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Old Jul 13, '09, 5:47 pm
rivera01 rivera01 is offline
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Join Date: January 18, 2007
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Default Being chaste after divorce

Hi everyone, I don't know if you remember reading some of my posts about the problems I was having in my marriage. Well, my wife and I have been seperated since April and the divorce went thru earlier last month. We are married thru the Church, so honestly I hold that marraige to a higher standard than our civil union.

What I am experiencing is a bombardment from my step father telling me to "live it up" now that I am "single" again. Tells me to go out and have a good time, it's ok to sleep around with other women, but don't get involved in a relationship, unless I want to. I know that most of you are going to say that I am an adult and I should be able to stand up for myself and make my own choices. And honestly I completely agree, there have been times where I have clashed with my step father and things have not turned out so well. When I was 17 and I started to go to church and change my lifestyle, he would mock me constantly. Know that I have a deeper, fuller, and more mature understanding about what it is to follow Christ, I know that we are going to clash once again. I don't want any grief for within my family, especially between my mother and step father. I don't want anymore stress in my life than what I have already. All I do is just listen to what he says and ignore his advice. I know that he may want me to "live" it up because he thinks I'm depressed and that will make me "happy", but I am not going to give in to advice that will spiritually kill me or morally wrong.

What I find more incredible is the fact that there are some people who are active in the church that tell me that I can rebuild my life again, that I am young and I can be involved in another relationship in the future. I just find it unbelievable they would tell me this. I talked to my parish priest about what I have been advised recently and he supported me for wanting to continue to live my sacrament, even though my wife is not wanting to do so. I told the priest that I want to continue to live a chaste and faithful life, not for my wife, but for Our Lord. I told the priest that I know that at the time of our vows, there were 3 people involved, my wife, me, and God. For God I will live this life, even though there are times where my body desires things that I can not allow it to have. I know that an annulment is available and that this is an option, especially if under the investigation the tribunal finds that there was a fault. But I don't think that my marriage can be annuled, we both were married out of our free will.

I mean, I trully think that my wife and I were meant to be together, let me shed some light on what I mean. My wife and I were really involved in church and the prayer group when we lived in Los Angeles. We announced to our community that we were going to get married. Everyone wanted to help us and most of them pitched in. There was a lady there that said that she made a wedding dress for a lady from another parish. She was no longer getting married and she had paid for the dress in full and did not want it anymore. The lady that made the dress asked my wife if she wanted it, of course she said yes. She tried it out and my wife told me that it fit her perfectly, no alterations were needed. Now if this is not a sure sign from God, I don't know what is. We were really blessed to get our wedding ceremony, and I always knew that this is what God wanted. Of course things changed and now I am in the place that I am now. I am still hopefull in the Lord that things will get better and hopefully one day see our family and marriage reconciled, I pray.
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Old Jul 13, '09, 7:58 pm
whatevergirl whatevergirl is offline
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Default Re: Being chaste after divorce

Don't listen to anyone else, rivera...only God. You know Truth. Truth doesn't lead men into sin. Keep praying and know that God is looking after you. I think that some people think they mean well, when they offer advice to 'get out there and find another woman.' That is the last thing you need to do. I feel badly for you, you sound like you are still in love with your wife. I am so sorry things didn't work out, but keep the faith, follow Jesus where He leads you. Right now, just take each step at a time, allowing Christ to illumniate your path.

Please know you're in my prayers.

It is no use walking anywhere to preach unless our walking is our preaching. ~St. Francis of Assisi
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Old Jul 13, '09, 8:11 pm
rivera01 rivera01 is offline
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Join Date: January 18, 2007
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Default Re: Being chaste after divorce

Thank you whatevergril, yes I still deeply love my wife, now more than ever. These last few months God has opened my eyes more. I now know what it means to truly love, sacraficial love. Now I know what it means to be in a sacramental marriage, and I just pray constantly for my wife's conversion and hope that Our Lord will lead her back into our marriage once more.
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Old Jul 14, '09, 3:24 am
SaltySirena SaltySirena is offline
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Default Re: Being chaste after divorce

Stick to your guns. Do what you know is right. You're 100 times the man he is!

And I am sorry that your mother chooses to allow her husband to treat you so badly! If my kids ever had a stepfather, you better believe I would buy him a one way express ticket to Siberia if he was cruel to one of my babies like that! I really don't understand HER. I mean, she watches this guy mock and taunt her child, then lays down in bed with him at night?! Blech.
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Old Jul 14, '09, 6:39 am
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Catholictrain Catholictrain is offline
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Default Re: Being chaste after divorce

I have prayed for your situation. Stick to what is right and what is true.
An honorable man is a man who strives for holiness.
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Old Jul 14, '09, 7:00 am
Tosk Tosk is offline
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Default Re: Being chaste after divorce

As a general rule people will think you are mad if you are trying to remain chaste at any stage in your life. Don't let your step father or anyone else discourage you from doing the right thing.
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Old Jul 14, '09, 1:13 pm
rivera01 rivera01 is offline
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Join Date: January 18, 2007
Posts: 430
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Default Re: Being chaste after divorce

Thank you all for your support. As far as my family situation with my parents, they are unfortunately Catholic, just by name. They do not practice the faith, and I am one of those instances where a faithless home produces a believer, which I thank God and my wife for leading me to Him. Thank you all for your prayers as well. My family thinks that I am depressed because of the situation that I live in, the fact of the matter is that I am at peace. I wont deny it, there are times that I remeber the things that have happened to my wife and I over the years and feel melancholy, but I am not stuck in that depression that took my life away before. Now I realize that I could not be at the stage that I am with out His help.
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Old Jul 14, '09, 1:41 pm
jwashu jwashu is offline
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Default Re: Being chaste after divorce

I agree that you should listen to God and don't worry about what others are saying...

A ward of warning though, sometimes as humans we get some caught up in what we "think" is His will that we really don't listen (I'm definitely guilty of this myself from time to time).

Perhaps it was God putting you and your wife together or perhaps it was just random events that looked to be His will... it sounds like it wasn't hers though so I would just say be open to the fact that maybe it wasn't meant to be and an annulment is the right direction because He has someone else who needs your love and commitment and in turn will give you theirs.

I don't know either way, I would just say truly be open to where He leads

I'm truly sorry for what you are going though and you are in my prayers!

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