confession went very badly!

whalker · #1 May 9, '12, 12:32 pm

I am a father of two, happily married, my children are small and for this reason the opportunity of being with my wife are very limited. Anyway I don't want to find justification for what I did, because it happened to me to use pornography and masturbation on a weekly basis in the past months. I am really striving to heal myself and get rid of these sins, starting from the pornography which I really hate, but occasionally I find myself miserably falling back in the sin. As background information, I was rasied catholic in a very catholic family, I go to Mass every Sunday and I pray on a daily basis knowing that my misery can be saved only by God's grace. Obviously the super easy access that unfortunately we have to this material makes this sin even more terrible!

Going to back to my story, yesterday I decided to go to confession at a Church that is next to my office and I never used before for this sacrament because it's not my normal parish. When I told the priest what I did, his reaction cought me off guard. He was really tough on me, he asked me if I had died today if I would consider myself worthy of salvation and I said that I couldn't answer to that question, but I certanily hoped on God's Mercy. He said these words: "Mercy is now, but when you die there is no Mercy, only Justice. If you cannot assolve yourself your sentence is already written. It's a question of time. It's a question of time (twice)". At this point I was quite terrified and he added that I had to seek help in some organization to help me get rid of my addiction if I wanted to save my soul. I said something like "I am trying to change!" and he said "Then change, but there are people that are Christians and other that say to be Christian, if people that do things like this are saved, God would be unfair to other people that do not do these things". So the bottom line is that I was already condemned!

I was shocked, really didn't know what to say or do, I just wanted to leave as quickly as possible, but I didn't move.
Finally he said a few prayers and he told me to say 3 Our Father and 3 Hail Mary, but I believe he did not give the absolution. I was very sad therefore my mind might be not clear, but I am almost sure that he did not absolve me.

I was really really hurt by this experience and I couldn't almost sleep. I also said everything to my wife (including the porn stuff that she was not aware of) and she tried to be supportive (she is practicing catholic too) saying that he was crazy and I was totally fine, not to worry about it, etc etc. But the priest's words were stuck in my mind.

For sure after this lesson I'll try 120% to get rid of porn so maybe it has been helpful anyway, but I am also very confused and I'd like to know other people thoughts!

**1ke** · #2 May 9, '12, 12:43 pm

If he gave you penance, he did absolve you. Perhaps you were just too distracted by the rest of it to remember clearly. Do you penance, be at peace, and be thankful to God for His wake up call to get back on the path to holiness.

I'm sorry this disturbed you, but it seems to have been the medicinal jolt your soul needed.

ADiosgracias · #3 May 9, '12, 1:06 pm

Your confession was perfectly ok and you are trying to change. God knows

By the way....your wife is the best!

Bonjovie · #4 May 9, '12, 1:26 pm

Aw, sorry to hear that you feel that way. I agree with 1Ke that although you were quite shocked, it seems that was what you needed really, to see this sin for what it is-a grave offense that is singularly sufficient to cause the loss of your soul for ever! The priest was harsh, but he wasn't exaggerating even a bit.
Welcome to God's arms bro, because now that you have made the right choice and confessed with true sorrow, you don't have hell hovering over your head.

bearer · #5 May 9, '12, 1:33 pm

Sounds like he put the fear of God into you! That's a good thing.

Don't dwell on the past, just go forward and keep in mind that by committing grave and mortal sin, even once, you essentially condemn yourself. Don't worry about being forgiven. If you participated in the sacrament of penance with a contrite heart, you have been indeed forgiven.

Sins of pornography and masturbation are some of the most commonly confessed in this day and age. I'm sure a lot of priests are frustrated by their pervasiveness. If this is a serious problem for you, go back to confession often, and pray regularly for strength and peace of heart. Pray the Rosary, pray to Christ in the Blessed Sacrament (whether reserved in the tabernacle or exposed on the altar during Eucharistic Adoration), and speak openly and honestly with your wife if things continue to go badly for you

Don't let sin or guilt rule you. Every addiction can be overcome through Christ. I know it's difficult to be as holy as we were created to be, but keep working on it, and trust in God's mercy. As long as we're still breathing, there's hope for us yet!

God bless you, brother!

SMOM · #6 May 9, '12, 1:34 pm

The priest was right to be firm. HOWEVER, he doesn't get to judge you. Nor do you get to judge yourself, and to the extent he implied that you are condemned, he was wrong. Only God can judge the state of a soul, and if you indeed have an "addiction" or for some reason are less than fully cupable for your repeated offenses related to sexual sin, there is room for mitigation of the sin.

You are fine, your wife was right, but you do need to stop returning to these sins. Moreover, you probably can't do it yourself. You need help and shouldn't be ashamed to admit it and seek it. Iron sharpens iron, as one man sharpens another brother. Pv. 27:17

Here are some possible resources.

http://www.pornnomore.com/Serenellians.htm

http://www.covenanteyes.com/

http://www.internetsafety.com/safe-e...software-b.php

http://www.saint-mike.org/csgsar/

http://www.unityrestored.com/

Rainaldo · #7 May 9, '12, 1:37 pm

Imagine if you had gone to Padre St Pio, St John Vianney, or St John Bosco! You would have come out with gray hair! Or no hair!

Samson01 · #8 May 9, '12, 1:40 pm

I'm discouraged as well...

acatnamedorangy · #9 May 9, '12, 1:42 pm

I have to agree you have a great wife. Here is a little advice, from a person who fights with these kinds of sins on a regular basis. You have already pointed out that this is a result from not having enough time with your wife. However you happen to have enough time on your hands to be hanging out in solitude surfing the web. With two kids?? The priest was hard on you because you should be ashamed of yourself. The second you even have the thought that you might want to consider looking at porn, GET UP!!! WALK AWAY!!! Go to your wife and ask her what she needs done. Even if it isn't something she is currently doing. You could even be the amazing spontaneous husband who does something that needs to be done without having to ask for instructions. If you start carrying some of the burden in your family life, you would be amazed how much it will change your bedroom life. Your wife is suffering even if she doesn't see it that way. You would also be amazed the difference in your children as you become a more prominent figure in their lives. If it is a distance thing you obviously aren't spending your time away wisely toward a benefit for your family. Your wife has needs also! If watching porn in itself wasn't selfish enough you are unintentionally/intentionally neglecting your wife by turning to porn. Quit being so selfish and love your wife the way she deserves to be loved!

I hope that helps give you direction in fighting your sin. Sin is sin for a reason. Brushing it off as being extremism is what marketing wants you to do. It is great that you are taking the steps toward bettering yourself. I hope this helps both you and your marriage.

P.S. I'm just being honest about it. I'm not a clergy member but I do know marketing. lol

Marchmain1987 · #10 May 9, '12, 1:50 pm

1. Firstly, I think you should relax, do your penance, and avoid the near occasion of sin.
2. Secondly, the priest told you the truth (albeit in harsh fashion).
3. Thirdly, you have a common problem. You are not alone – especially in this culture.
4. Fourthly, if you fail in relation to this sin – go back to Confession.

I do this all the time – over analyze everything. There could be 100 reasons why this priest who so “hard” on you.

1. You may have been the 20th person that day who confessed the same thing and his patience was wearing thin.
2. He may not have understood how contrite you were and wanted you to understand your sins gravity.
3. He may have thought this is new to you wanted to stop it from becoming a truly addictive habit.
4. He may have just had a bad day.
5. God wanted to tell you something.

ricofall · #11 May 9, '12, 1:53 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by acatnamedorangy

I have to agree you have a great wife. Here is a little advice, from a person who fights with these kinds of sins on a regular basis. You have already pointed out that this is a result from not having enough time with your wife. However you happen to have enough time on your hands to be hanging out in solitude surfing the web. With two kids?? The priest was hard on you because you should be ashamed of yourself. The second you even have the thought that you might want to consider looking at porn, GET UP!!! WALK AWAY!!! Go to your wife and ask her what she needs done. Even if it isn't something she is currently doing. You could even be the amazing spontaneous husband who does something that needs to be done without having to ask for instructions. If you start carrying some of the burden in your family life, you would be amazed how much it will change your bedroom life. Your wife is suffering even if she doesn't see it that way. You would also be amazed the difference in your children as you become a more prominent figure in their lives. If it is a distance thing you obviously aren't spending your time away wisely toward a benefit for your family. Your wife has needs also! If watching porn in itself wasn't selfish enough you are unintentionally/intentionally neglecting your wife by turning to porn. Quit being so selfish and love your wife the way she deserves to be loved!

I hope that helps give you direction in fighting your sin. Sin is sin for a reason. Brushing it off as being extremism is what marketing wants you to do. It is great that you are taking the steps toward bettering yourself. I hope this helps both you and your marriage.

P.S. I'm just being honest about it. I'm not a clergy member but I do know marketing. lol

I also second this post.

**po18guy** · #12 May 9, '12, 1:57 pm

The Sacrament of reconciliation should scare the hell out of us. As to what you heard, medicine stings when it is applied to a wound.

I would not worry one bit about this confession, but about the prior ones where you might not have had the firm intention to amend your behavior.

porthos11 · #13 May 9, '12, 1:57 pm

[quote=whalker;9278062 "Then change, but there are people that are Christians and other that say to be Christian, if people that do things like this are saved, God would be unfair to other people that do not do these things". So the bottom line is that I was already condemned!

[/QUOTE]

Most likely the absolution was valid as the priest gave you a penance.

However, I would take exception to God being unfair, as if we were saved based on our "goodness". We are all sinners in need of salvation. Christ was not "unfair" when he promised Paradise to the thief who was dying beside him.

Be sorry for your sins, have a firm purpose of amendment and avoid the voluntary near occasions of sin.

TheRealJuliane · #14 May 9, '12, 2:10 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by po18guy

The Sacrament of reconciliation should scare the hell out of us. As to what you heard, medicine stings when it is applied to a wound.

I would not worry one bit about this confession, but about the prior ones where you might not have had the firm intention to amend your behavior.

This.

I am really pleased that no one so far has battled one eyelash at what the priest said to the OP. I was afraid it would be a hug-fest of "Oh I am so sorry! Father should not have said it that way!" But everyone sees that sometimes, God himself would have to be stern with us.

AveMariaMag7 · #15 May 9, '12, 2:28 pm

On the contrary I think this confession went very well.
Mother Angelica used to say "I want to scare the hell out of you"
I think this priest was trying to do just that.

He was concerned for your soul. He is, obviously, a good priest.
Sometimes we fail to see the seriousness of our sins, until something shakes us up.
Because of the media and liberal, modernist thinking, we begin to think that everything is OK., while all the time we are putting our souls in danger.

Open your life to life.
Open your life to the lives that God sends you.
Natural Family Planning is an option practiced by Catholics and approved by the Church.
Porn is a form of mental adultery and not fair to your wife.
It is she who should be the object of all sxl thoughts.

Thank God that He put this priest in your path.
It is not a coincidence that you went there.
God is zealous for your soul and wants you to be with him in eternity.

I will pray to St. Michael for you. He's a powerful intercessor in temptations.

Those few prayers "he said a few prayers and said to pray 3 OF and 3 HM" were probably the prayers of absolution.
In your state of mind you might not have realized it. If it makes you feel better go to confession again and explain the situation with a firm purpose of amendment you're on your way to heaven once more.

God Bless