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Old Mar 2, '07, 8:05 pm
chimuela chimuela is offline
Observing Member
Join Date: March 2, 2007
Posts: 2
Religion: catholic
Default What should a parent of a gay child do?

Please help me! We have two adult children, ages 32 and 28. Our daughter came out about five years ago. Our hearts were broken. Two weeks ago, our son told us he thinks he may be attracted to men. I am about to go crazy. I'm confused. I know in Romans it says homosexuality is a sin. So, if it's a sin, why does God allow this to happen? Are they born gay, or is it something they chose to be? Please help me! I am so hurt and confused. I don't know whether to ask God to change their thoughts, or if I am sinning to ask God to help them realize they are not gay. I don't know what to do. Please, please help me.

Last edited by Michelle Arnold; Mar 3, '07 at 4:21 pm.
Old Mar 3, '07, 4:18 pm
Michelle Arnold's Avatar
Michelle Arnold Michelle Arnold is offline
Catholic Answers Apologist
Join Date: May 3, 2004
Posts: 5,122
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: What should a parent of a gay child do?

I'm very sorry for all that you and your family have been going through. We here at Catholic Answers will keep your family in prayer and ask CAF readers to do so as well.

Homosexual acts are indeed sinful. God allows them to occur because he gave us free will, which means that humans have the free choice to engage in sinful behavior. Although homosexual orientation -- the attraction to members of the same sex -- is gravely disordered, in itself it is not sinful. Like any other temptation, homosexual orientation is a temptation that need not be acted upon. The Church says this about homosexuality:

The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God's will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord's Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition (CCC 2358).

Homosexual persons are called to chastity. By the virtues of self-mastery that teach them inner freedom, at times by the support of disinterested friendship, by prayer and sacramental grace, they can and should gradually and resolutely approach Christian perfection (CCC 2359).
I very much recommend that you call your local diocese to see if there is an Encourage chapter near you. Encourage is a Catholic support group for family and friends of persons with same-sex attraction. It is the sister apostolate of Courage, which helps those with same-sex attraction live chaste lives in accordance with Church teaching. If your son is only thinking that he may be attracted to men, you might also want to call the National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH). NARTH can give you a referral to a counselor in your area whom your son might consult. You can also obtain referrals to orthodox Catholic counselors from the Pastoral Solutions Institute and from

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