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Old Jul 3, '12, 10:38 am
SonCatcher SonCatcher is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: April 30, 2010
Posts: 6,036
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: Am I really married or am I living a lie?

Originally Posted by InDoubt View Post
Someone recommended an article on a homosexual man living married and with children to a woman in sacred matrimony and I found it very enlighting; it opens the possibility to accept my husband's burden as something to be shared and carried with love. If this were his case and if he is trully willing to live according to God's will, then I would even admire him for it. The big difference relies on the fact that the man in this article was completely honest before he got married. This lie truly hurts me because I never got that choice when I should have; we have to discuss if he married to use me as a cover up or if he truly loves me as his wife.
The problem with him bringing up such things is that he may believe that discussion of his struggles belongs in the Confessional, to which you are not privileged.

I likewise suspect an unpleasant factoid in my wife's past. But she has never discussed the matter with me and due to the seal of the Confessional, I have no right to ask.

I will have to wait for a while to talk to my husband about the subject because I am still a bit enraged inside, and anger has never been my friend in serious discussions. I guess that talking to the priest and praying will help me vent these nasty feelings from my heart and probably guide me to approach the best manner to address this situation. Meanwhile, life goes on and my husband is stressed and tired from tense situations at work, it would be disconsideate from me to throw another boulder to the mix at this moment....
There is never a convenient time, I'm afraid. Now that you have discovered what you have, you are empowered to pray for his chastity in a unique manner, however.

I strenuously repeat my advice that you talk to the priest before even approaching the subject with your husband. He may be willing to mediate the discussion or may know a marriage counselor who can.

Please keep praying for us, I trully feel God is guiding me through your kindness
will do
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Old Jul 3, '12, 8:51 pm
TigerKitty TigerKitty is offline
Regular Member
Join Date: December 29, 2007
Posts: 573
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: Am I really married or am I living a lie?

A tough situation indeed -

If you do go the route of counseling, make CERTAIN to have a Catholic counselor. Been there, done that. My husband and I were on the verge of divorce last year. I had even left him and gone to see a divorce attorney - and we were in counseling for almost a year prior to that.

Our initial counselor was of the Christian faith, but was not Catholic. She prayed with us at the end of almost every counseling session, but then she also told me behind my husband's back that I should leave him ASAP. She even gave me the name of the attorney I met with.

I ended up leaving my husband, and he went to our priest. The priest recommended a good Catholic marriage counselor from our parish. When my husband told me he wanted to see her, I agreed to come back home with the baby (who was 14 months at the time). Long story short - after a few weeks of meeting with this new counselor, our marriage was healed. At our first session, the counselor recommended we pray the rosary together. I believe this helped immensely.

We are going to celebrate our 4 year anniversary this month. My husband had some outstanding psychological deficiencies he did not fully disclose to me before our marriage. He is unable to fall asleep next to me and cannot bear for me to spontaneously go up to him and touch or hug him. Some days I cannot even start a conversation with him. It is truly a stuggle, but I came to realize that this is the result of a serious accident he had when he was a little boy - was hit by a car and had a terrible brain injury. He required follow up neuro studies for several years. The counselor asked me if I would have ended our marriage if he were in an accident the night we were married and I said no. And so there we are. He tells me all the time that I am his person and he is grateful that the good Lord had brought us together and that we have the perfect little girl. Ever since we started dating, he has gone to church with me every single week, and that's got to count for something GOOD.

Whatever you do, please make sure that you see a Catholic counselor. Your marriage is sacred, not secular.

You might also want to check out the "Pregnant Mammas" (maybe the name is a bit different, now) board on here. It's in the family living section under parenting. There are a wonderful bunch of ladies there who will be great support to you through your pregnancy.
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