Questions for all the Mom's... what's it like to give birth?

seekingadvice10 · #1 Jun 29, '12, 8:18 pm

Hi Moms!!
I hope to have a family of my own someday. It's actually a dream..... I love children!
If you don't mind sharing I was wondering if you could explain the child birth process and perhaps if you could explain how you felt after giving birth, how long it took you to recover, etc.
Thanks!

MrsFlapjack · #2 Jun 29, '12, 8:42 pm

Well, basically your uterus start having contractions which means the muscles of the uterus tighten up for about a minute. At first,the contractions are mild and maybe 5 minutes apart. But as your labor ramps up, they come more quickly and last longer. And they will become much more intense as your labor progresses. The contractions are causing your cervix to open up. Once your cervix is fully dilated ,10 cm, you can begin to push the baby out. If you are delivering naturally with no painkillers, you will know when it is time to push. With every contraction, you will have an unstoppable urge to bear down and push the baby out. It's just natural. After the baby is born, you still have to wait for the placenta to detach and come out. That usually only takes about 10 minutes.

If you are wondering about pain, I'm not going to lie, it is one of the most painful experiences a woman will ever go through. For my first two children, I had an epidural, but with the last three, I just used breathing techniques to get through. It helps to have someone with you, so you can squeeze their hands while you breathe through each contraction. Also, pick a focal point. For my last child, it was a water sprinkler on the ceiling. I would stare at it, squeeze my husbands hands, and breathe through my contractions.

It's an incredible feeling to hear baby's first cry and hold him/her for the first time. Being in labor is one of the most painful things you will ever go through, but the reward is so incredible! Hearing a baby's first cry is a priceless moment. There is nothing quite like it.

Recovery is usually pretty quick if you deliver vaginally. I was up and about the very next day. If you have a C Section of course, it would take longer.

Hope that helps.

seekingadvice10 · #3 Jun 29, '12, 9:00 pm

Thank you so much for explaining everything! How wonderful you have 5 children! So blessed :-) Do you wish to have more? I guess if God wills it :-)

I actually didn't know that much info on contractions.. how interesting! I know this might be too graphic, but after birth do you have very much bleeding down there? How long has it lasted on average for each child?

Thanks again

Lacour · #4 Jun 29, '12, 9:47 pm

To give a different perspective, I've had 2 planned C-Sections. Both were relatively easy and the first was a breeze. I got up the next morning, took a shower, blow dried my hair, put on my make-up and was sitting on the couch when visitors arrived. The second was nearly that easy, but I had a funny reaction to some medicine that made me sick for a few hours.

I think the important thing to remember is that every mom and every birth is different. Get lots of perspectives and prepare a good plan of what you want. At the same time prepare for the worst. Example, you may want a water home birth but end up with an emergency c-section. If your mid-wife/doctor has explained what could happen ahead of time it won't be as traumatic b/c at least you'll know what to expect and feel a bit more in control. On the flip side you may think you are having a planned c-section and then have your water break the morning it is scheduled and not have a clue you needed to get to the hospital because you never discussed it (honestly, I don't know what I was thinking

).

S Elizabeth · #5 Jun 29, '12, 9:48 pm

Hi there,

I agree a lot with what Mrs. Flapjack said. Giving birth is very, very, painful. It starts out feeling like period cramps, and gets worse from there. I would highly recommend an epidural if you're not opposed to it.

I've given birth to a 2 lb 4 oz preemie, an 8 lb 14 oz baby, and a 10 lb even baby, and the 2 lb'er hurt the most. I had no pain medication with him. I had an epidural and c-section with the others. Truthfully, I'm not sure I could have physically given birth to the other two without drugs. I was about ready to pass out with my tiny little guy. Google "ring of fire" for more info.

So yes, I vote for pain meds and give great props to any women who can give birth naturally without them. I also would not have a c-section unless you have to, because the recovery is terrible. You have no idea how much you use the core of your body until it's been sliced open.

As far as the bleeding, I think it varies depending on your system. I've had friends who bled for for 5 days and then were done. I've had friends who go 6 weeks. I'm usually in the 3-4 week range, with the first week being like a heavy period and quite icky, and the last few being just enough to bug you (i.e. wear a tampon or pad).

Hope this helps!
S Elizabeth

Gertabelle · #6 Jun 29, '12, 10:09 pm

I don't know how old you are (specifically whether you are a minor or an adult), so I hesitate to give you more information about the physiology of the process. I will concur with others that giving birth involves the entire body in ways you cannot imagine unless you've been through it. Yikes, did it ever hurt. But I'll never forget, at the moment of that last push and my wee one coming into the world -- I was shocked to know I'd joined the lineage of women in my family going back countless generations as a mother.

With regards to birthing choices: Every response here will be the opinion of the woman giving it. In the end, you and your husband will need to discuss and make the decisions together. We chose a home birth with registered midwives. The pain was unimaginable -- but I knew it would be, I knew I wasn't going to die, I knew the pain would come to an end, and I could literally feel my baby moving down the birth canal. I wouldn't trade that experience for anything. In the hours after my son was born, however, I was ready to scream to the world "take the epidural!!!"

That feeling passed within a day though.

Don't worry too much about the opinions of total strangers on this board (not even me!). When the time comes, do the research with your husband and make the choice that is best for you. Until then, cleave to Christ.

God bless you!

Gertie

AthenaC · #7 Jun 29, '12, 10:58 pm

The other posters are very wise.

To offer my perspective, once you reach a certain level of pain, your mind shuts off and you temporarily regress to a survival-focused animal. Because of this, in some ways it's worse to think about going through labor than it actually is to go through it (before and after, when you're not in pain, you overthink things, whereas in the moment you are 100% focused on surviving).

Also, I never had that instantaneous connection with either of my children after giving birth, so don't panic if you don't. Frankly, I had just given birth and the last thing I wanted to do was hold a baby. I just wanted to sleep. But because love is a choice (and it's my job as a mom), I took care of my babies the best I could, and those lovey-dovey feelings started developing within a few weeks.

Hope that helps.

Abrigham · #8 Jun 29, '12, 11:07 pm

Mine was a bit different. I woke up and before I got out of bed my water broke. About 30 minutes later I started having the crampy contractions which intensified slowly. I labored for 22 hours without any painkillers before welcoming my little boy. I used the Bradley Method laboring and breathing techniques and I had my incredible husband and mom present for the entire thing. I couldn't have done it without them. They did have to give me pitocin, which I refused for a few hours, but my contractions just weren't getting stronger and I wasn't progressing. I had a wonderful experience with my hospital staff being incredibly supportive of my choice to give birth as naturally as possible. Some women aren't so lucky and having an epidural pushed on them when they are feeling weak and tired. Holding my son for the first time was SO unreal. I was sooo exhausted, so my memory is pretty fuzzy. I had to get a lot of stitches, which was honestly the most painful part of the whole thing for me. When you're actually laboring and pushing all of the adrenaline and the baby's head actually numbs a lot of it (the head blocks a lot of the blood flow to the area and numbs it), but afterward I was just lying there and already down from the intense high. They gave me shots to numb my skin before stitching me up, but I could still feel quite a few of the stitches and they had to do a lot of pulling and prodding to get me all fixed up, which the shots did nothing for. (I did have what they called an "unusual" tear as well as a second degree tear.) I was able to walk pretty quick, I even refused a wheel chair to leave the hospital because I felt it was unnecessary and I really hate being fussed over and feeling like an inconvenience. It took me about a week to feel 60-70% and another few months to feel 100%. I think a lot of my recovery time had to do with my stitches.

Knowing everything I know now, I will have the exact same birth plan for our next child. I know this all sounds so scary when you haven't gone through it. When I hear other women's stories I cringe even, but with my own experience a lot of the pain in my memories has been numbed by my son. He was so worth every second of labor and recovery. It is very painful, but it's just one day of your entire life and so worth it.

Abrigham · #9 Jun 29, '12, 11:24 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by AthenaC

The other posters are very wise.

To offer my perspective, once you reach a certain level of pain, your mind shuts off and you temporarily regress to a survival-focused animal. Because of this, in some ways it's worse to think about going through labor than it actually is to go through it (before and after, when you're not in pain, you overthink things, whereas in the moment you are 100% focused on surviving).

Also, I never had that instantaneous connection with either of my children after giving birth, so don't panic if you don't. Frankly, I had just given birth and the last thing I wanted to do was hold a baby. I just wanted to sleep. But because love is a choice (and it's my job as a mom), I took care of my babies the best I could, and those lovey-dovey feelings started developing within a few weeks.

Hope that helps.

I totally agree. It's much worse thinking about it than actually going through it. And I also didn't connect the way I thought I would with my son right away. I was exhausted and all of a sudden another human being was in the room and on my chest and it was just very mind blowing. I didn't cry. Now just thinking about how much I love him makes me feel teary.

mt_gooseberry · #10 Jun 30, '12, 11:26 am

I had two very different births, and two very different recoveries.

#1: In a hospital w/an OB/GYN. Your basic "lay in bed on your back, hooked up to machines/IV" set-up. I wanted to go natural, but ended up getting an epidural. I wasn't allowed anything to eat or drink except ice. I had the counted, coached-type of pushing. I was told to push before I felt the urge and ended up with a ripped cervix. I also had a severe 2nd-degree perineal tear which ended up getting infected. I had so many stitches that the dr didn't even bother to count them. He laughed and told me it happens all the time. My DD weighed 6lbs, 8oz. It was an awful experience with a terrible recovery. I ended up with PTSD. I was exhausted and felt sick. I felt like I had been ripped open and hit by a truck. Everything hurt for weeks. My daughter didn't want to nurse. I bled bright red blood for a month.

#2: In a birth center w/a midwife. I did what felt best to me: sat on a birthing ball, got in the tub, squatted, got on my knees and propped my torso on a bean bag, layed on my side while my husband held me, etc. What helped me the most was being completely relaxed and limp and letting my uterus just do its thing. The midwife checked the baby's heart-beat every now and then. I ate pizza and grapes and drank Emergen-C. We chatted and laughed. When I got the urge to push, I got in the most comfortable position to me (on my side with my husband embracing me) and just breathed through it and let my uterus move the baby down on its own. My midwife supported my perineum with a hot compress. My son was born with his arm up by his head, and was 8lbs, 3oz, but I did not tear. In over 1300 deliveries, my midwife has never had more than a 4-stitch 1st degree tear. I felt every movement of my son through me. It hurt, but it was exhilarating. The pain was worse but subsided faster than w/#1. Holding him in my arms, I was energized and elated. I was able to get up and walk around within the hour. I couldn't believe the difference in healing. I bled for one week, and my husband and I ML after 16 days! DS nursed like a champ.

I will never, ever give birth in a hospital with an OB again.

Edit: fixed spelling of "bean bag"

Z1Z2 · #11 Jun 30, '12, 12:25 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by S Elizabeth

I also would not have a c-section unless you have to, because the recovery is terrible. You have no idea how much you use the core of your body until it's been sliced open.

I am sorry for your experience after your c-section(s), but to be fair to the OP, yours was only one person's experience. The opposite experience - little pain after c-sections - is equally possible. I know because I have had two c-sections. I was up and about the next day. I was off pain meds in under a week, and I am no hero about meds. If I feel pain, I will pop a pill, and I flat out did not need them after either c-section unless I overdid the exercise. I don't think it was as easy as a vaginal birth, but no need to terrify people either. The recovery to a c-section can be much smoother than people think.

mt_gooseberry · #12 Jun 30, '12, 1:37 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lacour

To give a different perspective, I've had 2 planned C-Sections. Both were relatively easy and the first was a breeze. I got up the next morning, took a shower, blow dried my hair, put on my make-up and was sitting on the couch when visitors arrived. The second was nearly that easy, but I had a funny reaction to some medicine that made me sick for a few hours.

I think the important thing to remember is that every mom and every birth is different. Get lots of perspectives and prepare a good plan of what you want. At the same time prepare for the worst. Example, you may want a water home birth but end up with an emergency c-section. If your mid-wife/doctor has explained what could happen ahead of time it won't be as traumatic b/c at least you'll know what to expect and feel a bit more in control. On the flip side you may think you are having a planned c-section and then have your water break the morning it is scheduled and not have a clue you needed to get to the hospital because you never discussed it (honestly, I don't know what I was thinking

).

Quote:

Originally Posted by Z1Z2

I am sorry for your experience after your c-section(s), but to be fair to the OP, yours was only one person's experience. The opposite experience - little pain after c-sections - is equally possible. I know because I have had two c-sections. I was up and about the next day. I was off pain meds in under a week, and I am no hero about meds. If I feel pain, I will pop a pill, and I flat out did not need them after either c-section unless I overdid the exercise. I don't think it was as easy as a vaginal birth, but no need to terrify people either. The recovery to a c-section can be much smoother than people think.

I don't know what everyone's reasons for having C-sections are, and I don't want to cast dispersions on their validity. However, I want to stress that in general, it is not a good idea for anyone to have a C-section when vaginal birth is an option. The risks to both the mother and the infant are higher. Whether they are much higher or only slightly higher is debatable, but the fact is, THEY ARE HIGHER. Please, please don't make having a C-section seem like it's an easy, positive occurence with no serious repercussions.

OP, I encourage you to research birth and its aftermath from an objective point of view, instead of just taking our word for it. All of our opinions are valid, but you will be much more prepared if you learn about the physiological processes first and foremost. I recommend The Birth Book by Dr. William Sears and his wife, Martha, RN. The Sears family is Catholic, and they have had 8 children.

Aggies08 · #13 Jun 30, '12, 6:22 pm

Mine were both at hospitals with hep-locks, so I had a vein open if something went wrong, but not attached to anything (so I could move easily/walk). I was very in-shape and in my early 20's which I'm convinced helped with the ease of labor/delivery. I'm curious to see how my body changes with it if we are blessed with more kids. I am a VERY petite person.

My first was harder, I was at 8 when we went to the hospital, stalled out for a couple hours, needed an episiotomy. Quite sore for about 2 weeks.

The second was a breeze. Went into labor for about 10 hours (this is NOT serious labor), was at a 7 when I was admitted, had her an hour later. I was up and walking within an hour, and frankly, felt better than I had before I had the baby belly, and I wasn't so awkwardly shaped anymore. No episiotomy with that one- she was much bigger, but out she came and I was feeling great

. No soreness, but the poor baby must have been facing a bone, because her WHOLE face was bruised purple for two weeks or so... Terrible newborn pictures :P

I didn't think labor was all that painful. Yes, the contraction hurts, but between them you feel normal- just fine! They didn't get painful until I was at the 8/9 mark. Being in a warm bath helped a lot for early labor, and walking around/being distracted and not focusing on them. Once you can't help but focus on them, when they take over and you feel like you can't see, then it's time to go to the hospital, for me! I'm also a big athlete, used to dealing with "small pains," and whatnot, although I wouldn't say I have an especially high tolerance. I also take care of a two year old classroom, and worked until the week I was due each time. So THROUGHOUT the pregnancy I was up/down/bending/twisting/doing toddler dancing/lifting kids onto changing tables/etc. Very active.

We did Bradley classes. Highly reccomend. Even if you decide not to go that route, all of the anatomy/process of labor/etc is SO helpful!

I had post-partum bleeding for 2-3 weeks, by 3 weeks is was very light/not everyday. For some people, it can last 5-6 weeks. I also did not get my cycle back until 9-10months. We nursed on-demand, and I went back to work part-time at 7mo.

With both kids, the first 3 weeks, especially, were hard on nursing. My kids are smaller, and I think a lot of the ease was simply due to increase in their mouth size, LOL.

Lacour · #14 Jul 1, '12, 3:56 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by mt_gooseberry

I don't know what everyone's reasons for having C-sections are, and I don't want to cast dispersions on their validity. However, I want to stress that in general, it is not a good idea for anyone to have a C-section when vaginal birth is an option. The risks to both the mother and the infant are higher. Whether they are much higher or only slightly higher is debatable, but the fact is, THEY ARE HIGHER. Please, please don't make having a C-section seem like it's an easy, positive occurence with no serious repercussions.

OP, I encourage you to research birth and its aftermath from an objective point of view, instead of just taking our word for it. All of our opinions are valid, but you will be much more prepared if you learn about the physiological processes first and foremost. I recommend The Birth Book by Dr. William Sears and his wife, Martha, RN. The Sears family is Catholic, and they have had 8 children.

This is certainly one viewpoint on C-sections. There are certainly pros and cons to every birth plan so I definitely agree with researching all the options and discussing your preferences with your spouse and healthcare provider. As I stated much earlier in the thread, my C-sections were great with very easy recoveries. I can say with absolute certainty that for me it was a positive, easy experience with no serious consequences and lets be honest we cant say that vagunal births are always easy, positive experiences with no seruous consequences. Both types of deliveries CAN meet those criteria and BOTH can certainly go the other direction.

For my personal situation, while I could have tried a vaginal delivery I wasn't willing to risk some of the normal complications that can happen + the additional risks I had for damaging my joints + the risks of an emergency C-section. Other women may be in the same exact situation and still choose vaginal because for them the experience would outway the risks (I never really cared about the experience, only the outcome). The key again is to research all of your options and prepare for things to not go your way so you have a backup plan and can prepare mentally and then find an OB/midwife who 100% supports your goals and priorities.

Absolutely agree about the Sears family. I love their books. Honestly finding out that I didn't have to "schedule" my baby saved my sanity!

Kelfa28 · #15 Jul 1, '12, 4:23 am

Labor is a marathon...not a sprint.

I wouldn't say the pain is "the worst pain in the world" because it's a different type of pain.

I thought breaking my ankle and my appendicitis were worse. Mostly because the broken ankle was so sudden and I didn't know what the appendicitis was at first.

I knew labor was going to be hard and, even though I didn't know what it would feel like, I knew it was coming.

I labored for 22 hours in the hospital and probably 5 or 6 hours at home. I was about 4 cm when I made it to the hospital.

I don't always recommend an epidural because everyone reacts differently to it...just like any drug.

I was open to suggestion and took the epidural...this actually made my labor so much worse. It was a horrible experience for me. It took the doctor three tries to get it in and have it work. I started bleeding like crazy the third time which scared my husband.

About 15 minutes later the epidural just quit working where it was supposed to work. It took my legs away and made them totally numb but I could feel everything else...meaning I felt everything but I couldn't get up and move around.

Pushing my baby out was a total blur and I don't remember much of it...just that I was so focused and just wanted my baby so bad!

Next time I'm going totally natural. Taking the drugs made the experience more stressful.

I would never go for a section willingly. It's major surgery which scares me. It scares me even more since I knew the epidural didn't work for me the first time.