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Old Jul 12, '12, 3:34 pm
Moore11 Moore11 is offline
Join Date: February 7, 2012
Posts: 1,471
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: Taking a Spouses Side

Originally Posted by EasterJoy View Post
That's sounds like our marriage...and we're scientists, too. OTOH, my husband has only been wrong once in over 20 years of marriage, so we have that going for us, too. (I'm wrong all the time, but he's big about it.)
LOL I've never been wrong. EVER! I thought I was wrong once but I was mistaken.

I am wrong a lot. So is my wife. Neither of us have ever given the other a reason to become "furious"

I always tell my wife that she is the second smartest person I know.
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Old Jul 12, '12, 5:16 pm
EasterJoy EasterJoy is offline
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Default Re: Taking a Spouses Side

Originally Posted by Moore11 View Post
I always tell my wife that she is the second smartest person I know.
After your research director, I suppose.
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Old Jul 13, '12, 8:45 am
thewanderer thewanderer is offline
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Join Date: February 6, 2012
Posts: 5,134
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: Taking a Spouses Side

Ok, here's my take on this.

If its a disagreement about some concrete fact, like which is the best political policy or even about something like what their favourite movies are then there is absolutely no problem with them disagreeing publicly so long as it doesn't turn into a fight. A couple should avoid fighting in public at all costs, and especially in front of their children.

If its something more personal, like one's spouse did something that upset ones mother, for instance, then I can definately see the value to, in public/with ones mother, to defend ones spouse against negative treatment by ones mother whether or not you think they were right in the first place. If you think your spouse is in the wrong, talk to him about it in private and encourage them to see the mothers point of view and to apologize etc. But I can definately see value to avoiding such a discussion in public. I think it would be ok to let the upset party know that you understand why they are upset, if you do so privately and so long as you are very clearly still defending the necessity that they treat you spouse with the charity and respect he/she deserves.

If its about some familial decision you and your spouse has made together, then it is absolutely necessary that you always side with your spouse, even if you agree with someone else more. You just have to present a united front about such things. Not to mention that it will just being more tension into your marriage.
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Old Jul 13, '12, 9:05 am
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mtbender mtbender is offline
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Default Re: Taking a Spouses Side

Originally Posted by BlueEyedLady View Post
I was always raised to believe that you stand by your spouse and take their side even when you feel that they are wrong. Even if you privately argue with them and try to change their mind, you defend them to the outside world and present yourselves as united.

But I do understand that that can sometimes be a difficult thing to do, especially when you have to stand by them over your friends or even family that you feel are right.

What are your thoughts on this? Do you agree or disagree with it?

And before anyone asks this question is not stemming from a problem in my or anyone else's relationship. It's hypothetical. But as a young woman preparing for marriage I am interested in other's thoughts on the matter.
If there is communication in private, a lot of these issues are avoided (note: a lot – not all). There shouldn’t be any “big” issues within the marriage that have not already been discussed and although you may not see eye to eye still – you should have an understanding of your spouse’s position. If it is an issue worth fighting or arguing over in public – than there are bigger issues in the relationship.

Unless it’s a safety type issue that she may have missed – I am not going to take sides against my wife – but that because she knows and respects my opinions and I respect her and her judgment. Is it always the choice I would make; maybe not – but it is more than presenting yourself as being united – it’s about being united.
"We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented."
~-Elie Wiesel

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