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Old Apr 2, '13, 11:42 pm
Rose447 Rose447 is offline
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Join Date: April 2, 2013
Posts: 1
Default military dating

Hello, I am dating a good Catholic man who has over three years left of his contract with the military. We have talked about marriage, but we haven't been dating long enough to know for sure that we are meant to marry each other. It seems, though, that he wouldn't want to get married for another three and a half years at the soonest. He is wise and wants to be the best father and husband he can be- which is why he wants to be out of the military (and thus non-deployable) before getting married. I am stressed out and worried (this is a long distance relationship). I am frustrated by not being able to see him often. Right now, it's hard even though we skype and talk on the phone very often and for long periods of time. But it will get worse during deployments when there will be very limited communication.

I guess I have three concerns: 1) distance (not being able to see each other in person as often as we'd like). 2) deployments (when all communication will be so limited) 3) time frame (waiting three and a half years for marriage).

Is it true that if I really loved him, I'd go through all this and wait for him? I feel so uneasy about the relationship. I feel great about him; he's a wonderful, faithful Catholic man. But I still don't have peace about the circumstances.

Thank you for your help.
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Old Apr 3, '13, 5:48 am
Xantippe Xantippe is offline
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Join Date: August 12, 2012
Posts: 15,108
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: military dating

Have you ever been short-distance? I don't think you should be thinking about marriage unless you've been in the same place for an extended period of time.

If you have had an extended period of time in the same town, I don't think you should wait over three years to marry. 1) He could die or be seriously injured 2) Depending on your age and your mutual fertility, there may not be any kids if you wait too long 3) How much of the three years is he going to be deployed? It can't be more than one year, two at the outside. You might not even be able to conceive within that time.

I have known a number of military families in our immediate circle. While I have one military cousin whose marriages have been a disaster, that's not because of the military, it's because he does everything way too fast. My other military connections seem to do OK, even with a biggish family. If you are up for doing some solo parenting and moving a lot for a couple years, you'll be OK. Three years is nothing in the life of a family, but it's eternity as an engagement.

Maybe he's a good guy, but this sounds very excuse-y.
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Old Apr 4, '13, 7:25 am
cat3gs cat3gs is offline
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Join Date: May 20, 2007
Posts: 162
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: military dating

Being married in the military is doable. BUT as the spouse you HAVE to understand and accept the fact that you wont see your husband regularly. You HAVE to know and understand that...I HAVE to know and understand that. I saw too many girls(yes, girls, most of them were young) whine and complain cuz they didnt understand that their husbands werent home 9-5. And just because they arent deployed doesnt mean they will be home. Military has some crazy work hours. At one duty station my husband and I couldnt really go anywhere and do anything cuz he was on call and had to be ready to get underway at a moments notice. Very stressful.
Get to know your boyfriend, get to know the branch of military he is in. If you have to wait, wait. If its meant to be its meant to be. Whether you wait to get married or you get married now. And if he isnt ready, he isnt ready. Some guys in the military have a hard time putting their wives through being military spouses. They see the hardships that the other guys(and gals) are going through. You have to be strong enough to deal with being alone. Whether you are the one home are deployed. You HAVE to be strong, you HAVE to be trusting, you HAVE to be confident, you HAVE to be faithful, you HAVE to be reassuring (they get kind of worried that you are home alone and lonely),you HAVE to sacrifice.I emphasize sacrifice, it is a major sacrifice . I loved every minute of being in the military. Yes it was hard but oh so worth it. I wouldnt change ANYTHING about it.
Relax and pray
Good luck and God Bless
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