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  #1  
Old Aug 8, '13, 12:42 am
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Lasting faith Lasting faith is offline
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Default What is harder, to forgive or to forget?

What is harder, to forgive or to forget?
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  #2  
Old Aug 8, '13, 2:50 am
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Default Re: What is harder, to forgive or to forget?

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What is harder, to forgive or to forget?
To forgive is an act which is over when it is done. Unless someone develops dementia it is almost impossible to forget.
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  #3  
Old Aug 8, '13, 2:59 am
MaryT777 MaryT777 is offline
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Default Re: What is harder, to forgive or to forget?

Forget.
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  #4  
Old Aug 8, '13, 3:37 am
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Default Re: What is harder, to forgive or to forget?

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What is harder, to forgive or to forget?
I don't think both are always neccessary. There are many situations involving the sins of others that we shouldn't forget, in part so that we can use that knowledge when dealing with them in the future, and in part so that we are less likely to be taken advantage of in general. In many cases, forgetting a transgression is also next to impossible, particularly if it's a major sin that hurt us.

On the other hand, sometimes it can be easier to "forget" a problem by ignoring it and not dealing with it- instantly brushing it off and saying that so-and-so didn't know that they were hurting us. This isn't really forgiving them, it's denying that they are at fault in the first place, even if they have hurt us badly. I think this is less common if we are taught that our feelings matter and that other people don't always want what's best for us.

In normal life, it's easier to forgive and almost impossible to forget. The situation I described, denying guilt, is the only one I can think of where a person might "forget" something without forgiving it, unless it was a very minor infraction and they just didn't really think about it.
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Old Aug 8, '13, 5:39 am
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Default Re: What is harder, to forgive or to forget?

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What is harder, to forgive or to forget?
If one does not forgive...one will not forget.

Forgiveness must come first before the other is even possible.

Then - once forgiveness is granted...It will not matter (greatly) whether one remembers or not.

Peace
James
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  #6  
Old Aug 8, '13, 5:49 am
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Default Re: What is harder, to forgive or to forget?

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What is harder, to forgive or to forget?
Forgiving is an act that we choose to do.

Forgetting involves your brain not remembering.

Somethings slide to the back of our memory quicker than other things. However, they may be able to be recalled with the right reminders.

Forgetfulness can actually be a sign of a more serious problem with our brain no longer remembering things.

Sometimes we re-think certain memories over and over and over - at an unhealthy rate. That can be a habit in our way of thinking - ruminating. We want to learn ways to stop those ways of running it over and over and over in our mind.

If a person has a habit of dwelling on what the other did over and over and over - they should look for ways to stop this unhealthy "remembering" or ruminating. It does not mean they forget the hurt caused them, but puts the memory in a healthy prospective.

An old saying: Forgive and Forget.... really means Forgive the offense and move on... put the matter to rest.... don't dwell on it... don't keep remembering it over and over and over.....

The event happened. It caused some sort of pain. The person made a choice to forgive the offender. Thinking about it over and over does not change anything.
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Old Aug 8, '13, 5:56 am
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Default Re: What is harder, to forgive or to forget?

It is impossible to forget.
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  #8  
Old Aug 8, '13, 6:16 am
sparky100 sparky100 is offline
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Default Re: What is harder, to forgive or to forget?

"Forgive and forget", makes it sound as if the two are inextricably linked together somehow, like we can't do one without the other.

IMHO, as has been pointed out previously, forgiving is from the heart, forgetting is from the head. I've come to realize, at least for me, that forgiving does NOT mean that I'm now obliged to somehow embrace or befriend the other person. If another does some wrong to us, it's to our benefit to remember those wrongs, and give whatever level of future trust that relationship deserves based on our experiences with that person. Forgiving does not mean that someone is now my true and trusted friend again.

Prayer and time are often necessary for me to forgive someone. For me, forgiving means that I no longer allow the other person to live rent-free in my head and heart. It means that I can go through my days and sleep well at night without being hindered by past wrongs done to me. My ability to forgive is inextricably linked to my spiritual health, and NOT forgiving will eventually rot my soul. Forgiveness is not always easy, but it is always spiritually rewarding.
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  #9  
Old Aug 8, '13, 6:27 am
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Default Re: What is harder, to forgive or to forget?

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Originally Posted by sparky100 View Post
"Forgive and forget", makes it sound as if the two are inextricably linked together somehow, like we can't do one without the other.

IMHO, as has been pointed out previously, forgiving is from the heart, forgetting is from the head. I've come to realize, at least for me, that forgiving does NOT mean that I'm now obliged to somehow embrace or befriend the other person. If another does some wrong to us, it's to our benefit to remember those wrongs, and give whatever level of future trust that relationship deserves based on our experiences with that person. Forgiving does not mean that someone is now my true and trusted friend again.

Prayer and time are often necessary for me to forgive someone. For me, forgiving means that I no longer allow the other person to live rent-free in my head and heart. It means that I can go through my days and sleep well at night without being hindered by past wrongs done to me. My ability to forgive is inextricably linked to my spiritual health, and NOT forgiving will eventually rot my soul. Forgiveness is not always easy, but it is always spiritually rewarding.
LOVE this post!

Yes, forgetting is harder than forgiving...but forgetting (literally) isn't necessary, and remembering (through a glass of forgiveness) can actually help us to set proper boundaries in the future.
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  #10  
Old Aug 8, '13, 6:39 am
marymary1975 marymary1975 is offline
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Default Re: What is harder, to forgive or to forget?

To me when we are talking about forgive and forget is not necessarily to erase a memory from our brains. I think the concept of forget in here is breaking the emotional attachment to certain bad traumatic memory and stop reviving the feeling of pain over and over in our brain. There is a famous Celia Cruz' song that I think got this idea perfectly right: forgiveness is when you are capable to remember without feeling any pain. Forgeting is extremely difficult because we have a tendency to get emotionally attached to a memory, traumatic events tend to get recorded deeply into our brain and we find it extremely difficult to let it go. We go back in our brains to revive a past moment in order to feel the pain again and again and usually to break this attachment with bad memories a lot lot of work is required; it is very very difficult especially when we are talking about traumatic events so that is why the forgetting part is what makes the forgiving so difficult.
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  #11  
Old Aug 8, '13, 6:44 am
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Lasting faith Lasting faith is offline
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Default Re: What is harder, to forgive or to forget?

But how to forgive if you can't forget. How "real" and sincere is the forgiving in a case like that? I will tell you why I did ask this. Many years ago I had a Rottweiler, and a nut-head neighbour who did hate dogs, and a sick thought that my dog was a hinder for "our" life. I knew she had mental issues, but not a clue how sick she really was/is. I did invite her for coffee now and then, just to keep her company, and maybe myself as well. And since I was very poor and living on a very small pension she wanted to help. I did not think what I was in for. I did realize at some point that my dog always was sick the next day after her visits and soon I did find out why. A small white pill in her food-cup. Well, my dog did die very old, but she did cause me and my dog more suffer then anyone should go thru. And when I got my present dog she made it very clear that she is happy "about the new situation". But this time I knew better and did what I had to do, and soon we did move away, not sure though if she had a hunch where. Needless to say, a neighbour did see a woman who did fit the crazy lady walking around and looking at all the windows. But we was lucky and a renovation was about to start so we had to move again, and this time no trace was left. However Thursday last week my dog did get two wounds in the dog-park, and I may be ready for the "funny-farm" but something tells me that they are not made by an other dog or maybe some tree-branch or some other sharp object. It does not fit the wounds, and the vet did say puncture wounds, not deep, luckily, but they do not heal as they should, so I would be glad if someone would say a prayer for my dog, she is just about all I have around and my kids have their life and seldom time to visit, and maybe one for me also, I can't forgive, I can't forget. I have not told this to a priest, or anyone, mainly because I am not sure if anyone would believe me. I know I should forgive, but I can't, and I can't forget either. Does anyone think God can forgive me when I can't forgive her?
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  #12  
Old Aug 8, '13, 6:51 am
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Default Re: What is harder, to forgive or to forget?

To forgive is to forget.

In St. Faustina's diary, she relates that a priest asked for proof of her visions and told her that if Jesus could tell her what sins he confessed in his last confession then he would believe her. When asked Jesus shook his head with a smile and said, "I don't remember."

When we say, "forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us", are we asking God to remember our sins, even though He has forgiven them and to treat us accordingly?

http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/__PAB.HTM

CCC 2843...It is not in our power not to feel or to forget an offense; but the heart that offers itself to the Holy Spirit turns injury into compassion and purifies the memory in transforming the hurt into intercession.
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  #13  
Old Aug 8, '13, 7:03 am
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Default Re: What is harder, to forgive or to forget?

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... I can't forgive, I can't forget. I have not told this to a priest, or anyone, mainly because I am not sure if anyone would believe me. I know I should forgive, but I can't, and I can't forget either. Does anyone think God can forgive me when I can't forgive her?
What did Jesus say? "If you do not forgive...neither will God forgive you..." Forgiving, as mentioned above, does not mean you suddenly have warm feelings about the person or that you blindly give them your trust again. It means you let go...you don't wish any ill-will on the person, you love them and hope for the best, and will not hold a grudge, etc...and you move on with your life. Forgiveness is for YOUR healing...to help YOU. Holding on to the sins of others who sinned against you is a cancer for your soul. I recommend you tell this to your Priest.
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Old Aug 8, '13, 7:08 am
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Default Re: What is harder, to forgive or to forget?

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Does anyone think God can forgive me when I can't forgive her?
CCC 1878 All men are called to the same end: God himself. There is a certain resemblance between the union of the divine persons and the fraternity that men are to establish among themselves in truth and love.1 Love of neighbor is inseparable from love for God.


Love of neighbor is inseparable from love of God.
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  #15  
Old Aug 8, '13, 9:03 am
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Default Re: What is harder, to forgive or to forget?


May God give you healing in your heart for all the pains your suffer.... from this lady who harmed your Rottweiler.... from your pains of not seeing your children much.... from your pains with your new dog's puncture wounds....from anyone who is causing you and your dog harm. May God quickly heal your dog of her wounds. May the vet be able to help your dog.

Talk with the wonderful priest when he comes to hear your confession and bring you Communion. He will be able to offer good advice.

You might want to consider two things.... 1) The lady who was a bad neighbor may have caused harm to this dog and 2) someone or something else caused harm to this dog.

In both cases this is a bit of thought on how to relieve your pain....

Ask God to give you the grace to forgive her.

When you forgive her in your heart, you are not saying "It is okay that you caused harm to us." What you are saying is "I let go of my anger in my heart." It does not mean, you invite her to be near you and your dog. It does not mean you become her friend. You know that God will deal with her according to her life. You are free and released from holding anger inside of you.

When you have anger (or unforgivenss) in you, you might feel muscles tense, shoulders draw upwards, tightness in your face. When you release that anger and say, "I am free of her problems" - you might feel your body relax, your shoulders go down, and your face relax.

You don't need to forget that you do not want to be around her. Nor do you need to forget that you do not want your dog around her. At the same time, you don't want to keep reliving the pain by keeping it at the fore front of your mind. When you see her, that is when you want to remember "My dog and I could be in danger" and remove yourself from her presence.

God truly understands why you feel like you do. He knows the love you have for your dogs. He knows how it hurts to see them mistreated by others.

Ask Him to let you feel forgiveness in your heart..... This is not the same as asking God to help you to like someone who has caused you pain. You still don't have to like her or be near her.

St. Francis ~ Pray for Lasting Faith and his dog.
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