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  #1  
Old Jul 10, '13, 2:33 pm
evans77 evans77 is offline
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Default my ex lesbian girlfriend, my life and I need help please

My last relationship with a woman was the most toxic. We were not compatible at all and used to fight. I did love her and still do, she tried quite hard with me but I would catch her talking to other woman online etc and we would fight. I would bring up her past, she would bring stuff up. We did love each other and to this day I still do. She went to church non dominational one and that is where I got more into Jesus.I always believed in God and Jesus.

I had my baby, I wanted a baby for so long and done it on my own and I am single. I told her to get out of my life about 8-9 months ago 2 months before my daughter was born and she did ,straight away with another woman who she was talking to when we were trying to be friends still. I am not that jealous about the actually, more about how badly it all ended.

We had a dog together but after I had the baby and received a card from her daughter to say congratulations I invited her daughter down with the dog to say hi and all that. But my ex would not let her and told a friend of mine she was not happy about that and that she had moved on!! When we were together she always talked to her exes and even phone them and talk about them Yet she will not let me see the Dog I bought! I think she must hate me so much. She jumped straight from me to another girl so quickly. She has had a few relationships before me and always checked on all her exes but with me she seems to hate me! She used to tell me I could not stay single but it looks like she can't

I checked her facebook recently. I hardly ever do but everytime I do it is near an event, last time I was getting baptized and it was an amazing day and few days before getting baptized I checked her facebook and she was with this woman all over facebook, again she was telling everyone that this woman is the love of her life! She goes to church with her and has told her church about her girlfriend, she outed herself.

We were together 3 years, and I just miss her friendship but nothing else because deep down I know I was unstable about it, something did not feel right about being with her but I did love and was attracted to her. I am scared to get in touch with her and say sorry if I was horrible but I was not coping with just trying to be friends and she talking to other women and she has a girlfriend but if she is a true Christian then maybe she be my friend again. I want her to see the baby too,she came to my scan. I hate how things ended more than anything.

This woman does not live near her so my other friend said, so it is a bit long distance.how can it even be a relationship is what my friend said, it seems more like a holiday romance.

My dilemma is she is gay and happy with her girlfriend, obviously God brought her this girl into her life so quickly but me I am in pain and asking forgiveness. I can go weeks without checking on her but when I check her facebook I get all upset. She is blocked from my facebook but a friend let me look. .

She used to talk to all her exes on facebook when she as with me but now she with this woman she never bothered to get in touch or ask how I am, just told a friend I cannot see the dog I bought and had for 3 years but let this woman just come into her life.

I know this is all sinful, how do I live my life with my baby in peace? I love my baby and my family know and have helped me. I have been baptized and ask God for mercy and forgiveness but I am scared of future temptations. I ask God for this my exes friendship back too. I ask for peace to live in peace and maybe one day find the straight life.

Today I am having a little down day. Just before my sister confirmation which I went to I checked my exes facebook which I should have never done! Last I checked it was my baptism, its like the enemy knows I am not 100% over my ex and wants me to suffer.

She found love and bliss straight away. I was always told to give myself time before jumping into another relationship but she did straight away. and it seems to be working 8 months later. Facebook does not lie she seems so happy with this girl.

P.S I want advice on how to forget it, become totally straight and bring up my daughter. I do not want to be judged please. I dislike myself sometimes without judging.
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  #2  
Old Jul 10, '13, 2:59 pm
mek42 mek42 is offline
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Default Re: my ex lesbian girlfriend, my life and I need help please

Our little girl isn't quite two and it is hard being parents. I am sorry to hear that you have relationship issues on top of the parenting.
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  #3  
Old Jul 10, '13, 3:31 pm
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Holly3278 Holly3278 is offline
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Default Re: my ex lesbian girlfriend, my life and I need help please

I don't know if you are a lesbian or if you're bisexual or what but anyway, please don't go having relationship with other women. God meant romantic relationships for one man and one woman, not two women or two men. Dating is meant so that one man and one woman can discern whether or not they should marry.

Also, I don't know if you know what the Catholic Church teaches about homosexuality so here is the section of the Catechism about it:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Catechism of the Catholic Church
Chastity and homosexuality

2357 Homosexuality refers to relations between men or between women who experience an exclusive or predominant sexual attraction toward persons of the same sex. It has taken a great variety of forms through the centuries and in different cultures. Its psychological genesis remains largely unexplained. Basing itself on Sacred Scripture, which presents homosexual acts as acts of grave depravity,141 tradition has always declared that "homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered."142 They are contrary to the natural law. They close the sexual act to the gift of life. They do not proceed from a genuine affective and sexual complementarity. Under no circumstances can they be approved.

2358 The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God's will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord's Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition.

2359 Homosexual persons are called to chastity. By the virtues of self-mastery that teach them inner freedom, at times by the support of disinterested friendship, by prayer and sacramental grace, they can and should gradually and resolutely approach Christian perfection.
http://www.scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s2c2a6.htm#2357

I would strongly recommend that you just stay away from your ex-girlfriend. Stop checking her Facebook and things. Checking her Facebook or even having any communication with her is likely just going to cause you to become depressed or have other negative feelings.

That said, I have no idea if you are a Catholic or not but you did say you were baptized so provided the baptism was valid, you're a Christian now. Feel free to check out a Catholic Church in your area if you haven't already done so. Catholicism is the original Christianity. The Catholic Church was founded by Jesus Christ in 33 AD.

Finally, welcome to Catholic Answers Forums. I hope you don't consider my post to be rude. It wasn't meant that way. God bless you.
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  #4  
Old Jul 10, '13, 3:41 pm
evans77 evans77 is offline
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Default Re: my ex lesbian girlfriend, my life and I need help please

I am mostly attracted to women on an intensity level sexual and emotionally. I am a Christian, baptized and it is a non dominational church. My ex is a Christian and goes to church and it out at her church. She told them. It is very very hard to not be tempted. I have God and I am at peace with it and my daughter being number one, but I find it distressing that many gay/lesbians are happy in their relationships and I can not find that happiness and I am tormented about my ex.

I have had boyfriends but I do not feel the same or maybe I have never found the right one.
I asked a friend at church and she said as long as I believe in Jesus my saviour we can live a homosexual lifestyle and still be saved so I do not know what to believe.

I know I need to stop checking her facebook but I do miss her. I never forget how we met and how attracted to her I was. I am getting better though. I just have bad days.

I don't find your post rude.
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  #5  
Old Jul 10, '13, 3:44 pm
evans77 evans77 is offline
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Default Re: my ex lesbian girlfriend, my life and I need help please

Yes it is true the moment of my baptism I knew I had to change and felt the holy spirit working well but just checking her facebook and seeing how happy she is with this woman makes me wonder if homosexuality is really that bad. She was also baptized more than 10 years ago!
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  #6  
Old Jul 10, '13, 4:29 pm
evans77 evans77 is offline
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Default Re: my ex lesbian girlfriend, my life and I need help please

If God did not intend for same sex relationships why did my ex find a girlfriend straight away online dating after meeting just once and getting together now this girl also goes to church with her??? Was she just lucky to find this girl straight away? And they seem so in love from what I can see. She wants to marry this girl too. If it is so wrong why did she find love straight away.

yet I have a straight friend who was born again 5 years ago and she has been single ever since and praying that God will send her a nice husband, she has remained celibate and will not even date online yet so far God has not answered her prayers. My ex jumps from one relationship to the next and quickly found the love of her life as she put it on facebook straight away??? Some things make no sense to me.
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Old Jul 10, '13, 4:29 pm
Kmfioc Kmfioc is offline
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Default Re: my ex lesbian girlfriend, my life and I need help please

Evans....On the outside it would seem that I could not possibly know what you are going through, I am a married man with one child and another on the way. But spiritually, I believe there are many similarities. We are both searching for something that all humans are searching for, and that is true happiness. I feel like I have made great progress in getting a good idea about what true happiness is, but am still trying to figure out how to allow Christ to work through me in order to achieve the ultimate happiness.

I think this is probably also true for your ex. Dont let smiling pictures on facebook fool you. It is obvious that she is also searching for true happiness. The truth is that True happiness cannot be found in any relationship on its own. True happiness can only be found in these relationships IF they are centered on Christ. Ultimately true happiness in this life is Christ centered. I want to encourage you to read, watch videos and listen to talks from many of the catholic apologists on these issues. Find out what it means to live a life centered on Christ for individuals with same sex attraction and join me, and many others of the Christian faith and finding out how to walk the walk God intended for us. Many of the teaching of Christ and the Church are hard, but they point the way to Christ and ultimately to heaven.
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  #8  
Old Jul 10, '13, 4:33 pm
SMGS127 SMGS127 is offline
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Default Re: my ex lesbian girlfriend, my life and I need help please

Quote:
Originally Posted by evans77 View Post
I am mostly attracted to women on an intensity level sexual and emotionally. I am a Christian, baptized and it is a non dominational church. My ex is a Christian and goes to church and it out at her church. She told them. It is very very hard to not be tempted. I have God and I am at peace with it and my daughter being number one, but I find it distressing that many gay/lesbians are happy in their relationships and I can not find that happiness and I am tormented about my ex.

I have had boyfriends but I do not feel the same or maybe I have never found the right one.
I asked a friend at church and she said as long as I believe in Jesus my saviour we can live a homosexual lifestyle and still be saved so I do not know what to believe.

I know I need to stop checking her facebook but I do miss her. I never forget how we met and how attracted to her I was. I am getting better though. I just have bad days.

I don't find your post rude.
I used to date girls exclusively too. I was a very prominent lesbian for about 3 years before joining the Church. I understand the idea of being much more sexually attracted to women than to men. However, don't focus on the secular idea of "straight" having to mean "sexual attraction to the opposite sex." If you are dating men desperately trying to find one you will be physically attracted to, yet can't be physically attracted to them, you will only depress yourself and make yourself more vulnerable to the secular culture's tempting you to live your life as your physical attractions demand. Listen to the call of Christ.

For me, I learned that if I stopped caring about needing physical attraction, I could focus on the emotional aspects entirely when dating a guy. I could be at peace, because I knew he was always there for me when I needed him, even though I wasn't burning in lust to sleep with him all the time. I realized that that lust wasn't very useful for anything but temptation to sin, and I actually found it made it somewhat possible for me to be turned on occasionally just by how he treated me, without any physicality attached.

With that said, I know that many lesbian women just cannot be comfortable dating a guy, and if you are one of those women, consider celibacy as an option. Marriage isn't the endgoal for everyone, and you do not need it to be happy. Consider discerning religious life or becoming a dedicated single.

Either way, God bless you and PM me if you would like to talk one-on-one
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Old Jul 10, '13, 4:44 pm
Edmundus1581 Edmundus1581 is offline
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Default Re: my ex lesbian girlfriend, my life and I need help please

My recommendation is to: Take it one day at a time.

It's easy to say, but also easy to forget, and we find ourselves wanting to be free of our problems immediately. Just ask Jesus to guide you and keep you one day at a time.

I love this...

One Day at A Time, by Christy Lane

Put your child first. It is so hard for single parents to forget about their own emotional needs, but that's what we have to do. Sacrifice ourselves for our child. I've been there.

Three things I found helpful for overcoming my emotions while parenting:
  • Every day, think about one thing for your child that must be done (such as bath her), and one thing nice you can do for her (such as read to her). Never let a day go by without doing both.
  • Try to set up a routine, which includes most of what has to be done, and some of the nice extras (such as a walk in the stroller).
  • Accept your failures, and don't beat yourself up about them.
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  #10  
Old Jul 10, '13, 5:10 pm
St Francis St Francis is online now
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Thumbs down Re: my ex lesbian girlfriend, my life and I need help please

Welcome to the forum, Evans

It seems like you have three problems, from what you tell us. Two are related to your previous relationship: one, that you are puzzled by her situation, maybe a bit jealous that she seems happy? and sad that she seems to have rejected you so completely, esp considering that she hadn't cut off contact with previous girlfriends. And two, that you are getting over what was for you a pretty long-term and important relationship.

My advice wrt these problems is to pray for her every time you think of her, and do nothing else. Don't dwell on her in your mind, don't check her FB page, don't try to find pit from mutual friends how she's doing. Just pray that God's will for her be done so she can lead a good life, turning her over to God.



Now is the time when you seem to be trying to heed God's call to you, and you want to be a good mother to your baby. This is great Walking through life with God is fabulous, altho sometimes challenging, which can sometimes get us down, but learning to trust and lean on God makes each challenge easier as time goes by.

It sounds like your family is helpful with you and the baby, are they near you? Can they give you advice when you don't know what to do? Can your father or brothers be close to your daughter so she will have a good stable male figure in her life?

As to being straight, maybe for a while you need to focus on your daughter and youself as you make this transition. You are learning to be a child of God and to be a mother, this seems like a lot already on your plate. It is really hard when you've been in a relationship not to miss having someone who is close and special, but you probably want to provide stability for your baby so you want to take this part of your life very slowly, and wait until you are stable in your current changes before getting involved romantically with someone.

This does sound like hard advice, esp for someone who is young, but it really is better to wait to be romantically involved until one has one's life quite together. That makes it much easier to enter into marriage, which is what dating should be about, right?

I hope this helps some; I know you have already gotten some good advice and may get some more. Pray to God every day, get to know Him better, trust Him and rely on Him to help you in your every endeavor. And pray for your baby every day

And congratulations on your baby!!!!! My family tease me because I am so crazy about babies, but they are so great!!!!!
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  #11  
Old Jul 10, '13, 5:35 pm
Lady Love Lady Love is offline
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Default Re: my ex lesbian girlfriend, my life and I need help please

The happiness that you perceive your ex to be having is only temporary and very dangerous. If she does not repent and turn to God and live rightly, she will suffer dearly the consequences of such choices, eternal consequences. "Play now, pay later. Pay now, play later."

God has saved you from what sounds like a relationship addiction. You said that the relationship was very unhealthy and you did the most loving thing for yourself and got out of the relationship. I know what you are feeling but the truth is that you were never TRULY happy with her. As far as checking her facebook, it hurts you every time, so why do you do this to yourself? It's like deliberately cutting yourself!

You have to trust that if God delivered you from this unhealthy relationship, it is because He loves you. He wants you to experience true love. I will be honest, true love feels awkward at first but grows into something radiant. We often push it away because deep down we don't feel worthy of it. I heard a quote once, "If someone tries to love you more than you love yourself, you will push them away." God wants to fill you with the comforts of the gentle Holy Spirit. God wants you to receive what no creature could ever give you...the love you need, the purpose you need, your entire identity. Find yourself in God and then true love will find you.
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  #12  
Old Jul 10, '13, 5:42 pm
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runningdude runningdude is offline
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Default Re: my ex lesbian girlfriend, my life and I need help please

Ms. Evens,

Your first priority is raising your little girl. As a single mom, it will be tough enough; you don't need the drama from your "Ex".

It will probably be best to simply cut ties with this woman. Block her on Facebook if you must.

Try to make friends outside of dating, especially with other moms who could help with or take turns babysitting. You may also benefit from counseling to help with the feelings of jealousy and loneliness. Temptation is something we all struggle with to some degree.

The best,

RD
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Old Jul 10, '13, 8:16 pm
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Contra Mundum Contra Mundum is offline
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Default Re: my ex lesbian girlfriend, my life and I need help please

Quote:
Originally Posted by evans77 View Post
If God did not intend for same sex relationships why did my ex find a girlfriend straight away online dating after meeting just once and getting together now this girl also goes to church with her??? Was she just lucky to find this girl straight away? And they seem so in love from what I can see. She wants to marry this girl too. If it is so wrong why did she find love straight away.
Dear OP,

you seem to have a lot on your plate at the moment. It is hard being a first time mom, so please take it one step at the time. The first step is to stop obsessing about your ex. This relationship is over, she has moved on and you will only hurt yourself by continuing to follow what she does in her life. Find the strength to close this chapter and to focus on your child.

I'd just like to comment on the above. Just because people decide to do something it doesn't mean that is God's will. People do terrible things all the time - murder, theft, lying, etc. That doesn't come from God. We can easily agree upon this, right? But neither does homosexual activity, despite people telling you otherwise. People feel attracted to same sex but it is a mortal sin to act upon it. I understand that your church community thinks it is ok to live that way, but the Catholic church has serious reasons to think differently. I hope you will feel the desire to learn why and decide to follow God. It is not easy, in fact it could be the most difficult thing you face in life, but God never leaves us without help and He will give you all the necessary grace to do it.

Best of luck and God bless.
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Old Jul 10, '13, 9:40 pm
holyrood holyrood is offline
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Default Re: my ex lesbian girlfriend, my life and I need help please

Quote:
Originally Posted by evans77 View Post
If God did not intend for same sex relationships why did my ex find a girlfriend straight away online dating after meeting just once and getting together now this girl also goes to church with her??? Was she just lucky to find this girl straight away? And they seem so in love from what I can see. She wants to marry this girl too. If it is so wrong why did she find love straight away.

yet I have a straight friend who was born again 5 years ago and she has been single ever since and praying that God will send her a nice husband, she has remained celibate and will not even date online yet so far God has not answered her prayers. My ex jumps from one relationship to the next and quickly found the love of her life as she put it on facebook straight away??? Some things make no sense to me.
(((evans)))

My heart goes out to you. We will never fully understand God's ways while we're still on Earth.

But remember, you're seeing only 1) one small snippet in time, and 2) only what they show to the outside world.

I know family members who show a bright, happy face to the outside world, but on the inside, they're miserable and hurting. What you see on facebook doesn't mean anything at all.

And you can't see what's going to happen two or three years down the road with these two.

Also, keep in mind that getting together with someone doesn't mean God approves of everything the two of you are doing. If this were true, it would mean that He approves of drug dealers and wife beaters, too, because after all, plenty of them have girlfriends and wives, right? The truth is, the sun and rain fall on the just and the unjust alike.

Focus on yourself and your daughter, and your own spiritual growth and relationship with God, and stay away from her facebook page.
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Old Jul 11, '13, 1:54 am
evans77 evans77 is offline
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Default Re: my ex lesbian girlfriend, my life and I need help please

All good advice thanks. I need some encouragement. I know its all very silly too but after 3 years to be so disposable and move on quickly. I can not do it. I need time to get over things and heal. I thought about it, and I think some people get into relationship quickly with the first decent person they like just to cover their hurt. Without God it will be temporary. But she does follow Jesus so who knows..

I need to work on myself. I seem to have a very strange personality. I can not get over the past easily. I think too much in the past and wonder where it all went wrong, so wrong and it was me too that was not good either. I can not let go of things easily. But then when I was with my ex she talked about her exes and tried to keep in touch and checked out their facebook too.

I need to give it all to God, I am trying and it is getting better but there are bad days I have and in those bad days I need help. I read somewhere when God is silent he is working the hardest for us. I pray for peace to my heart and myself and to be a better Christian. I go to non dominational church and made great friends but I can not tell them the truth. I should have. I have many things to repent and I do to God but shall I go to Confession too?
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