy tops of your tinfoil hats
look like they might
attract lighting ???

Talk about "shazam ... "

And as for chips, I rather enjoy putting them
into my mouth ... with dip.

* walks mysteriously back into the shadows, for now *

**the phoenix** · #11 Apr 21, '12, 5:57 pm

* notices from the shadows a spelling mistake in the last post,
mumbles to self with slight irritation *

Hmmmm, meant to say "lightning," not "lighting,"
although given the concept of the Internet of Things,
one never knows ...
Ah well, curses, tinfoiled again ...
...

EricFilmer · #12 Apr 21, '12, 7:05 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by the phoenix

Hmmmm, meant to say "lightning," not "lighting,"
although given the concept of the Internet of Things,
one never knows ...
Ah well, curses, tinfoiled again ...
...

Actually, I think you have made a notable point either way. The hats can attract both lightning and lighting, and if the latter comes in the form of deadly laser beams then your initially warning has great merit. And THEY are known to gleefully resort to laser combat in battle (i.e., there have been sightings of such mighty biting lighting in the fighting).

Nevertheless, the benefits of the tinfoil hat greatly outweigh the risks, so Noids who discard their hats do so at great peril.

**the phoenix** · #13 Apr 21, '12, 7:45 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by EricFilmer

Actually, I think you have made a notable point either way. The hats can attract both lightning and lighting, and if the latter comes in the form of deadly laser beams then your initially warning has great merit. And THEY are known to gleefully resort to laser combat in battle (i.e., there have been sightings of such mighty biting lighting in the fighting).

Nevertheless, the benefits of the tinfoil hat greatly outweigh the risks, so Noids who discard their hats do so at great peril.

* Steps from the shadows, head slightly tilted with intrigue, remembering a similar, yet different time and place, in 1999 ... weapon of choice had been a flamethrower then, but laser technology had of course existed as well, and so an appropriate laser-wielding emoticon image comes to mind as a sort of past memory combined with the flashback of a possible fight, the future:
|-# = = = ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ *

Well then, perhaps we may have some interests in common. I'm pleased to make your acquaintance. They, I mean, you can call me "Buffalo Bills Fan." * smiles a friendly smile, offers hand for an introductory handshake *

About the hat thing, though ... I do tend to attract enough lightning without it.

* suddenly remembers that if the person he's meeting is currently wearing a tinfoil hat, there may be a teeny little problem of static electricity to contend with if this person accepts an actual handshake, takes a teeny hesitant self-conscious step back while otherwise remaining completely friendly *

AUTHOR'S NOTE: For role-playing purposes, BBF (Buffalo Bills Fan) is a character I came up with many years ago who happens to be male. Meanwhile, IRL, I, the phoenix and the one portraying this character, am female. This sounds like a pretty cool adventure story so far.

patrick457 · #14 Apr 21, '12, 8:05 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by the phoenix

* walks out from the shadows *

Hello.
Might I point out that the points
at the tippy tops of your tinfoil hats
look like they might
attract lighting ???

Talk about "shazam ... "

And as for chips, I rather enjoy putting them
into my mouth ... with dip.

* walks mysteriously back into the shadows, for now *

Yes, they do attract them spotlights...(spotlight) especially the dramatic type. And chips are the dreaded technological controlling device of THEM (and possibly THEY). Do not under any circumstances try to consume one.

patrick457 · #15 Apr 21, '12, 8:06 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by the phoenix

* Steps from the shadows, head slightly tilted with intrigue, remembering a similar, yet different time and place, in 1999 ... weapon of choice had been a flamethrower then, but laser technology had of course existed as well, and so an appropriate laser-wielding emoticon image comes to mind as a sort of past memory combined with the flashback of a possible fight, the future:
|-# = = = ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ *

Well then, perhaps we may have some interests in common. I'm pleased to make your acquaintance. They, I mean, you can call me "Buffalo Bills Fan." * smiles a friendly smile, offers hand for an introductory handshake *

About the hat thing, though ... I do tend to attract enough lightning without it.

* suddenly remembers that if the person he's meeting is currently wearing a tinfoil hat, there may be a teeny little problem of static electricity to contend with if this person accepts an actual handshake, takes a teeny hesitant self-conscious step back while otherwise remaining completely friendly *

AUTHOR'S NOTE: For role-playing purposes, BBF (Buffalo Bills Fan) is a character I came up with many years ago who happens to be male. Meanwhile, IRL, I, the phoenix and the one portraying this character, am female. This sounds like a pretty cool adventure story so far.

Are you sure you're not one of THEM? Or THEY? Or any other subgroup?