How do you tell a girl to keep her hair longer?

[Crescentinus]

Originally Posted by chevalier

If that kind of thing creates a problem for the two of you, then I guarantee you'll see larger problems yet. At any rate, if looking attractive to you is not a priority for a girl who knows what you find attractive, such as if she knows that you like long her and don't like short but still decides to go and cut because she thinks it's easier to manage while what you like is less important than that, then you need to find a different girl. Not because of some details of appearance but because of how little respect she has for you, your low placement on her list of priorities, and the noticeable absence or weakness of a desire to please you, which speaks volumes about the relationship.

You raise salient points.
Having short hair can be beautiful and all, but it depends on the hairstyle.

[Chesterton18]

You have every right to tell her how you feel. Modern notions of individuality are very strange. Yes, people have the right to dress and groom themselves as they please. But they don't have the right to do so reaction free. Other people are allowed to have opinions. Sometimes, choices have a cost. If I wandered around with holey shoes, because they were particularly well-broken in and comfortable, I would suffer social consequences. There's nothing wrong with that.

Still, tread carefully. We shouldn't have to consult our girlfriends/boyfriends before we make what may seem like relatively minor decisions. If something minorish (like length of hair) is really important to one person, then they ought to have communicated that early in the relationship, so that the other person could weigh the costs and benefits properly.

[OscarsMama]

Should it really matter if you love her? Regardless, I vote for just telling her that she looks pretty with long hair. But understand that a lot of girls would rather have short hair because it is easier. She may prefer things on you that you might not like, either. You may not want to open that can of worms!

[underacloud]

Originally Posted by OscarsMama

Should it really matter if you love her? Regardless, I vote for just telling her that she looks pretty with long hair. But understand that a lot of girls would rather have short hair because it is easier. She may prefer things on you that you might not like, either. You may not want to open that can of worms!

Indeed...maybe she likes men who have a 6-pack...should you then go to the gym 5 days a week and live on a diet of whey-protein and steamed vegetables?

By all means, tell her you like her hair long. If she isn't very concerned about your preference, maybe it's an indication of where your relationship stands? If she does care what you think, then I think it's valid to let her know, provided, as above, that you're prepared to reciprocate. Either way, be careful what you wish for...maybe it's worth letting it go until your relationship builds a bit more?

[Lokabrenna]

Originally Posted by AllSeasons

Yea, I know. It's her decision, and I shouldn't tell her what to do. But, she used to have long blonde hair, and now it's really short blonde hair, which is meh.

It's her hair, she can style it however she likes, but you might say something like "I liked your hair when it was longer," people say that to me all the time, I ignore them, of course, but it's a way to make your feelings known without being dumped faster than Friday's garbage.

Despite what some may think, women actually don't style their hair solely to look attractive to men (or attractive in general).

[SgtSchultz]

Originally Posted by Crescentinus

Personally, I'm not attracted to women with short hair. O:

I concur.

Originally Posted by Crescentinus

It does depend on the hair. If she wants to have really short hair like the female main character from the Korean drama "Coffee Prince", then it's grounds for an objection.

*Performs a Google Image search...finds picture of Yoon Eun-hye*
I concur on this point as well.

Originally Posted by chevalier

This is especially a problem in male-to-female interactions in the post-feministic era but not only.

Especially the bolded part would basically be a lie if said despite believing otherwise.

Originally Posted by Chesterton18

You have every right to tell her how you feel. Modern notions of individuality are very strange. Yes, people have the right to dress and groom themselves as they please. But they don't have the right to do so reaction free. Other people are allowed to have opinions. Sometimes, choices have a cost. If I wandered around with holey shoes, because they were particularly well-broken in and comfortable, I would suffer social consequences. There's nothing wrong with that.

Originally Posted by chevalier

If that kind of thing creates a problem for the two of you, then I guarantee you'll see larger problems yet. At any rate, if looking attractive to you is not a priority for a girl who knows what you find attractive, such as if she knows that you like long her and don't like short but still decides to go and cut because she thinks it's easier to manage while what you like is less important than that, then you need to find a different girl. Not because of some details of appearance but because of how little respect she has for you, your low placement on her list of priorities, and the noticeable absence or weakness of a desire to please you, which speaks volumes about the relationship.

Truer words were never spoken.

Also, if you get into a relationship with someone, it's because you found them attractive as they were. If your opinion means nothing, what's to stop her from getting a green mohawk, nasty grotesque tattoos all over the place and having defacing piercings all over the place, and dressing trashy? Worse yet, what if this happened after being married? (The same is true for guys as well. They shouldn't let themselves go or not give a damn about their appearance either.)

[Angela77]

Don't say anything about it. 1) How she wants her hair is up to her. 2) You could make her feel self conscious about how she looks if you say anything. 3) Hair isn't the most important thing in a relationship at all.

[EasterJoy]

Originally Posted by chevalier

What is he, a subordinate employee or house service? Seriously, with all due respect, that crosses the line. As much as I like you as a person, I need to be honest with you about how it sounded.

In which case you may gain valuable data prompting you to reconsider your association with her.

The correct answer is a truthful but considerate one. Not a set of disclaimers that a police negotiator dealing with an unstable man with a gun would need to use. That'd be demeaning to a woman, actually, as pre-judging her to be unable to control and process her emotions like a responsible adult being. Actually talking to people like that only encourages them to act like a bunch of dynamite waiting to erupt spontaneously from a cigarette lighter. It teaches them those reactions. This is especially a problem in male-to-female interactions in the post-feministic era but not only.

Especially the bolded part would basically be a lie if said despite believing otherwise.

Uh-huh. Yeah. I took your advice with my mom. She was picking out clothes, hadn't even bought them yet, and she asked me what I thought. I tried to give her the "truthful but considerate" response. She bought the clothes, anyway, and then mentioned every time that she wore them that she had bought them over my objections. Yes, I had that coming. That is only the first instance of many where I learned that what people really want--this is both men and women!!--whcih is frank encouragement to dress and keep their hair according to their own lights.

Most people do not like the expectation that they are supposed to please someone else by wearing what others like but they don't. They want to be taken as they are and accepted for who they are. That is not treating the rest of the world like a "subordinate employee or house service"! Sheesh...where did you get that? Is encouraging others to dress to suit themselves really acting like "a police negotiator dealing with an unstable man with a gun"? No! It is putting your opinion squarely where it belongs, which is frankly very very low on the scale of important things!

I mean, really, do you want your girlfriend or wife pestering you to keep facial hair you don't want or to shave off facial hair that you like? Do you want her telling you that your hair should be shorter or longer or that your clothes aren't formal enough or casual enough or fashionable enough? Would it not be more considerate to let you keep your looks in a way that makes you feel the most yourself and then let her decide if those suit her, too? Wouldn't you rather she give you her opinion not because she automatically feels entitled to have it made front and center, but rather give it only after you clearly expressed your desire to please her?

What is considerate is to let her dress herself, to reserve your opinion until it is asked for, to make very certain that you do not give the impression that the world revolves around you, and to prefer her satisfaction with her own looks over your own preferences. That is not encouraging them"to act like a bunch of dynamite waiting to erupt spontaneously from a cigarette lighter". It is the little way that prefers to let other people be themselves rather than expecting them to please you!! After all, you are not saying--are you?--that those who do not make your opinion front and center are somehow insulting you?

If she wants your opinion, she will ask for it, and she will keeping asking even after you say "do what you like". She'll keep asking, don't worry. In fact, if you make very certain that you are not pushing your opinion on her, then when she dresses or keeps her hair to suit you, you can be very sure it was a free gift that can be enjoyed for the gift it is.

Originally Posted by chevalier

If that kind of thing creates a problem for the two of you, then I guarantee you'll see larger problems yet. At any rate, if looking attractive to you is not a priority for a girl who knows what you find attractive, such as if she knows that you like long her and don't like short but still decides to go and cut because she thinks it's easier to manage while what you like is less important than that, then you need to find a different girl. Not because of some details of appearance but because of how little respect she has for you, your low placement on her list of priorities, and the noticeable absence or weakness of a desire to please you, which speaks volumes about the relationship.

Oh, please. You are so seriously out in left field. Frankly, referring to the first post I've copied here, you're supplying plenty of "valuable data" yourself, dear friend.

Do you know anyone married over 40 years? 50? 60? You don't sound as if you do, because they don't take offense nearly as easily as you say you would.

I don't know any who talk the way you do, let's just say that. Take one of those old guys or those older couples out for a beer, and listen to what they have to teach, OK? Let's just say they don't sweat small stuff like this.

[odile53]

A lot of other people said it already: Just state what your preference is. But keep an open mind, too; she may look really cute in a shorter haircut. Also, keep your priorities straight: Hair is a "renewable resource," unless someone is bald.

As a woman with very long (waist length) straight brunette hair, I can tell you it has its disadvantages.

1. On a hot day, unless I wear it up, I feel like I'm wearing an army blanket on my head. No question that it's hot.

2. It does require a lot of work to maintain attractively. It's not just "wash and wear." It needs to be handled gently, conditioned, and styled to give it a nice line, even though it's straight. I can't skip trims, either: Split ends need to be trimmed off, and with this much hair, only a stylist can do it properly. Stylists charge extra to work with very long hair. Not taking good care of very long hair results in a particularly unattractive mess, and it looks much worse than neglected short hair, probably because there is so much more of it on view.

3. Because I do take care of it well, it looks good. I find myself in the position of having total strangers of both genders approaching me and asking if they can touch my hair. Or not bothering to ask, and just going ahead and touching my hair! Talk about intrusive!

4. In some fields of endeavor, women with long hair are not taken as seriously as women with short hair. I have no idea why.

5. It can be downright hazardous unless secured properly in many situations. I've managed to get it stuck in a revolving door. I have to tie it back when I vacuum or cook.

I'm listing these down points of long hair just to give you an idea of why she might want to cut it.

I keep my hair long because a) I like the way I look in it, b) my husband does, too, and c) so does just about everyone else.

[mab23]

learn to find beauty in her with short hair

[EasterJoy]

Originally Posted by SgtSchultz

I concur.

*Performs a Google Image search...finds picture of Yoon Eun-hye*
I concur on this point as well.

Truer words were never spoken.

Also, if you get into a relationship with someone, it's because you found them attractive as they were. If your opinion means nothing, what's to stop her from getting a green mohawk, nasty grotesque tattoos all over the place and having defacing piercings all over the place, and dressing trashy? Worse yet, what if this happened after being married? (The same is true for guys as well. They shouldn't let themselves go or not give a damn about their appearance either.)

"For better or worse"....but not for mohawks? Truly, this is the secret to a life-long marriage!

Is there anyone here married over 20 years who takes their spouse's fashion and grooming mistakes as a personal insult? How about horrendous taste in interior design? If so, please vote here! I do not mean failing to groom or failing to take care of the house. I'm speaking of stubborn adherence to what you think is a bad aesthetic choice.

[Crescentinus]

Originally Posted by SgtSchultz

I concur.

*Performs a Google Image search...finds picture of Yoon Eun-hye*
I concur on this point as well.

Bang Isuk (Cho Yunhui) from "Unexpected You" has a better hairstyle than Go Eun-chan (Yoon Eun-hye) from "Coffee Prince".
Bang Isuk does tend to look less like a man than Go Eun-chan.
Then again, if the girl decides to look like Amber Liu from the K-pop girl group f(x), then it's high time to ask her some questions regarding the hairstyle.
In conclusion, Bang Isuk > Go Eun-chan and Amber Liu


Personally, me not being attracted to short-haired women tends to have a traumatic background behind it. o:

[SgtSchultz]

Originally Posted by EasterJoy

I mean, really, do you want your girlfriend or wife pestering you to keep facial hair you don't want or to shave off facial hair that you like? Do you want her telling you that your hair should be shorter or longer or that your clothes aren't formal enough or casual enough or fashionable enough? Would it not be more considerate to let you keep your looks in a way that makes you feel the most yourself and then let her decide if those suit her, too? Wouldn't you rather she give you her opinion not because she automatically feels entitled to have it made front and center, but rather give it only after you clearly expressed your desire to please her?

It'd be one thing if I didn't have facial hair when we met, then do. She'd be in her right to ask me to remove it if she didn't like it. She found me attractive without it, not with it. The same with clothes. (In fact, I'd tend to defer to her opinion more often than not on how to dress.) It's not "all about you". These kinds of attitudes are why marriages fail. People don't consider the other person.

If I was going to shave my head, I'd ask my wife her opinion, as it effects her. It's only fair.

[Nec5]

Buy her a whig.

On second thought, maybe not

[Sillara]

I have been married only fifteen years, so maybe I just don't understand. But the most important opinion to me concerning my appearance is my husband's. If he likes a look I will do my absolute best to get it. It has nothing to do with control and everything to do with love.