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Old Dec 9, '11, 3:48 am
Seekin_Answers Seekin_Answers is offline
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Join Date: December 8, 2011
Posts: 5
Default I really need your advice/opinion please!

Dear forum members,

Iím new here and seeking for an advice on overcoming fears of having/losing children. I need good reasons to help myself to work on this issue to find courage finally having children. Well, I am a total control freak, even though I know that human can not plan every second of his life, Ďcause God will change any plan anyway. I just want to arrange some things right in my life, in order not to blame myself later for an unthoughtfull, irresponsible deeds. I really want to have children, Iím not afraid of birth/complications (I overcame it already). Sometimes I dream of having a child and experience that unbelievable maternal, universal love to a child, but then I wake up and start to cry, from being unable to have children because of all my 5 fears and of suffering from certain situation caused by having children. I feel mostly sad, frustrated and depressed. Here are my fears, the numbers 3 to 5 are the WORST:

1. Fear of having not enough power physically/mentally to care for a child. I've always been quite weak physically and if I sleep an hour less then usual, I feel horrible the whole day.

2. Fear to loose peace of mind (not being able to retreat and take time for myself when I need it). Iím an extremely sensitive person who really needs a lot of personal space/rest from others.

3. Fear of loosing the child/children through divorce. Every now and then you can watch in the news all the bloody custody battles between two selebs, who used to love each other forever the other day. Here I must admit Iím very ďgreedyĒ Ė I want my children only for myself! I want to teach them what I think is right and donít want any new spouse of my ex or his parents to suggest some **** to my child or simply things that donít match my philosophy/religion. It's ok that my child be tought by the partner I love, but unforch someday he would become an ex anyways and his participation in my child's education is not wanted any more, for I would like to remove him from my life completely in order to find strength to start mine over. Sorry, yes, I am also selfish.

4. Fear to be connected for the rest of my life to my ex/the father of my child due to custody rights. Iím in my thirties in my 3rd marriage which is breaking in pieces, so there's an evidence that I can't stay with anyone "forever". God knows how we all donít want to see our exes any more, willing to axe them forever from our lives. If there are people that makes us sick, these are our exes. Just to imagine that I have to deal with any of them on a daily basis drives me wakadoodle cerrazzy.

5. Fear of not being able to move to other country for living (fear of loosing freedom), for any ex wouldnít give permission to take the children so far away from him, even with regular visitation rights.

All that I can summ to a general fear of loosing myself, my freedom, fear of suffering through all above consequences. If I would have or adopt a child as a single mother without husband, there would be a fear of not being able to finance a child/children, to care for them properly without partner, for I donít have anyone to help. Also a fear that there is no one to care for my children in case anything bad happens to me.

I know there is so much wrong with me and that's why I'm here. Please share your thoughts, opinions and experiences. Thanks for your attention to my issue!
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