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  #1  
Old Jun 10, '13, 9:44 pm
walkerjay147 walkerjay147 is offline
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Default I like a girl who has a boyfriend; what do I do?

There's a girl that I like that has a boyfriend. I began to have feelings for her recently and I can't shut them out. I feel guilty for liking her when she already likes someone else.. Is this a sin? I don't do or say anything to cross the line of being just friends. Should I tell her how I feel? If she likes me after my confession then is it a sin? Am I tearing them apart by letting her know my feelings?
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  #2  
Old Jun 10, '13, 11:36 pm
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crystal waters crystal waters is offline
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Default Re: I like a girl who has a boyfriend; what do I do?

What are you expecting her to do once you tell her? Leave her boyfriend and choose you...thats unfair to both of them, how would you feel if you had a girlfriend and a guy told her he had feelings for her? keep your feelings to yourself and find a girl thats free to date
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  #3  
Old Jun 11, '13, 12:40 am
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Lasting faith Lasting faith is offline
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Default Re: I like a girl who has a boyfriend; what do I do?

Tell her what your feelings towards is. Everything is not a sin. But don't think that she will split up and become your girl, however, you will feel better when you know she knows. And if she leave her present love that mean that she loves you more, and you don't need to feel guilty about that. She would have done that anyway soon if her feelings are not strong enough.

Look, loving someone, even secretly, is not a sin as long it does not contain lust, but I think it always do. When I was still married there was a summer when I did fall in love with my wifes sister, she did have a boyfriend who turned become her husband a few years later. No words was ever spoken, but we both did know, and we also knew that it was wrong, but I miss that feeling. We still are friends, and meet on weddings and so on, and once in a while those feelings still return. I don't consider it to be a sin. I am not trying to get her, she is happily married as I am happily divorced, and I can live with that. So don't worry, things do work out for the best if we really want them to.
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  #4  
Old Jun 11, '13, 2:28 am
Phil Marinus Phil Marinus is offline
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Smile Re: I like a girl who has a boyfriend; what do I do?

Sounds to me you are a perfectly normal healthy young man,,
Most of us go through these mixed up emotions concerning the opposite gender,,,
Trust me when I say she has no feelings for you,,, just try to be friends because you may only embarrass yourself,,,, ask her as a joke does she have any available friends,,
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  #5  
Old Jun 11, '13, 3:20 am
GEddie GEddie is offline
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Default Re: I like a girl who has a boyfriend; what do I do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by walkerjay147 View Post
There's a girl that I like that has a boyfriend. I began to have feelings for her recently and I can't shut them out. I feel guilty for liking her when she already likes someone else.. Is this a sin? I don't do or say anything to cross the line of being just friends. Should I tell her how I feel? If she likes me after my confession then is it a sin? Am I tearing them apart by letting her know my feelings?
It is not a sin to be attracted to someone; that is a body function as much as anything else.

However, this is a classic example of the golden rule, ITASM. If you were in a relationship, I am sure you would not want to be moved in on by someone else. Therefore, IMNAAHO it behooveth you to treat the current boyfriend as you would wish to be treated.

ICXC NIKA
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  #6  
Old Jun 11, '13, 4:34 am
MtnDwellar MtnDwellar is offline
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Default Re: I like a girl who has a boyfriend; what do I do?

It is not a sin to like someone who is dating another. She is not married. She is free to date other people. Dating is a process. You are both involved the process. There is absolutely no reason that she shouldn't go on a date with another guy.

I would treat her just like any other girl who you wish to date. If you think she is interested, ask her out.
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  #7  
Old Jun 11, '13, 4:40 am
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Contra Mundum Contra Mundum is offline
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Default Re: I like a girl who has a boyfriend; what do I do?

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Originally Posted by MtnDwellar View Post

She is free to date other people. Dating is a process. You are both involved the process. There is absolutely no reason that she shouldn't go on a date with another guy.
I'm not sure about this. Yes, dating is a process but it sets the tone of what is to come. I don't believe that a relationship is magically transformed after the wedding - the marriage is built on what the dating was like. If my boyfriend decided he was free to date other girls I would dump him immediately.
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  #8  
Old Jun 11, '13, 5:08 am
MtnDwellar MtnDwellar is offline
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Default Re: I like a girl who has a boyfriend; what do I do?

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Originally Posted by Contra Mundum View Post
I'm not sure about this. Yes, dating is a process but it sets the tone of what is to come. I don't believe that a relationship is magically transformed after the wedding - the marriage is built on what the dating was like. If my boyfriend decided he was free to date other girls I would dump him immediately.
Yes. That is part of the process. The question was not whether or not the girl should date another guy, it was whether or not the OP should be interested.
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  #9  
Old Jun 11, '13, 5:30 am
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Kamaduck Kamaduck is offline
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Default Re: I like a girl who has a boyfriend; what do I do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by walkerjay147 View Post
There's a girl that I like that has a boyfriend. I began to have feelings for her recently and I can't shut them out. I feel guilty for liking her when she already likes someone else.. Is this a sin? I don't do or say anything to cross the line of being just friends. Should I tell her how I feel? If she likes me after my confession then is it a sin? Am I tearing them apart by letting her know my feelings?
I like a guy who likes a girl who has a boyfriend. These situations annoy me.

Anyways, you're not sinning by liking someone, as long as you don't fall into lust. I wouldn't recommend that you tell the girl how you feel; it will only make her upset. Even if she did leave her current boyfriend to be with you, that would just end up sowing ill will between you and her current boyfriend. Either way, you will only make the situation messier.

But no, as of now you have done nothing wrong.
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  #10  
Old Jun 11, '13, 5:32 am
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Kelfa28 Kelfa28 is offline
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Default Re: I like a girl who has a boyfriend; what do I do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MtnDwellar View Post
Yes. That is part of the process. The question was not whether or not the girl should date another guy, it was whether or not the OP should be interested.
Which is true...but recommending that the OP ask this girl out is not very helpful. Like contra...if a guy asked me out while I was with my boyfriend, now my husband, he would have received a crystal clear "no." Relationships are exclusive...that is where the foundation of trust is formed and where marriage discernment starts.
It's tough to discern marriage when the person you're dating is off going on dates with other people.

Also, the OP shouldn't try to be interested. It's not a sin to feel the way he feels but it's incredibly disrespectful of her to try and pursue her when he knows she is already in a relationship.

Best advice? Drop these feelings and move on. If this couple breaks up...okay, then he can ask her out.
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  #11  
Old Jun 11, '13, 5:34 am
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Kamaduck Kamaduck is offline
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Default Re: I like a girl who has a boyfriend; what do I do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MtnDwellar View Post
It is not a sin to like someone who is dating another. She is not married. She is free to date other people. Dating is a process. You are both involved the process. There is absolutely no reason that she shouldn't go on a date with another guy.

I would treat her just like any other girl who you wish to date. If you think she is interested, ask her out.
Doesn't "boyfriend" imply that the relationship is currently exclusive?

It seems like asking out someone who is in an exclusive relationship would do more harm than good.

If I were the girl in question, I would probably respond with "I have a boyfriend", meaning, "No, I'm not available."
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  #12  
Old Jun 11, '13, 5:49 am
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Irishmom2 Irishmom2 is offline
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Default Re: I like a girl who has a boyfriend; what do I do?

OP, if she already has a boyfriend, you should just wait for if and when they break up to reveal your feelings. If she does not feel the same toward you, you will damage any friendship you already may have because she may feel awkward around you now that she knows you like her.

And even if she ends up liking you, would you ever be able to trust her to not do the same thing to you?

Be a gentleman and wait until she is free, or find someone else.
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  #13  
Old Jun 11, '13, 5:54 am
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Contra Mundum Contra Mundum is offline
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Default Re: I like a girl who has a boyfriend; what do I do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MtnDwellar View Post
Yes. That is part of the process. The question was not whether or not the girl should date another guy, it was whether or not the OP should be interested.
Agreed. The post I referred to seemed to be shifting the focus on another question. And I think the issue is not whether he should be interested in terms of having feelings for her, but whether he should do something about it. The way I see it, he is free to tell her, and then it is up to her to respond in whichever way she sees fit. Perhaps the answer will be: "Sorry, I have a boyfriend and am not interested."
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  #14  
Old Jun 11, '13, 5:59 am
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bzkoss236 bzkoss236 is offline
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Default Re: I like a girl who has a boyfriend; what do I do?

This is merely a crush. You'll just have to work on focusing your attention elsewhere. If she breaks up with her current boyfriend, then you are free to pursue her.

But wanting to tell her tells me that you are interested in your own wants. To better prepare you for life, and a future spouse, you need to seek her best interests and her wants. And if she wants to date this guy, unless you have evidence that he is doing something that will hurt her (cheating, or something similar), then you just have to let them be and try to be happy for her.

She isn't the only girl in the world. And if you are young, you have plenty of time to find another girl to date. I have been in your shoes before. No worries.
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  #15  
Old Jun 11, '13, 6:07 am
JackieMom JackieMom is offline
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Default Re: I like a girl who has a boyfriend; what do I do?

I think you should let her know. Either she will say, "No thanks, I'm not interested" or she will not. Who knows until you try? What is wrong with asking an unmarried woman on a date? My husband never gave up while I dated others, and eventually he snagged me. I admire persistence! May the better man be chosen.
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