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  #1  
Old May 29, '13, 11:05 am
gardenswithkids gardenswithkids is offline
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Default Catholic Parenting, Old Testament Style

I laughed so hard when I read this that I wanted to share with the rest of you.
http://www.catholic-pages.com/grabbag/lamentations.asp
Here's a sample from Laws Pertaining to Dessert:
Quote:


For we judge between the plate that is unclean and the plate that is clean, saying first, if the plate is clean, then you shall have dessert.
But of the unclean plate, the laws are these: If you have eaten most of your meat, and two bites of your peas with each bite consisting of not less than three peas each, or in total six peas, eaten where I can see, and you have also eaten enough of your potatoes to fill two forks, both forkfuls eaten where I can see, then you shall have dessert.
But if you eat a lesser number of peas, and yet you eat the potatoes, still you shall not have dessert; and if you eat the peas, yet leave the potatoes uneaten, you shall not have dessert, no, not even a small portion thereof. And if you try to deceive by moving the potatoes or peas around with a fork, that it may appear you have eaten what you have not, you will fall into iniquity. And I will know, and you shall have no dessert.
My favorite relates to the eating of fish. The bolded part brought me to tears.
Quote:
....Likewise if you receive a portion of fish from which every piece of herbal seasoning has not been scraped off, and the herbal seasoning is loathsome to you and steeped in vileness, again I say, refrain from screaming. Though the vileness overwhelm you, and cause you a faint unto death, make not that sound from within your throat, neither cover your face, nor press your fingers to your nose. For even I have made the fish as it should be; behold, I eat it myself, yet shall not surely die.
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  #2  
Old May 29, '13, 11:30 am
UbiCaritas UbiCaritas is offline
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Default Re: Catholic Parenting, Old Testament Style

Can't...stop...laughing. DH is one of eight kids; I can't WAIT to show this to him when he gets home.
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  #3  
Old May 29, '13, 12:14 pm
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Kelfa28 Kelfa28 is offline
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Default Re: Catholic Parenting, Old Testament Style

This is so awesome!

Quote:
Leave the cat alone, for what has the cat done, that you should so afflict it with tape?
HAHAHAHA!

Oh, that poor kitty!
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  #4  
Old May 29, '13, 1:21 pm
Bezant Bezant is offline
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Default Re: Catholic Parenting, Old Testament Style

Anything in there about nasal hygiene and etiquette?
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  #5  
Old May 29, '13, 2:09 pm
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Mary Gail 36 Mary Gail 36 is offline
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Default Re: Catholic Parenting, Old Testament Style



this part hits home

Quote:
Bite not, lest you be also bitten again. Neither drink of your own bath water, nor of the bath water of any kind; nor rub your feet on bread, even if it be in the package; nor rub yourself against cars, not against any building; nor eat sand.
A few moments ago my youngest was brushing his teeth and then got "distracted" and spilled the rinse water on his shirt, pants and floor. When asked, "Why did you make a mess?"

"But Mommy, the water was wet!"
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  #6  
Old May 29, '13, 5:41 pm
decjlc decjlc is offline
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Default Re: Catholic Parenting, Old Testament Style

I can SO relate to this with my toddler today (except it was spaghetti noodles rather than rice).

Quote:
Cast your countenance upward to the light, and lift your eyes to the hills, that I may more easily wash you off. For the stains are upon you; even to the very back of your head, there is rice thereon.
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  #7  
Old May 30, '13, 2:16 pm
SubjectVerb SubjectVerb is offline
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Default Re: Catholic Parenting, Old Testament Style

Quote:
Originally Posted by gardenswithkids View Post
My favorite relates to the eating of fish. The bolded part brought me to tears.
This is so so funny! The fish part was my favorite, too. Thanks!
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  #8  
Old May 30, '13, 7:38 pm
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lifeisbeautiful lifeisbeautiful is offline
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Default Re: Catholic Parenting, Old Testament Style

Very cute!!!
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  #9  
Old May 31, '13, 7:18 am
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mommamaree mommamaree is offline
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Default Re: Catholic Parenting, Old Testament Style

Hysterical. I laughed so hard and had to read a lot of portions out loud to my husband. I should print this out to share with others, and to tuck into my bible to lighten me up and remind me to laugh at the foibles of parenting.
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  #10  
Old Jun 3, '13, 12:28 pm
jilly4ski jilly4ski is offline
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Default Re: Catholic Parenting, Old Testament Style



My favorites were these.

Quote:
Eat your food only; do not eat that which is not food; neither seize the table between your jaws, nor use the raiment of the table to wipe your lips. I say again to you, do not touch it, but leave it as it is.

[...]

Sit just as I have told you, and do not lean to one side or the other, nor slide down until you are nearly slid away. Heed me; for if you sit like that, your hair will go into the syrup. And now behold, even as I have said, it has come to pass.


I must have little kids, can't wait until dh gets home.
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  #11  
Old Jun 3, '13, 12:55 pm
MaryB23 MaryB23 is offline
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Default Re: Catholic Parenting, Old Testament Style

I have seen this before but it makes me laugh each time I read it.
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  #12  
Old Jun 12, '13, 8:03 am
on_the_hill on_the_hill is offline
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Default Re: Catholic Parenting, Old Testament Style

So brilliant I even shared with my non-Catholic friends.
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  #13  
Old Jun 13, '13, 7:06 am
MJJean MJJean is offline
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Default Re: Catholic Parenting, Old Testament Style

Hilarious! I wish I had this when my kids were little.

*sigh* I once came home from work and found hand prints done in butter and sugar all the way down both sides of my hall. When I asked the kids what they were thinking they told me they were decorating the hallway and that the butter was not good enough by itself. It needed sugar to make it sparkle.
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