Why do the " Bad Boys" get so many women? - Page 2

Crescentinus · #16 May 15, '12, 6:37 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by KCT

As a woman, I had/ have little respect for women who go after the 'bad guys'. (even when I was in high school and college)

Women like you are becoming very rare here in the Far East. I swear, I've seen many young women go for either effeminate men or total badboys. Those who go for the latter do not want men, they want boys.

akela135 · #17 May 15, '12, 6:47 am

I always wanted to date a nice guy, but none of the nice guys I knew ever gave me the time of day. Then I met this really nice man who was polite and chivalrous who asked me out! About 2 weeks later I learned he wasn't a nice guy at all! He was controlling and would insult me and just generally be a jerk. I tried to break up with him but he got really sad and promised to change. I thought everyone deserves a second chance, so I stayed with him and you know what? He didn't change. I repeated the pattern of trying to break up and him promising to change for about a 2 months before I wised up and left for good. I never wanted to be in a relationship like that but once I was in it, I felt guilty if I tried to leave, especially because the guy would tell me I was the only reason he had in the world for trying to be good and if I left he'd never be able to change himself.

Thankfully after dating this guy I knew what signs to watch for in other men who might be like this. I'm now engaged to a very nice guy. My intial attraction to my FH had a lot to do with his confidence! I tell him from time to time that I was really impressed with how confident he was in himself when we first met and he tells me "I was very nervous inside but I had nothing to loose and everything to gain."

Hecares · #18 May 15, '12, 6:55 am

They seem exciting from the distance, especially to good girls who are feeling that they lead boring lives. Some rebel against overly strict parents in this way; and some want to mother them, love them and make them into good boys (which doesn't usually work, by the way).

LegoGE1947 · #19 May 15, '12, 7:01 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Irishmom2

Peter, do you think the bad boys are getting nice girls? I am not so sure. And if they are, I don't think it lasts.

If you are a nice guy, you will meet a nice girl one day. She's out there now waiting for you to come find her and talk to her. Perhaps you have passed her on the street or in church a hundred times, but you never looked at her or noticed her because you were too busy looking for the girls that are off with the bad boys. And you haven't realized they aren't the girls you want anyway.

I've heard regarding women that "It's better to have a Cadillac in the garage than to have a Yugo on the street!"

twoangels · #20 May 15, '12, 7:01 am

The answer is female lust. Don't ask me how my husband found this book, but it is called "A billion wicked thoughts: what the world's largest experiment reveals about human desire."

Women's sexual urges are different than men, thus we lust differently. "Whereas men are more aroused by visual cues, women are more aroused by psychological cues. ... The romance novel has long been described as "pornography for women." This is a somewhat unfair and misleading comparison. After all, would we characterize gang bang porn as "romance for men"? However, the comparison is apt in one respect. [...] Porn reveals the sexual cues that activate male desire. Similarily, romance reveals the sexual cues that activate female desire."

As a man will look to over-the-top physical features in a woman he might view, a woman has her own psychological cues. It often gives false expectations and tempts the individuals toward fantasy and away from reality.

The first thing women are attracted to is "Alphas." "All of the hero professions [in romance novels] associated with status, confidence and competence. ... Study after study has demonstrated the erotic appeal of male dominance. women prefer the voices of dominant men, the scent of dominant ment, the movement and gait of dominant men, the facial features of dominant men. ... Though women like alpha heros, in contemporary novels there are some lines that a hero can never cross, such as excessive physical violence against women or extreem psychological abuse. But in romances written in the 70's and 80's, the hero was often cruel -- or worse. In the Flame and the Flower, the hero actually rapes the virgin heroine in the opening scene -- later excusing his behavior by saying he presumed she was a whore. In Catherine Coulter's 1982 novel Devil's Embrace, the 34 year old Earl of Clare kidnaps the 18 year old Cassie Brougham just before her wedding to a nice young man, ties her down and painfully rapes her; later she falls in love with him.

... It turns out that killing people is an effective way to elicit attention of many women: virtually every serial killer, including Ted Bundy, Charles Manson, and David Berkowitz, have received loved letters from large numbers of female fans. ...But readers of romance are quick to point out that they certainly don't want their heroes to be rapists and murderers. They're willing to tolerate a little misogyny and jerkdom in their heroes at the beginning of the story, as long as they don't stay that way after they meet the heroine. In fact, being an alpha is only half of the full hero package. To pass her scrutiny, the hero must find his inner goo.

...when it comes to women's preferences, they don't just want a nice guy -- they want an alpha who learns to be nice to her. In other words, the women want their romance heroes to to be like coconuts: hard and tough on the outside, but soft and sweet on the inside. But the heroes secret sweet interior can't be available to just anyone. ... The process of the hero getting in touch with his tender side is one of the greatest pleasures of the romance. Scenes where the alpha male expresses his feelings are always described in rich detail. In the same way that women often find the breathless gasping and moaning of female porn starts to be absurdly inauthentic, male readers of romances might find the emotional confessions of romance heroes to be strangely unfamiliar."

There is then the woman's desire for emotional sincerity. Much of the novels deal with determining "if he is truly kind and understanding or whether his emotional expressions are insincere. ...[the desire] to elicit latent tenderness of a man is as powerful as powerful as [a man's] desire to make women tremble with sexual pleasure. Men frequently attribute sexual pleasure to a woman based upon shaky evidence. Many porn fans express with certitude that adult [porn] actresses ... are having real orgasms in their movies. There is a similiar kind of certainty in many women's conviction that their hyper-masculine lover hides a secret tenderness."

The book goes on to say that most women skim the sex scenes in romance novels or skip them all together. The sex scenes are not as detailed as the scenes that involve the alpha male revealing his inner softness to the woman (often discovering it himself for the first time). It is similiar to how a man may only need pictures of women's body parts or in immodest clothing without actually being engaged in a sexual act.

The other psychological cue is what the book refers to as the "magic hoo hoo." "The desire of a man is for the woman; the desire of a woman is for the desire of a man." Women want to feel irresistibile. "Being desired is very arousing to women." That may be why in romance novels there is more talk about the fact that the man develops an erection than on how large the man's body part is or what it looks like.

"The magic hoo hoo does it all: it heals all ills, psychic and sexual. It provides unparelled pleasure to the hero, despite the heroine's reluctance, inexperience, and awkwardness. ...One taste of the magic hoo hoo is all it takes: the hero won't be satisfied with anything else, physically or emotionally. ..The gaze of male desires are focused outward, narrowly, and entirely on the woman. Men do not have sexual cues relating to their self. "

As such, the smooth talking man is like the immodest dressing woman. He is playing on the woman's lusts. As a woman should strive to dress beautifully modest, you should strive to make yourself a strong confident male who doesn't take advantage of women or abuse people. This avoids the excessiveness of lust which leads to problems.

PatriceA · #21 May 15, '12, 7:22 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by itullian

You know what I mean.

The jerks, bullies, rowdy, smooth talkin' ones never want for women hanging all over them.

While the nice guys are sitting there thinking "what the heck, I thought girls wanted nice guys."

C'mon guys, let em hear it, vent a little.

C'mon girls, why do you go for them?

Why aren't you going after the "nice, quiet" girl that isn't interested in the bad boy type? I lost track of the crushes I had in high school and college on the "nice" boy that was too wrapped in in his crush on the "nice" girl that had the crush on the "bad" boy. There are/were plenty of "nice" girls that have no patience for "bad" boys but "nice" boys like you complain about those bad boy-loving girls and seem oblivious to the other options. If the girl you like wants a "bad boy", instead of placing the blame on the girl, think about WHY you are attracted to a girl that likes that type of boy. Maybe you are ignoring the other "nice" girls that have no attraction to the bad boy and are just waiting for someone like you to ask them out.

I don't think its based on "female lust" or anything, its about thinking a woman can "change" the bad boy. Its about wanting to be the "saving angel", the savior for all the bad boy's bad behavior. Its about thinking the girl is so good that the boy will give up and change just to be with her, her love is that important.

mellowcalico · #22 May 15, '12, 7:32 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by PatriceA

Why aren't you going after the "nice, quiet" girl that isn't interested in the bad boy type? I lost track of the crushes I had in high school and college on the "nice" boy that was too wrapped in in his crush on the "nice" girl that had the crush on the "bad" boy. There are/were plenty of "nice" girls that have no patience for "bad" boys but "nice" boys like you complain about those bad boy-loving girls and seem oblivious to the other options. If the girl you like wants a "bad boy", instead of placing the blame on the girl, think about WHY you are attracted to a girl that likes that type of boy. Maybe you are ignoring the other "nice" girls that have no attraction to the bad boy and are just waiting for someone like you to ask them out.

I don't think its based on "female lust" or anything, its about thinking a woman can "change" the bad boy. Its about wanting to be the "saving angel", the savior for all the bad boy's bad behavior. Its about thinking the girl is so good that the boy will give up and change just to be with her, her love is that important.

I once got into a heated discussion with a man who insisted that ALL women like the bad boy type and I just didn't know or understand that (and I, of course, am a woman). It was kind of comical. But he seriously though all women were attracted to one type of man, no exceptions.

But I've wondered this too. I was pretty much a "good girl" in high school and college and hung out with other "good girls." We didn't party, do drugs, we studied, didn't dress immodestly (we weren't wearing burlap sacks or anything, just normal clothes)... and we were routinely ignored by nice guys who had crushes on girls involved with "bad boys" (and usually those girls were party girls, very stylish, etc).

It's like I said before, I have this pet theory that some men get wrapped up in wanting the girls already with "bad boys" that they don't notice the available women near them.

bmaj · #23 May 15, '12, 7:35 am

I don't think the bad boys really "get" so many women in the sense that you are looking for. Sounds like you would be a wonderful catch for a good woman, and it would likely be better for everyone if you just sought someone like yourself in areas where those types of "good" women hang out - Church functions, at work, supermarkets, libraries, with friends of "good" friends, etc.! Just my thought, but most "good" women would not be hanging out at places like bars or such looking for a "good" guy.

Just for the record, I never sought out a bad boy - to date or otherwise - and never would. Have been married now for many decades to a good one - probably a lot like yourself! Keep going to and looking in the right places and just be yourself - good things will happen!

God bless you always - and please stay "good"! The world needs lots more of your type!

KostyaJMJ · #24 May 15, '12, 7:45 am

Why do bad boys get lots of women? It's called low standards.

Debora123 · #25 May 15, '12, 8:42 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by itullian

You know what I mean.

The jerks, bullies, rowdy, smooth talkin' ones never want for women hanging all over them.

While the nice guys are sitting there thinking "what the heck, I thought girls wanted nice guys."

C'mon guys, let em hear it, vent a little.

C'mon girls, why do you go for them?

No offense meant at all to the OP, but this rant right here has been one of my greatest pet peeves... especially in high school.

The truth of the matter is, for every girl who wants to date the good looking bad boy, there's a boy who wants to date the good looking materialistic b_tchy girl.

It goes both ways gentleman, and yet you don't see us "good girls" complaining about it nearly as much as the "good guys" complain about it. Man up!

The most hypocritical thing about all this is that all the "good guys" who came to me whining about this have had perfectly nice girls interested in them... they just didn't happen to be pretty enough to be worth it I guess. Too chubby or too plain.

It goes both ways. Man up.

Debora123 · #26 May 15, '12, 8:45 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by mellowcalico

I also have this personal pet theory (if you will) that a lot of men mainly notice when the really good looking women are "hanging on" men who are jerks. They don't notice the quite, nice girls around them. I know a lot of nice girls who don't give jerks the time of day--and are often overlooked themselves (as plain janes/unexciting, etc).

Exactly.

Crescentinus · #27 May 15, '12, 8:47 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Debora123

No offense meant at all to the OP, but this rant right here has been one of my greatest pet peeves... especially in high school.

The truth of the matter is, for every girl who wants to date the good looking bad boy, there's a boy who wants to date the good looking materialistic b_tchy girl.

It goes both ways gentleman, and yet you don't see us "good girls" complaining about it nearly as much as the "good guys" complain about it. Man up!

The most hypocritical thing about all this is that all the "good guys" who came to me whining about this have had perfectly nice girls interested in them... they just didn't happen to be pretty enough to be worth it I guess. Too chubby or too plain.

It goes both ways. Man up.

To you, it is a pet peeve. With guys like me and the OP, it is a problem and a serious one.
There are many a lady who complain about not getting a gentleman. Hence, telling us to "man up" is pointless since it is not exclusively a male issue!

The Bucket · #28 May 15, '12, 8:55 am

I hate that "man up" phrase. With a vengeance. Mostly because many of our ills today were caused by insane feminism that demanded not equality, but sameness between men and women. So now you've got unhappy women wondering why all the men they desire are cads and no place for decent men who aren't flashy and can't break through the absolutely absurd standards set by today's society.

None of those blame, by the way, are directed at the poster who used that phrase. I doubt very much that she'd approve of the messages of today's society to both young men and women.

Look the truth is that both men and women are looking for the same thing in many regards. They're looking for what their evolutionary cues and personal beliefs/background/whatever tell them is desirable in a mate. Since men are visual creatures they will not generally give those "plain Janes" the time of day because we're being told over and over again subconsciously that their genes are not worth it. Just like the quiet guy who fades into the background of conversation is not going to catch the eye of a woman.

Ladies who may be less physically attractive.... find a way to be more attractive. That's a harsh thing to say, but find a way without being cheap and immodest. Then find a way to get attention without resorting to something like dropping a pencil and reaching down to pick up. You ladies are good at finding ways to generate positive attention. Do it!

Gentlemen, find a way to be bold and assertive without being a cad or heartless jerk. Dress like you're successful. Act like you're successful and have it all together even if you don't. Women are well aware that you're putting your best foot forward when approaching them for the first time, so don't think that doing so is "lying" to them.

MotherAtHeart · #29 May 15, '12, 8:57 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pfaffenhoffen

Tell you why.
Girls are more conservative and have got more good behavior.
So, they are attracted to the opposite: the bad boys.

I'm sorry, but in my opinion, this is completely missing the mark - well at least for most women. This trend of women going for "bad boys" that we've seen all through many many generations goes a lot deeper than opposites attract. When "opposites attract" works, it means you agree fundamentally but they make your weaknesses stronger by being different than you.

Crescentinus · #30 May 15, '12, 9:06 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Bucket

Gentlemen, find a way to be bold and assertive without being a cad or heartless jerk. Dress like you're successful. Act like you're successful and have it all together even if you don't. Women are well aware that you're putting your best foot forward when approaching them for the first time, so don't think that doing so is "lying" to them.

Question. Does having a sword or gun at the belt look more bold and assertive?