When is it too early to get married?

MelindaUK · #1 Aug 4, '12, 6:51 pm

My boyfriend and I have been together for five months, we want to get married but part of me thinks it may be too soon as we are still young and I also wonder what people will say if we get engaged after only five months. After how much time is it "normal" to get engaged?

Corki · #2 Aug 4, '12, 7:21 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by MelindaUK

My boyfriend and I have been together for five months, we want to get married but part of me thinks it may be too soon as we are still young and I also wonder what people will say if we get engaged after only five months. After how much time is it "normal" to get engaged?

Most parishes will require you to start marriage prep 6 months to a year before your wedding. Even if you signed up right now, you would be together over a year before you marry. Depending on how old you are and how mature each of you is, that may or may not be too early. Part of the marriage prep process is to discern if you are ready.

MelindaUK · #3 Aug 4, '12, 7:26 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Corki

Most parishes will require you to start marriage prep 6 months to a year before your wedding. Even if you signed up right now, you would be together over a year before you marry. Depending on how old you are and how mature each of you is, that may or may not be too early. Part of the marriage prep process is to discern if you are ready.

I did not know that! There is also the issue of my boyfriend not being confirmed, will that be a problem? I mean he did his first communion he was baptised and everything but he was never confirmed because he isn't as religious as I am. If it weren't for me he'd only go to church on Christmas and Easter.

Corki · #4 Aug 4, '12, 7:41 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by MelindaUK

I did not know that! There is also the issue of my boyfriend not being confirmed, will that be a problem? I mean he did his first communion he was baptised and everything but he was never confirmed because he isn't as religious as I am. If it weren't for me he'd only go to church on Christmas and Easter.

Here's the canon law on marriage and Confirmation:

Quote:

Can. 1065 §1. Catholics who have not yet received the sacrament of confirmation are to receive it before they are admitted to marriage if it can be done without grave inconvenience.

Depending on your pastor and your Bishop, your boyfriend may be told to go through Confirmation prep first or they may allow him to start the prep, get married but get Confirmed afterwards.

If he is A) not so religious and B) not Confirmed; I would want him to go through Confirmation prep first just to make sure he has the basic catechesis necessary to enter into the Sacrament of matrimony. But that's just me.

Alberti_Devoveo · #5 Aug 4, '12, 7:50 pm

My wife and I knew 6 months into the relationship that we wanted to get married. We had to wait another 18 months before getting to the official engagement (University and fiscal reasons) and another 12 months to get married. I was a few months shy of 25, she had nearly just turned 22.

I do not think there is a "too young" age range that is globally applicable. Some people mature at 15, others at 35. My only advice is that at least one of you have a stable job before getting married.

lssanjose · #6 Aug 4, '12, 7:56 pm

I take it, from other threads, you two are co-habitating (e.g. living together, before marriage). Now, I'm not going to bear down on you, like some others may. I did the co-habitation thing for three years; and I ended up splitting with my ex, at the time. I didn't start living with her, until about a year of being with her.

Being with a person for five months, and going into co-habitation is a little soon, IMO, let alone marriage - or, the thought regarding preparation for it. More often than not, the foundation will/would be on shaky ground to start, if you both aren't grounded in what you collectively need. Faiths aside, if there isn't this collective awareness/understanding, things may ride down that slippery slope.

It takes a certain temperament to be able to transition from co-habitation, to formally being married, in my mind. My sister, and her husband co-habitated, but it was a forgone conclusion they'd be married, some day (did end up married on June 18, 2011). They were together for nine years before ultimately marrying. A very good friend of mine (who I've known since age 3) didn't marry his wife, until 10 years after being with her.

TheDoors · #7 Aug 4, '12, 8:06 pm

Give it time, little sister. And quit sharing a bed.

If it's real, time and distance won't hurt. And if it's fake, these are good ways to find out.

lifeandhope · #8 Aug 4, '12, 9:15 pm

My husband and I met, six weeks later were engaged, and six months later got married. We have been married for 12 very happy years and my marriage is the greatest blessing of my life. HOWEVER, we were very, very strong Christians, very prayerful and very sure of God's blessing on our relationship. We did not cohabitate or, um, do anything else until after we were married (hard though as it was) and I think that this was a key factor--there were not sexual interactions clouding the issue. I would NOT recommend this for most people--it just so happend that we met, knowing exactly at the time what we were (and weren't) looking for in a mate, and we were older (24 & 31). I think most people need a lot more time and demonstration of commitment before making the ultimate commitment. That was another factor, also--we knew it was for better or worse, regardless, and that divorce was never an option.

I am a psychotherapist and have worked with domestic violence victims and those with difficult marriages and divorces. Marriage can be the greatest blessing or the greatest burden. Cohabitation almost never works out well. Neither does rushing into things, especially when you are younger. Use wisdom--this is too big of a deal not to seek wise counsel, and proceed with caution.

defenderoftruth · #9 Aug 6, '12, 8:36 am

Melinda I see some things wrong with your posts and your situation. In the Traditional Catholic forum you ask about a beautiful Catholic bible someone can suggest saying your boyfriend is turning 25. In the family forum you say you are 21 and he is turning 21 soon...which is it? Also you have stated in this forum that he's not interested in church and in the family life forum you tell us that he's pressuring you for sex "because we are going to get married anyway" sounds like he's a secular user. Someone not interested in the faith and or wants sex without a real commitment...all this no matter the age is not good marriage material.

Just so you know I'm not "stalking" you your posts are available in your profile and they list every post you have made for all to see so we can all see what you've written wherever on this forum. Another poster on family forum pointed out the age descrepency. I really hope you aren't a troll because that's just sick and wrong.