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Old Jul 21, '10, 10:55 pm
Love5454 Love5454 is offline
New Member
Join Date: December 29, 2009
Posts: 23
Religion: Catholic
Default feeling hopeless

I feel so down and upset , because I have tried to restrain from telling others if I know what they are doing is wrong that it's a mortal sin (if i'm aware or believe that it is) because I don't want to come across as trying to seem like I don't sin or I'm perfect, bc obviously I'm not -no one is. But, I would think that God would want us to tell people if I did know something. Anyway, tonight , someone close to me was saying that most people drink to get drunk, and when I said that's weird, she started saying don't say that bc u sound like ur secluding urself from the world, bc most of the world drinks to get drunk. She said I'm not saying it's right , but ppl do it. Than she said that she does that. I kinda held back from telling her that drinking in order to get drunk is a mortal sin, but I didn't bc she is close to me and I want to tell her for her own good. Well, it backfirrd bc she did exactly what I thought - she made it seem like I was weird for talking like that , and got offended , as if I was saying I never sin. Did I do anything wrong here? Please let me know , and offer me some advice . Thnks!!
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Old Jul 22, '10, 4:52 am
mikesoo mikesoo is offline
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Join Date: August 25, 2009
Posts: 5
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: feeling hopeless

Hi Love5454,

You need not feel hopeless about not able to pass on your message to these people that you want to help. What you are trying to do is God's will. However, it is your approach that is giving you the problem. It is not about telling people what they should or should not do, is about doing what they should be doing yourself first!

In regards to your incident with your friend, you should not be telling people what is sin and what is not. You are not God. What you should have done is just tell others why you don't do it. eg. "I don't drink to get drunk because I won't be able to control myself and would probably do something stupid or dangerous that may hurt myself or even worse other," and maybe you could add, "I usually drink to celebrate and I prefer to have the good memories," and that's it. Lead by example and action instead of words and judgement.

It is very convincing when people see you walk the talk rather than just talk or even worse talk and do the opposite. When you walk the talk, then you are blameless and NO ONE can argue with you. So, you need not be hopeless, just be convincing.

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Old Jul 22, '10, 4:56 am
Newbie2 Newbie2 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: August 21, 2007
Posts: 7,361
Religion: RC
Default Re: feeling hopeless

First, may I suggest that you spell out all your words. Some of find it difficult to follow what people are saying when they use texting shortcuts in their posts. Thanks.

Second, to address your questions, there is a right way, and a right time that we are to use in helping to correct others if they stray. That way and time are not always evident and are not always the same.

Drinking to get drunk is not necessarily a mortal sin. But that is a different question.

In general, if you don't approach the other person at a time and with a manner in which they are receptive, your words will fall on deaf ears or will backfire and the person may get angry or reject in total what you are saying.

Finding the best way to communicate with others is an art, especially when the subject matter is likely to seem judgmental to them. One thing to try is to ask a lot of questions.
For example, when your friend said it's like one is secluding themself from the world, that most of the world gets drunk, you could ask, "So do you mean that if most of the world gets drunk then that makes it OK?" or "So are you saying that if a person does not want to go along with the things that the world sees as OK, that we should go along with all those things too?"

These are reflexive sort of restate what they are saying in the form of a question in order to get them to explain their position. Many times when people hear their own words rephrased they'll realize that what they said isn't really what they meant: "No, it's not that, what I meant is...". Then it makes it easier not to sound judgmental when they come to their own conclusions.

Like I said, such conversation is an art. It takes time, patience, and practice. Nobody wants to sound like they are interrogating their conversation partner.
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Old Jul 22, '10, 6:56 am
teachccd teachccd is offline
Regular Member
Join Date: June 22, 2004
Posts: 4,248
Religion: Roman Catholic
Default Re: feeling hopeless

Jesus brought a message of truth. Almost all disagreed to some degree and then we killed Him. Jesus's words, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do" indicates that, while we are indeed sinners, there is hope. Keep on being a good example and do not despair. What we do in our lives and what we say can affect others even years from now. Immediate results would be nice but are not always the case. You did what you should have done and the rest is out of your control. But what you can continue doing is to pray for her. Pray that she comes into contact with others who will give her your same message. Then the rest is between her and God. You said that she admitted knowing that excessive drinking is wrong so her maturity level is a huge factor and that can still change................. teachccd
Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10
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Old Jul 22, '10, 2:12 pm
Big Dummy Big Dummy is offline
Join Date: May 1, 2010
Posts: 1,808
Religion: doubter
Default Re: feeling hopeless

Hi Love, Paul said that it is not his place to judge those outside the church. Rather change your approach showing them the Love of Christ seeking to draw them in. Once they have given themselves over to Christ, the Holy Spirit and teachings by church leaders will effect the change.

In short, you are putting the cart before the horse.

Yes, we are to be greived by what we see around us and then we must go to our knees.
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