Would I be able to marry this man in the Catholic Church?

**Holly3278** · #1 May 22, '12, 1:46 am

Hey everyone. I have a best friend/boyfriend that I have known for almost 4 years. His name is Darrell. I would like to possibly marry him someday. He is not a Christian but he does believe in God. He has never been married. He does have some beliefs from Eastern religions such as a belief in Karma. He also likes the religion of Taoism. Would I be allowed to marry him?

thistle · #2 May 22, '12, 3:14 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Holly3278

Hey everyone. I have a best friend/boyfriend that I have known for almost 4 years. His name is Darrell. I would like to possibly marry him someday. He is not a Christian but he does believe in God. He has never been married. He does have some beliefs from Eastern religions such as a belief in Karma. He also likes the religion of Taoism. Would I be allowed to marry him?

Canon Law:

CHAPTER VI : MIXED MARRIAGES

Can. 1124 Without the express permission of the competent authority, marriage is prohibited between two baptised persons, one of whom was baptised in the catholic Church or received into it after baptism and has not defected from it by a formal act, the other of whom belongs to a Church or ecclesial community not in full communion with the catholic Church.

Can. 1125 The local Ordinary can grant this permission if there is a just and reasonable cause. He is not to grant it unless the following conditions are fulfilled:

1° the catholic party is to declare that he or she is prepared to remove dangers of defecting from the faith, and is to make a sincere promise to do all in his or her power in order that all the children be baptised and brought up in the catholic Church;

2° the other party is to be informed in good time of these promises to be made by the catholic party, so that it is certain that he or she is truly aware of the promise and of the obligation of the catholic party

3° both parties are to be instructed about the purposes and essential properties of marriage, which are not to be excluded by either contractant.

Can. 1126 It is for the Episcopal Conference to prescribe the manner in which these declarations and promises, which are always required, are to be made, and to determine how they are to be established in the external forum, and how the non-catholic party is to be informed of them.

Can. 1127 §1 The provisions of can. 1108 are to be observed in regard to the form to be used in a mixed marriage. If, however, the catholic party contracts marriage with a non-catholic party of oriental rite, the canonical form of celebration is to be observed for lawfulness only; for validity, however, the intervention of a sacred minister is required, while observing the other requirements of law.

§2 If there are grave difficulties in the way of observing the canonical form, the local Ordinary of the catholic party has the right to dispense from it in individual cases, having however consulted the Ordinary of the place of the celebration of the marriage; for validity, however, some public form of celebration is required. It is for the Episcopal Conference to establish norms whereby this dispensation may be granted in a uniform manner.

§3 It is forbidden to have, either before or after the canonical celebration in accordance with §1, another religious celebration of the same marriage for the purpose of giving or renewing matrimonial consent. Likewise, there is not to be a religious celebration in which the catholic assistant and a non-catholic minister, each performing his own rite, ask for the consent of the parties.

Can. 1128 Local Ordinaries and other pastors of souls are to see to it that the catholic spouse and the children born of a mixed marriage are not without the spiritual help needed to fulfil their obligations; they are also to assist the spouses to foster the unity of conjugal and family life.

Can. 1129 The provisions of cann. 1127 and 1128 are to be applied also to marriages which are impeded by the impediment of disparity of worship mentioned in can. 1086 §1.

PerfectTiming · #3 May 22, '12, 3:22 am

Can you? Yes. Should you? That's another matter entirely.

**LilyM** · #4 May 22, '12, 4:26 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by PerfectTiming

Can you? Yes. Should you? That's another matter entirely.

My thoughts too. With appropriate permission and instruction and appropriate undertakings from each of you, yes.

But seriously - four years and you're not engaged yet? Doesn't bode well if you're both that indecisive.

Luvtosew · #5 May 22, '12, 4:33 am

I would marry a Christian.

mamaslo · #6 May 22, '12, 6:19 am

I think it is very cool that you are such good friends that you might consider marriage. I do not think the others have annunciated this but the job in the vocation to marriage is to help the other person get to heaven. It's hard work and learning to love someone who doesn't agree with you on this or doesn't have respect for you and vice versa in faith, ramps up the difficulty. Even if the two are Christians of different denominations.

Now on the other hand, I have a friend who married a Japanese lady (buddist/shintao combo) and they are very happy together, and respectful, but...he is sad because he loves her so much and she just isn't outwardly interested in any conversation about Christianity or Catholicism.

So it can be done, but there will always be that uncertainty and sadness because of the love you have for that person. You know he was created to love God and he doesn't see it. Then Children come along...sigh. then faith becomes more important to both of you.

I can go on, but I think that is enough to ponder.

**adrift** · #7 May 25, '12, 6:05 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Luvtosew

I would marry a Christian.

Many men became Chrisitian because of a Christian wife.

**1ke** · #8 May 25, '12, 6:11 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by adrift

Many men became Chrisitian because of a Christian wife.

That is called missionary dating, and it is unwise. If she cannot accept him just as he is then she should not marry him. If she marries him in hopes that he will change and become a Christian, she is in for a very bad experience.

coachkfan1 · #9 May 25, '12, 6:16 am

As someone with experience in a mixed marraige, I would strongly advise against it. I know that it CAN work but I would say that the odds are stacked heavily against you and the possible heartache, frustration and disappointment that can come are a very hard cross to bear. Whatever happens I pray for the best for you.

**1ke** · #10 May 25, '12, 6:24 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Holly3278

Hey everyone. I have a best friend/boyfriend that I have known for almost 4 years. His name is Darrell. I would like to possibly marry him someday.

Holly, is this really a boyfriend or just someone who is your friend? Has he expressed interest in marrying you?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Holly3278

He is not a Christian but he does believe in God. He has never been married. He does have some beliefs from Eastern religions such as a belief in Karma. He also likes the religion of Taoism. Would I be allowed to marry him?

It is possible. But, it is very unwise.

In order to marry an unbaptized person you need a dispensation from disparity of cult. You must assure the bishop (via your priest) that your practice of the faith will not be compromised and that you promise to raise your chldren Catholic.

Marriage isn't just about you and him. It is also about future children. Raising them in a household where the person who is supposed to be the spiritual leader of the home (the father) cannot fulfill that role is a very bad situation. You will have to be very strong and very committed in your faith to do the work of both.

Holly, you have posted on here a long time and posted about a lot of person problems, including mental and physical disabilities. Have you sought treatment for your mental illness? Have you talked to your priest regarding whether or not your vocation is marriage? Have you gotten help from your priest for your obsessive/compulsive thoughts regarding sin?

Is this by chance the same "best friend" you categorized as "hindering me spiritually" in this thread just a few weeks ago?

Regi · #11 May 25, '12, 6:41 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by coachkfan1

As someone with experience in a mixed marraige, I would strongly advise against it. I know that it CAN work but I would say that the odds are stacked heavily against you and the possible heartache, frustration and disappointment that can come are a very hard cross to bear. Whatever happens I pray for the best for you.

I must say I agree. I am in a mixed religion marriage as well - my husband is a Lutheran. He is very devoted to his religion, but I think more so because I am so dedicated to mine.

I do love my husband, but the mix caused a lot of conflict in our marriage in the first few years. He did allow our children to be baptized as Catholic and supported them with their education in Catholic schools.

But, that being said, if I had it to do over again, I would have more likely tried to find someone of my own Catholic faith to marry. It is much easier to be on the same page all the way.

baltobetsy · #12 May 25, '12, 9:35 am

Holly, Holly, Holly! Lots of people replying to this thread are not aware of the years of chaos you have reported with Darrell, but you have to be honest with yourself about it and about how he has so often been an obstacle between you and your living out your faith in God.

If you were able to obtain the proper dispensation, you probably could marry him, but you should think long and hard before doing so.

**adrift** · #13 May 25, '12, 10:42 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1ke

That is called missionary dating, and it is unwise. If she cannot accept him just as he is then she should not marry him. If she marries him in hopes that he will change and become a Christian, she is in for a very bad experience.

I advocated no such thing. We are to pray for our spouses. My uncle was not a Christian. My aunt did not set out to convert him but in the course of their marriage he did convert. Not because she expected it but because she prayed for his good. If you aren't praying for your spouse there is an important element missing in your marriage.
It doesn't matter if they are Christian or not. When marrying we should always hope for a conversion to Christ. I
OP it sounds that you need to pray long and hard before you enter into a marriage.

**1ke** · #14 May 25, '12, 11:06 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by baltobetsy

Holly, Holly, Holly! Lots of people replying to this thread are not aware of the years of chaos you have reported with Darrell, but you have to be honest with yourself about it and about how he has so often been an obstacle between you and your living out your faith in God.

If you were able to obtain the proper dispensation, you probably could marry him, but you should think long and hard before doing so.

YEP.