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  #1  
Old Oct 13, '05, 1:31 pm
LighthouseRon LighthouseRon is offline
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Default Wedding night consummation

The day my wife and I were married was very joyful and very busy too. By the time the day ended and my wife and I reached our destination we were both very tired and didn't have the real desire to consummate our marriage that night. We did shortly after but I'm just curious, has anyone else had the same experience? Are there any moral issues here? Does the church have any teachings on when a marriage is consummated?

Thanks
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  #2  
Old Oct 13, '05, 1:36 pm
Feanaro's Wife Feanaro's Wife is offline
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Default Re: Wedding night consummation

I have a feeling you are not in the minority. My hubby and I had a similar experience to yours. By the time that extremely long and emotionally exhausting day was over, making love was the last thing on our minds, lol. We wanted sleep!

I don't think there are any moral implications in a case like this.

Malia
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  #3  
Old Oct 13, '05, 1:51 pm
Ham1 Ham1 is offline
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Default Re: Wedding night consummation

When you consummate a marriage is up to the two of you. The Church gives no direction as to when it is to occur just that it should occur.

Also, I think it is fairly common.
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  #4  
Old Oct 13, '05, 1:52 pm
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Gwyn Gwyn is offline
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Default Re: Wedding night consummation

Interesting - but we were in the same boat
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  #5  
Old Oct 13, '05, 4:07 pm
esr esr is offline
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Default Re: Wedding night consummation

I recently learned that if you were contracepting at the time you engaged in the marital embrace you did NOT consumate your marriage. Not until you engage in the marital embrace by giving yourself totally and not contracepting does the actual consummation take place.
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  #6  
Old Oct 13, '05, 4:36 pm
Benedictus Benedictus is offline
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Default Re: Wedding night consummation

Quote:
Originally Posted by esr
I recently learned that if you were contracepting at the time you engaged in the marital embrace you did NOT consumate your marriage. Not until you engage in the marital embrace by giving yourself totally and not contracepting does the actual consummation take place.
I think you should check your source on that.
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  #7  
Old Oct 13, '05, 4:55 pm
Anthony's Mom Anthony's Mom is offline
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Default Re: Wedding night consummation

We were tired but consumating somehow woke us up . I do know a few couples who didn't consumate because they decided that they weren't ready to have children right away and were practicing NFP. They were all a little worried that there might be a moral implication in that b/c of the reason behind it. There isn't, I'm 99% sure, as long as their decision not to have children at that time was made correctly.
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  #8  
Old Oct 13, '05, 6:11 pm
Anthony's Mom Anthony's Mom is offline
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Default Re: Wedding night consummation

Quote:
Originally Posted by esr
I recently learned that if you were contracepting at the time you engaged in the marital embrace you did NOT consumate your marriage. Not until you engage in the marital embrace by giving yourself totally and not contracepting does the actual consummation take place.
My husband has a doctorate in Theology and says that it is in the Code. Specifically here: Can. 1061 1. A valid marriage between the baptized is called ratum tantum if it has not been consummated; it is called ratum et consummatum if the spouses have performed between themselves in a human fashion a conjugal act which is suitable in itself for the procreation of offspring, to which marriage is ordered by its nature and by which the spouses become one flesh.

So, that's that.
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  #9  
Old Oct 13, '05, 8:32 pm
Julian Peters Julian Peters is offline
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Default Re: Wedding night consummation

This discussion has strayed from its original topic of wedding night consumation. Please return to the original topic under discussion. Please feel free to start another thread.
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  #10  
Old Oct 13, '05, 11:03 pm
mumto5 mumto5 is offline
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Default Re: Wedding night consummation

Well, we waited five or six nights after our wedding. I woke up the morning of my wedding with my period :-/
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  #11  
Old Oct 14, '05, 11:17 am
esr esr is offline
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Default Re: Wedding night consummation

My source for the statement that you have not consummated your marriage if you were contracepting at the time was the asscoiate pastor at my parish during a discussion on the Theology of the Body. I have faith that he is a wonderful and faithful teacher and he was also the Chaplain for the Theology of the Body Institute the last two summers. In addition, it just makes sense that if you are holding something back from your spouse (your fertility), then you have not really totally given yourself to your spouse and, thus, have not consummated your vows.
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  #12  
Old Oct 14, '05, 12:04 pm
Feanaro's Wife Feanaro's Wife is offline
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Default Re: Wedding night consummation

Quote:
Originally Posted by esr
My source for the statement that you have not consummated your marriage if you were contracepting at the time was the asscoiate pastor at my parish during a discussion on the Theology of the Body. I have faith that he is a wonderful and faithful teacher and he was also the Chaplain for the Theology of the Body Institute the last two summers. In addition, it just makes sense that if you are holding something back from your spouse (your fertility), then you have not really totally given yourself to your spouse and, thus, have not consummated your vows.
Makes sense to me!

Malia
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  #13  
Old Oct 15, '05, 9:15 pm
BlestOne BlestOne is offline
 
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Default Re: Wedding night consummation

I have to admit...I scheduled 3 hours between the wedding and reception just so that we would have time for each other before we were too tired. Worked out well for us because when we got done with the reception we were both so exhausted!
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  #14  
Old Oct 15, '05, 9:23 pm
spiritblows spiritblows is offline
 
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Default Re: Wedding night consummation

I can't believe this. I couldn't wait for the wedding and had sex long before the marriage. How can anyone who has waited so long wait one more night? I'm amazed! I just had no self control at all! I must have been much lustier than you guys.
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  #15  
Old Oct 15, '05, 9:29 pm
Feanaro's Wife Feanaro's Wife is offline
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Default Re: Wedding night consummation

Quote:
Originally Posted by spiritblows
I can't believe this. I couldn't wait for the wedding and had sex long before the marriage. How can anyone who has waited so long wait one more night? I'm amazed! I just had no self control at all! I must have been much lustier than you guys.
Two reasons come to mind (I am sure there are others).

1) The couple has already been intimate before their wedding, so when they find themselves overwhelmingly tired after the long day they just put it off. Maybe they don't understand yet what the marital embrace is all about. It is not about sex or lust or desires.

2) The couple are virgins and want their first time to be special. It is extremely hard to get into that special mood when you can't keep your eyes open. If you want to fully give yourself to your spouse it is better to actually be awake.

malia
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