Appropriate behavior for a Seminarian - Opinions?

[triumphguy]

Misreading the original post I thought the AP was looking for advice.

Actually he's looking to poll peoples' opinions.

Most people say no dating, or any activity that looks like dating.

I do have one further note from my experience - any behaviour that a young lady can interpret to believe "He likes me" should be avoided too: or as soon as you notice that response in said young lady avoid her (you can't help it if you're a natural stud).

[AdamPeter]

Originally Posted by triumphguy

(you can't help it if you're a natural stud).

I know...it's gonna be so hard to keep the ladies away...I'm just thinking of all those poor ladies I'll have to turn down...

[triumphguy]

You'll have to get some Clark Kent glasses

[AdamPeter]

Originally Posted by triumphguy

You'll have to get some Clark Kent glasses

[LaMusicaSenior]

Originally Posted by Byrnwiga

Well, according to some priests I've spoken to (diocesan), the seminaries they went to encouraged them to date while in the seminary. It had something to do with discernment, I think. I can't quite remember.


-Byrnwiga

Oh, mixed emotions here - I don't believe they should date while they are in seminary - wouldn't this be comprable to dating two women at once?

If I had received intrest a young man who was currently in relationship, I would ask him to sort his current relationship out and figure our what God wills - same with a seminarian. He is in a relationship already - with God and the Church. They should be his #1 priority.

God bless,
Chloe M.

[AdamPeter]

Originally Posted by LaMusicaSenior

Oh, mixed emotions here - I don't believe they should date while they are in seminary - wouldn't this be comprable to dating two women at once?

If I had received intrest a young man who was currently in relationship, I would ask him to sort his current relationship out and figure our what God wills - same with a seminarian. He is in a relationship already - with God and the Church. They should be his #1 priority.

God bless,
Chloe M.

Agree 100%

[Mrs Sally]

Originally Posted by thunderboom

I don't think so...if you were friends prior to entry, and they know you're in formation, they'll be under no illusion that you're committing yourself to live celibate chastity. They'll be comfortable knowing that you're there as a friend, and because you are someone who is very publicly trying to live purely, they'll be under no illusions about your intentions. The female friends I made during my discernment feel comfortable around me because I'm not the typical guy; they know I see them as real persons, and not as sex objects.

And don't forget, there's no threat of "giving the wrong idea" if you show up in your habit to have dinner with a friend...

The thing is that most men in religious formation won't be able to go out to dinner with a friend (boy or girl) even if he is wearing a habit.

[Mrs Sally]

Originally Posted by triumphguy

Misreading the original post I thought the AP was looking for advice.

Actually he's looking to poll peoples' opinions.

Most people say no dating, or any activity that looks like dating.

I do have one further note from my experience - any behaviour that a young lady can interpret to believe "He likes me" should be avoided too: or as soon as you notice that response in said young lady avoid her (you can't help it if you're a natural stud).

Yep realized that myself. My opinion - no dating, no hanging with old girlfriends, no doing things that could result in new girlfriends.

[Mrs Sally]

Originally Posted by Nils

What I have been told is that any distraction in your discernment process should be avoded - it may be political activism, meeting people of the opposite sex etc. I would be very upset if I saw a seminarian taking girls to actual dates, what a repulsive thought!

Excellent advice. Distractions are not just girls but also potentially some of the same things that drew you to religious life to begin with. But being overly involved with something outside your formation and outside the community being built can be a problem - even if it is pro-life cause, or saving the environment, or what-have-you.

[AdamPeter]

Originally Posted by Mrs Sally

Distractions are not just girls but also potentially some of the same things that drew you to religious life to begin with. But being overly involved with something outside your formation and outside the community being built can be a problem - even if it is pro-life cause, or saving the environment, or what-have-you.

I disagree with this completely. If you are called to be a Catholic Priest and are involved with a pro-life cause etc. that should be encouraged. This is such an important issue that really every priest should be involved in it.

Also, I don't see how going out to dinner in and of itself would be an impossibility for someone in formation. I know that friends are allowed to visit our novitiate and I don't see it as a particularly bad thing for a group of friends to go out to dinner. Especially if part of a prayer group or something.

[LaMusicaSenior]

Originally Posted by AdamPeter

I disagree with this completely. If you are called to be a Catholic Priest and are involved with a pro-life cause etc. that should be encouraged. This is such an important issue that really every priest should be involved in it.

Also, I don't see how going out to dinner in and of itself would be an impossibility for someone in formation. I know that friends are allowed to visit our novitiate and I don't see it as a particularly bad thing for a group of friends to go out to dinner. Especially if part of a prayer group or something.

Yes - there is nothing against seminarians/novices/priests having friends! It is by surronding oneself with solid, Catholic friends that our faith in Christ grows deeper!

[Mrs Sally]

Originally Posted by AdamPeter

I disagree with this completely. If you are called to be a Catholic Priest and are involved with a pro-life cause etc. that should be encouraged. This is such an important issue that really every priest should be involved in it.

Also, I don't see how going out to dinner in and of itself would be an impossibility for someone in formation. I know that friends are allowed to visit our novitiate and I don't see it as a particularly bad thing for a group of friends to go out to dinner. Especially if part of a prayer group or something.

My understanding was that this thread was about activities during the first years of formation within a religious community. In that case, you should properly be doing only what is allowed to you. and that very likely will not include dinners out with friends or involvement in apostolates other than what the community do together.

If you are speaking about men in a secular seminary, then yes, you may likely be able to meet friends for dinner or continue to engage in whatever cause you did before, be in pro-life rallys or working in a soup kitchen. However, prudence would still counsel a man to limit his involvement with former or potential girlfriends and to ensure that his formation director is aware of whatever activities or apostolates he plans to engage in.

[AdamPeter]

Originally Posted by Mrs Sally

My understanding was that this thread was about activities during the first years of formation within a religious community. In that case, you should properly be doing only what is allowed to you. and that very likely will not include dinners out with friends or involvement in apostolates other than what the community do together.

I think for our novitiate our activities are within community but we are also encouraged to take part in pastoral activity.

For me as a catholic I just do not believe pro-life work should ever be relegated to the back seat. It's not a secondary cause...it's built into our faith and we need to be out there promoting LIFE!

[Mrs Sally]

Originally Posted by AdamPeter

I think for our novitiate our activities are within community but we are also encouraged to take part in pastoral activity.

For me as a catholic I just do not believe pro-life work should ever be relegated to the back seat. It's not a secondary cause...it's built into our faith and we need to be out there promoting LIFE!

I will pray for you as you enter seminary and formation.

[AdamPeter]

Thanks