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  #1  
Old Apr 25, '12, 6:53 pm
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EricFilmer EricFilmer is offline
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Talking One Liners (Know some good, clean one-liner jokes? Post them here!)

“The difficult thing with quotes on the internet is verifying them.”

– Abraham Lincoln
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  #2  
Old Apr 25, '12, 6:57 pm
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Default Re: One Liners (Know some good, clean one-liner jokes? Post them here!)

What if there were no hypothetical situations?
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  #3  
Old Apr 25, '12, 7:00 pm
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Default Re: One Liners (Know some good, clean one-liner jokes? Post them here!)

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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  #4  
Old Apr 25, '12, 7:49 pm
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Default Re: One Liners (Know some good, clean one-liner jokes? Post them here!)

A bishop is a man who never has a bad meal and never hears the truth.
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  #5  
Old Apr 25, '12, 7:49 pm
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Default Re: One Liners (Know some good, clean one-liner jokes? Post them here!)

A Christian pick up line I heard today:

"I was looking through the book of Number's yesterday and I realized, I don't have yours. "
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  #6  
Old Apr 25, '12, 7:51 pm
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Default Re: One Liners (Know some good, clean one-liner jokes? Post them here!)

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'Why the long face?'
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  #7  
Old Apr 25, '12, 8:37 pm
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Default Re: One Liners (Know some good, clean one-liner jokes? Post them here!)

(OK, a two-liner)

And the bartender looks up and says, "hey, buddy - we don't serve faster-than-light neutrinos here."

A faster-than-light neutrino walks into a bar...
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  #8  
Old Apr 25, '12, 8:49 pm
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Default Re: One Liners (Know some good, clean one-liner jokes? Post them here!)

Quote:
Originally Posted by followingtheway View Post
A Christian pick up line I heard today:

"I was looking through the book of Number's yesterday and I realized, I don't have yours. "
Catholic pick-up line lol! Just jokin'
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  #9  
Old Apr 25, '12, 8:59 pm
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Default Re: One Liners (Know some good, clean one-liner jokes? Post them here!)

Attention Thread Readers and Joke Contributors.

(How Many Lines Are in a One-Liner? Well, it depends...)

My brother's
posted joke
(which I got despite my deplorable science skills) raises an interesting elaboration on the nature of a one-liner.

Actually, many jokes composed of two lines are still classified as one-liners. Don't ask me why (I'm guessing comedians used to be class clowns who acted up during math class rather than pay attention). If you think about it, in Post #1 I actually started off this whole thread with a joke which is technically composed of two lines ("- Abraham Lincoln" being the second line).

I think the idea is that a one-liner is simply a pithy joke that can be delivered quickly (brief set up + punch line).

So people should feel free to include (as David did) one-liners that are technically delivered in two lines. Such as...

You do not need a parachute to skydive.
You only need a parachute to skydive twice.



Or, dare I say it, even in three lines (if pithy enough)...

A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station...
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  #10  
Old Apr 25, '12, 9:34 pm
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Default Re: One Liners (Know some good, clean one-liner jokes? Post them here!)

4/3 people have trouble with fractions.
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  #11  
Old Apr 25, '12, 9:54 pm
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Default Re: One Liners (Know some good, clean one-liner jokes? Post them here!)

If all is not lost, where is it?

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name

Honk if you love Peace and Quiet

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

Q: Why did it take the Buddha forever to vacuum his sofa?
A: Because he didn't have any attachments.

Q: What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
A: Make me one with everything.

All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my right hand.
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  #12  
Old Apr 25, '12, 11:06 pm
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Default Re: One Liners (Know some good, clean one-liner jokes? Post them here!)

My favorite Yogi Berra quote, talking about a popular restaurant:

"Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded."
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  #13  
Old Apr 26, '12, 2:46 pm
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Mary Gail 36 Mary Gail 36 is offline
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Default Re: One Liners (Know some good, clean one-liner jokes? Post them here!)

Quote:
Originally Posted by EricFilmer View Post
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Took me a couple of seconds.
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  #14  
Old Apr 26, '12, 9:49 pm
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Default Re: One Liners (Know some good, clean one-liner jokes? Post them here!)

Quote:
Originally Posted by EricFilmer View Post
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Sometimes....

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  #15  
Old Apr 26, '12, 10:23 pm
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Default Re: One Liners (Know some good, clean one-liner jokes? Post them here!)

My husband swallowed a typewriter....now he suffers from irritable vowel syndrome.
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