Confused Fiance

CEMMM · #1 Jun 7, '12, 7:56 pm

My boyfriend of two years and fiance just confessed to me that he's addicted to masturbation and has been since the 6th grade (we're 26). He said that by God's grace he has NEVER looked a porn- and I do believe him on that and his brother verified that. I trust that. But that makes me wonder what he uses to stimulate himself for masturbation? I don't know if that's my place to even ask. More importantly, we're a year from the wedding and I just don't know what I should do? I've read posts that this can be very harmful to marriages especially those who use NFP? He is VERY well formed in the faith and desires to live a virtuous life. He frequents the sacraments and says this is a weakness and he became addicted before he knew it was a sin. Any advice is helpful.....

ahs · #2 Jun 7, '12, 8:41 pm

Prayer and fasting...for both of you. The fact that he acknowledges this as an addiction is a step in the right direction, and the fact he admitted this to you is a leap of faith for him I'd suppose. He needs to pray (and find a patron Saint of addictions if there is one...) and fast, and you should do so as well on his behalf. And expect for there to be falls...few battles are won in the first fight. I will pray for you both as well.

ChrisRedfield47 · #3 Jun 7, '12, 9:10 pm

Tell him to pray the Rosary. Its very effective against masturbation. Click the link below on my sig.

EviPolevhia · #4 Jun 7, '12, 9:12 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by CEMMM

My boyfriend of two years and fiance just confessed to me that he's addicted to masturbation and has been since the 6th grade (we're 26). He said that by God's grace he has NEVER looked a porn- and I do believe him on that and his brother verified that. I trust that. But that makes me wonder what he uses to stimulate himself for masturbation? I don't know if that's my place to even ask. More importantly, we're a year from the wedding and I just don't know what I should do? I've read posts that this can be very harmful to marriages especially those who use NFP? He is VERY well formed in the faith and desires to live a virtuous life. He frequents the sacraments and says this is a weakness and he became addicted before he knew it was a sin. Any advice is helpful.....

It probably isn't your place to ask him what he uses for stimulation, you're right. But it seems like there is alot of trust in that relationship so that's good. Maybe search online and see if there are any catholic addiction groups in the area? If prayer alone worked there would be alot less addicts in the world. Such things need to be engaged and defeated if they are a serous problem in a relationship.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ahs

He needs to pray (and find a patron Saint of addictions if there is one...)

Patron Saint of Addicts I think is St. Maximilian Mary Kolbe, Saint of Addicts and Drug Addiction. (Though considering the strength and commonality of the nature of this addiction, maybe St. Jude might be more appropriate?)

underacloud · #5 Jun 7, '12, 10:19 pm

It's unusual that he told you. Most men try to keep this as private as possible. At least you know that he intends to change. Now that you know it might be hard not to worry or wonder, but at least you can pray for him.

He should get to confession reasonably regularly as confessing this sin to other people is hard to do, and for that reason alone it's incentive to stop. He should also receive Eucharist as often as possible (with guidance from a confessor on such, since this sin is grave matter).

cessnawag · #6 Jun 8, '12, 9:55 pm

Your fiance sounds like a very good man to me. Any man that would admit such an embarrassing addiction to his future wife has virtue. Be patient with him and be glad he doesn't keep secrets from you.

teachccd · #7 Jun 8, '12, 10:03 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by cessnawag

Your fiance sounds like a very good man to me. Any man that would admit such an embarrassing addiction to his future wife has virtue. Be patient with him and be glad he doesn't keep secrets from you.

I have to agree. His telling you is not an act of defiance so much as it is him calling out for help. This has to be bothering him terribly for him to admit it to you. Pray for him and let him know that while you do not condone his behavior you will not condemn him for it either. I think that he would want more than anything to be able to quit this addiction but in reality it will take time and prayers. You guys have both of those.