Our Son refused by the priest. - Page 3

Lapey · #31 Jun 13, '12, 10:42 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by StressedMummy82

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Thank you, that definently hit home! I don't feel offended by Ppls comments,
I feel some are a little harsh :@ but true I suppose, can't blame ppl for believing! I have also spoke again to the priest, which did not go too well. It ended with him suggesting that me & my son go and support my faith, I replied I wouldn't like my 2 children to have 2 different religions! To which he replied "well you don't mind them having 2 different Dads!" I was quite shocked & upset (again) to be honest, it's a horrible situation as a Mother, AMD I just don't know where to go from here.

Thank you to every1 for all your comments.

From reading this message, my thoughts are that you should look within. It seems your heart is set on a true faith in and a relationship with Jesus for you and your kids. So I say, look within for the answer. What are you being lead to? Who are you being lead to?

The priest in this case is waiting for a commitment, he may be off base in his words and advice to you, but what have you given to show you are 100% in? I do not have all of the information from the meeting, but I would bet that priest was doing what he felt was the right thing to see what you would do.

Also, have you spoken with your partner? The two of you need to either be all in, or stay where you are. Either we live as children of God or we live as children of the world. It's your choice.

I would bet if you talk to your partner, explain to him you want to join, and you want him to enroll in RCIA with you and enter fully into union with Jesus he would. If you make that commitment I would say the priest would be inclined to help you. A he sees it so far, nothing has been done to help your self.

It is honorable that you are seeking, you are now receiving, what will you decide to do with what you receive is your choice. I may sound harsh, but I speak what the Church teaches and believes in love and charity, with salvation of souls in mind. If I would water down the truth and say do what makes you feel good so I don't offend you I could do more harm than good. So I will never do that. We are in a battle, a spiritual battle for these little ones as Jesus called them in Scripture. It’s up to us to accept the warrior known as the Christ!

Private message me if you care to talk more.

StressedMummy82 · #32 Jun 13, '12, 11:52 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by maryjk

Quick question.

Were you married to your son's father?

No, it makes me sound awful doesn't it! I don't just flit from 1 relationship to the next having children, my son's bio Dad left me 7mths pregnant in a 8 year relationship

and then along came my prince when my son was 13 mths old

TheRealJuliane · #33 Jun 13, '12, 11:56 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by StressedMummy82

No, it makes me sound awful doesn't it! I don't just flit from 1 relationship to the next having children, my son's bio Dad left me 7mths pregnant in a 8 year relationship

and then along came my prince when my son was 13 mths old

We're not here to judge you, just to understand your situation so we can let you know what you might be facing as you try to understand our Church.

Really, your "prince" as you call him, needs to do the right thing and marry you. HE needs to step up and be a man, and talk to the priest about what to do to make things right. Of course that is my opinion but it is also what God wants us to do - get married before we have sex/make children.

StressedMummy82 · #34 Jun 13, '12, 12:12 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheRealJuliane

We're not here to judge you, just to understand your situation so we can let you know what you might be facing as you try to understand our Church.

Really, your "prince" as you call him, needs to do the right thing and marry you. HE needs to step up and be a man, and talk to the priest about what to do to make things right. Of course that is my opinion but it is also what God wants us to do - get married before we have sex/make children.

That is very true but he won't, he's not interested in marriage.. sees it as just a piece of paper that isn't going to keep a couple together if they don't want to be!

I have been very naive towards this christening, didn't think about it as deep as I should! Just thought u asked to be christened an then you was, I have been to many christenings mainly catholic 1s where I know for a fact not 1 of them have stepped foot in the church since but class themselves as proper catholics! Suppose its just not meant to be!

TheRealJuliane · #35 Jun 13, '12, 12:25 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by StressedMummy82

That is very true but he won't, he's not interested in marriage.. sees it as just a piece of paper that isn't going to keep a couple together if they don't want to be!

I have been very naive towards this christening, didn't think about it as deep as I should! Just thought u asked to be christened an then you was, I have been to many christenings mainly catholic 1s where I know for a fact not 1 of them have stepped foot in the church since but class themselves as proper catholics! Suppose its just not meant to be!

We don't christen our babies. We baptize them, once and forever, so yeah, it's a big deal, even if some of the parents don't act like it.

I'm sorry your boyfriend and father of your daughter is being a fool. I will pray that he steps up to the plate and grows up soon! I do wish you hadn't seen him as your prince until he married you!

Irishgal49 · #36 Jun 14, '12, 4:45 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lapey

I truly pray that you are not offended by my comments and questions. I have to ask you, why is it so important that your son should be baptized but nothing else in your life is of importance where God is concerned? You are living in a relationship which is against Jesus' teachings, you yourself are not willing to commit to Christ in His Church, and your partner is evidently not fully committed to his own faith since you say that he won't choose to marry.

We get people every week call the rectory to have their kids baptized who never go to Mass, have nothing to do with anything Catholic except their parents are Catholic, nor do they commit to anything for themselves for the future. What's the point of baptizing these little ones? This is the predicament of the pastor of the parish, what is in the best interest of the child, is there reasonable assurance that this child will be brought up in the faith? I've have seen my pastor refuse and accept kids for baptism and I have no right or reason to contradict his decisions.

This is my advice for you, go to your parish priest and commit to the faith fully, join RCIA and come into the Church, why would you want something for your kids that you do not want yourself? Before, during and after that, talk to your partner about your relationship and how important living in Christ is to you. Living in sin is not living in Christ; the world tells us cohabitating is acceptable, God tells us it is sinful. I would suggest both of you can benefit from RCIA; especially if he has not received all of the Sacraments, confirmation and first communion and reconciliation.

Make an appointment with the priest and lay everything out and he will help you; but be prepared to commit. If you are not ready to commit, why should he be ready to commit?

In the words of Fr. Larry Richards, “I am willing to give God everything, until He asks for something I am not ready to give Him.” Makes sense, doesn’t it?

It makes sense if you're saying, "Go clean and pretty yourself up and then when you're worthy your children can be baptized."

Let me tell you of an actual event that happened in our parish here in Michigan. A single mother who was living with a guy came into the church wanting her three little ones baptized...all under the age of 5. The priest didn't like the way she was living but felt that this wasn't the children's fault. He baptized them. Not even a month later the mother and all her children were killed in a massive car accident. The priest said, "I am SO glad I baptized those children."

Jesus said, "Let the children come to me and forbid them not, for such is the kingdom of God." How is it the child's fault that the mother isn't living according to the Church's teaching? Heaven forbid if they die, then what? Should the child be denied a sacrament because the parent sins? Where is THAT in the Bible????? If I had to wait until my parents were worthy I would have never been baptized, ever. We are never good enough, we never live totally according to the church. I don't agree with her living with a guy and it is not HIS choice, it's HER choice....and she needs to rectify that but I still don't see how the children should be denied given the grave risk if they were to die. Not everyone has a priest handy roadside in an accident and I do commend the mother for at least wanting her children baptized, so many don't even give it a second thought. Did it ever occur to anyone that this might be the way the Lord is bringing her into the faith?

I'm all for baptizing any and all children, let God work in their lives, if not when they are growing up, maybe when they are grown and see that baptismal certificate.

Lorrie

TEPO · #37 Jun 14, '12, 5:25 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by StressedMummy82

I am a protestant & my partner is a Catholic, he is step father to my son who is 4yrs old an has been since my son was 13months old! My son doesn't see his Biological father, wouldn't know him if he passed him in the street! We now have a daughter together & want them both christened, but the priest has refused to christen our son & only our daughter, he's asked if me or bio dad was catholic, which we are not, and said no then.. it's not the catholic way and handed us a application form for our daughter! I'm really upset about it as its me & my partner who bring up our children not bio dad so does it matter who's blood he has? Is it really acceptable to leave 1 child out? I thought we would have been welcomed, what has a child done to deserve to be left out. Thanx for reading, & sorry for the essay. X

Don't feel bad. I've been Catholic for 35 years, and have 3 out of 4 of my children baptized... But they won't baptize my fourth one -because I haven't been a parishioner of my current parish for at least one year.

They wouldn't even accept the fact that I have been a parishioner in other parishes.. It's "just the way it is" they say. Oh well. Baptism is overrated anyways... It's just too much of a pain in the butt having to go through this nonsense over and over and over again. Besides, it's hard to find godparents these days. I give up, they win.

Stylites · #38 Jun 14, '12, 5:33 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Irishgal49

It makes sense if you're saying, "Go clean and pretty yourself up and then when you're worthy your children can be baptized."

. . .

Jesus said, "Let the children come to me and forbid them not, for such is the kingdom of God." How is it the child's fault that the mother isn't living according to the Church's teaching? Heaven forbid if they die, then what? Should the child be denied a sacrament because the parent sins? Where is THAT in the Bible????? If I had to wait until my parents were worthy I would have never been baptized, ever. We are never good enough, we never live totally according to the church. I don't agree with her living with a guy and it is not HIS choice, it's HER choice....and she needs to rectify that but I still don't see how the children should be denied given the grave risk if they were to die. Not everyone has a priest handy roadside in an accident and I do commend the mother for at least wanting her children baptized, so many don't even give it a second thought. Did it ever occur to anyone that this might be the way the Lord is bringing her into the faith?

I'm all for baptizing any and all children, let God work in their lives, if not when they are growing up, maybe when they are grown and see that baptismal certificate.

Lorrie

Well, it was the priest's call, not mine or yours or anyone else's. If there were no hope that any child would reach the age of reason then you might have a point. Even the Mormons go about conferring what they think is a baptism upon even our deceased ancestors to purportedly assure their salvation.

The lack of a baptism is not a surety of damnation just as the indelible mark of baptism is not a surety of salvation. Let's let the priests do their jobs while we do ours.

Stylites · #39 Jun 14, '12, 5:38 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by TEPO

Don't feel bad. I've been Catholic for 35 years, and have 3 out of 4 of my children baptized... But they won't baptize my fourth one -because I haven't been a parishioner of my current parish for at least one year.

They wouldn't even accept the fact that I have been a parishioner in other parishes.. It's "just the way it is" they say. Oh well. Baptism is overrated anyways... It's just too much of a pain in the butt having to go through this nonsense over and over and over again. Besides, it's hard to find godparents these days. I give up, they win.

Maybe the real reason was he somehow sensed that you would give up too easily and view the Sacrament as overrated anyway.

**LilyM** · #40 Jun 14, '12, 5:43 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Irishgal49

It makes sense if you're saying, "Go clean and pretty yourself up and then when you're worthy your children can be baptized."

Let me tell you of an actual event that happened in our parish here in Michigan. A single mother who was living with a guy came into the church wanting her three little ones baptized...all under the age of 5. The priest didn't like the way she was living but felt that this wasn't the children's fault. He baptized them. Not even a month later the mother and all her children were killed in a massive car accident. The priest said, "I am SO glad I baptized those children."

Jesus said, "Let the children come to me and forbid them not, for such is the kingdom of God." How is it the child's fault that the mother isn't living according to the Church's teaching? Heaven forbid if they die, then what? Should the child be denied a sacrament because the parent sins? Where is THAT in the Bible????? If I had to wait until my parents were worthy I would have never been baptized, ever. We are never good enough, we never live totally according to the church. I don't agree with her living with a guy and it is not HIS choice, it's HER choice....and she needs to rectify that but I still don't see how the children should be denied given the grave risk if they were to die. Not everyone has a priest handy roadside in an accident and I do commend the mother for at least wanting her children baptized, so many don't even give it a second thought. Did it ever occur to anyone that this might be the way the Lord is bringing her into the faith?

I'm all for baptizing any and all children, let God work in their lives, if not when they are growing up, maybe when they are grown and see that baptismal certificate.

Lorrie

It is in no way blaming the child to not baptize them.

If you wanted to be allowed to practice medicine but were known to have never studied a day of medicine in your life, your request would naturally be denied.

Not that you're in any way being punished - since when is simply being told 'no' a punishment? You're being denied because experience shows that people who haven't studied medicine are rarely good doctors. And the fact that a handful of people in history probably managed without the study isn't justification enough for the massive risk of allowing a whole bunch of woefully unprepared would-be doctors loose on the world.

Same goes with being Catholic. Merely being baptised Catholic puts all sorts of obligations on a person. Many only find this out later in life, also find out that they can do nothing about it, and feel incredibly bitter and resentful that they were 'stuck' with the lifelong obligations.

It's totally a double edged sword - benefits but also responsibilities, as those children would have found out had they lived.

adv1sor · #41 Jun 14, '12, 5:45 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by StressedMummy82

No, it makes me sound awful doesn't it!

No. This does not make you sound awful, it just makes you sound honest, it just means that you are human.

Everyone of us posting here, myself included, are sinners.

It seems to me that maybe God is calling you to His Church.

Pray about this.

If you are serious about getting cleaned up and on the right track then you will have to make some changes in your life. You can't live with your daughter's father in the same home and not be married. This is asking a lot, but consider the impact on your life and that of your children, both in this world and the next.

If you decide to come home to God then make another appointment to speak to a priest. Bring your daughter's father with you. And the three of you come up with a plan to move forward.

It's a tangled mess you are in. Having two children from two different fathers and not being married to either. But it's not too tangled for God. Of that you can be assured.

I'll pray for you.

TEPO · #42 Jun 14, '12, 6:32 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stylites

Maybe the real reason was he somehow sensed that you would give up too easily and view the Sacrament as overrated anyway.

. Surely that would be the reason for denying... But it simply isn't true. I've played this game too many times -and a baptism of desire is no less valid than one by water.

I can't help it that I have to move to where my work is. I know we move too much, and it's bad for the kids, but I'm working on changing it. The baby will just have to wait.

maryjk · #43 Jun 14, '12, 6:40 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by StressedMummy82

No, it makes me sound awful doesn't it! I don't just flit from 1 relationship to the next having children, my son's bio Dad left me 7mths pregnant in a 8 year relationship

and then along came my prince when my son was 13 mths old

No, not awful.

But it might explain why the priest said what he did.

If you look at it from his point of view, you have had relationships with at least two different men that resulted in having a child. You have not been married to either of these men. One of the children doesn't know his father. And out of the three of you only one calls himself Catholic.

What here gives the priest any thought that your son, without a Catholic parent, will remain Catholic?

figs · #44 Jun 14, '12, 6:48 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Irishgal49

It makes sense if you're saying, "Go clean and pretty yourself up and then when you're worthy your children can be baptized."

Let me tell you of an actual event that happened in our parish here in Michigan. A single mother who was living with a guy came into the church wanting her three little ones baptized...all under the age of 5. The priest didn't like the way she was living but felt that this wasn't the children's fault. He baptized them. Not even a month later the mother and all her children were killed in a massive car accident. The priest said, "I am SO glad I baptized those children."

Jesus said, "Let the children come to me and forbid them not, for such is the kingdom of God." How is it the child's fault that the mother isn't living according to the Church's teaching? Heaven forbid if they die, then what? Should the child be denied a sacrament because the parent sins? Where is THAT in the Bible????? If I had to wait until my parents were worthy I would have never been baptized, ever. We are never good enough, we never live totally according to the church. I don't agree with her living with a guy and it is not HIS choice, it's HER choice....and she needs to rectify that but I still don't see how the children should be denied given the grave risk if they were to die. Not everyone has a priest handy roadside in an accident and I do commend the mother for at least wanting her children baptized, so many don't even give it a second thought. Did it ever occur to anyone that this might be the way the Lord is bringing her into the faith?

I'm all for baptizing any and all children, let God work in their lives, if not when they are growing up, maybe when they are grown and see that baptismal certificate.

Lorrie

I have been thinking pretty much the same way. I'm another one that would have NEVER been baptised if it depended on my parents being worthy!

I don't see the sense in this priests decision.
They are both her children and only one qualifies? Where is the logic in that? The very same adults are involved, the very same life for both children.

Might be the priests call but it just seems like a bunch of hooey to me, along with very uncharitable remarks to the mother, if that is what was said in their exchange.

maryjk · #45 Jun 14, '12, 7:00 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by figs

I have been thinking pretty much the same way. I'm another one that would have NEVER been baptised if it depended on my parents being worthy!

It has nothing to do with being worthy.

Quote:

I don't see the sense in this priests decision.
They are both her children and only one qualifies? Where is the logic in that? The very same adults are involved, the very same life for both children.

She isn't Catholic, nor married to either child's father. The father of the second child is Catholic. But the father of the first child, isn't. Which means that the parents of the first child aren't Catholic. It would be the same as scooping up a child off of the street and baptizing him.

Quote:

Might be the priests call but it just seems like a bunch of hooey to me, along with very uncharitable remarks to the mother, if that is what was said in their exchange.

Although hurtful. What the priest said was true. The mother wasn't too concerned about having multiple babies with different daddies. Nor was she concerned about being married to either one of them.

Keep in mind, she is not Catholic. Working toward that, would go a long way in convincing the priest she was serious about the Catholic Faith.