Catholic FAQ


Latest Threads
newest posts



Go Back   Catholic Answers Forums > Forums > Catholic Living > Family Life
 

Welcome to Catholic Answers Forums, the largest Catholic Community on the Web.

Here you can join over 400,000 members from around the world discussing all things Catholic. Membership is open to all, Catholic and non-Catholic alike, who seek the Truth with Charity.

To gain full access, you must register for a FREE account. Registered members are able to:
  • Submit questions about the faith to experts from Catholic Answers
  • Participate in all forum discussions
  • Communicate privately with Catholics from around the world
  • Plus join a prayer group, read with the Book Club, and much more.
Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free. So join our community today!

Have a question about registration or your account log-in? Just contact our Support Hotline.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search Thread Display
  #1  
Old Nov 21, '13, 12:00 am
confused16 confused16 is offline
Trial Membership
 
Join Date: November 20, 2013
Posts: 1
Religion: catholic
Unhappy sex before marriage?

Hello everybody I am a catholic and I am new to this and I just wanted to get some input from other people and their opinions. So my problem is I want to eventually become intimate with my boyfriend but I had said I wanted to wait till marriage and now I am rethinking it.

Also if I do I do not want to pregnant before I am married nor get an abortion or take the pill that kills the infant after it is conceived. I am just so confused and do not know how to bring this up to my mom because I do not want to keep secrets from her. This is giving me so much anxiety, someone please help I am so confused.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old Nov 21, '13, 12:26 am
Rolltide's Avatar
Rolltide Rolltide is offline
Regular Member
 
Join Date: September 6, 2006
Posts: 4,298
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: sex before marriage?

Pre-marital sex is considered a mortal sin by the Catholic Church. In other words, it is a sin so grave that if you do not genuinely ask forgiveness for it, it could doom you to hell. Here are some of the reasons why:

1) Human law provides the *minimum* standard for humans to live by. In other words, what is the most that humans can get away with without destroying themselves? God's law is exactly the opposite. God holds us to the *highest* standard possible. In other words, what behavior would be needed in order to achieve an absolute perfect society? We don't change God's law to suit us because we fall short. We don't even change God's law because it's *impossible* for humans to achieve. Instead, we adapt because we should always be striving for the ideal. With that stated, what kind of behavior do you think God would expect of unmarried couples?

2) Moral behavior also requires that we have the highest respect for human life possible. As such, we should *never* do harm, short of self-defense. Pre-marital sex, no matter how careful, *always* has a risk of pregnancy. This could lead the mother to another mortal sin through abortion. The couple is also putting a potential human life's entire future at risk by not being prepared to accept the responsibility to raise it or be prepared to do so in advance. It might have to grow up in a single parent or unstable household, finances would not have been prepared, and so on. The fact that a couple could potentially put an innocent life at risk is the *highest* form of selfishness and is completely irresponsible.

3) Despite years of scientific study and philosophical debate, *no one* knows precisely when the soul enters the human body and human life begins. As such, Catholics are required to take the safest route and assume the most conservative answer, which is that life begins at the moment of conception. Birth control can cause the failure of a fertilized egg to implant, thus causing an abortion. Someone could be the unknowing partner to unintentional murder. Some might also choose to use the morning after pill, which does essentially the same thing, but on purpose.

4) Pre-marital sex *always* presents the possibility of sexually transmitted disease. It would be a grave sin to infect someone with a dangerous disease, and some diseases, like HIV, can be transmitted even through condoms. People might not even know they have them. HPV has no symptoms, and yet can cause cervical cancer. How many times have people believed themselves to be in a monogamous relationship, only to discover that their partner is cheating? Over 50% of the population has been cheated on at some point. How many had suspicions beforehand?

5) Promiscuity leads to more promiscuity. By sleeping around, it decreases the special bond that one has when they are exclusive with a single partner. They want to explore the lustful side of sexuality more, unimpeded by feelings. It increases the possibility of cheating during marriage, and has helped to contribute to our skyrocketing divorce rate. Why get married when I can just sleep with someone and move on? People get obsessed with the initial sexual attraction, and never move on to the more intimate phases of relationships. When the fireworks stop, they simply dump their lover, find someone new, and recapture the feeling again. You always hear in the movies about "fear of commitment". Well, a LOT of this is due to the fact that people think they have a good thing going. Why would they want to limit their sexual fun by committing permanently to someone?

6) During pre-marital sex, one is treating the partner like an object of pleasure, rather than an object of love. (This can occur EVEN INSIDE OF A MARRIAGE, by the way...) Rather than using sex for its wondrous purpose, which is a special unity that offers the possibility for the creation of life, we detach from that purpose, and use it solely for pleasure. To be sure, sex is pleasurable and provides fun and great intimacy for couples, but it is meant to be a unique bond that strengthens the family unit, rather than fracturing it through promiscuity. By giving into lust, a couple is *exploiting* each other for selfish purposes, even if the bond of love is there. The minute that sex becomes *just* about fun, the couple begins to test those boundaries to see how much *fun* one can have. These boundaries are difficult to resist, and one can find themselves in trouble very fast. Even inside a marriage, when you are not open to life, you are taking one of the most *special* gifts of God, which is actually being allowed to participate in the process of creation, and rejecting it as if it is worthless.

So, why is pre-marital sex bad? It could lead to abortion, it could lead to the creation of a child with a family completely unprepared to raise it, it can transmit disease, it is selfish, it weakens the family, it provides a mentality for divorce and lack of commitment, it is exploitative, and is the misuse of a hugely unique gift from God. Does that help?
__________________
See Tide.
See Tide Roll.
Roll. Tide. Roll.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old Nov 21, '13, 2:48 am
Demetra2 Demetra2 is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: September 30, 2007
Posts: 400
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: sex before marriage?

You already know the right thing to do. And of course it is to avoid premarital sex. God considers it a mortal sin. If you die in a state of mortal sin you risk going to hell. God loves you very much and wants the very best for you. He created marriage as the way for a man and a woman to join together and to form a loving family. If you are being tempted to have sex remember that comes from Satan not God. Go to confession and discuss this with your priest. Then continue to pray whenever you are tempted. Ask St. Michael for his help. And avoid temptation by never being alone with your boyfriend.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old Nov 21, '13, 2:53 am
vsedriver's Avatar
vsedriver vsedriver is offline
Regular Member
 
Join Date: June 21, 2010
Posts: 2,155
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: sex before marriage?

[quote=confused16;11421023]
Quote:
Hello everybody I am a catholic and I am new to this and I just wanted to get some input from other people and their opinions. So my problem is I want to eventually become intimate with my boyfriend but I had said I wanted to wait till marriage and now I am rethinking it.

if you decide to have sex with your boyfriend be sure to take time to pick out baby names and look into single mothership or adoption.


Quote:
Also if I do I do not want to pregnant before I am married nor get an abortion or take the pill that kills the infant after it is conceived. I am just so confused and do not know how to bring this up to my mom because I do not want to keep secrets from her. This is giving me so much anxiety, someone please help I am so confused.
some good advice someone once gave me,.. If you can't talk about it to your mom then it is probably a BAD thing you are planning to do. So now ask yourself why you are having so much anxiety about talking this over with your mom? Is it because you feel you know the answer she will give you and it won't be the one you want to hear?

So approach her as a general question. Ask her what she believes and go from there.

some other advice my mother gave me... If a man loves you enough to have sex with you he should love you enough to wait till you are married and he should be prepared to care for you and your children. A man who is unwilling to do this does not really love you and does not value you above everything else in his life. And you should know that you are a pearl of great price.
__________________
"A point in every direction is the same as no point at all." Harry Nilsson
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old Nov 21, '13, 4:27 am
Joan M Joan M is offline
Regular Member
 
Join Date: July 2, 2004
Posts: 1,258
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: sex before marriage?

Quote:
Originally Posted by confused16 View Post
Hello everybody I am a catholic and I am new to this and I just wanted to get some input from other people and their opinions. So my problem is I want to eventually become intimate with my boyfriend but I had said I wanted to wait till marriage and now I am rethinking it.

Also if I do I do not want to pregnant before I am married nor get an abortion or take the pill that kills the infant after it is conceived. I am just so confused and do not know how to bring this up to my mom because I do not want to keep secrets from her. This is giving me so much anxiety, someone please help I am so confused.
You are confused? You are seriously considering committing a mortal sin. There is no confusion there. You are feeling anxiety because your conscience is telling you that what you are planning to do is just plain wrong. Make a serious resolution that you will not engage in intimate actions against the 6th Commandment while unmarried. Sex is sacred and to be used only within marriage.
__________________
Peace and Love
Joan M.


It's not enough to be good; you need to show it. What would you say of a rose bush which produced only thorns?#735, Furrow - St. Josemaria Escriva
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old Nov 21, '13, 5:32 am
dsully dsully is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: March 29, 2012
Posts: 356
Religion: Convert (Confirmed at Easter Vigil - April 19, 2014)
Default Re: sex before marriage?

Quote:
Originally Posted by confused16 View Post
Hello everybody I am a catholic and I am new to this and I just wanted to get some input from other people and their opinions. So my problem is I want to eventually become intimate with my boyfriend but I had said I wanted to wait till marriage and now I am rethinking it.

Also if I do I do not want to pregnant before I am married nor get an abortion or take the pill that kills the infant after it is conceived. I am just so confused and do not know how to bring this up to my mom because I do not want to keep secrets from her. This is giving me so much anxiety, someone please help I am so confused.
It sounds like you have gotten really close to your boyfriend already. This may be leading you to think that it is o.k. for you to have sex with him. But can we always trust our feelings?

Also, I am curious if your boyfriend is also Catholic?
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old Nov 21, '13, 5:35 am
heidi_storage heidi_storage is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: November 9, 2012
Posts: 346
Religion: Christian (Protestant)
Default Re: sex before marriage?

Please wait; it is worth it! Sex is a joining together of two to become one, and ought to be within marriage.

This is how it has been from the beginning. See Genesis 2:24: "Wherefore a man shall leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they shall be two in one flesh."

Aside from the possibility of oregnancy (and perhaps STDs), sex always, always has consequences, including emotional and psychological consequences. If he's "the one," you can have sex with him when you're married; if not, you don't want to give yourself to him in that way.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old Nov 21, '13, 6:28 am
Loving disciple's Avatar
Loving disciple Loving disciple is offline
Regular Member
 
Join Date: April 24, 2012
Posts: 945
Religion: Roman Catholic
Default Re: sex before marriage?

Just don't have sex. It will only lead you down a path of pain. Also welcome to CAF. If your boyfriend wants to have sex then he is going to have to wait. If he really loves you then he will wait c if he is not willing to wait he isn't worth your time. Also as I am sure you have heard sex before marriage will send you to hell. The same with the pill and abortion. Anyway sorry if this sounds like a long listen of no you can't do it but it is for your own good. Also on your mom if you talk to her about this I am sure she will understand. Your mom was a teenager too.

Also I am not an adult I am still in high school and the happiest girls I see are the one who keep their virginity or at least wait.
__________________





Kyrie Eleison

St. Joan of Arc pray for us
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old Nov 21, '13, 7:19 am
TheLastWord TheLastWord is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: November 18, 2013
Posts: 107
Religion: HumanRace
Default Re: sex before marriage?

No, no, don't do the married thing without the bonds of marriage.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old Nov 21, '13, 8:00 am
robwar's Avatar
robwar robwar is online now
Regular Member
 
Join Date: January 19, 2012
Posts: 5,148
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: sex before marriage?

Quote:
Originally Posted by confused16 View Post
Hello everybody I am a catholic and I am new to this and I just wanted to get some input from other people and their opinions. So my problem is I want to eventually become intimate with my boyfriend but I had said I wanted to wait till marriage and now I am rethinking it.

Also if I do I do not want to pregnant before I am married nor get an abortion or take the pill that kills the infant after it is conceived. I am just so confused and do not know how to bring this up to my mom because I do not want to keep secrets from her. This is giving me so much anxiety, someone please help I am so confused.
pre-marital sex is mortal sin. Plus there are repeated study after study that show those who engage in pre-marital sex and live together end up with unstable, less happy marriages as well as increase the likelihood of divorce. Do not risk it. Save yourself for the wedding night and you will not have any regrets at all. You give away your virginity once, do it while married not while you are single even if engaged. Unplanned pregnancy is just one side of it but premarital sex interferes with the bonding after marriage. If you are tempted, plan not to put yourself and your boyfriend in alone situations where there is opportunity to have sex. Be wise not foolish, stop listening to the world or others that say it's ok, no problems. Don't watch shows or movies that glorify pre-marital sex which only increase your temptation.
__________________
"you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free"
John 8:32
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old Nov 21, '13, 8:05 am
Joseph73 Joseph73 is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: October 3, 2013
Posts: 115
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: sex before marriage?

Quote:
Originally Posted by confused16 View Post
I want to eventually become intimate with my boyfriend but I had said I wanted to wait till marriage and now I am rethinking it.
No.

Does that help?
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old Nov 21, '13, 2:22 pm
Giggly Giraffe's Avatar
Giggly Giraffe Giggly Giraffe is offline
Regular Member
 
Join Date: August 28, 2012
Posts: 2,040
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: sex before marriage?

Writer & speaker Christopher West makes John Paul II "theology of he body" come to life.

Check out this sample blog:
Quote:
One way to begin understanding the church’s stance is by “judging the tree by its fruit.” This is what first made me realize that contraception is a much more important issue than I had realized.

When Margaret Sanger and her followers started pushing contraception in the early 1900s, wise men and women — and certainly not just Catholics — predicted that severing sex from procreation would eventually led to sexual and societal chaos. Today’s culture of adultery, divorce, premarital sex, sexually transmitted diseases, out-of-wedlock births, abortion, fatherless children, homosexuality, poverty, crime, drugs and violence was all foreseen.

What’s the connection with contraception? While today’s societal chaos is certainly complex, the following demonstrates the “inner logic” of contraception’s contribution. People are often tempted to do things they shouldn’t do. Deterrents within nature itself and within society help to curb these temptations and maintain order. For example, what would happen to the crime rate in a given society if jail terms suddenly ceased?

Apply the same logic to sex. People throughout history have been tempted to commit adultery. It’s nothing new. However, one of the main deterrents from succumbing to the temptation has been the fear of pregnancy. What would happen if this natural deterrent were taken away? As history demonstrates, rates of adultery would skyrocket. What’s one of the main causes of divorce? Adultery. Apply the same logic to premarital sex. Such behavior has, indeed, skyrocketed. Premarital sex, as a kind of “adultery in advance,” is also a prime indicator of future marital breakdown.

It gets worse. Since no method of contraception is 100 percent effective, an increase in adultery and pre-marital sex will inevitably lead to an increase in “unwanted pregnancies.” What’s next? So many people think contraception is the solution to the abortion problem. Take a deeper look and you’ll see that that’s like throwing gasoline on a fire to try to put it out. In the final analysis, there is only one reason we have abortion — because men and women are having sex without being “open to life.” If this mentality is at the root of abortion, contraception does nothing but foster and afford this mentality.

Not everyone will resort to abortion, of course. Some will choose adoption. Other mothers (most) will raise these children by themselves. Hence, the number of children who grow up without a father (which has already been increased by the rise in divorce) will be compounded. And a culture of “fatherless” children inevitably becomes a culture of poverty, crime, drugs and violence. All of these social ills compound exponentially from generation to generation since “fatherless” children are also much more likely to have out-of-wedlock births and, if they marry at all, divorce.

- See more at: http://www.christopherwest.com/contr...-part-1/#more-
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old Nov 21, '13, 4:43 pm
Rau Rau is offline
Regular Member
 
Join Date: February 1, 2013
Posts: 3,713
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: sex before marriage?

Quote:
Originally Posted by confused16 View Post
Hello everybody I am a catholic and I am new to this and I just wanted to get some input from other people and their opinions. So my problem is I want to eventually become intimate with my boyfriend but I had said I wanted to wait till marriage and now I am rethinking it.

Also if I do I do not want to pregnant before I am married nor get an abortion or take the pill that kills the infant after it is conceived. I am just so confused and do not know how to bring this up to my mom because I do not want to keep secrets from her. This is giving me so much anxiety, someone please help I am so confused.
It may help us to help you better if you could express in some detail why you may want to be "intimate" with your boyfriend.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old Nov 21, '13, 8:36 pm
SurlyMermaid's Avatar
SurlyMermaid SurlyMermaid is offline
Regular Member
 
Join Date: October 31, 2011
Posts: 1,300
Default Re: sex before marriage?

I say this in love, as an almost 40 year-old woman:

Don't do it; you'll have regrets. Save yourself. I promise, promise you that you are worth it and there are guys out there who will wait for you.

Pray. Pray for your boyfriend. Pray for your future spouse, whoever that will be.

Be strong; find support. Lots of abstinence support on Facebook.



SM
__________________
“Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile.”
― Mother Teresa


http://convertconvent.blogspot.com
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old Nov 22, '13, 11:01 am
PennyinCanada's Avatar
PennyinCanada PennyinCanada is offline
Regular Member
 
Join Date: January 31, 2011
Posts: 1,670
Religion: Ukrainian Catholic
Default Re: sex before marriage?

You really are not confused. You are having anxiety because you want to go a direction and can't see how to get there.

The numbers of young women having an abortion has gone into the millions. Young women have been abandoned by their boyfriends when they become pregnant, and are left with a very painful decision of carrying a baby to term or having an abortion. What kind of awful stress are they under that they would kill their own baby?

Your boyfriend is asking you to take a HUGE risk, with no risk to himself, for a few minutes of pleasure. This is the opposite of love, it's selfish, and if he loved you, he would never put you in that position. Shame on him. He should respect you and honor you when you spend time together. It is a privilege to be your boyfriend.

One day when you announce to your parents that you are pregnant, do you want it to be the happiest day of your life, or the worst day?

If you decide to go on the pill, it will not protect you from a broken heart. It won't protect you from sexually transmitted diseases. Since the pill has come into the world, not only has there been an explosion of numbers of people who have gotten affected, but the types of diseases have increased dramatically. This is something your body will carry forever.

One day there will be a young man that will want to come before family, friends, and God to take you as his wife, to have and to hold, to be his life partner. How special do you want that day to be? How totally awesome will this young man be? How much of your heart do you want to give away before you meet him?

You can be praying for that young man, that he makes smart choices today regarding his sexuality, and include yourself as well.

How would you feel if you were engaged to the man of your dreams, planning your wedding, and he said that he slept with some girls. How would you feel if he said one of those girls had an abortion? Or, had a baby and he is paying child support? How would that make you feel? Would you feel robbed? Cheated? He's had his first born baby without you.

How would you feel if you were that 'other girl'?

Although you are at a time when God's rules feel restrictive, you have to know that it's very much like getting in a car and buckling your seat beat. You are on a destination, and we must navigate through a lot of traffic and drivers and weather conditions, and car crashes happen. Some don't survive, some are hurt very badly. The seat belt saves lives, the air bags save lives. Following God's plan is like that seatbelt. God's plan is like the driver's handbook. You know that driving on the right side of the road, stopping at red lights, etc will get you to your destination. No one ever feels that these rules are too restrictive, that stopping at a red holds you back. Have confidence that these rules will benefit and bless you through your life. They will. God will. You have a whole lot of young women who tried something else, and crashed and burned. Don't follow their example, that leads to ruin. Don't break your parents hearts. One day you'll be married and announce that your expecting, and it will be a day of celebrating. I wish that so much for you! God does too. God bless and strengthen you today.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Go Back   Catholic Answers Forums > Forums > Catholic Living > Family Life

Bookmarks

Tags
confused, help me! need advice, sex before marraige

Thread Tools Search Thread
Search Thread:

Advanced Search
Display

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



Prayer Intentions

Most Active Groups
8570Meet and talk,talk talk
Last by: SueZee
5243CAF Prayer Warriors Support Group
Last by: James_OPL
4436Devotion to the Sorrowful Mother
Last by: DesertSister62
4037OCD/Scrupulosity Group
Last by: eschator83
3903Let's empty Purgatory
Last by: RJB
3878SOLITUDE
Last by: Prairie Rose
3472Petitions Before the Blessed Sacrament
Last by: grateful_child
3322Poems and Reflections
Last by: Purgatory Pete
3237Catholic Vegetarians & Vegans
Last by: 4elise
3172For seniors and shut- ins
Last by: SueZee



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 8:00 pm.

Home RSS Feeds - Home - Archive - Top

Copyright © 2004-2014, Catholic Answers.