Sounding off about my spoiled kids!

mommamaree · #1 Jul 30, '12, 6:46 am

My three kids are so spoiled and such picky eaters. This morning I made a potato egg skillet casserole. Slivered potatoes, slivered onions, fresh ground salt and pepper, scrambled free range eggs from the local egg farmer, finely shredded cheddar cheese...all the best ingredients. My 7yo did eat about half, because she knew better than to complain at me, but my 4.5yo son vomited it into the trashcan (he does this when he is asked to eat anything he doesn't want to), and my 21mo daughter threw her plate across the room. I am so mad. They are so spoiled. It is our fault, my husband and I. Because we have never gone hungry, and have always been well off enough to afford regular restaurant meals, we have created spoiled picky eaters. They totally lack gratitude and I have to beg them to eat. They know they can refuse and just be a bit hungry until their next regular meal.

Please, experienced parents...tell me how to be a better parent in this regard. Give me the honest truth about what I may have done wrong, and give me ideas on how to fix it. We can't continue like this. When I am spending hard-earned money on the best local, organic, free-range, pasture-raised foods available, vomited and hurled foods are NOT okay. We are making sacrifices to send our kids to the Catholic school in our parish, and after feeding and clothing our kids, there isn't much left. No more restaurant meals, for sure, but what else can I do to get my crazy kids to eat?

Em_in_FL · #2 Jul 30, '12, 6:55 am

Well, sometimes you have to find what works right for your family.

Personally... I'm NOT an egg casserole person... can't stand the stuff!

But that doesn't mean you can't teach your children to TRY a few bites (especially if it's something new to them), and if they definitely don't like it then to have some other options available that are acceptable to you.
Trying new things is an important lesson to learn... how to GRACEFULLY take a few bites, really give it your best to be open to new tastes, then GRACEFULLY decline to have more... good lessons for kids to learn.
THEN adjust your family's meals to meet BOTH what they LIKE and what's healthy and nutritious!

My kids are INSANE fish eaters. We have salmon and tilapia regularly. And they LOVE spinach... and black beans and rice! Not your typical "kids foods", but we've found something that meets both our likes and our health!

So, teach them how to handle trying new foods... then adjust to meet everyone's likes and health needs.

Serap · #3 Jul 30, '12, 7:19 am

a pediatrician once told me to not fight food battles and as long as they are eating healthy, that's all that matters.

it seems almost every child in the Western world is spoiled these days!!! :-(

it's nothing you've done wrong Momma!!!

papaececi · #4 Jul 30, '12, 7:31 am

First of all, do your kids show any other signs of being spoiled? or is this just a food problem? Is your child really vomiting the food up uncontrollably or is he merely spitting it out? If he is vomiting the food, I wouldn't force him to eat it, and I would talk to your pediatrician about it. It may be a sensory issue or something else.

Food battles can be so frustrating and they really aren't something you can win. I just avoid them as much as possible. For one thing, kids can tell when you really want them to eat something or when you prefer for them to eat their veggies and since they are so contra-suggestive they will not do it just to defy you. What they eat is one of the few things they can control so I just let them feel like they have some control there.

For each meal I either give a couple of choices, for instance, when I am preparing lunch I'll ask, "would you like vegetable soup or a sandwich and carrots?" At dinner, we usually have a variety of food on the plate and we don't comment on what our kids choose to eat. Sometimes we ask if they have tried something, but we don't force anything--not even one bite. As long as you are providing healthy choices you can feel good about it and not worry about what they do or don't eat.

For your own sanity, don't invest too much money, time or energy in your food for now. Just give tiny portions and tell them more is available if they want it. You might want to get them involved in the process of cooking though. Kids who help out in the kitchen are more likely to try what is made.

Try, try again with the food. I think they say sometimes you have to offer a new food 20 times before kids will try it! Just yesterday my daughter tried, and liked tabbouleh, for the first time. I always put it on her plate and when she protests that she doesn't want it, I tell her she doesn't have to eat it but it's there if she wants to try it. She actually tried it (right after saying she didn't want it on her plate), after having it sit on her plate untouched for many dinners, and the next day ate a whole bowl of leftovers. It really does just take time.

Hang in there! It is hard to see your hard work go to waste and to feel unappreciated, but I doubt your kids really understand how they are making you feel.

mommamaree · #5 Jul 30, '12, 7:46 am

Em,
You don't like egg casserole?!

. Me, I love ANYTHING with eggs...casseroles, frittatas, quiches, custard, scrambled eggs, fried eggs, etc. Deelish.

I see what you are saying about finding what works for my family. But what if I can't find it? This problem has been going on since my 7yo was 1 yo. I am truly at a loss. My son has been dropping percentiles in the last year or so, and so was my 21mo daughter. While their weights have since stabilized, I still cannot seem to discover any way to get them to WANT to eat. My son says, at every mealtime "but it will take so long", and the idea of sitting down to eat something sounds like torture. I pray that one day, his appetite will finally override his stubbornness. He was the worst, until my toddler started competing with him for worst eater. Most of her food gets thrown all over the kitchen.
Plus, if my kids get the same food more than twice in one week (like scrambled eggs and toast for breakfast), they say "again?!".

Seriously, sometimes I look at my kids when they act this way like they have grown extra heads. Just had a talk with my mom this morning and she confirmed that I was never like this as a child. I ate happily at mealtime, and I was thankful.
Just now, I had to force my son to sit down and eat PB on bread with a cup of milk. He was self-destructing due to low blood sugar and screaming and being nasty and crying. All because he refused to eat. Grr.

Why does he refuse to eat until he makes himself sick?

Serap,
I agree with you, too, to a point. There are a ton of spoiled kids in the Western world, with food on every corner and overflowing pantries. However, I never went hungry as a kid and I never behaved this way. There must be other contributing factors. I fear bad parenting, at least in the case of my own kids, may be one of the problems.

mommamaree · #6 Jul 30, '12, 7:53 am

Also, my kid's godmother has three kids the same approximate age as mine, and she has no clue why my kids do this. Her kids miraculously sit down at meals and eat quietly and happily, and even ask for seconds and thirds. And she is a super healthy food nut. She gets her kids to eat beans, vegetables, fruits, meats, even cabbage and kale. And I am a good cook, so it is not like the food tastes bad.

Part of the problem is that I am fighting two battles at once...getting them to eat, period, and also getting them to eat things that aren't their current fave.

mommamaree · #7 Jul 30, '12, 8:02 am

Thanks papaececi,
I do offer a choice before meal prep, but alas I have three kids with three different opinions. So someone is inevitably gonna choose to starve themselves rather than eat something not their choice. I have had to stop soliciting input lately due to this problem.
I also give very small portions. We ask for one 'no thank you bite' but we don't force, unless the kid is refusing to eat anything at all. Then we make them sit there for a while until they at least eat something.
We let them pick around pieces of food they don't like (tomatoes in salad, for example). We insist that they eat some protein food at each meal. We are not clean plate club people. I just expect some cooperation.
Instead my son clamps his hand over his mouth as if to threaten vomiting whenever I place something unsatisfactory (almost everything) in front of him. And my toddler throws her plate or dumps her milk out all over her food every time.

Keep the advice coming if you got any, please. I am all ears. I am really hoping to figure this out.

maryjk · #8 Jul 30, '12, 8:09 am

What you think are the best ingredients may not be what they think are the best ingredients. The way you described it, it sounded like something you really enjoyed, which is great. But if you have picky eaters, why make something like that for them, if you know they won't eat it? (Do kids really care if the eggs are free range?)

Sorry, i wouldn't have been happy with the breakfast either. I love eggs. I HATE onions.

I don't think your kids are spoiled, but just like you they have things they like and things they don't like.

You really can't expect a 21 month old to be polite about what they like or don't like.

Serap · #9 Jul 30, '12, 8:16 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by mommamaree

Also, my kid's godmother has three kids the same approximate age as mine, and she has no clue why my kids do this. Her kids miraculously sit down at meals and eat quietly and happily, and even ask for seconds and thirds. And she is a super healthy food nut. She gets her kids to eat beans, vegetables, fruits, meats, even cabbage and kale. And I am a good cook, so it is not like the food tastes bad.

Part of the problem is that I am fighting two battles at once...getting them to eat, period, and also getting them to eat things that aren't their current fave.

PLEASE don't compare your kids to other kids. Your kids are unique and wonderful in many ways that other kids are not...trust me!

Just do what works for your family and sod everyone else. You'll drive yourself nuts.

Serap · #10 Jul 30, '12, 8:18 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by maryjk

What you think are the best ingredients may not be what they think are the best ingredients. The way you described it, it sounded like something you really enjoyed, which is great. But if you have picky eaters, why make something like that for them, if you know they won't eat it? (Do kids really care if the eggs are free range?)

Sorry, i wouldn't have been happy with the breakfast either. I love eggs. I HATE onions.

I don't think your kids are spoiled, but just like you they have things they like and things they don't like.

You really can't expect a 21 month old to be polite about what they like or don't like.

you have a way with words Maryjk. :-)

mommamaree · #11 Jul 30, '12, 8:21 am

Thanks maryjk!
No, I don't expect politeness from my toddler. Lol!

. But, the throwing food at every meal is a behavioral problem. And she is refusing to eat even plain foods. She is so lean I can see her baby 6pack!

I don't expect them to eat the parts of meals they don't like. They are allowed to pick around what they don't care for. I can understand the aversion to onions. Many grownups don't like them.
My comment about the best ingredients was more from a wasted food standpoint, not from a palate standpoint. I hate dumping half of the meal I just prepared into the trash because it was vomited on after one small bite and also thrown across the room. I could have at least saved leftovers to reheat for myself, if I could get them to cal my decline, with a simple "no thanks".

I do try to make meals they enjoy. But sometimes I gotta work with what I have got. We are going through a lean financial time, so I gotta try harder to make meals cheaply that still taste good.

mommamaree · #12 Jul 30, '12, 8:27 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Serap

PLEASE don't compare your kids to other kids. Your kids are unique and wonderful in many ways that other kids are not...trust me!

Just do what works for your family and sod everyone else. You'll drive yourself nuts.

Is observing a miraculous behavior never before witnessed the same as comparing? Somehow, I think not. Their godmother has her fair share of challenges with her kids I am grateful not to have. So I wasn't under the impression that her kids are better. I just want to do a better job by my kids on this issue. If we never notice where someone else was succeeding where we are failing, how would we ever get help to improve?

Serap, just recently you were talking about challenges with your son. That didn't mean you were comparing him to other kids, at least not in a bad way. See what I mean?

**Joe 5859** · #13 Jul 30, '12, 8:27 am

Here is the approach that some of our friends took with their kids. They wouldn't get mad or beg or anything. They simply let the kids know matter-of-factly that whatever they didn't eat at this meal would be the first thing they eat at the next meal and they wouldn't get to eat anything else until it was finished. If they still didn't want to eat it at the next meal, then it would be waiting for them at the next meal. And so forth. Eventually, the kids would eat it.

SamH · #14 Jul 30, '12, 8:27 am

We had this issue for a while - as my wife would make something they would like if they refused to eat what was prepared. Two or three meals prepared at each setting became the norm. When the foster children came the buffet line closed. Everyone ate what was prepared or they they didn't eat at all. Usually it only takes one skipped meal for them to know she is serious about "it's this or nothing".

Between meals snacks stopped too.

Armor of Light · #15 Jul 30, '12, 8:28 am

Hello-

I love to cook, and do all the cooking in our house (My wife does the baking

)

Anyhoo..I have created a monster in our house because I run mealtime like a restaurant. I often end up making 4 different dishes because that what is on the menu! I don't mind..I hope they remember when the are older and have kids of their own. I have found that this approach works for us. Kids don't have the sophisticated palates that we do, so they are happy with simpler (but tastefully prepared and presented) dishes. We all love eggs benedict, so that one is a no-brainer!

Also..I make all sorts of different objects out of some of the food, so they get a kick out of that. Makes them want to eat if they can eat an apple swan or a hot dog race car.

Good luck! You are a good mom..