Catholic FAQ


Latest Threads
newest posts



Go Back   Catholic Answers Forums > Forums > Catholic Living > Family Life
 

Welcome to Catholic Answers Forums, the largest Catholic Community on the Web.

Here you can join over 400,000 members from around the world discussing all things Catholic. Membership is open to all, Catholic and non-Catholic alike, who seek the Truth with Charity.

To gain full access, you must register for a FREE account. Registered members are able to:
  • Submit questions about the faith to experts from Catholic Answers
  • Participate in all forum discussions
  • Communicate privately with Catholics from around the world
  • Plus join a prayer group, read with the Book Club, and much more.
Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free. So join our community today!

Have a question about registration or your account log-in? Just contact our Support Hotline.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search Thread Display
  #1  
Old Apr 30, '12, 11:41 am
Musician Musician is offline
Regular Member
Prayer Warrior
Book Club Member
 
Join Date: September 24, 2008
Posts: 1,042
Religion: Catholic
Default Transgender Niece - what do we do?

My beloved niece has decided that she is really a man. And not just a man, but a gay man.
She dresses very goth and radical, is a vocal, obnoxious atheist, and lives out her fantasy life on the Internet where she finds these wackos to encourage her aberrant behavior. She stays in her room all the time on her computer, unless she is at her job at a video games store.
Her partner, a girl, also wants to become a gay man. They are both 22 and on hormones that make them grow facial hair and deepen their voices. I am shocked and saddened that there are therapists out there who are making a living encouraging this ridiculous behavior.
As you may tell, I am strongly against this move because I know she was always a girly-girl and has never, until now, shown the slightest inclination to be a male. If she had always been a tomboy or had obvious masculine features I would be able to understand it.
As it is, I refuse to accept this as normal. My whole family is trying to be accepting, etc, but I feel strongly that my niece is going down a horrible path, and I am NOT going to condone it. I know that it is the popular thing nowadays to encourage people to do whatever they want to do, but don't ask me to accept it.
Question: How do I handle this with my extended family? They will call me a bigot.
Do I go to see my niece? If so, why and how?
I totally do not know how to handle this situation.
__________________
Devout Catholic wife to a wonderful man and mother to four grown children plus their spouses; grandmother to eight beautiful darlings!
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old Apr 30, '12, 12:40 pm
Will B's Avatar
Will B Will B is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: June 25, 2008
Posts: 488
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: Transgender Niece - what do we do?

Unfortunately, our country has fallen for one big lie after another.. To make matters worse, our teachers and some medical professionals are promoting the lies.

It's the frog in the pot syndrome.. Take a frog and put him in a hot pot of water and he will jump out to save his life.. Take the same frog, put him in cool water.. Put the pot on the stove and turn up the heat.. Poor frog will cook and not even know it..

Our youth are being cooked and don't even know it.. They believe they are right..

All you can do is love your niece and let her know you don't agree with her chosen life path.
__________________


Will B.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old Apr 30, '12, 12:55 pm
domandcarols's Avatar
domandcarols domandcarols is offline
Regular Member
Prayer Warrior
 
Join Date: August 3, 2011
Posts: 2,308
Religion: Roman Catholic
Default Re: Transgender Niece - what do we do?

Um.. Get as far away from your family as possible and pray for them..
__________________
Jesus, Mary, I love you! Save souls!
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old Apr 30, '12, 1:01 pm
dudeist dudeist is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: December 21, 2011
Posts: 9
Religion: Church of the Latter-Day Dude
Default Re: Transgender Niece - what do we do?

I agree with Will. You do not have to condone the behavior to still be a loving presence in her life. There is a fine line between support and tolerance, and often tolerance gets confused with support. Sometimes the "vocal, obnoxious atheists" are the ones who need love the most.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old Apr 30, '12, 1:06 pm
bmullins's Avatar
bmullins bmullins is offline
Regular Member
 
Join Date: June 15, 2011
Posts: 1,876
Religion: Roman Catholic
Send a message via ICQ to bmullins Send a message via Yahoo to bmullins
Default Re: Transgender Niece - what do we do?

Love her. She's a sinner just like the rest of us. Live your Catholic life in as perfect an example as you can, and make sure that she knows what the church teaches. Then pray for her. We don't stop seeing people when we find out they are gossips, but we think we should throw others out for their sins. All of them offend God. All of them need God. All of them are loved by God.
__________________
"It is contrary to human dignity to cause animals to suffer or die needlessly...." - CCC 2418
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old Apr 30, '12, 1:08 pm
The Bucket's Avatar
The Bucket The Bucket is offline
Regular Member
 
Join Date: March 27, 2009
Posts: 2,621
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: Transgender Niece - what do we do?

Given her previous disposition towards being a "girly-girl" as you put it, this reeks of antisocial behavior as opposed to some kind of deep-seeded gender confusion. And given that it's being done in tandem, it again seems like much more a cry for help or an attempt to fit in somewhere as opposed to a gender identity crisis. I hesitate to provide any practical advice for addressing the issue, but I think you've got plenty of ammunition to arm yourself to combat this decision when discussing the situation with family members.
__________________
Your friendly and convenient high-powered flamethrower for use against inanity and trolling.
"If I die, I'm with Jesus. If I live, I'm with Jesus. Either way, I win."
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old Apr 30, '12, 1:14 pm
meltzerboy meltzerboy is offline
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: January 24, 2011
Posts: 10,168
Religion: Jewish
Default Re: Transgender Niece - what do we do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Musician View Post
My beloved niece has decided that she is really a man. And not just a man, but a gay man.
She dresses very goth and radical, is a vocal, obnoxious atheist, and lives out her fantasy life on the Internet where she finds these wackos to encourage her aberrant behavior. She stays in her room all the time on her computer, unless she is at her job at a video games store.
Her partner, a girl, also wants to become a gay man. They are both 22 and on hormones that make them grow facial hair and deepen their voices. I am shocked and saddened that there are therapists out there who are making a living encouraging this ridiculous behavior.
As you may tell, I am strongly against this move because I know she was always a girly-girl and has never, until now, shown the slightest inclination to be a male. If she had always been a tomboy or had obvious masculine features I would be able to understand it.
As it is, I refuse to accept this as normal. My whole family is trying to be accepting, etc, but I feel strongly that my niece is going down a horrible path, and I am NOT going to condone it. I know that it is the popular thing nowadays to encourage people to do whatever they want to do, but don't ask me to accept it.
Question: How do I handle this with my extended family? They will call me a bigot.
Do I go to see my niece? If so, why and how?
I totally do not know how to handle this situation.
Most transgendered people do not wish to change their gender on a whim because it's chic or cool. They really feel themselves born into the wrong gender and it is a very painful feeling. I don't know for sure if this is the case with your niece, but it may be so. No, it's not normal but it's also not something that people and psychologists have made up as an excuse to do whatever one pleases. If, however, you still cannot condone your niece's behavior, based on Church teaching, then, by all means, act according to your faith and moral principles. Love her but do not condone her behavior and don't worry about what others may think about you.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old Apr 30, '12, 1:59 pm
TheRealJuliane TheRealJuliane is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: October 11, 2010
Posts: 19,026
Religion: Roman Catholic
Default Re: Transgender Niece - what do we do?

Where in the WORLD is the money coming from??? Is there some kind of government program I'm not aware of?? I thought all this kind of hormone treatment/surgery was expensive - who is subsidizing this insanity??



Hang in there Musician, it's going to be rough with all the family approval she's getting. Yes, you are going to look like the bad person. You're not. Love her, but you can disapprove of what she is doing.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old Apr 30, '12, 2:52 pm
Havard's Avatar
Havard Havard is offline
Regular Member
 
Join Date: April 9, 2009
Posts: 5,216
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: Transgender Niece - what do we do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by meltzerboy View Post
Most transgendered people do not wish to change their gender on a whim because it's chic or cool. They really feel themselves born into the wrong gender and it is a very painful feeling. I don't know for sure if this is the case with your niece, but it may be so. No, it's not normal but it's also not something that people and psychologists have made up as an excuse to do whatever one pleases. If, however, you still cannot condone your niece's behavior, based on Church teaching, then, by all means, act according to your faith and moral principles. Love her but do not condone her behavior and don't worry about what others may think about you.
As a general observation, doesn't it strike you as a particularly rare coincidence that both parties to a same-sex couple happen to be going through GID?
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old Apr 30, '12, 6:50 pm
meltzerboy meltzerboy is offline
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: January 24, 2011
Posts: 10,168
Religion: Jewish
Default Re: Transgender Niece - what do we do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Havard View Post
As a general observation, doesn't it strike you as a particularly rare coincidence that both parties to a same-sex couple happen to be going through GID?
It does seem unlikely. That's why I stated I don't know if the OP's niece is sincere in what she is doing. My statement refers to transgendered people in general, who do suffer from gender identity disorder.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old May 1, '12, 6:27 am
Dale_M Dale_M is offline
Forum Elder
 
Join Date: September 6, 2006
Posts: 18,814
Default Re: Transgender Niece - what do we do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheRealJuliane View Post
Where in the WORLD is the money coming from??? Is there some kind of government program I'm not aware of?? I thought all this kind of hormone treatment/surgery was expensive
Hormonal treatment is no more expensive than most pharmaceutical drugs. And generic versions are available which greatly reduce the cost.

Surgery, however, is quite expensive. And in the US, is funded out of pocket since extremely few insurance policies cover this kind of surgery. Almost all insurance policies dismiss it as experimental or cosmetic.

From what I have read, many female to male transsexuals get "top surgery" (mastectomy) first and the "bottom surgery" gets done as it is affordable.

As for the OP's concern, I am not sure that to say. However, if doing things by the book, transsexuals are not approved for hormonal therapy without several months of psychological counseling to determine if such a step really is the right thing for the individual to pursue. And from the first post, it sounds as if such counseling has been received.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old May 1, '12, 7:40 am
Monicad Monicad is offline
Prayer Warrior
 
Join Date: September 30, 2006
Posts: 3,212
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: Transgender Niece - what do we do?

Thank you for taking the time to come here and share this story, clearly a very painful and tragic one. I will be praying for your niece and her friend.

I was in a similiar circumstance only I had small children, and sought out spiritual direction to get advice on how best to handle it. I was told that I should keep my young children sheltered from this individual because it would be very confusing for them at their young age. As for myself and my husband, we were told that when we saw this person we should be kind and loving (as in being nice and giving warm greetings, but without saying "congratulations on your operation.").

I can see why you would be uncomfortable around her, and if at a family event you find her criticizing the church or acting oddly or romantically with her friend or using foul language then I could see walking away from her to another room. However if she is simply going to be attending a family event I see no reason why you should avoid it, or her. You don't ever have to tell her "congratulations" on her new lifestyle or attend an event that may be offensive like a "gay pride" event, however if she is at a wedding or birthday party or other event I would suggest going and treating her with love. Try as best as you can not to be irritated with your niece because she is loud and obnoxious but to feel sorry for her. She is a lost soul and a beloved daughter of Christ that does not even beleive in God or his love and is spending most of her life on the internet in a fantasy world and is taking medication and is mutilating her body. This is a situation that should move your soul to pity.


You are not obligated to discuss your approval or disapproval of her lifestyle with relatives, your words will probably only be twisted and make you sound mean. Simply tell everyone that you love her and that you wish her the best for her life which is true. This will make you a good Christian example of love and kindness without showing tolerance for sin. I beleive as a Catholic you are required to not show acceptance for sin which is important, however that doesn't mean you are required to reject her as a person and never speak to her. Just my two cents, best wishes this is so hard I know.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old May 1, '12, 3:24 pm
TheRealJuliane TheRealJuliane is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: October 11, 2010
Posts: 19,026
Religion: Roman Catholic
Default Re: Transgender Niece - what do we do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dale_M View Post
Hormonal treatment is no more expensive than most pharmaceutical drugs. And generic versions are available which greatly reduce the cost.

Surgery, however, is quite expensive. And in the US, is funded out of pocket since extremely few insurance policies cover this kind of surgery. Almost all insurance policies dismiss it as experimental or cosmetic.

From what I have read, many female to male transsexuals get "top surgery" (mastectomy) first and the "bottom surgery" gets done as it is affordable.

As for the OP's concern, I am not sure that to say. However, if doing things by the book, transsexuals are not approved for hormonal therapy without several months of psychological counseling to determine if such a step really is the right thing for the individual to pursue. And from the first post, it sounds as if such counseling has been received.
I see. I didn't realize that about the hormones. I did realize the cost of the surgery. Maybe one of the girls has an inheritance or something?

Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old May 1, '12, 7:06 pm
Musician Musician is offline
Regular Member
Prayer Warrior
Book Club Member
 
Join Date: September 24, 2008
Posts: 1,042
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: Transgender Niece - what do we do?

They don't have any money but what they make. I have no idea how my niece saved up for her mastectomy, which she has had, but she flew to FL to have it done.
I am so torn up by this. Now we are all supposed to call her "he". I am absolutely going to refuse to do that because I think this whole thing is nuts.
My niece never said a word about her gender until she met this friend who wants to be a boy, supposedly, but who has not had a mastectomy or anything else but hormones.
I truly do understand genuine gender issues; I have close friends whose daughter was obviously masculine from the time she was born and who eventually decided to live as a man. Her voice turned deep and gravelly when she went through puberty, she never had a period, etc. I have all the sympathy in the world for cases like this.
But a perfectly normal girl, wanting to live life as a gay man? Why??
And who are these doctors who are encouraging this? It is insane.
__________________
Devout Catholic wife to a wonderful man and mother to four grown children plus their spouses; grandmother to eight beautiful darlings!
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old May 1, '12, 10:14 pm
Dale_M Dale_M is offline
Forum Elder
 
Join Date: September 6, 2006
Posts: 18,814
Default Re: Transgender Niece - what do we do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Musician View Post
My niece never said a word about her gender until she met this friend who wants to be a boy, supposedly, but who has not had a mastectomy or anything else but hormones.
I truly do understand genuine gender issues; I have close friends whose daughter was obviously masculine from the time she was born and who eventually decided to live as a man. Her voice turned deep and gravelly when she went through puberty, she never had a period, etc. I have all the sympathy in the world for cases like this.
But a perfectly normal girl, wanting to live life as a gay man? Why??
Unfortunately, we really can't answer that question. Only the person who has made the decision can explain their feelings, motives, etc.

It is possible that your niece has long desired to do this, but fought against it as socially unacceptable. However, as an adult it might now seem acceptable. I have read a few accounts of persons who changed their sex later in life, often stunning friends and family, because they had hid their feelings so long and seemed a model man or woman. However, a point was finally reached in which they couldn't hold back any longer. Many accounts have stated that the choice was between changing their sex or killing themselves.

Of course, many transsexuals are able to avoid suicide or full transition to the opposite sex. The overwhelming percentage of persons who begin psychological counseling for gender issues find a compromise which allows them to cope. Helping the individual find the path which is right for them is the goal of counseling. It involves weighing all the costs (familial, social, career, financial etc) versus what might realistically be expected with any decision.

Presumably, your niece got such counseling and worked through those issues. But only your niece can explain. We can only make guesses.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Go Back   Catholic Answers Forums > Forums > Catholic Living > Family Life

Bookmarks

Thread Tools Search Thread
Search Thread:

Advanced Search
Display

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



Prayer Intentions

Most Active Groups
8547Meet and talk,talk talk
Last by: Eungang
5208CAF Prayer Warriors Support Group
Last by: UpUpAndAway
4435Devotion to the Sorrowful Mother
Last by: DesertSister62
4037OCD/Scrupulosity Group
Last by: eschator83
3871SOLITUDE
Last by: tuscany
3848Let's empty Purgatory
Last by: RJB
3411Petitions Before the Blessed Sacrament
Last by: Amiciel
3302Poems and Reflections
Last by: PathWalker
3231Catholic Vegetarians & Vegans
Last by: Rifester
3155For seniors and shut- ins
Last by: Paulette60



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 2:44 am.

Home RSS Feeds - Home - Archive - Top

Copyright © 2004-2014, Catholic Answers.