How do I keep from being so uncharitable and irritable towards people?

[Holly3278]

Hey everyone. Often there will be people in the hallways of our apartment building talking loudly, laughing loudly, or I'll hear a baby screaming. Well, this really gets on my nerves because I love silence, especially when I am focusing on things on the computer which I often do. Unfortunately I have uncharitable thoughts towards these people when they irritate me in that manner. I fear that I am sinning by having these uncharitable thoughts. Sometimes I'll quietly say "Please shut up." or something of a similar nature. How can I stop this from happening to me? I hate the fact that I am so easily irritated. I think it might have to do with this new anti-depressant not working as well as my previous one and so I know I should try to get on a new medicine but I'd prefer other advice.

[nickybr38]

I'd LOVE to know. I'm a highly irritable and sometimes uncharitable person, especially at work. I've been struggling to get it under control for some time.

Hopefully someone knows the key to being a bit more patient.

[Nigel7]

My priest (confessor) told me just a week ago that we should pray for these people who irritate us. He said that maybe they are so inconsiderate because no one is praying for them.

Besides, when we pray good things for these people then it always makes us feel better about them and ourselves.

[DeniseNY]

Holly, I'm plagued with the same problem. I get SO angry when I hear noise in the bedroom above me in the early morning hours. At 2 or 3 in the morning, I can have very uncharitable thoughts and I sometimes feel like I want to go upstairs and just scream at them.

[englishredrose]

Originally Posted by Holly3278

Hey everyone. Often there will be people in the hallways of our apartment building talking loudly, laughing loudly, or I'll hear a baby screaming. Well, this really gets on my nerves because I love silence, especially when I am focusing on things on the computer which I often do. Unfortunately I have uncharitable thoughts towards these people when they irritate me in that manner. I fear that I am sinning by having these uncharitable thoughts. Sometimes I'll quietly say "Please shut up." or something of a similar nature. How can I stop this from happening to me? I hate the fact that I am so easily irritated. I think it might have to do with this new anti-depressant not working as well as my previous one and so I know I should try to get on a new medicine but I'd prefer other advice.

Learn to reach the silence within you. It does take just a little time and the right teacher you click on fairly quickly. It is true for me that I can be in a very noisy place around me but being still with God, being in the presence of God is amazing. I do find it hard when am rambling though but everywhere else I seem to just be able to be in the presence of God with whatever is going of around me and silence is there. Ask your priest how to reach there and ps, ditch those anti depressents. Yeh every doctor says we need them. Dr's are there to give out pills etc. That is their way of treating things. You will do yourself much more favour if you can ditch them and learn how to manage your triggers etc. You really don't need them. They are there to help us to learn how to manage for the next down time but not to be continued on them. You will do yourself a hugh favour without them. I am very fortunate and yes I have been given them but didn't take them mainly because they clash with other medical stuff but refused to go back to that Doc because docs are there to treat in that way. Much better if you can find a local Mental Health Group and get support that way or via your priest even. I do both and don't bother with anti depressents. They just suck you in something chronic so you think you need them all the more when actually you be better if they are in the bin once and for all. Okay so you may feel like very hard time at times but 'we' get through them and better without the tablets. You will find it not necessarily more peaceful but more kinder to your body in the end. Healthy diet, exercise you enjoy. as healthy lifestyle as you can find and yeh theres days we feel at life edge etc but you use your support systems and life style to get you by. The tablets are meant for temporary but drs been pushed into long term stuff by our willfill greed thinking we need when we don't.... Sorry if it strong but you really really don't need them
and i realise the post was about being courtious but when they are annoying you just learn a way of reaching to God in inner silence and being with him and nothing else wont matter then. Yeh they be still annoying but a good scream to yourself and spending time with God goes a long way. They haven't got peace in their lives and be glad you can achieve that in some way. Not to gloat but so that you can be with God rather than unwanted thought of any kind though easier said than done I know but its a starting point at least. And in time I tell me it will get easier to just in the presence of God when things are going array around you.

[Nigel7]

Originally Posted by DeniseNY

Holly, I'm plagued with the same problem. I get SO angry when I hear noise in the bedroom above me in the early morning hours. At 2 or 3 in the morning, I can have very uncharitable thoughts and I sometimes feel like I want to go upstairs and just scream at them.

This was a big issue for me too. The people living in the apartment above me were so noisy at all hours. It sounded as if they were throwing furniture at 3am. It was very disturbing.
I prayed and prayed about this, praying daily for the grace to love my neighbor. I was also confessing my uncharitable thoughts regularly because my feelings towards these people were putting me in conflict with myself and my faith.

Finally, I moved into another apartment, on the TOP floor. Problem solved.

I recommend that you kindly speak with your leasing manager about making a switch, maybe even when your lease is up. Just knowing that your making that change will make the situation much more bearable.

[Sudie]

I recently went to a workshop on spirituality in the workplace. We discussed the problems of dealing with others in the work environment who are often very difficult personalities. One of the people leading the workshop said he mentally says to himself, as he encounters people on the street "the spirit of God in me acknowledges the spirit of God in you" as he walks by. I've tried it, walking on the city streets, using subways, etc., and it helps re-frame my attitude towards others. Not sure how it would work for people making noise on the floor above you!

[Holly3278]

Originally Posted by englishredrose

Learn to reach the silence within you. It does take just a little time and the right teacher you click on fairly quickly. It is true for me that I can be in a very noisy place around me but being still with God, being in the presence of God is amazing. I do find it hard when am rambling though but everywhere else I seem to just be able to be in the presence of God with whatever is going of around me and silence is there. Ask your priest how to reach there and ps, ditch those anti depressents. Yeh every doctor says we need them. Dr's are there to give out pills etc. That is their way of treating things. You will do yourself much more favour if you can ditch them and learn how to manage your triggers etc. You really don't need them. They are there to help us to learn how to manage for the next down time but not to be continued on them. You will do yourself a hugh favour without them. I am very fortunate and yes I have been given them but didn't take them mainly because they clash with other medical stuff but refused to go back to that Doc because docs are there to treat in that way. Much better if you can find a local Mental Health Group and get support that way or via your priest even. I do both and don't bother with anti depressents. They just suck you in something chronic so you think you need them all the more when actually you be better if they are in the bin once and for all. Okay so you may feel like very hard time at times but 'we' get through them and better without the tablets. You will find it not necessarily more peaceful but more kinder to your body in the end. Healthy diet, exercise you enjoy. as healthy lifestyle as you can find and yeh theres days we feel at life edge etc but you use your support systems and life style to get you by. The tablets are meant for temporary but drs been pushed into long term stuff by our willfill greed thinking we need when we don't.... Sorry if it strong but you really really don't need them
and i realise the post was about being courtious but when they are annoying you just learn a way of reaching to God in inner silence and being with him and nothing else wont matter then. Yeh they be still annoying but a good scream to yourself and spending time with God goes a long way. They haven't got peace in their lives and be glad you can achieve that in some way. Not to gloat but so that you can be with God rather than unwanted thought of any kind though easier said than done I know but its a starting point at least. And in time I tell me it will get easier to just in the presence of God when things are going array around you.

Thanks for the advice but just so you know, it is against the forum rules to give out medical advice. I doubt you already knew this so I just thought I'd let you know. That said, I am not going to give up the anti-depressants. I have done so in the past and ended up so depressed that I was suicidal the vast majority of the time. I need anti-depressants or I am absolutely miserable. When I see my psychiatrist again the next time I am going to ask him to change me back to the Lexapro that I was on and that was actually helpful for me. They changed it to this older medication when I was in the hospital for suicidal thoughts. Personally I think its rather dumb to change someones medication in a hospital unless there is really a medical need for it. In this case, there was no medical need for it. I have always had suicidal thoughts from time to time, even when I am medicated. Any decent psychiatrist should know that anti-depressants do not always prevent suicidal thoughts but that they do just that most of the time. Therefore, I think the doctor who changed my medication was incompetent.

[CMatt25]

Maybe when you get these thoughts try to focus on Christ's 2nd greatest commandment.

[Fan of Francis]

Dear Holly,

I have to recall times when I acted similar or exactly the same way those people who were being uncharitable to me. Was I snappy, was I miserable with my facial expressions, did I say something that seemed harmless to me, yet the facial expression on the other person was of surprise? I recall a few times where people smiled at me and I was absorbed in myself and it did not register until it was too late.
On purpose I try to imagine what they could possible be going through or what they went through in order to be that is way. I might not be correct in my assessment but it brings me into a place where I say a prayer for them. Sometimes a simple smile is all that is needed.
Being in the field I am in I am surround by...well...lets just say demanding, secular, challenging clients and I pray...often.
I admit, for me it is a self act at first but then the Holy Spirit takes over and my heart is soften.
You are in my prayers.

[Aleema]

personaly i started seeing people as souls more than the otter shell that surrounds the soul and i pray for sinners, even if they know it or not we are all in the desert of life and on this journey to salvation. along this road we meet so many different people from all walks of life and its in how we treat them that we will be treated ourselves.
'what so ever you do to the least of these you to do me' offer up your irritaion to the Saviour for penance for sinners.. The Lord will reward you.

[Lady Love]

If you want to be a saint be happy for them that they are laughing. Thank God for the gift of their presence. Thank God for all your blessings in those moments and see that God is drawing your attention to these people so that you will pray for them.

Do not pray that they will change. Pray that you will change your attitude towards them. God gives silence when you need it and in other times He teaches you acceptance.

[Elizabeth502]

Holly, irritability and anger (shortness of temper as well as a prolonged low level of anger) are both symptoms of depression. You have described yourself as having depressive symptoms on other threads. We're not supposed to give medical advice on the forum, but I sincerely hope that you have sought medical intervention for this problem.

God love you.

[Holly3278]

Originally Posted by Nigel7

This was a big issue for me too. The people living in the apartment above me were so noisy at all hours. It sounded as if they were throwing furniture at 3am. It was very disturbing.
I prayed and prayed about this, praying daily for the grace to love my neighbor. I was also confessing my uncharitable thoughts regularly because my feelings towards these people were putting me in conflict with myself and my faith.

Finally, I moved into another apartment, on the TOP floor. Problem solved.

I recommend that you kindly speak with your leasing manager about making a switch, maybe even when your lease is up. Just knowing that your making that change will make the situation much more bearable.

Well, unfortunately requesting a change in apartments would not do any good I don't think because we are all on ground level and people have a tendency to talk wherever they want in the hallway. However, where my apartment is, it does seem to get more of the noise than other areas. Also, if I moved to a different apartment then perhaps I wouldn't have to listen to the next door baby screaming his head off in the middle of the night anymore too. That would certainly be nice.

Originally Posted by Aleema

personaly i started seeing people as souls more than the otter shell that surrounds the soul and i pray for sinners, even if they know it or not we are all in the desert of life and on this journey to salvation. along this road we meet so many different people from all walks of life and its in how we treat them that we will be treated ourselves.
'what so ever you do to the least of these you to do me' offer up your irritaion to the Saviour for penance for sinners.. The Lord will reward you.

It is good that you changed your view of them but I need to say something. People are not just bodies with souls. The reason is because our soul permeates our entire being. Body and soul are only meant to be separated at death. They will be reunited at the Resurrection of the Body which occurs after the Second Coming of Jesus Christ. What I am trying to say is that we can't think of people merely as bodies or merely as souls or merely as bodies with souls. We need to think of them as a composite being of body and soul which are not two separate things. I might be wrong on this though and I'd appreciate being corrected if I am wrong (this applies to anyone who sees that I am wrong).

[MomaMary8]

May I recommend a book?

http://www.frjacquesphilippe.com/boo...ing_peace.html