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  #1  
Old Sep 28, '05, 2:48 pm
Kelly Kelly is offline
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Default Any stay at home moms not fulfilled?

I was wondering if there are any other stay at home moms out there that don't feel particularly fulfilled, esp. those that gave up a great career to stay at home and possibly homeschool their kids, and now realize that they were challenged more and fullfilled more outside the home.
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  #2  
Old Sep 28, '05, 3:14 pm
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lifeisbeautiful lifeisbeautiful is offline
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Default Re: Any stay at home moms not fulfilled?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelly
I was wondering if there are any other stay at home moms out there that don't feel particularly fulfilled, esp. those that gave up a great career to stay at home and possibly homeschool their kids, and now realize that they were challenged more and fullfilled more outside the home.
Not I, I'm a stay at home mom that has a mechanical engineering degree (just b.s.) and imho I think there are lots of cool jobs out there in this field hehe, but I love being a sahm. Gotta go finish making dinner, I'll post more of an explanation later or tomorrow

Last edited by lifeisbeautiful; Sep 28, '05 at 3:31 pm.
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  #3  
Old Sep 28, '05, 3:38 pm
Didi Didi is offline
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Default Re: Any stay at home moms not fulfilled?

I left a very good and rewarding job when our second child was 6 months old and our first child 4 years old (this was 10 years ago!) Let me tell you, it was very different for me.

No more lunch breaks, uninterrupted chats with my girlfriends, or feelings of a project accomplished, because all the projects at home are ongoing (laundry, cooking, dishes, cleaning, etc.). Seems like you just get the last dish washed and here comes somebody with a dirty plate or glass!

It is a very different type of environment and took me some time to adjust, but I wouldn't change a thing. I realize that the "projects" I'm working on now are my children, and I'm glad I'm the one here to care for them. There are always other projects I do from home for the Church that do give me that sense of fulfillment and "job-well-done" even if nobody else knows I'm doing them!

I do remember one of my former co-workers asking me, after I left my job, what exactly did I do all day long? She was dead serious, never having been a stay-at-home mom herself. I laughed and said "Well, I now do what I used to pay somebody else to do -- care for me children. I read to them, play with them, feed them, diaper them, teach them and watch all the little 'firsts' that I missed when I was working full time." She still doesn't understand!

So even though we have those times we might not feel as accomplished or important or valued because we're not in the work world, our work will hopefully last an eternity!
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Old Sep 28, '05, 4:27 pm
Eileen T Eileen T is offline
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Default Re: Any stay at home moms not fulfilled?

When I was home-schooling I was also a volunteer for a crisis pregnancy helpline (60 hours a month).

I spent a lot of my free time studying the Catholic Faith, theology & apologetics, and also did in-depth study on pro-life issues.

When I was finished home-schooling I worked as a post-abortion counsellor and Researcher. The study I did in those years led to my current position developing a website on Suicide, Abortion & Euthanasia (Bioethics comes next). www.life.org.nz

I have to admit that before I started my studies I used to get a bit bored. That was because I had no focus other than the children.

Being at home with your children is the best thing you can give them, but you have to figure out something that is for you otherwise you will suffer 'burn-out' just like in every other career.
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  #5  
Old Sep 28, '05, 4:58 pm
sparkle sparkle is offline
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Default Re: Any stay at home moms not fulfilled?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelly
I was wondering if there are any other stay at home moms out there that don't feel particularly fulfilled, esp. those that gave up a great career to stay at home and possibly homeschool their kids, and now realize that they were challenged more and fullfilled more outside the home.
Kelly:

It is very hard to be a SAHM, yes, when one could have a challenging career they love AND make money at it. But, sometimes the most important things we need to do just might be the hardest. We might not see light at the end of the tunnel now, but the future pay-offs I believe will be so worth it. Also, I believe that being a SAHM also demonstrates to our children that the most important thing for a woman is to be a mom instead of putting other things first.
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  #6  
Old Sep 28, '05, 6:35 pm
Island Oak Island Oak is offline
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Default Re: Any stay at home moms not fulfilled?

Kelly:

There's not a one of us that doesn't struggle with this from time to time and wonder on our 12th consecutive load of laundry why God gave us a higher intellect to use on such banal tasks. While few moms I know ever regret the decision, it is one that demands dramatic and nearly constant self-sacrifice.

The transition from workplace to home is tremendously challenging--and one that takes some time. How long have you been home/away from the working world?
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  #7  
Old Sep 28, '05, 6:46 pm
La Chiara La Chiara is offline
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Default Re: Any stay at home moms not fulfilled?

Only when I see the dustballs and hair on the floor and dust on all the furniture that I just cleaned--seems like yesterday but okay it was last week--and what am I going to do without a cleaning lady who did the things I hated to do (bathrooms and floors!)

I have been a SAHM for 10 years. Maybe because I tried to do it all--continue the high-powered career with international travel, be a mom, keep a house, and be a wife--I knew what I was giving up. Yes, it was an adjustment initially but the benefits in terms of my family was also immediately obvious.

Sometimes I even feel guilty that we are in a financial position that I can live this life. Unfulfilled? When I was working, I just knew I would be unfulfilled as a SAHM. But as an SAHM, I gotta say I love it! Every once in a while I think about going back to the work world, but then I sit down and let the feeling pass!
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  #8  
Old Sep 28, '05, 7:41 pm
dwc dwc is offline
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Default Re: Any stay at home moms not fulfilled?

Definitely. I worked half time for 12 years, from the time I had my first baby until last spring. I was burned out in my position at work and all the "you must stay home FT to be a good mom" I've heard from my own mother all these years and tried staying home full time for 3 months. It was less stressful for me and my husband but I felt sluggish and far from stimulated. I was home more but got less done and had fewer positive interactions with my children.

I went back to work half time about a month ago and I'm so much happier. I get more done at home, I have more energy, the kids and I have more fun together. I have to be more organized but I do everything now that I did when I was home FT, and do it better. My first morning back at work my oldest daughter (13) came into my bedroom while I was dressing. When I put on my suit jacket she got this huge grin on her face and said, "There's my mom!" She and my son have both told me they want me to work because they know I love what I do and they're proud of me.

Women are not all alike and were't meant to be, otherwise God wouldn't have given us all different talents and interests and abilities.
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  #9  
Old Sep 28, '05, 8:05 pm
MaryB23 MaryB23 is offline
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Default Re: Any stay at home moms not fulfilled?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelly
I was wondering if there are any other stay at home moms out there that don't feel particularly fulfilled, esp. those that gave up a great career to stay at home and possibly homeschool their kids, and now realize that they were challenged more and fullfilled more outside the home.
I'm struggling with this issue right now. I've been a SAHM since my first son was born a little over 2 1/2 years ago. I have two boys. My issue isn't necessarily with the job I left, or even the career, but the fact that I can't seem to enjoy this SAHM stuff as much as some others do. I find myself going through the motions a lot of times and not really living life. When I think of the alternatives of being with my kids full time, I'm not too keen on any of them, but something's not quite right. I've talked to my priest just recently about it and he mentioned that perhaps it's my cross to bear. But should my children really be my cross? Shouldn't they be my greatest joy? I often wonder what in the world is wrong with me. I've never struggled with anything so much before, but this SAHM stuff is really kicking my patootie!
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  #10  
Old Sep 28, '05, 8:12 pm
~Jenn~ ~Jenn~ is offline
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Default Re: Any stay at home moms not fulfilled?

Quote:
Originally Posted by dwc
Definitely. I worked half time for 12 years, from the time I had my first baby until last spring. I was burned out in my position at work and all the "you must stay home FT to be a good mom" I've heard from my own mother all these years and tried staying home full time for 3 months. It was less stressful for me and my husband but I felt sluggish and far from stimulated. I was home more but got less done and had fewer positive interactions with my children.

I went back to work half time about a month ago and I'm so much happier. I get more done at home, I have more energy, the kids and I have more fun together. I have to be more organized but I do everything now that I did when I was home FT, and do it better. My first morning back at work my oldest daughter (13) came into my bedroom while I was dressing. When I put on my suit jacket she got this huge grin on her face and said, "There's my mom!" She and my son have both told me they want me to work because they know I love what I do and they're proud of me.

Women are not all alike and were't meant to be, otherwise God wouldn't have given us all different talents and interests and abilities.
Great post! I stayed home for the first 22 months of my son's life...then I felt the desire to return to work. I work part-time, and life since I went back has never been better! I get to be with my little sweetheart in the mornings, go to work in the afternoons, and evenings are family time! I have the best of both worlds, and it's done wonders for our family!
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  #11  
Old Sep 28, '05, 8:12 pm
contemplative contemplative is offline
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Default Re: Any stay at home moms not fulfilled?

I felt some angst for a spell when the kids were really young. I wish there was something really great I could say to help you through this time.

Know that what you do is really very important to your children and husband.

Take some time out of your day to read the Bible...pray...have quiet and alone time with God. You will feel much more love and peace where you are.

Your family really needs you. Being a wife and mother is a great job but it requires much sacrifice and humility. Try to embrace these two....sacrifice and humility and you will find peace and joy.
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  #12  
Old Sep 28, '05, 9:17 pm
dwc dwc is offline
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Default Re: Any stay at home moms not fulfilled?

Quote:
I often wonder what in the world is wrong with me. I've never struggled with anything so much before, but this SAHM stuff is really kicking my patootie!
Maybe nothing is wrong with you. Maybe you are just you, the way God made you, and you require a little outside stimulation to be your best you. Maybe God is calling you to be somewhere and do something to build up His kingdom outside your home. It isn't an either/or situation. You don't have to choose to stay at home and be totally immersed in your household or go to work and become completely engrossed in your career and neglect your family. You can probably create a situation where you can work and meet your family's needs. For me and for Jenn, part time work is the answer.

Think about it this way. No one expects men to become one dimensional people once they become fathers. No one questions that men are able to both work and be good fathers. Why should we think that all women should automatically be completely fulfilled staying home full time? Why should we think that women can't work and be good mothers?

Last edited by dwc; Sep 28, '05 at 9:36 pm.
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  #13  
Old Sep 28, '05, 10:25 pm
maryceleste maryceleste is offline
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Default Re: Any stay at home moms not fulfilled?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Island Oak
Kelly:

There's not a one of us that doesn't struggle with this from time to time and wonder on our 12th consecutive load of laundry why God gave us a higher intellect to use on such banal tasks. While few moms I know ever regret the decision, it is one that demands dramatic and nearly constant self-sacrifice.


There's a wonderful, humorous book called "Women, Words and Wisdom" by Solange Hertz, published in 1959. In one chapter, she writes about St. Isaac Jogues. He was one of the most educated and cultured men in 17th century France, apparently destined for great intellectual achievements, but his Jesuit superiors chose him to be a missionary among the primitive and illiterate North American Indians.

Rather than complain about the hand he'd been dealt, this young priest dedicated himself completely to the material and spiritual needs of his flock. Several years later, he was captured, tortured and horribly mutilated by a violent enemy tribe, and barely made it back to France alive. After his recovery, he could have retired to his books, but he asked to return to Canada to continue his mission. He was eventually martyred by decapitation with a tomahawk.

Mrs. Hertz calls St. Isaac Jogues "the patron saint of egghead housewives." Many people would look at his life and see a huge waste of intellectual potential. She reminds us that God's ways are mysterious, and suggests that perhaps, in His eyes, the decapitation of a great brain is worth more than that of an ordinary one.

October 19th is the feast of St. Isaac Jogues and the other North American Martyrs. Maybe we can ask them to help us understand the value of our calling.
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  #14  
Old Sep 28, '05, 10:49 pm
Didi Didi is offline
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Default Re: Any stay at home moms not fulfilled?

One thing I really found helpful, especially when my kids were younger and demanded more of my attention, was to have one evening a week that was my time. It was usually just a couple hours, but Dad and kids knew this was "Mom's night off."

I might go for coffee with a friend, go shopping by myself or go for a walk. Sometimes I'd even stay at home, retreat to the bedroom and read, but they rarely disturbed me, and if they did I'd just say "Hey, I'm off duty!"

It really helped me to know that I had that time each week.
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  #15  
Old Sep 29, '05, 1:25 am
Arlene Arlene is offline
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Default Re: Any stay at home moms not fulfilled?

When I was working full time and really, really wanting to be home with the kids, my dh kept telling me I would be bored if I stayed home. Holy cow, who has time to be bored! There was a commercial, I think for a car that said, "Whoever called it being a Stay at Home Mom must have been a man." Between preshcool, dance lessons, soccer practice I was never at home.

I do think it is important to have interests other than the kids. I went to MOPS. I also have a monthly scrapbooking night with 3 friends. Some moms go to the gym. But find something where you can have some adult conversation.

My other sanity was having a home based business where I could go out and do a party, converse with other moms, have some money that was mine, and feel that I was doing something worthwhile.

Get a hobby. Get involved with something. Find something you are passionate about. If you feel used up and sucked dry, you aren't doing your kids any good.

Arlene
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