Is it okay to have "porn" of your wife?

[Small Fish]

Originally Posted by JoanREDirector

My husband has pictures of me that are for his eyes alone. I find it very reassuring since we are each other's only love. After nearly 50 years we are still together after our share of storms. One of the chief blessings of chaste married love is physical intimacy that lasts to old age.

I was never beautiful by the world's standards but what do I care. Many famous beauties didn't have such happy lives. My old sweetheart could obtain a collection of pictures of them. Instead, he has a few treasured photos of me ... a good thing, I think.

Beautifully put and congratulations with continued love and blessings.

[LilyM]

Originally Posted by JoanREDirector

My husband has pictures of me that are for his eyes alone. I find it very reassuring since we are each other's only love. After nearly 50 years we are still together after our share of storms. One of the chief blessings of chaste married love is physical intimacy that lasts to old age.

I was never beautiful by the world's standards but what do I care. Many famous beauties didn't have such happy lives. My old sweetheart could obtain a collection of pictures of them. Instead, he has a few treasured photos of me ... a good thing, I think.

It's not an either/or proposition for a lot of people. It's more than possible for a person to have naked pics of their spouse AND of random strangers as well.

I do hope no one imagines that naked pics of thenselves are any sort of guarantee or insurance that their spouse hasn't or won't use porn.

Please don't take that as any reflection on your particular case, of course - I don't mean it that way at all

[Valentine Angel]

When we go to confession, we pray/commit to "avoid the near occasion of sin." That means we avoid whatever may tempt us to sin. Since you mentioned that you once had a problem with pornographic photographs, you should throw her pics away for the good of your immortal soul, and your relationships with God and your wife. Whenever you and she engage in the marital act, you are renewing the sacrament of your marriage. I think that even if you don't realize it, the pictures do cause you to lust after your wife and view her as a sex object. When you are engaging, you must forget about yourself; your desire for your wife should be the desire of self-donation. God takes such pleasure in creating us human beings in his image that he shares that extreme joyous pleasure in your holy, sacramental act of marital love! Why don't you do something extra special and loving for your wife, and then take a picture of her as she looks at you with all of the love she has for you in her heart...?

DEUS CARITAS EST!!!

[1inICXC]

Considering you have had a porn habit 'till just recently I STRONGLY recommend you wait a few years of "being clean" before using and looking at naked sexual pictures of your wife. I just have a hard time believing you wouldn't end ip objectifying her after being in the habit of objectifying women for years!

Again, I am not against spouses having those kind of pictures of eachother but in your circumstance it will jot be wise. It would probably end up being a replacement for your porn at this stage.

Getting over a porn habit will take many many years of intense prayer, strong sacramental life and constantly fighting the temptations from inside and outside. Focus your energy on that.

[c0ldb33r]

thank you everyone for the input.

Let me clarify, though I did call them "porn" itd be more accurate just to call them sexy

if you take for granted that
1. the photos cannot be viewed by others - theyre properly encrypted , and
2. obviously I wouldnt be using them to masturbate, as thats a problem by itself - nor would I need to as we have a great sex life

Would that change your responses?

My concern with getting rid of them is that I see them as a beautiful gift from a loving wife, and once theyre gone you can never get them back.

[c0ldb33r]

Originally Posted by domandcarols

Ew.. That's so degrading to your wife. Destroy them.

Sorry I dont see how that could be degrading as theyre jut pretty photos that she gave to me willingly

[dailey]

Originally Posted by c0ldb33r

thank you everyone for the input.

Let me clarify, though I did call them "porn" itd be more accurate just to call them sexy

if you take for granted that
1. the photos cannot be viewed by others - theyre properly encrypted , and
2. obviously I wouldnt be using them to masturbate, as thats a problem by itself - nor would I need to as we have a great sex life

Would that change your responses?

My concern with getting rid of them is that I see them as a beautiful gift from a loving wife, and once theyre gone you can never get them back.

Actually, now that you mention that you have a problem with masturbation as well, I would even *more* strongly suggest you get rid of them.

[bmaj]

Speaking from a wife's perspective, I think there would be the real possible risk of using the photos years from now to become aroused, either prior to being with your wife or if she's not available, and that would definitely be objectifying her for the way she looked in the past. Years change all of us physically, and as many have mentioned, the porn addiction is one that's extremely hard to conquer. Satan loves that fact about it and has been real successful because of it. Why give him a chance to control your soul again? If my husband had photos of me that I would never want anyone else to see, that would be reason enough for me to ask him to kindly destroy them.
May God bless you and your wife, and may you have many more beautiful years of marriage pleasing in His eyes!

[TheRealJuliane]

Originally Posted by dailey

Actually, now that you mention that you have a problem with masturbation as well, I would even *more* strongly suggest you get rid of them.

I don't know if he meant HE has a problem with masturbation, or that masturbation is a problem that porn encourages. I didn't read it that he is having a problem, but the two do go together - there is no point for porn other than to masturbate with.

[Barish]

One of my greatest goals in life is to be content with where I am in life. I hope that with God's grace I will be content on my deathbed. Part of this is acknowledging that I change as life goes on. The things that were important to me in my 20's are not important now. I have grown older with my wife and love her more than I did then. I often wonder if I would like pictures of my wife in her bathing suit in her 20's. My memories are great, but I wonder if she would look...unfinished...incomplete...imperfe ct like so many young girls appear to me today. I recognize that my priorities have changed. Maybe you will not regret getting rid of the pictures, but maybe holding on to them will hold you back from appreciating her as is (in the future).

Since you are asking for advice about the pictures from Internet people, I assume you are stuck with this decision. Try making another decision: do I want to love my wife as she is in these pictures or do I want to love her as she is standing beside me right now. Work, pray, and live toward the one that you actually want.

my $.02

[Lochias]

Originally Posted by c0ldb33r

thank you everyone for the input.

Let me clarify, though I did call them "porn" itd be more accurate just to call them sexy

if you take for granted that
1. the photos cannot be viewed by others - theyre properly encrypted , and
2. obviously I wouldnt be using them to masturbate, as thats a problem by itself - nor would I need to as we have a great sex life

Would that change your responses?

My concern with getting rid of them is that I see them as a beautiful gift from a loving wife, and once theyre gone you can never get them back.

I'm a little torn about this. I can understand your reasoning behind wanting to keep the pictures, I really can, but the bottom line is, naked pictures of one's spouse focus on the external and sexual aspects of that spouse to the exclusion of other things. For anyone, and especially for someone who's had problems with pornography, I personally think it's just too risky. The quote I mentioned above, from Brother Giles.."can't a man get drunk on the wine from his own cask?"...speaks volumes about the potential for danger in keeping those photos.

I would just enjoy the great sex life that you have with your spouse, and let each day bring to you the full joy of having such a wonderful woman to share your life with, and forget about the photos. Those are just things, anyway...they'll crumble in time, and nobody will ever be able to bring them back. Why not just let go of them now, after a talk with your spouse about why?

And, too, can't stress this enough: Ask a priest about it. They're here to help us make God-centered choices in life, among the many other things that they do.

[c0ldb33r]

I find the responses so far very interesting.

Just FYI I don't have a problem with masturbation. Not recently anyway, but historically I did.

I find it interesting that people don't think it makes sense to keep pictures because they record a period in time.

Isn't that the purpose of photos?

Taking this to its next logical step one shouldn't ever keep photos, about anything, because life changes.

[domandcarols]

Originally Posted by c0ldb33r

Sorry I dont see how that could be degrading as theyre jut pretty photos that she gave to me willingly

Idk, I personally find that disgusting. What if someone found them? Like one of your kids? I just think it's creepy to have something like that recorded..

[manualman]

No man can day he understands women, but we do keep trying.

I know what would hapen if I had such photos of my wife from early in our marriage. She'd come across them and be terribly hurt that I was unhappy with how she looks now and longed for an earlier age. Nevermind whether that's true or not, that's how she'd react.

Luckily for me, it never occurred to me to try to get any such pictures, so I don't have to wrestle with your question!

[Valentine Angel]

Originally Posted by c0ldb33r

I find the responses so far very interesting.

Just FYI I don't have a problem with masturbation. Not recently anyway, but historically I did.

I find it interesting that people don't think it makes sense to keep pictures because they record a period in time.

Isn't that the purpose of photos?

Taking this to its next logical step one shouldn't ever keep photos, about anything, because life changes.

I don't know anyone who has had a problem with masturbation who considers the temptation for it to be "history." Since your wife gave you this "loving gift" you need to discuss this with her, explaining that you love her too much to be tempted to use them in a morally disordered way, and that the actual gift of herself is the most loving, awesome gift she ever has or will give you. Read and pray Tobit 8: 4-8. As you are the husband and the spiritual leader of your family, you need to take authority over this situation. I'm getting the impression from these comments that you perhaps intended to keep the photos, and expected to find people here to back that up. I know it's disappointing, but it would be cruel to be kind in this situation. If you want to keep a historical record of your wife's beauty, write her a love poem or letter in the tradition of the Song of Solomon. The "urge to keep the species going" is one of the most powerful urges in the universe. It is kind of like atomic power. Misused, it's like dropping a bomb and death ensues. Properly used, you have love and pleasure and joy and life. You actually really get to be like God, as you are both participating in the co-creation of life--the life of your marriage, and in any children that might be created.

I hope you don't think I'm a meanie. I really do care about you and your wife and your immortal souls.

With love from your sister in Christ,

Valentine Angel