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  #1  
Old Dec 6, '05, 6:25 pm
vluvski vluvski is offline
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Default dealing with others' bratty children

The babysitting thread prompted my post here.

How do you deal with a kid whose behavior is totally out of line?

I once went to a Boy Scout function where one of the boys took charge of cutting the cake. This could have been nice of him, except he basically wanted to hack up this nice cake, of which it was obvious there would be leftovers to save and take home, and pointed a large knife menacingly at anyone who requested to cut their own piece. How does one regain control of such a situation?

Another case in point, my fiance and his roommate were out golfing on the university green adjacent to the gym. A boy, about 10 and apparently a sibling of someone at a swim meet inside, peed on the wall of the gym, then came over to them to ask to putt with them. He had urine all over the front of his pants. Now, if he was bold enough to ask to putt with them, he certainly wasn't too bashful to ask where a restroom was. Besides, anyone near the pool would have to be blind to miss the lockers. They let him play. I told them I would have pulled out my cell and let him know I was calling the police to report his defacation of public property.

I realize that for the most part the kid has been victimized by poor parenting, but are we really doing them a service by continuing to put up with it?
  #2  
Old Dec 6, '05, 6:55 pm
leaner leaner is offline
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Default Re: dealing with others' bratty children

This is hard -- just yesterday I took a girl from DS's class to a birthday party with us b/c her mom was working; picked her up at her daycare, took her to the party (she was a freaking terror...I was embarrassed b/c she came with me, even tho she wasn't mine) -- after being ordered around by this 4yr old girl...(I wanted to crack her one) for two hours ('where are my tokens?' "i want to eat!" "HOLD THIS" "Get me something to drink!") I was LIVID...and then to top it all off, I had to chase her around chuck e cheese (with my two in their coats and shoes ready to go like the good little kidlets they are) and practically wrestle her shoes onto her and drag her out the door b/c she was busy fishing thru her goodie bag (and COMPLAINING, nonetheless, in earshot of the mom/hostess) -- oh, I was so angry...thank GOD that child is not mine!!! (and lucky for her, I might add...) I needed a good stiff drink after that adventure...


I feel sorry for both the kid and the parent, who has said "never again" to more kids...
  #3  
Old Dec 6, '05, 6:56 pm
kaymart kaymart is offline
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Post Re: dealing with others' bratty children

As a mother now for almost 28 years, you can't really do anything to change the bad behavior of other people's children, because their parents will not allow it. The only thing you can do is stress to your own children how you expect them to behave and what the consequenses will be if they don't and follow through. I raised children in the 80's and 90's in a time when "Let them express themselves" was the way. I was considered borderline abusive because I corrected my children in public. Well fast foward...my grown children are responsible, caring people, living decent lives. The "Expressive" children are either now in jail, unmarried with children, strung out on drugs or dead. The point I'm getting at is you can not change other people's ideas except by your own example. (I would though report the urinating on the wall to the authorities, that is defacing property and I don't know about a 10 year old, but if he was a little older that's indecent exposure, another crime) I got punched in the mouth once by a sister-in-law for telling her about her son's bad behavior while I babysat for him, I did nothing except gentley corrected him and had him sit in time out, no yelling, no hitting. She forbids all types of punishment. That cured me (That Nephew is a currently a guest in a Florida prision)
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  #4  
Old Dec 6, '05, 7:10 pm
leaner leaner is offline
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Default Re: dealing with others' bratty children

Quote:
Originally Posted by kaymart
As a mother now for almost 28 years, you can't really do anything to change the bad behavior of other people's children, because their parents will not allow it. The only thing you can do is stress to your own children how you expect them to behave and what the consequenses will be if they don't and follow through. I raised children in the 80's and 90's in a time when "Let them express themselves" was the way. I was considered borderline abusive because I corrected my children in public. Well fast foward...my grown children are responsible, caring people, living decent lives. The "Expressive" children are either now in jail, unmarried with children, strung out on drugs or dead. The point I'm getting at is you can not change other people's ideas except by your own example. (I would though report the urinating on the wall to the authorities, that is defacing property and I don't know about a 10 year old, but if he was a little older that's indecent exposure, another crime) I got punched in the mouth once by a sister-in-law for telling her about her son's bad behavior while I babysat for him, I did nothing except gentley corrected him and had him sit in time out, no yelling, no hitting. She forbids all types of punishment. That cured me (That Nephew is a currently a guest in a Florida prision)
Glad to hear your take -- I didn't do much to correct her behavior -- corraled her best I could, and explained to my two how some people have different rules, but they're to always follow mine and daddy's...for my 5yo, I didn't need to say much; later, I told him how proud I was that he always behaved so well (this was before bed a couple of hours later) and didn't even mention what brought that to my mind...I'm pretty sure he didn't wonder where it came from
  #5  
Old Dec 7, '05, 4:53 am
AlanFromWichita AlanFromWichita is offline
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Default Re: dealing with others' bratty children

Key word here: responsibility.

Before I had kids, others' kids were annoying and I held the parents responsible in my heart.

Now that I have kids, there is one important factor that changes my whole outlook: their kids aren't my direct responsibility.

Before kids, others' kids in a restaurant acting up and it ruined my experience.

After kids, I smile a knowing glow, understanding how complicated it can be for parents to choose the right strategy among sixty zillion conflicting theories among "experts" and selfishly smiling inwardly, "I'm glad it isn't my kids this time."

I remember Bill Cosby talking about Adam and Eve. He said, "I don't know why parents think they have to perfectly control their kids when God couldn't."

Since then I've thought that any parent who can actually control (control -- not teach -- there is a vast difference) their kids must be greater than God. Basically that would involve removing their spirits -- to me it's faith assuring that most people are not locked up.

Alan
  #6  
Old Dec 7, '05, 6:45 am
mommyaprilj mommyaprilj is offline
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Default Re: dealing with others' bratty children

All children coming to my house (and their parents) are informed of our rules and their consequences. If they don't agree to comply, they don't visit. End of discussion.
When a child visiting my house misbehaves I say, "Excuse me, we do not behave that way in this house, apologise immediately." Then if necessary they either fix or clean it. Should they refuse they are either sent or taken home.
This has happened only 1 or 2 times in 14 years.
I work in the public school system and am known for putting up with very little nonsense, but apparently I have not done any permanent damage to the children and their egos because they seem to love me and their parents for the most part like me too.
  #7  
Old Dec 7, '05, 7:16 am
Giannawannabe Giannawannabe is offline
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Default Re: dealing with others' bratty children

Quote:
Originally Posted by mommyaprilj
All children coming to my house (and their parents) are informed of our rules and their consequences. If they don't agree to comply, they don't visit. End of discussion.
When a child visiting my house misbehaves I say, "Excuse me, we do not behave that way in this house, apologise immediately." Then if necessary they either fix or clean it. Should they refuse they are either sent or taken home.
This has happened only 1 or 2 times in 14 years.
I work in the public school system and am known for putting up with very little nonsense, but apparently I have not done any permanent damage to the children and their egos because they seem to love me and their parents for the most part like me too.
This is how I handle things too. When kids visit my home, or I'm in charge of them, I make it completely clear how they are to behave. There will be no "potty" talk, no meaness or rudeness, no treating siblings rudely, no disrespect toward me or my husband, they must say "please" and "thank you", and to top it all off, if they stay for dinner, they must at least try the food before they can leave the table and not tell me that they don't like "mashed potatoes" (because it's rude) and say grace with us. If a child is particularly bad and does not follow the rules, they are not invited back. I must say, kids really like coming to our home. I have never had one tell me that I'm mean, or they don't want to come over again. It's funny. Sometimes, when the parents come to get the kid, the kid will start acting bratty, but by then, it's no longer my responsibility
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  #8  
Old Dec 7, '05, 7:51 am
Rob's Wife Rob's Wife is offline
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Smile Re: dealing with others' bratty children

Quote:
Originally Posted by vluvski
The babysitting thread prompted my post here.

How do you deal with a kid whose behavior is totally out of line?

I realize that for the most part the kid has been victimized by poor parenting, but are we really doing them a service by continuing to put up with it?
In word? NO!! Stop the insanity!

I try to give the parents some credit unless they prove otherwise. Contrary to what all those silly parenting books say - some kids are just natural hell-raisers and difficult to parent. But it CAN be done!

What really bothers me these days is it seems all the adults are scared of all the kids?? What's up with that?

The scouts boy with the knife? Why didn't any adult just walk up to the boy, look him in the eye and say in a no nonsense voice, "NO he was not going to carve the cake and that is not how a knife is used safely so hand it over right now and go to your mother/father young man" ???

The boy with urine all over him: "No, you need to go find your parents and get cleaned up." and then walk them inside to hand them over to the foolish parent who isn't watching their kid???

So some foolish parent thinks you're a ___ for calling their kid on the bad behavior. So the kid cries because someone dared to tell him no or to stop. So what? At least that kid gets an eye opener not everyone is going to tolorate them.

And maybe, the parent will surprise you by actually dealing with the problem. I know I would! Some kids seem to go out of their way to make public life hell for their parents (I was one!) because they've been taught they will get away with it by other people (teachers, den leaders, ect..) and the parent don't want to make a scene.

I don't make a scene. I'm never louder than neccessary or rude, just factual. I don't allow my children to make a scene either. If they want to argue, cry, or whatever - it's off to the van and/or home at that moment. I've actually had parents thank me even because sometimes having these things enforced by someone other than a parent really drives the message home.
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  #9  
Old Dec 7, '05, 7:56 am
Rob's Wife Rob's Wife is offline
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Thumbs up Re: dealing with others' bratty children

Quote:
Originally Posted by Giannawannabe
This is how I handle things too. When kids visit my home, or I'm in charge of them, I make it completely clear how they are to behave.
I also have some clear basic rules.

Stay off the bunkbeds.
If a door is closed - leave it that way! (Freaks me out how some kids will just rummage through other peoples houses!)

I also tell my kids that since they know the house rules - they should tell the other kids to stop if they see them doing something that isn't allowed. They know to come to me quietly if the kid doesn't stop.

General rule, if anyone doesn't play nice - they quickly don't have anyone to play with at all. I'll tell my kids if they say something to just not play with so and so if they can't be nice. I tell the same thing to the company, they don't have to play with whichever of my dc if they aren't being nice.
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  #10  
Old Dec 7, '05, 7:59 am
Princess_Abby Princess_Abby is offline
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Default Re: dealing with others' bratty children

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rob's Wife
In word? NO!! Stop the insanity!

I try to give the parents some credit unless they prove otherwise. Contrary to what all those silly parenting books say - some kids are just natural hell-raisers and difficult to parent. But it CAN be done!

What really bothers me these days is it seems all the adults are scared of all the kids?? What's up with that?

The scouts boy with the knife? Why didn't any adult just walk up to the boy, look him in the eye and say in a no nonsense voice, "NO he was not going to carve the cake and that is not how a knife is used safely so hand it over right now and go to your mother/father young man" ???

The boy with urine all over him: "No, you need to go find your parents and get cleaned up." and then walk them inside to hand them over to the foolish parent who isn't watching their kid???

So some foolish parent thinks you're a ___ for calling their kid on the bad behavior. So the kid cries because someone dared to tell him no or to stop. So what? At least that kid gets an eye opener not everyone is going to tolorate them.

And maybe, the parent will surprise you by actually dealing with the problem. I know I would! Some kids seem to go out of their way to make public life hell for their parents (I was one!) because they've been taught they will get away with it by other people (teachers, den leaders, ect..) and the parent don't want to make a scene.

I don't make a scene. I'm never louder than neccessary or rude, just factual. I don't allow my children to make a scene either. If they want to argue, cry, or whatever - it's off to the van and/or home at that moment. I've actually had parents thank me even because sometimes having these things enforced by someone other than a parent really drives the message home.
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Old Dec 7, '05, 8:07 am
vluvski vluvski is offline
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Default Re: dealing with others' bratty children

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rob's Wife
In word? NO!! Stop the insanity!



The scouts boy with the knife? Why didn't any adult just walk up to the boy, look him in the eye and say in a no nonsense voice, "NO he was not going to carve the cake and that is not how a knife is used safely so hand it over right now and go to your mother/father young man" ???



[/color][/b]
A number of parents tried this approach, and backed off after he waved the knife inches from their face. A bunch of people wanted to sock him AND the parents, who were just amused I guess!

As for Mr. Pee party, my fiance and his roommate were worried about a harassment lawsuit or something. I told him he wasn't doing anything wrong, and even if they did it would be a huge fabrication. Sad state of affairs when one must risk a punch in the face or a lawsuit for reasonable correction of misbehaving minors.

Giannawannabe and mommyaprilj, I like your approach for kids who visit your home. Thanks!
  #12  
Old Dec 7, '05, 9:08 am
Rob's Wife Rob's Wife is offline
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Smile Re: dealing with others' bratty children

Quote:
Originally Posted by vluvski
A number of parents tried this approach, and backed off after he waved the knife inches from their face. A bunch of people wanted to sock him AND the parents, who were just amused I guess!

Ahhh, I see clearer then! The den leader should have said point blank that the parents needed to put a stop to it or leave. What if someone had gotten hurt?! Sometimes it takes clear honesty of consequences. I once had a neighbor kid who got one of those mo-ped things (goes about 20 mph, looks like a mini-motorcycle - not a scooter??) that some people let little kids have. This kid thought it was funny to chase other kids on it and the mother would just watch! Well, the first time I saw it happen I said loud and clear from MY porch that if he chased my kids even one more time - I'd file charges with the police for endangerment. Of course, "someone" egged my van that night, but that boy stopped it. I'm sure he didn't stop because he saw the error of his ways, but he did stop and that matters.

As for Mr. Pee party, my fiance and his roommate were worried about a harassment lawsuit or something. I told him he wasn't doing anything wrong, and even if they did it would be a huge fabrication. Sad state of affairs when one must risk a punch in the face or a lawsuit for reasonable correction of misbehaving minors.

I wouldn't advise touching the kid at all, but just telling him no and that he needs to clean himself up?? I can't imagine they'd have grounds to sue. If anything, the parent could have risked a call from protective services for not taking care of a urine covered child! I could see feelng uncomfortable walking him into the building, but maybe someone should have gone into the building to complain at the desk, so the staff could find the parents? Many places these days have an "accompanied adult for minors" rule in place because of just such or worse problems.
vluvski, I didn't mean to assult you personally and am sorry if it came across that way. I was just using your cases as examples, not a personal opinion of you.
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  #13  
Old Dec 7, '05, 9:26 am
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Default Re: dealing with others' bratty children

Quote:
Originally Posted by vluvski
A number of parents tried this approach, and backed off after he waved the knife inches from their face. A bunch of people wanted to sock him AND the parents, who were just amused I guess!
That is when you wish someone with a cell phone would say something like, "I'm going to call the police." It may very well have ended up badly for the whole group if a parent did make such a call but that boy and his parents needed just such a wake-up.
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Old Dec 7, '05, 1:59 pm
ConcernCatholic ConcernCatholic is offline
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Default Re: dealing with others' bratty children

This is a really interesting discussion. I have two children and have noticed that discipline does not seemed to be enforced anywhere. I recently had to pull my daughter out of continuing ed. classes at the church because of bratty behavior. It started out that there was a little boy that wouldn't sit down, ran around the class, and acted like a complete goon. (My daughter is in Pre-K.) Every night my daughter would come home crying because of the mean boy. I pulled her out for a while then the director told me that they refunded the parent's money and asked them to leave class. (I guess I wasn't the only one with a problem.) I took her back and things were OK for a little while but now my daughter has gone back to being rude, disrespectful, and demanding. Before she started this class, we did not have this problem. I volunteered in the Kinder class for a while so I know how a lot of these kids are. In the Kinder class, one little boy kept interupting and running around class so I asked him to step into the hall and I talked to him about his behavior. I heard gossip that I guess I wasn't supposed to do this. Needless to say, I don't volunteer any more and my daughter does not go to class. If she can't go to class and learn about Catholocism because the other kids are too wild and disruptive, then I will just have to teach her at home.
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Old Dec 7, '05, 2:55 pm
LSK LSK is offline
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Default Re: dealing with others' bratty children

Quote:
Originally Posted by mommyaprilj
All children coming to my house (and their parents) are informed of our rules and their consequences. If they don't agree to comply, they don't visit. End of discussion.
When a child visiting my house misbehaves I say, "Excuse me, we do not behave that way in this house, apologise immediately." Then if necessary they either fix or clean it. Should they refuse they are either sent or taken home.
This has happened only 1 or 2 times in 14 years.
I work in the public school system and am known for putting up with very little nonsense, but apparently I have not done any permanent damage to the children and their egos because they seem to love me and their parents for the most part like me too.
I'm with you....and I also let anyone who asks me to include their child with my niece or nephew that any punishment for misbehavior that is handed out to Jillian and/or Stephen will be handed out to their little darling - and that I am not above a swat on the butt if the behavior gets really out of hand. If they do not believe in a swat on the butt then they need to make other arrangements.

I rarely need to resort to swats on the butt.

Like so many of you have expressed, I have had it up to HERE with children who have not been taught to behave or given even rudimentary lessons in basic good manners. If I had been at that Boy Scout meeting that kid would have had the knife taken from him. The young child who had approached me with urine soaked pants would have had that pointed out to him, "Honey, your pants are wet..you need to go try and clean up a little in the rest room before you can play with us.....go and put some clean water on the part you pee'd on yourself. Next time, if you use the bathroom like a man you won't have that problem".

I grew up in a neighborhood. Parents corrected each other's kids all the time. Abuse was not allowed but we all knew that if Mrs. Grey or Mr. Ward caught us doing something wrong and swatted us on the butts we would get it again when we got home......enough is enough.
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