Arm around spouse/ date/"nuzzling" in pews during Mass?

[JimG]

Originally Posted by 28562

Perhaps we should all be focused more on the Mass rather than what other parishioners are doing...

Quite true. At the same time, PDA's at Mass can be distracting to others. Maybe they should be saved for date night at the theater.

[anp1215]

Originally Posted by 28562

Perhaps we should all be focused more on the Mass rather than what other parishioners are doing...

I was wondering how long it would be before this comment popped up. Sometimes people are doing things right in front of you and it's impossible not to notice. That doesn't mean that I'm staring daggers and wishing hellfire upon them, it just means I noticed what they were doing. That's it.

[LilyM]

Originally Posted by Cristiano

I think that in most environments it is inappropriate for men to wear hats in an enclosed environment, it is not an old-fashioned notion, it is very contemporary. When it comes to the house of worship we should also remember 1 Corinthians 11:4 "Every man praying or prophesying with his head covered, disgraceth his head."

What does an enclosed space have to do with men not covering their heads fer crying out loud? There's no logical connection.

By the way Paul had been an observant Jew. As was Jesus. Both bound by Jewish law to cover their heads while praying as many Jewish men do to this day. I doubt he meant that paragraph as a universal condemnation of something practiced by Our Lord!

As for St Paul - I suppose you feel that women should also follow his dictum about veiling? Even though the Magisterium has never - not once - given so much as a hint of a hint, ever since all reference to veiling was dropped in the 1983 Code of Canon Law, that they see any problem with men being hatted or women being unveiled at all? Not even a private opinion from John Paul II or Benedict XVI deploring women who don't veil or men who cover their heads?

In marked contrast to practices like CITH and use of EMsHC, where there are official restrictions and private reservations about universally practicing them?

[reconman]

Originally Posted by Kathryn Ann

[size="3"][color="Navy"][font="Book Antiqua"]Just curious: Should gentlemen put one of their arms around their spouse/ or girl friend (arm hanging casually around the back of the pew) during most of the Mass, whispering, nuzzling ears, patting heads?

No, it's not appropriate. But I think it's more a matter of ignorance rather than malice.

[austenbosten]

I've witnessed this only once, my reaction is "Ugh, get a friggen room!"

I see nothing wrong with people holding hands, or doing the arm around, but the back rubbing, the nuzzling...seriously go out to the parking lot, do what you gotta do, and come back when you are decent. It's a church not your bedroom and we're holding mass, not your little show.

I think PDA has gone too far, all I see when people do that rub/nuz crud I just see a bunch of attention-seekers..."Hey look at us, we're so in love." .....no, you're in doubt, have low self-esteem and you seek the confirmation of others that you're "in love."

[Cristiano]

Originally Posted by LilyM

What does an enclosed space have to do with men not covering their heads fer crying out loud? There's no logical connection..........

What do you think the primary purpose of a hat is about?

[Cristiano]

Originally Posted by LilyM

..........Even though the Magisterium has never - not once - given so much as a hint of a hint, ever since all reference to veiling was dropped in the 1983 Code of Canon Law, that they see any problem with men being hatted or women being unveiled at all? Not even a private opinion from John Paul II or Benedict XVI deploring women who don't veil or men who cover their heads?...........

Just because it has been dropped by the CCL that does not mean that it is appropriate to wear a baseball cap at Mass. I do not see anything that says that I cannot chew gum at Mass, is that appropriate? Do you really need a law or a private opinion from a pope to know what would be considered polite behavior? Would you think that is normal and appropriate for a man to wear a baseball cap at a dinner with international dignitaries at the White House? What do you think of people that refuse to take their caps off when the National Anthem is played?

[LilyM]

Originally Posted by Cristiano

What do you think the primary purpose of a hat is about?

Lots of different things - warmth, protection from dust, dirt, heat or sunshine, showing off wealth, status are just some of them. I would never say there was ONE primary purpose.

That's why there have been different rules for men and women - eg women covered their heads for Church whereas men uncovered. Men doffed their hats to women and socially superior men, women didn't doff their hats for anyone. Children usually had head uncovered even in situations where adults would cover. And so on.

This difference between what men or children did hatwise v women or adults in general shows that there never was one primary universal function.

[LilyM]

Originally Posted by Cristiano

Just because it has been dropped by the CCL that does not mean that it is appropriate to wear a baseball cap at Mass. I do not see anything that says that I cannot chew gum at Mass, is that appropriate? Do you really need a law or a private opinion from a pope to know what would be considered polite behavior? Would you think that is normal and appropriate for a man to wear a baseball cap at a dinner with international dignitaries at the White House? What do you think of people that refuse to take their caps off when the National Anthem is played?

When something that has been a longstanding rule, to the point of being enshrined in Canon Law, is deliberately omitted (for no changes to Canon Law are made by accident and nothing is merely 'dropped' for no reason) AND a sector of the faithful make a lot of noise about the significance of that omission, as they did about the change to the requirement to cover, then you can bet that complete silence from the Popes and the Magisterium thereafter speaks volumes.

No, I don't need a rule about gum. But if there WAS a written rule against it, which was deliberately removed, and 50% of people suddenly started chewing gum, and for 30 YEARS not one member of the Magisterium - no Pope or Bishop in good standing - said even privately 'y'know, people really should stop chewing gum, even though there's no rule against it' - well it'd be a foolish person who would conclude that they hadn't deliberately and by consensus decided that the rule was no longer relevant and so axed it.

[TheRealJuliane]

Originally Posted by Kathryn Ann

Hi fellow forum posters.

Just curious: Should gentlemen put one of their arms around their spouse/ or girl friend (arm hanging casually around the back of the pew) during most of the Mass, whispering, nuzzling ears, patting heads? I don't see it often but I've told my husband to please leave that behavior for the home or movie theatre. It doesn't happen often, so I'm wondering what you think? It's certainly nice to see married couples with children and all couples still in love, and I'm happy to see them relaxed but is this going overboard or too casual? Is this unusual in your own experience? I was in an evangelical church for many years and it was very common there, but I just recently noticed this a few times at Mass and wondered about it. Opinions?

I've seen it, I've seen it cross the line, and it shouldn't happen. It's not proper for couples to be all over each other in church when they should be paying attention to the Mass/praying/responding.

[TrueLight]

I think there should generally be little to no PDAs at mass. I don't mind spouses holding hands in the pews.

[jwinch2]

As long as it is not in bad taste, e.g. making out or grabbing sensitive areas, I see nothing wrong with any of it.

I frequently hold my wife's hand at Mass. I also frequently put my arm around her or rest my hand on her leg, usually during the homily or after communion once we are finished with our prayers. I occasionally lean over and kiss her on the head after the homily or after our post-communion prayers and tell her that I love her. Occasionally, I rub her shoulder, etc. while I have my arm around her, which I usually do not even realize I am doing.

I suppose one could see that and think we were not paying attention to the liturgy, the homily, etc. but they would be very wrong. What those people would not know is that often something in the homily strikes one of us in such a way that we tear up a bit and after it is over, the other is lending support. Sometimes, we had been in an argument recently and it is during Mass that one or both of our hearts soften. Sometimes during communion or immediately following the magnitude of things hits one of us and I or my wife get a bit emotional and the other lends support. The shared experience of being at Mass with my wife is very important to both of us. I love to sing and music has been a big part of my life. I have considered joining one of our parish choirs many times. However, being in the choir would mean not sitting with my wife during Mass which at this time in my life, I am not willing to do.

Others above have suggested that this sort of behavior is not appropriate and will likely disagree with what I have stated above. That's fine, you are entitled to your opinion.

[Zosimus41]

Originally Posted by Kathryn Ann

Hi fellow forum posters.

Just curious: Should gentlemen put one of their arms around their spouse/ or girl friend (arm hanging casually around the back of the pew) during most of the Mass, whispering, nuzzling ears, patting heads? I don't see it often but I've told my husband to please leave that behavior for the home or movie theatre. It doesn't happen often, so I'm wondering what you think? It's certainly nice to see married couples with children and all couples still in love, and I'm happy to see them relaxed but is this going overboard or too casual? Is this unusual in your own experience? I was in an evangelical church for many years and it was very common there, but I just recently noticed this a few times at Mass and wondered about it. Opinions?

I see it often but only while attending a NO mass and typically the guys will have their arms laid on the back of the pew. I dont see it all when attending the Latin Rite.

Personally I think we should show our attention 100% to the mass and not entertain ourselves. I know for myself when the wife and I are at a meeting or movie when I get bored I turn my attention to her (arm around her,put my head against hers) etc...

Think about it when your reading a good book typically your so absorbed (Intensely engaged; engrossed) into the book your not concentrating (Focus one's attention or mental effort on a particular object or activity) on anything else. Shouldnt that be our mindset in mass?

It seems like a self fulfilling act.

[mandajane]

In mass, FH and I hold hands, unless we're supposed to be doing something with them at the time. Every once in a while he will put his arm around my shoulders, over the back of the pew. When we give each other the Sign of Peace, we kiss each other's cheeks. That's about the extent of it, and the extent of what I'll accept. (Well, maybe a married couple giving each other a quick peck on the lips during the Sign of Peace, instead of the cheek... bah)

anyway, anything you wouldn't be ashamed to do in front of your mother and grandmother, should normally be ok in mass.

[onmyknees]

I have never seen any couples cuddling or touching each other during the mass but I don't think it would be appropriate at mass. Honestly, I sometimes wonder if people know what is really happening at the mass! BTW, excuse my ignorance but what is PDA?