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  #1  
Old Jan 9, '14, 11:22 am
katie998 katie998 is offline
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Default vasectomy

Last year my husband decided to get a vasectomy against my wishes what am I supposed to do now? Should I even have sex with him anymore or is our marriage dissolved?
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  #2  
Old Jan 9, '14, 11:31 am
Della Della is offline
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Default Re: vasectomy

Even if he has done something against your wishes, good or bad, he's still your husband. By loving him unconditionally you can show him God's love for him. We all make bad decisions in our lives, some worse than others. Still, nothing can break the marriage bond except death. So, be the best wife to him you can be and leave the rest in God's hands.
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  #3  
Old Jan 9, '14, 11:42 am
1ke 1ke is offline
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Default Re: vasectomy

Quote:
Originally Posted by katie998 View Post
Last year my husband decided to get a vasectomy against my wishes what am I supposed to do now?
Pray for him. Pray that he will see how serious this is and repent in the sacrament of reconciliation.

Quote:
Originally Posted by katie998 View Post
Should I even have sex with him anymore
There is no requirement that you refrain from relations with your husband. He has committed a serious injustice against you, and you may have emotions/feelings of betrayal and distrust to overcome, I would urge counseling.

Quote:
Originally Posted by katie998 View Post
or is our marriage dissolved?
No your marriage is not dissolved. Only death can dissolve a valid marriage.
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ke's universal disclaimer: In my posts, when I post about marriage, canon law, or sacraments I am talking about Latin Rite only, not the Orthodox and Eastern Rites. These are exceptions that confuse the issue and I am not talking about those.
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  #4  
Old Jan 9, '14, 12:23 pm
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tawny tawny is offline
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Default Re: vasectomy

Quote:
Originally Posted by katie998 View Post
Last year my husband decided to get a vasectomy against my wishes what am I supposed to do now? Should I even have sex with him anymore or is our marriage dissolved?
Your marriage is not dissolved. As far as sex with him, counseling maybe in order as there may be underlying feelings of mistrust. Pray also that he goes to confession. Praying for both of you.
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  #5  
Old Jan 9, '14, 12:27 pm
TexCatholic4JMJ TexCatholic4JMJ is offline
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Default Re: vasectomy

Many years ago, my husband (now ex) did the same against my wishes. It was a huge
blow to the marriage (there were others) and eventually we divorced.
Please see about getting counseling for the two of you. I hope he will go, but if not, do go
yourself.
Will be praying for you.
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  #6  
Old Jan 9, '14, 12:37 pm
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PietroPaolo PietroPaolo is offline
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Default Re: vasectomy

Is he willing to get it reversed?
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  #7  
Old Jan 9, '14, 12:50 pm
Spectator Spectator is offline
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Default Re: vasectomy

It was grossly unjust and unfair of him to do this without yous consent. When I had it done a number of years ago,my now ex wife and I were jointly interviewed by the surgeon to make sure she was consenting
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  #8  
Old Jan 9, '14, 1:18 pm
Amo a Jesus Amo a Jesus is offline
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Default Re: vasectomy

Question Even if the Wife agree still A sin ?
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  #9  
Old Jan 9, '14, 1:22 pm
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PietroPaolo PietroPaolo is offline
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Default Re: vasectomy

Quote:
Originally Posted by Amo a Jesus View Post
Question Even if the Wife agree still A sin ?
Yes. It's a sin to mutilate your body to prevent it's natural functioning so as to have responsibility free sex.
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  #10  
Old Jan 10, '14, 10:20 am
katie998 katie998 is offline
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Default Re: vasectomy

Thank you for all the help I think counseling is the best way to go. I am just confused because I know I am open to life and not in mortal sin but now every time am I allowing myself to be used now? Also is sex unifying at all anymore my husband is not open to life? How do I not become an object? How can I truly love my neighbor if I am just a stumbling block and helping him stay blind?
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  #11  
Old Jan 10, '14, 10:51 am
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kozlosap kozlosap is online now
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Default Re: vasectomy

According to responses I've heard on CAL, the sin is your husbands', not yours, so you are not complicit in any manner and having sex with him is perfectly moral on your part.
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  #12  
Old Jan 10, '14, 11:02 am
Della Della is offline
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Default Re: vasectomy

Quote:
Originally Posted by katie998 View Post
Thank you for all the help I think counseling is the best way to go. I am just confused because I know I am open to life and not in mortal sin but now every time am I allowing myself to be used now? Also is sex unifying at all anymore my husband is not open to life? How do I not become an object? How can I truly love my neighbor if I am just a stumbling block and helping him stay blind?
Sex between married couples isn't only for procreation. My dh and I could not have children but we are still unified and open to life. It's too bad your husband doesn't share your understanding, but he's still your husband, even so. In time he may come to realize that he was mistaken to have the procedure. If he does, he'll no doubt regret it, but that's up to him to sort out.

If this is a bigger problem, for instance if he never intended to be open to children and made sure you two would not have any before you got married, that would be grounds for an annulment. You need to discuss this issue with your priest so you can sort out what you can do/should do now.
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The external deserts in the world are growing, because the internal deserts have become so vast. -- Pope Benedict XVI

Tiber Swim Team, Class of '87.

Inklings!

"Sanctum erit, facere bonum" Della's blog: http://dellakmg.blogspot.com/
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  #13  
Old Feb 16, '14, 3:39 pm
hwriggles4 hwriggles4 is offline
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Default Re: vasectomy

Quote:
Originally Posted by Spectator View Post
When I had it done a number of years ago,my now ex wife and I were jointly interviewed by the surgeon to make sure she was consenting
Spectator:

I was wondering about this because I watched some old medical shows on DVD (Marcus Welby, M.D. and Medical Center) where these things were covered. There were also a few shows that related to therapeutic abortions.

Many of these stories were positive, but a few were not. Dr. Welby actually talked one of his patients out of having a vasectomy (the man wanted to have one because he thought he carried a genetic disorder), and Dr. Welby mentioned that his patient had to have his wife sign a letter consenting to the vasectomy. This was 1969.

One of the Medical Center story was a woman who wanted to have her tubes tied, and both she and her husband had to meet before a sterilization board consisting of a surgeon, a psychiatrist (the psychiatrist in the story was female), and another doctor. After much discussion, the woman changed her mind.

Although I did see a Medical Center episode where an unmarried college student was 8 weeks pregnant, and because she had a brain tumor and required brain surgery, Dr. Gannon reluctantly did a therapeutic abortion (this was about 1971). There was also a more positive Medical Center episode where a pregnant woman in her mid-30's had a heart problem, and the cardiologist suggested a therapeutic abortion. The woman wanted to keep her baby, and Dr. Gannon was able to do some successful surgery that kept the fetus intact.

I do remember both shows covering episodes on contraception. Medical Center was adjacent to a college campus (the outside shots were UCLA Medical Center in Westwood), and the hospital had a birth control clinic. I also saw one Marcus Welby, M.D. episode where a woman was trying different brands of birth control pills, in order for her and Dr. Welby to evaluate which ones had less side effects (irritability, leg cramps, weight gain, etc.). She hated being on the Pill, but justified it because her husband was a law student, and she was working as a secretary to earn money to pay the living expenses. Marcus Welby M.D. also did an episode where a couple had a baby who passed away from Tay-Sachs Disease (a genetic disorder), and Dr. Welby did not hesitate to put her on the Pill a short time later.

There was also a Marcus Welby, M.D. episode that was made in 1972 where Dr. Welby was forced to remove the uterus from an attractive 19-year old girl who encountered side effects from a recent abortion. The girl hemorhaged within 24 hours and had to have emergency surgery to save her life. The girl didn't want to have an abortion (no, neither Dr. Welby or Dr. Kiley did the abortion), but it was the girl's mother who forced her to have one. This was 1972, and even then Dr. Welby discussed emotional and psychological side effects from abortion, as well as inability to conceive at a later date.

There was also a Medical Center episode made about 1970 where an ambulance responded to a sorority house. A 19-year old girl was pronounced dead at the scene from septic shock. She had undergone an abortion (no, Dr. Gannon did not do the abortion) a day or two before. In the same episode, a student nurse was treated at the Medical Center for complications after a self-induced miscarriage.
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  #14  
Old Feb 17, '14, 10:16 pm
4love2God 4love2God is offline
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Default Re: vasectomy

Katie wonders : "Last year my husband decided to get a vasectomy ,,, what am I supposed to do now? Should I even have sex with him anymore...? "

Is sex for anything other than producing children?
The answer to this, will certainly answer your 2nd question (should you become celibate).
If you are pretty sure that sex is just there to procreate, then it is a complete waste to have sex on the 20-days-or-so each month when it would be all-but-impossible to become pregnant.
And, of course, having sex during any time you are pregnant should also be totally off limits.

I would look ahead to the day that you will reach menopause, and tell you that at that time, the same issue would have occurred.
In your scenario, at that point it would be like God telling you: "You can't get pregnant any longer, so stop letting your husband take advantage of you from this day forward."

All of that aside, if you don't want to have sex with your husband, then DON'T.
You don't need to use his vasectomy as an excuse.
(And, remember that one in each 1000 vasectomies doesn't work, and pregnancy is possible.)
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