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Old Jul 2, '12, 9:25 am
Chiltepin Chiltepin is offline
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Default Working Mom Uplifting Stories?

My husband and I are having our first child in less than a month. I am a teacher, so I do not work summer and I will be taking maternity leave the first quarter of the year.

I will be returning to work in late October and I need some words of encouragement if you have them. There aren't many working moms in my immediate or extended family. I think I am viewed as being rather selfish for continuing to work or that I am not willing or wanting to raise my own kids. The truth is there is nothing I would like to do more and can't wait to be able to read to him and do learning activities and teach him his faith.

About the most support I have gotten is relatives explaining to others "she making the best choice for herself." I personally would not use that phrase to explain this choice. We just bought a house before finding out we are being blessed with a son. It isn't huge or expensive but we would have to sell it and be crazy upside down on it in addition to getting rid of my car for me to quit working right now. If it were just giving up the car, I think I would do it, but it is so much more than that.

I am not looking for anyone to tell me I am making the right choice or validate my choice. I really respect the members of these forums and was wondering if there are any working moms on here that have uplifting success stories to share. I could really use one right now.

Please don't tell me I am terrible and selfish. I'm beat up enough about it already.

"Never forget the difference between good-sounding reasons and good sound reasoning. That was one of the first admonitions I remember hearing from my debate coach in high school." -Alan Keyes
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Old Jul 2, '12, 9:44 am
Em_in_FL Em_in_FL is offline
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Default Re: Working Mom Uplifting Stories?

(((HUGS)))... you'll do great.

I've been a working mom the entire time. My oldest is 9 1/2 now... and three more fell in line after him. Each time I've had to go back to work full time.

I understand exactly what you mean by others have opinions that this is "just our choice" or it's "what is right for our family" and how that doesn't quite fit the situation. It's just where God has us in life right now, and sometimes that isn't always an easy choice. Good Lord, I've tried so many ways to find a different solution, only to be thrown back right where I began. NOW, I'm kinda thankful for my job after my husband was laid off this past spring. We're choking trying to stay afloat now... I couldn't imagine if I didn't have a job to fall back on for our family.

My advice... break ALL the "rules". DO what WORKS for you.
Despite being a working mom I was determined to breastfeed. For me, co-sleeping made this an easier task so that I could spend as much time as possible with my baby while I was home (even those precious night hours help build closeness). We also have NEVER had bedtime rules as our older kids have grown. For us it's been important to have family time together in the evenings... so if that means the kids are up until 10pm on a school night, then that's what it means. It works for us.
I have dozens of other examples of "breaking the rules", but you're just going to have to figure out what works best for you along the way. Stay close to God through your trials... that's my only REAL advice.
Prayers for you and your family! You'll do fine... one day at a time.
Happy wife and mom to 2 boys and 2 girls!

Tailgate in style! -
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Old Jul 2, '12, 11:30 am
dandesmommie dandesmommie is offline
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Default Re: Working Mom Uplifting Stories?

I am a working mom because we have no other option ( DH unable to work).
Take it one day at the time, love your son with all your heart and remeber that he is part of the reason you continue to work. Having said that, don't make the mistake of putting work ahead of family. That promtion may seem like a good idea, extra money etc, but remeber with greater power there comes extra responsability, and your family may become relegated to second position. Enjoy each moment you are blessed to have with your guys because remeber kids grow up quick and hubbies grow old quick too! ()
God Bless you and your family and as for those who say you're selfish, they are NOT in your shoes, this is between you, hubby and God.
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Old Jul 2, '12, 1:25 pm
ExGratia ExGratia is offline
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Default Re: Working Mom Uplifting Stories?

I know a beautiful mother who worked while her boys were small because their father got very sick and then passed away. She is strong, the family always had their home and she now is very generous with her family that is all grown up...because she was thrifty and saved money from her job.

Her sons turned out loving, hard working and dedicated to family. I should know. I'm married to one of them!

God bless you! You should be proud of yourself for helping your husband to provide a home for your son! And I know your son will be proud of you!
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Old Jul 2, '12, 3:57 pm
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chevalier chevalier is offline
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Default Re: Working Mom Uplifting Stories?

My mum was a very much single mother with a degree in philology, who went to work in a bank and later worked and worked for me and the two children she had afterwards with my step-father. She still works, in a much more hostile environment than before because an American corporation with a colonial attitude bought her bank previously owned by the country, froze the salaries, cut off the bonuses and took away the managers' powers even before doubling the workload and introducing humiliating corporate routines. (My own experience is not the only reason I dislike corporations.)

Not unlike my grandmother before her. Worked during the day to pay for night school for herself, hungry and cold without money for food or coal (I wonder how she managed to ride horses and jump with parachutes at the time but she did somehow), then worked the sewing machine or the typing machine at nights to pay for school for her daughters. Which enabled what my mum could do. Which, in turn, enabled me to avoid being unemployed and poor for too long because my current work relies primarily on the after-school education my mum was able to pay for and with my degree alone... who knows where I'd be (and I wouldn't have been able to get that degree anyway).

Both of them had a very poor luck with men. I'd prefer not to get into detail because some people have died and others have changed and I wouldn't feel comfortable anyway. Just take my word on the very poor part.

In my own generation, right now one of my sisters in her upper-middle twenties and with a young school child, has started a degree course while working. Things have been quite dramatic on occasions but she's always fought for her daughter and herself.
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Old Jul 2, '12, 4:46 pm
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mandajane mandajane is offline
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Default Re: Working Mom Uplifting Stories?

My mom was a single mother who worked the entire time I was growing up. When I was little, I did get jealous of the other children who had mothers with snacks waiting when they got home from school. However, I learned a lot from my working mom. She held down a job, raised 3 kids, and never second guessed that she was doing the right thing. Even after she married my stepfather, she continued to work, because by that time, she had an established career that had a positive impact on the lives of those around her. A lot of people made the comment that she was only working because she couldn't afford to stay home, but the truth is, it made her happy. Did some things happen? yes. People who have read some of my other posts know my upbringing was anything but stable. But I blame that on the lack of a father, not the fact that my mother worked.
Tiber Swim Team
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Old Jul 2, '12, 7:55 pm
StarFireKK StarFireKK is offline
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Default Re: Working Mom Uplifting Stories?

It might help to remember if you were to stay-at-home you'd never hear the end of that decision either.

My family has a lot of working moms and stay-at-home moms and near as I can tell from talking to them they all have the same complaints about feeling like they are being judged and told they aren't doing what's best for their child.

If you and your husband are happy with the decision that's all that matters. Good luck and congrats on your new little one!
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Old Jul 2, '12, 8:24 pm
Monicad Monicad is offline
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Default Re: Working Mom Uplifting Stories?

Originally Posted by Chiltepin View Post
.........About the most support I have gotten is relatives explaining to others "she making the best choice for herself."......... I personally would not use that phrase to explain this choice..........
First of all congratulations how wonderful you are being blessed with life!

Second, cease immediately taking to heart others comments about how you are going to raise your child or you will go crazy!!!!!! Wow if all you heard was "she's making the best choice for herself" I gotta say that isn't bad compared to other things I have heard, you should consider yourself lucky hahahahaha!

Here is what you might be in for: "you're breastfeeding?" OR "why aren't you breastfeeding?" "don't you know pacifiers are bad?" "You're pregnant AGAIN?" "you should be feeding your baby organic food" "you are putting your child in DAYCARE?" "you really let your child watch T.V.?" "your child sleeps in a crib don't you know about co-sleeping?" "why isn't your child sleeping through the night yet?"

And that's just babyhood hahahahaha wait until your child is/isn't potty trained yet or is/isn't walking yet or is/isn't reading yet or where you send them to school or homeschool. I hope you know I am not trying to scare you and my purpose is to make you LAUGH! Welcome to motherhood, where comments, compliments and criticisms about your mothering flow freely from now until forever!

Jesus Christ knows your heart, turn to him when you are weary. Do not let your feelings of being a good mother rest in the whispers and comments of those around you. The God who created you and the Universe will not abandon you, he will give you all you need as a mother to this precious soul he created and placed to grow in your body and soon in your arms. You were picked to be this precious little ones mother for a reason. Now go rest and dream about your baby. Hang in there.
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Old Jul 2, '12, 8:28 pm
Aggies08 Aggies08 is offline
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Default Re: Working Mom Uplifting Stories?

I teach too.


I teach from 730-2pm. it works GREAT for my family, I know exactly who my kids are with and the values those people hold, and what they are up to. I've stayed home, and I got bored. I could only clean so much, organize so much, etc. I really enjoy being busy while I'm home, and having all my "babies" at work to care for.

It's your choice- don't let anyone make you feel bad about it.
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Old Jul 3, '12, 7:50 am
papaececi papaececi is offline
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Default Re: Working Mom Uplifting Stories?

Congratulations on the baby! He will be fine! I know some really wonderful people who came from working moms. I also know some people who didn't turn out so well after having stay at home moms.

I am a stay at home mom, but one thing I have observed about friends whose kids are cared for by someone else is that they get more attention. When I am home with my kids, I have to run errands, clean the house, cook dinner, pay the bills, ect. It's not 100% attention for my kids like it is when grandma comes to watch them. Kids who have full time caregivers who only have the kids to worry about can take them to the park everyday and read to them all day long! It's almost more for myself that I stay at home.

I think if anything, it will be harder on you (and not your baby) for you to go back to work, if you really want to stay home. It sounds like you are heartbroken about it, but is it because you want to stay home and can't or is it because you feel pressure from your family? It sounds like you have a tough situation financially. I'm assuming you have talked to your accountant about the various tax scenarios if you were to stay home? Just wanted to mention it because your tax bracket might change significantly if you were to stay home. Between taxes and childcare some people find they aren't making what they thought they were.
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Old Jul 3, '12, 7:35 pm
Chiltepin Chiltepin is offline
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Posts: 510
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Default Re: Working Mom Uplifting Stories?

Thanks everyone. That did make me feel better. I appreciate so much hearing about your experiences.

"Never forget the difference between good-sounding reasons and good sound reasoning. That was one of the first admonitions I remember hearing from my debate coach in high school." -Alan Keyes
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Old Jul 4, '12, 12:11 pm
Catholic1954 Catholic1954 is offline
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Default Re: Working Mom Uplifting Stories?

My Mom worked a full time job and raised 5 kids. We all turned out just fine! You are not horrible or selfish, your income is needed right now to help give your child a better life. As long as your husband is ok with it, it's your marriage business and you do not have to justify your choice to anyone.
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Old Jul 5, '12, 7:03 pm
Gwendolen Gwendolen is offline
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Default Re: Working Mom Uplifting Stories?

what is horrible or selfish about working to provide for your child? Working so that you can live in a stable safe area, and your child can be raised in a neighborhood instead of an apartment? Supporting your marriage so that your husband does not have the entire burden upon himself? AND working in a job where you will have all evenings, weekend, holidays, and summers off.

I work as a nurse. After many years, I finally have a job where I don't have to work evenings or weekends, but I would love to have summers off with my kids. We have celebrated Thanksgiving on Friday more years that I can remember, we have had Easter Egg hunts in the nurses' conference room, and Christmas dinner in the hospital cafeteria. Through it all, my kids have not complained, indeed, we had a nanny for many years, until the youngest was in school all day, and she is still like a grandma to them and they both say "If you had stayed home, we wouldn't have had "Deda" in our lives"; they reveled in the endless attention not marred by having to do housework or errands.

I don't regret my choice. A couple of times, out in public, former patients saw me, and actually went up and told my kids "Your mom took care of me at a time when I was very ill, and very scared. Thanks for sharing her with me". they understand why I do what I do, and our oldest is planning a career in the medical field. They are both more empathetic to people who are sick.

I'm sure your children will grow up respecting teachers, and the praise from former students/parents. They will probably value their own teachers more because of you.

God bless.
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